coffeecoffeebuzzbuzz

I have a slightly different perspective on bringing a spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend to an on-campus interview. BTW this is just to offer another way of looking at this scenario, not to say that there is "right" way to do things...

I have a long-term partner (10+ years) who is not attending any of my interviews. We talked about it, but I expressed that I didn't think their attendance was appropriate. I view my graduate school decision and interviews as a strictly a business affair. I want to base my decision primarily on research compatibility, style, lab dynamics, professional expectations, and the financial reality of each potential option. I approach each interview as if I have not yet been accepted and with a fair degree of caution about all interactions even in the "casual" context. I also acknowledge that I act differently when I am accompanied by my partner and I want the impression that I give to potential advisors, labmates, etc... to be based on my professional/independent persona. I try to respect that the school inviting me is essentialy viewing me as a 60K a year (tuition, stipend, academic responsibilities) risk or investment, and I view the interview as the foundation for a contract/bond that will determine my future (and potentially lifelong) career path.

I do think having my partner see possible schools is very important - just not during the interview weekend. As a compromise I offered to cover the cost of a trip for the two of us to my top school *after* I have acceptance letters in hand, but *before* decisions are made. This allows us the opportunity to be leisurely about our assessment of the town/city and eliminates the social pressure of an interview weekend where every action and interaction is under observation and scrutiny. Yes this approach costs more in the short term, but I regard it as essential in the grand scheme of things. This approach allows me to give the grad interview my full attention, and then to focus completely on my partners needs, rather than confusing or diluting the two experiences.My partner also has full veto rights on any location that would seriously compromise their ability to find a future job or a place that simply does not match their lifestyle.

Yes this is a huge decision, and yes I deeply love my partner, but that does not mean asking them to accompany me on grad school interview trips.

I checked out UNL and the housing scene and this is what I gathered from discussions and mapping out what I think is important in a city (I have cartography geekiness at times)...

- Grad students tend to live in the "Near South" region of the city, basically it is the area south of downtown in streets with alphabet letters F- A running North South, and roughly 5-30 West to East.
- The Near South area is roughly less than a mile to downtown, mile and a half to campus, and a mile north of grocery stores (food co-op)
- Undergrads tend to live north and east of the main campus
- Chances are you should avoid anything that reminds you of the dorms (if you want to avoid football crazed drunkiness)
- Rent for a studio tends to be 300-400 range, one bedroom is 400-600 (for a large w/office), and two bedroom tends to be 600-800 (depending on if it is an apt vs.house).
- A good time to find an apartment is May or June, July is so-so, and by August everything is pretty much picked over

Today is April 15th, you can call the school you accepted and decline today without penalty if you think it is a better life choice to stay where you are and apply to work with this particular professor next year (and start working with him in the mean time I would think). I think this is the type of situation that wouldn't really burn bridges to withdraw - you want to do what is best for your partner as well as yourself and you now have a great option that doesn't involve moving away from your partner's job, though it may cost you time. Did you apply to your current school? Any possibility you could get in this year?

i agree

I want that five minutes of my life back.

I thought I would resurrect this thread...

Yesterday I mailed off my acceptance letter...scary moment but I did it and I couldn't change things ones I dropped the envelope in the mail. Today I have been utterly fatigued, blah, and rather indifferent. I ended up cleaning my house thoroughly as a distraction. It is sort of like being so overwhelmed with emotion that I am "done" with the decision process that I now feel numb from over saturation. Part of me feels like I should go out and dance, celebrate, etc... but I am more inclined to hide in my fuzzy frumpy comfy clothing and listen to old school dramatic goth music.

To add to the "my ass is whooped" feeling this has been one hell of week for me with abnormal intensity of everything (just one week!). This week I was sick (flu or cold); had to work non-stop to get my manuscript submitted by the final proof deadline (FIVE YEARS OF WORK FINISHED!!!!); gave my first oral presentation at an international conference; had to deal with potential freeze in my job (gov shutdown narrowly prevented); had to interact with all of my old co-workers from the job where I was previously laid off from; found out my partner of 11 years won't be joining me when I move to grad school (but might move out a season or two later...); had to make up a weeks worth of missed classes and homework (including teaching myself everything I missed in calc) because I was too sick to go to school; had to balance out everything on my to-do list with surprise visits from folks visit from out of town; and somewhere in between everything I made the choice of where I am going to spend the next five years of my life...

so ya... I am feeling a little burned out right now. It gets better right?

Owl Post.

I have a slightly different perspective on bringing a spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend to an on-campus interview. BTW this is just to offer another way of looking at this scenario, not to say that there is "right" way to do things...

