Memo to Grad Schools
Since I know you all took a careful look at my application (right?), I am sure you are all aware that my birthday is this Saturday. However, I am sure you are not aware that my past few birthdays have, well, sucked. I am determined to end this streak ASAP and in order to do so, the following is effective immediately.
I will NOT allow rejection letters on this day. This goes for any type of deliverly method including (but certainly not limited to) phone, email, postal mail, smoke signal, or owl. Please plan accordingly.
To make you aware of the seriousness of this memo, if you fail to follow the above rule, you will agree to pay my bar tab for the night, as well as all receipts from any impulsive chocolate purchases.
Not to mention my therapy sessions to be held at a later date...
In case there is any confusion, this notice is only limited to rejection letters, I will of course accept any type of admittance letter on this day, especially if accompanied by full funding.
Thank you for your cooperation,