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Jasmineflower

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  1. Hey Gnome, I was just reading this thread out of random curiosity but I wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your experiences and providing such valuable insights. I really appreciated your post and hope lots of folks will read it and take it to heart.
  2. Wow, a VENTING THREAD! How did I not notice this before? AAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh, I'm burned out, I've taken some great advice from folks on the gradcafe and feel better but I'm still so darn tired of ... EVERYTHING!!! I definitely sympathize with those who don't know yet what they'll be doing next year. Hopefully everything will go just the way you want it to. As for me, I'd almost rather not know than actually KNOW I'LL STILL BE HERE NEXT YEAR! Because I'm so !@$# SICK OF THIS PLACE!!! AAAAAAAAAArgh!
  3. Hey, thanks so much for these suggestions! Honestly it helps just to read the replies to this topic. While I'm unfortunately not up to kickboxing (!), more exercise and deliberate "down-time" definitely sound like things I can incorporate. I'm about to go and meet the undergrads I'm teaching this quarter -- hopefully that will inspire me to get my act together as well! (Wish me luck there are no problematic ones ...)
  4. I love my program and am very happy with the choice to attend my institution, but as a mid-program PhD student I'm starting to feel some burnout. I don't know why, but simply coming to campus causes me to feel stressed. And even though I love teaching and am committed to doing a good job at it, I'm burned out on that too. Most of the undergrads I've worked with have been great, but for some reason I can't stop focusing on the lazy, entitled, obnoxious ones these days. Anyone have any advice for dealing with burnout? I can't take time off, so I really need to figure out how to get over these negative feelings.
  5. Relax! You'll be fine. I'm a second-year PhD student and am at least seven or eight years older than everyone else in my cohort (ten or more years older in some cases) -- and I am also the only one who's a parent. Going into my program, I thought the age difference might be awkward -- but honestly, no one cares. No one cares at all about age; we all just relate to each other as intellectuals. And we DO have a lot in common, because we're all in classes together all the time! My cohorts are also totally supportive about the dual-role I play as a graduate student and parent -- they understand my scheduling constraints when it comes to extra meetings and arranging childcare ... they know I don't have as much time for social stuff as they do, but they still try to keep me in the loop as much as possible ... they are so great ALSO, remember that you will be entering a PROGRAM, not just a cohort. While I am the oldest in my cohort, I'm definitely not the oldest in my program, nor the only married one or the only parent. There are others in the program who are older than I am, have two or three children, etc. I'm guessing it might be the same in your program. I think someone else also mentioned keeping up contacts with your friends outside of school, and I'll second that too -- even if you have to move, it is good to prioritize maintaining the friendships you've developed outside of graduate school. Think of graduate school as an ADDITION to your life -- and intellectual and professional addition -- rather than a REPLACEMENT of your entire life. Your cohort doesn't have to replace your social circle. I'm sure that once you're involved in your program, the worries about age difference will just fall away. And don't forget that you can always keep in touch with us "older" students on the grad cafe as well!
  6. Hi again nate99. Small world -- I too taught in LAUSD. I'm glad to hear that your top choice will review your application with the correct transcripts attached. It sounds like things are going well (or, as well as they can in this type of situation). My daughter's elementary school principal (at the school she attended for first through third grade) was a graduate of your second choice, USC. I think she did the same program you were admitted to ... she was an EdD from there, in any case. Amazing lady. If most of the graduates end up like her, the program at USC must be awesome! We still miss her -- had to leave the school when we moved for me to go back to uni. Keep us posted on your situation. Wishing you a relaxing weekend!
  7. Hey nate99, I really feel your pain. Bureaucracy sucks!!! I just wanted to echo once again everything Sigaba said ... even though you are freaking out INSIDE, you are to be commended for your calm manner in dealing with people. Keep it up! I think we can all learn from your even-keeled handling of this situation -- I know I can. I see your field is education. I was a public school teacher before going back to graduate school ... if you have taught in the U.S., and if your district was anything like some of the districts I've worked in, I'm guessing you have a lot of experience with handling bureaucracy! One advantage of this situation: After this, I'm absolutely sure that you will never, ever, EVER upload the wrong document again! Good luck with getting this resolved. You certainly deserve to have it work out in your favor!
  8. Hi foglemgs. I was in your situation a couple of years ago -- I applied to only one place, ended up getting waitlisted, and basically just never heard back from them. Finally got decisively rejected in June. I just wanted to say that if this ends up happening to you, don't give up hope! I applied again the next year -- to about nine schools -- and received fully-funded offers from all my top choices, including top-rated programs in my field -- programs at UC Berkeley, UCSD, some other UC schools, and UPenn, among others. Now I'm in a program I love, with great funding, and doing the work I'd been dreaming of doing for so long. The moral of the story is that just because you get rejected one year doesn't mean you can't reapply and get a great offer or offers later on. There's no shame in aiming for another application season. (Yes, I realize you probably know all this ... I'm just telling you the things I needed people to tell ME when I got waitlisted and then rejected!) Also, I want to echo far_to_go's advice about what to consider if you DO get in off the waitlist. Ask yourself: Is this school a place I really WANT to go, or am I just willing to go there to avoid the drama of another round of applications? Particularly if they accept you without good FUNDING, you should really consider the option of just applying to places again next year. I personally learned a lot about the process in between getting rejected one year and getting accepted the following year ... my qualifications hadn't changed very much, but my understanding of the PhD application process had. I'm guessing you'll be able to submit much stronger apps the second time around, if only because you've refined your understanding of how to articulate your interests in ways that are convincing to the admissions committees at the schools you're interested in. Sorry for the long-winded reply, but I hope at least some bit of it is helpful. Good luck!
