MoJingly

We are recently engaged! Hooray! Now I'm trying to plan a wedding and research jobs and finish grad school. TRYING TO KEEP EVERYBODY HAPPY HERE.

So, my exam was a little different. I didn't have to take a test but I did have to propose and defend my project. The concept of a qualifying exam is terrifying, isn't it? "Prove to us you have knowledge!" That said, you know more than you think you do, especially because you just came out of coursework. Take a deep breath and, yes, take time off. The most helpful thing for me while I was preparing was to ask myself, "what would I feel stupid if I didn't know?" What are all of those BASIC and easy things that would be embarrassing to forget? That's a good place to focus for a while, and will build some confidence.

I know people who have gotten into PhD programs with around a 3.2 (don't know about Master's). There is a LOT more to an application than a GPA. If you have great letters of recommendation and experience, that should take you pretty far. Go for it!

Agree with the above. Quals are stressful, but you should have guidance and help going through it. That's the whole point. Time for a new adviser!

This is something your graduate program's handbook probably clarifies. I think a D would raise some eyebrows regardless of whether you get kicked out, but you can redeem yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much. Also, you are not alone. I got great grades my whole life and had some of those weirdly frustrating and demeaning grade moments my first year of graduate school. It got to the point where the graduate director brought me into her office to talk. I had gotten a B- in one class (not a hard one!), and a C put us on academic probation (every school handles letter grades differently). She started asking me what went wrong and starting saying maybe I should learn how to study. I just kept thinking, "this is so surreal. I've been a straight A student my whole life." Truthfully I had no idea why I was struggling so much in that class. Anyhow, I promised I would do better the next semester and left her office to go sit outside and cry for a good half hour. You know what happened the next semester? I got another friggin B-. I cried a lot and drank a lot of wine but life went on. It hasn't affected my graduate career at all because I proved myself in other ways. (caveat: this was a doctoral program). The point is that everybody has something go wrong in the first year of grad school. It's just a sucky year. What makes it worse is that nobody talks about it. You go through and think that everybody else has their s*** together, and it's just not true. After a few years people will open up and talk about how stressed, isolated, and crazy they felt. Just know that you are not alone. Also, have some ice cream. :-)

Sorry to hear this! It definitely happens. At least you won't have to do the WHOLE thing next year. And just think, now you really know what it will be like going into it, so you should be a little calmer at least! Rooting for you. Remember that ice creams helps everything.

It depends on how your program works. Do you need to go into a lab/ work with an adviser right away? (not typically the case). You may be doing rotations in the first year to find the person that you want to work with. It's unlikely that the program would accept you if you didn't have people willing to work with you, so I'm not sure why you are not having luck. How are you approaching these people? Just a cold email of, "hey I'm a new student can you take me into your lab?" is not the best way to do it. Go to a talk or meet them in person somehow. They will pay more attention to an inquiry that is coming from somebody they have met. Also, be wary of somebody who says "when proposals are accepted." It's very tough out there, and nothing is a sure thing. edited to add: if you are not at the school yet and need to correspond by email that will work, it's just easier to do once you are there. Have somebody look over the email to catch any mistakes before you send. Also, it's likely that the schools are on spring break, so don't worry too much if you don't hear back right away.

Ugh, I feel you. That is not a fun experience at all. I ate nothing but ice cream... it helped a little :-)

The best first step for any question regarding your graduate program is to check the program's handbook. You can likely find it on their website.

FACIAL CHEMICAL PEEL I LOOK LIKE A BURN VICTIM AND IT HURTS.

Surprised nobody commented on this yet. Hope you're feeling better. It's never pointless to talk to somebody, and if you need help, reach out!

This harsh winter is causing ice damming problems on my roof and MY HOUSE WILL NOT STOP LEAKING. I want to climb in a hole and never come out.

I feel you on this one. I started dating a fellow grad student my first year. It was my first serious relationship. Three years later we are setting a timeline for marriage and my priorities are definitely shifting. I used to put ALL my energy into work and school and saw nothing but the most rigorous and prestigious academic career in my future. Now I'm more content smelling the roses, enjoying time with him, and I'm starting to value having a job in the future that allows me to free my mind when I come home from work. Love changes things. :-)

I'm surprised nobody has replied to this post already. Rooting for you ChocoLatte. Grad school is definitely not for the faint-of-heart and we have all gone through periods where we want to quit. (if you do find that you continually want to quit BIGGER things though... like life.... do consider a re-prioritization of your thought process. Your health should be a priority. Not grad school!) Try to do things to keep your mind off work every so often. Fingerpaint. Bake. It doesn't have to involve money. Always good to remind yourself that there is life outside the bubble, because it is easy to forget when you focus for so long. :-)

ewwwww. Yeah, nothing beats a rotten potato. I've had quite a few go rogue underneath the fridge. They smell fantastic.

No, badger her! It's for your future after all :-) "Hey there, just checking in to see if you had any problems submitting the letter this past weekend, and let me know if I can help in any way."

Start out as friends! If that progresses to something more that's great (my LTR did). But in grad school a good friend is highly valuable. Definitely as for her number and see what happens. You have already talked a lot, so you know she likes your company!

I wouldn't think this way. "PhD" doesn't really mean much by itself, and it won't necessarily get you farther than an MS... that is, depending on what you want to do. Your field might be different than mine, but unless you KNOW the PhD will help you with what you want to do, there's no problem in leaving with the MS. A master's degree is not a consolation prize. It's still a higher education. Get out, get a job, get your bearings, and figure out whether you want to continue on.

Yeah, it's amazing what I can convince myself to sit through if there's food.

I'm assuming your adviser means you should apply for an F31. Which is true. Even if the grant is not awarded, it is good experience to write it. Usually, you have to pass your qualifying/comprehensive exams before you are awarded the grant, but that does not mean you can't write and submit before you take the exam (like I did). The grant application will differ quite a lot from the grants you already have in the lab simply because the F31 is to YOU and not to the science. Sure, you need a good scientific plan, but the large bulk of the application is about your training potential and environment. The actual proposal doesn't have to be groundbreaking, but it should be feasible, elegantly written, and you should demonstrate that the research plan will give you appropriate training. Definitely write one. And good luck! Just a heads up that all of the information that you need to digest to submit this grant is overwhelming. I would suggest asking your office of grant management for help in the logistics! Here is the information packet, and here is the funding opportunity announcement. It really pays (haha, see what I did there?) to read it all. Grab some coffee.

The other cool thing is that if somebody googles your name and finds your Academia profile, Academia will let you know when the person googled you, what the google inquiry was, and where it came from.

Yeah, it's tough to find info since you are inundated with academia right now, and academics can't really give much helpful advice. A great place to start is versatilephd.com. Your institution might have a subscription to it. Also, there is a Linked In group called "PhD careers outside of academia" (or something like that?) that has some good information. You're definitely not the only one that is thinking of leaving academia.

That's incredibly frustrating. Rooting for you.

Professors in my school don't really hold office hours. But I've had good luck setting up appointments with people. Just send a quick email and say "hey, Prof X. I know you through Y (class, etc). My research project is in a similar direction to yours and I would love to chat about it since you approach the issue from a different angle." Well, something like that. If you have this meeting and then ask for a recommendation a week later, your reasoning behind the meeting will be pretty transparent, but it might be the best way to go. People usually love to talk about their science.

Yeah, I see what you mean. It likely depends on field too. I'm in biological sciences so it's more typical to "settle in" to a lab once you have finished your first year and done a few rotations. My impression is that social sciences tend to be more adviser-oriented from the beginning?