I have a long-term partner (10+ years) who is not attending any of my interviews. We talked about it, but I expressed that I didn't think their attendance was appropriate. I view my graduate school decision and interviews as a strictly a business affair. I want to base my decision primarily on research compatibility, style, lab dynamics, professional expectations, and the financial reality of each potential option. I approach each interview as if I have not yet been accepted and with a fair degree of caution about all interactions even in the "casual" context. I also acknowledge that I act differently when I am accompanied by my partner and I want the impression that I give to potential advisors, labmates, etc... to be based on my professional/independent persona. I try to respect that the school inviting me is essentialy viewing me as a 60K a year (tuition, stipend, academic responsibilities) risk or investment, and I view the interview as the foundation for a contract/bond that will determine my future (and potentially lifelong) career path.

I do think having my partner see possible schools is very important - just not during the interview weekend. As a compromise I offered to cover the cost of a trip for the two of us to my top school *after* I have acceptance letters in hand, but *before* decisions are made. This allows us the opportunity to be leisurely about our assessment of the town/city and eliminates the social pressure of an interview weekend where every action and interaction is under observation and scrutiny. Yes this approach costs more in the short term, but I regard it as essential in the grand scheme of things. This approach allows me to give the grad interview my full attention, and then to focus completely on my partners needs, rather than confusing or diluting the two experiences.My partner also has full veto rights on any location that would seriously compromise their ability to find a future job or a place that simply does not match their lifestyle.

Yes this is a huge decision, and yes I deeply love my partner, but that does not mean asking them to accompany me on grad school interview trips.

I have a slightly different perspective on bringing a spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend to an on-campus interview. BTW this is just to offer another way of looking at this scenario, not to say that there is "right" way to do things...

I have a long-term partner (10+ years) who is not attending any of my interviews. We talked about it, but I expressed that I didn't think their attendance was appropriate. I view my graduate school decision and interviews as a strictly a business affair. I want to base my decision primarily on research compatibility, style, lab dynamics, professional expectations, and the financial reality of each potential option. I approach each interview as if I have not yet been accepted and with a fair degree of caution about all interactions even in the "casual" context. I also acknowledge that I act differently when I am accompanied by my partner and I want the impression that I give to potential advisors, labmates, etc... to be based on my professional/independent persona. I try to respect that the school inviting me is essentialy viewing me as a 60K a year (tuition, stipend, academic responsibilities) risk or investment, and I view the interview as the foundation for a contract/bond that will determine my future (and potentially lifelong) career path.

I do think having my partner see possible schools is very important - just not during the interview weekend. As a compromise I offered to cover the cost of a trip for the two of us to my top school *after* I have acceptance letters in hand, but *before* decisions are made. This allows us the opportunity to be leisurely about our assessment of the town/city and eliminates the social pressure of an interview weekend where every action and interaction is under observation and scrutiny. Yes this approach costs more in the short term, but I regard it as essential in the grand scheme of things. This approach allows me to give the grad interview my full attention, and then to focus completely on my partners needs, rather than confusing or diluting the two experiences.My partner also has full veto rights on any location that would seriously compromise their ability to find a future job or a place that simply does not match their lifestyle.

Yes this is a huge decision, and yes I deeply love my partner, but that does not mean asking them to accompany me on grad school interview trips.

Guys, I'm screwed.

Peer Impact Ranking...

I created an odd ranking system based on the number of times a "Potential Prof of Interest" was cited by other scientists in peer-reviewed manuscripts. I like this approach over the number of publications system because this ranking includes books and high impact papers that really influenced others within a specialized subject area. I also like to subtract the one paper with the highest citation number (some folks are one hit wonders...). To compare young prof who are up and coming to older established profs I then accounted for the number of years since the person was established in their field of study (with a grad degree).

Here is the equation:

(Total number of citations - maximum number for a single manuscript) / The number of years since the prof earned a PhD

As an easy way to tally the numbers go to Google Scholar, advanced search. Enter the exact name of the prof (specific first initials and last name) in quotation marks in the "Author" section. Next restrict the subject area (eg biology). Also limit the results page to only show "at least summaries". One interesting spin is to also compare citation of "all time" to specific time ranges (like just the number in the past three years). If you really want to geek out you can also look at the amount of variance in the number of citations also.

Anyhow this helped me to get a feel for which potential profs were rock stars, and which were so-so (at least in terms of peer impact...)

Person: So is that a book for one of your classes?

Me: Yes, I am studying Remote Sensing

Person: Wow, that's great. There really aren't very many classes on psychic astral projection (ie new age reference)

Me: Um... this class is actually about using the reflectance patterns of light and heat to classify landscape patterns and changes in vegetation using things like satellites, lasers, and multispectral photography...

