This post has been taking me a while to write. I am trying to put into words the odd mix of feelings that I have been having over the past few weeks.I am starting to feel a lot like newms's post last year at this time of year. I also did not expect anything early. And for the most part I was right to not expect anything early. So far only one rejection. I am trying my best to look at it in the best light here. That it has been only one rejection so far. But the waiting ..... oh the waiting. And the silence. It doesn't make me feel very confident.I just hope that all of this waiting pays off in the end. That my homework on which schools to apply to were as a good of a selection as I think that it was. At times I am anxious, nerve wracked, panicking. In other moments I am calm, fine, happy. Looking forward to the future, where I see myself going to grad school. My mind has moments where it is given opportunities to run away with itself in either direction.I question applying to grad school, if just because of what it is doing to my mind, not my ability to get through grad school itself, or my desire to get there. i understand that it is not a decision to rush, that it is a huge finical decision on their part. I just wish that it was easier for everyone involved.