Thanks to both of you for making things clearer. StrangeLight, I actually followed your earlier advice and avoided all mentioning of actual numbers during the interview. But I was given exact numbers, which were brought up either by faculty (the last part of our conversation) or grad. students. I happily smiled to let them know I heard the number.
I've gotten a standard package at a good private university. It's not all that bad BUT what I want to know is this: who has the authority to increase the yearly stipend/fellowships? You say director of graduate studies. Obviously he or she has to negotiate with the university and the people (which people?) who make the budget.
I am not trying to understand the deep meshed world of university red tape and bureaucracy here. All I am trying to do is:
A) IF I get a better offer of funding from another university (which is actually just as good as this one) then I can ask these folks to match it, thats all. Like Simple Twist of Fate said, i can be spoiled for choice if two equally good universities have chosen to admit me (for which I am thankful).It is very likely that the "other" university will send me an offer soon and offer funding. I know the second university to have better funding too, but it's my second choice considering everything else.
You are right, I do not want to offend the POI or the faculty by bringing this up with them directly. That is why I want to be careful and not mention it and sound crass. If I could speak to the "person in charge of delegating funding" (yes, I dont know what sort of animal that is) and just say to them, gingerly over a cup of green tea "you know, I love your program here and I really want to study here. BUT XYZ has offered me N amount of dollars more. Can you match that please?" and they simple nod their head and write that number down in my file somewhere and everything is magically fine.
C) I want to do this simply because I know I need the money. Some of us have families, dependents, etc. and the extra dollars can go a long way So I do have a need for it.
I'd like to hear more, please continue.....
(GC is awesome. good luck to everyone else).