Ya know, speaking as one, it's sad how many Geography majors are direction-impaired (we should do a study, come to think of it... oooo). What's sadder is I was completely with your buddy (it's not about making maps dammit!) until you pointed out how excited we get about making a really cool map *hangs head in shame*. We all do it and we don't even realize it! You got us, I guess it is about the maps *sigh*. But they're different honest!

As for comments..

Me: I'm a geography major
RP: Oh, geology's so fascinating
Me: *grrrrr*

Me: I'm a geography major
RP: What's the GNP of Zimbabwe (sorry, I could care less. Where's Zimbabwe anyways? Africa, right?)

Me: I'm a geography major
RP: What's the capital of Morocco?
Me: I have no idea, I suck at place names
RP: And you call yourself a geographer?!??

Me: Hi, I'm a geography graduate student and I wanted to find out about the biology graduate minor
Head of Biology: Geology you say?
Me: geography
HoB: Why would a geologist be interested in biology?
Me: as a geography major I'm interested in biogeography and landscape ecology
HoB: You're looking at soil creation?
Me: no, I'm looking at the spatial relationship of various biota
HoB: I didn't know geologists are interested in biota. Well, do you even know what biology is?
Me: I was 3 classes away from a B.S. in Genetics from Texas A&M before I had to move
HoB: Oh, you're practically a biologist anyways then. *pauses in thought* Did you say geography major? Oh, well then...
Me: *silently smacking HoB upside the head on the ethereal plane* (NOW he heard me?!??)

Long story short I was rejected from every school that I applied. The day after I received the last rejection letter I received word that I had been awarded a very generous fellowship to be used towards any grad program. This created a rather awkward situation for me. I essentially had to swallow my pride and write to every person/school that rejected me to see if they might reconsider.

The good news is since then I have had correspondence w/ various faculty who now want me in their lab. Yay! But now I am feeling even more confused emotionally. Both myself, and the profs I talk to, seem to be experiencing an odd guilt complex. To add to the scene I am not sure if I am really "accepted" or not, online my application still says rejected and I have yet to see any paperwork. Also due to confusion between profs and admins I am not even sure if I can be accepted this year due to paperwork rules.

This scene reminds me of weird dating dynamics of being dumped and then getting back together out of pity (or money) rather than actual desire to be with each other. In some instances I was rejected from lack of funding, in others I was simply rejected for not being a good enough fit/competitive enough of an applicant. Ugh! I am dealing with weird depression/buyers remorse/impostor syndrome from all of this shifting back and forth. I know that I want to go to grad school, but I am also dealing with an unusually large dose of self doubt right now.

What is going on? has anyone else dealt w/ a weird scenario like this?

You said this, not me.



When I had a tutor, I got A's. As I said in my post before. However, you CANNOT expect a 16 year old, unless they LOVE mathematics (a rare thing indeed) to search out a tutor if they are NOT failing, by merely getting C's. And yes. It is THE SCHOOL'S responsibility to teach - not the student's responsibility to find a tutor. If a teacher CANNOT teach math properly so that at least 80% of his class understands what they're studying, it is a FAILURE OF THE SYSTEM.


Most people who are NOT IN THE SCIENCES / HIGHER MATHEMATICS do NOT NEED TO USE ALGEBRA / GEOMETRY / TRIG. They need ARITHMETIC. Big difference.


Yes, I do understand, since I AM a technorat. I was a network admin and am currently a technical writer. I never needed to use advanced mathematics for either. And I never said that math wasn't important. I DID say, that most people DON'T THINK THEY NEED ADVANCED MATHEMATICS. They may be proved wrong later in life, but as long as the educational system doesn't emphasize it, they definitely won't know it when they're in high school. Even most colleges require one math class for gen ed requirements, and usually you can substitute logic instead. I'm not saying that's the way it SHOULD be, I'm saying that's the way it IS.



I don't live in the unique academia bubble. I've been out of school and working in the real world for 9 years. And you need algebra for your finances?? You need ARITHMETIC for your finances. Not algebra, or trig, or calculus. No hidden "x" in your budget, no square equations, and gee, you don't even need to know the geometric formula for the area of a circle.


I didn't blow it off. I said I wasn't great at math in high school, got a tutor, and got better at math. However, I have never needed to use it since, despite being in Hi-Tech. I am not an engineer, nor a programmer, and I never particularly wanted to be. Even when I thought about pursuing an MBA, it was on the marketing side, and I know how to build a budget (NO, I wasn't taught that in high school. I was taught that by my mother).

You asked about the system? That's what I answered. The basic fact is, most kids DON'T get "into" math and sciences due to BAD TEACHING. When I had good teachers, I learned. When I didn't, I didn't learn. simple as that - and considering I'm not the only person who didn't do well in math in their school years, and didn't particularly care - that says something about the system, doesn't it?