  9. Hey Ville, thanks for sharing your story. I really appreciate the way you're able to empathize with your dad, understand his perspective, appreciate his accomplishments, and respect him, even while continuing to pursue your own path. I had to both laugh and shudder when I read the part about people asking your parents, "So, how much is your son making now?" (!!!) The funny thing about my family is that, on the one hand, they look down on me for having less money, but, on the other hand, they truly see engineering not only as more profitable than other ways of earning a living (which it largely is), but also as somehow nobler and more virtuous. So, for example, an engineer deserves more respect than another educated professional -- a teacher, for example -- who makes less money, BUT the engineer ALSO deserves more respect than someone like a store owner whose business makes him rich. (Though the store owner clearly does get much more respect than the teacher.) Engineers are just smarter, more upstanding, and generally BETTER than non-engineers. In fact, according to my relatives, if you don't have an engineering degree, you're basically an uneducated person. Hence, I am an uneducated person. Getting a PhD in a social science field is "just a hobby." As an uneducated person, I'm an embarrassment and a disgrace to them. And I didn't even have the sense to at least MARRY an engineer! (Or at least a wealthy shopkeeper!) I should be more like you, Ville, and not let their scorn and derision get to me. You seem to be doing a great job of maintaining your sanity! I don't know why I can't just get over it and ignore the negativity. I guess I should seek professional counseling!
  10. Hey non humilis mulier. I just noticed this thread. I'm in my second-year of a PhD program and have a school-aged child. I'm afraid I can't offer any info. about daycare b/c my daughter was already in school by the time I started the PhD, but there are LOTS of parents of babies and toddlers at my uni and they all seem to be doing just fine! It is definitely more work, and a LOT more of a juggling act, than just being in school as a non-parent. I've truly enjoyed it, though. In my case, having a supportive spouse has been a key factor, but I do know other people who even manage as single grad-student parents (personally I don't know how they do it, but they do). So I guess I haven't really provided any advice at all, but just wanted to offer encouragement and wish you all the best, from one grad-student-mom to another! Good luck!
  11. I think the comment about "cut myself off completely" was referring to actual CONTACT with parents, not getting MONEY from parents. I didn't read KJ90 as necessarily receiving, or wanting to receive, financial support from parents, but as really just wishing for some basic moral support from them, and feeling like s/he would have to "cut herself/himself off" from contact with them if they continued bashing. (For the record, I don't advocate cutting off contact with parents, unless they're violent or something.) I could be misreading everything here, though. Anyway, again I wish all the best for you, KJ90!
  12. <p>KJ90, I'm so sorry to hear this. It is painful, after working hard to get an education, to feel that your parents just dismiss the whole thing. I totally agree that their commentary sounds insulting and unhelpful. As a mom myself, though, I couldn't help zeroing in on the part about "rack up 100K debt." The insanely paranoid mom in me is feeling a frantic need to address this! I'm assuming that you are NOT planning to take out massive loans for graduate school. But just in case you ARE: I don't know what your field is, and this may already be obvious to you (it probably is), but in general please do NOT go deeply into debt for graduate school. I congratulate you on finishing your undergrad debt-free. That's totally great. I would personally suggest not taking out ANY loans for graduate school. Apply to LOTS of places and go to the one that gives you full funding. If no one gives you full funding, try again next year. You deserve to get an education WITHOUT having to forfeit your future LIFE for it. I totally apologize if I come across as lecturing you about something you already know. You probably just meant that your PARENTS think you're going to end up with a lot of debt, because THEY don't realize that you can get funding, work, etc. I just wasn't completely sure from your post, so I wanted to say something. I've seen so many smart, capable folks from my generation (I'm in my thirties) completely crash and burn as a result of untenable student debt. It can absolutely ruin lives. I'm not saying it ruins EVERYONE'S life ... but it certainly can. But again, I apologize if this is something you already know and don't need to hear. Which it probably is. You know us old folks;) So anyway, about your parents' general negativity towards your graduate school aspirations, I really empathize with your situation. My negative family members still manage to make me cry ... literally, they insult me and I cry. I'm too old for this:( I hope you get a super-amazing, fully-funded offer on your first try. Then, do your thing and don't let anyone make you cry! Go!
  13. Wow, this thread is turning out to be really interesting. Washdc, your question about relatives' level of education is a particularly interesting one -- in my case, my relatives are all engineers. Yes, ALL of them. EVERYONE. Except me. I'm in the social sciences. Before entering my PhD program, I was a teacher. Being a teacher earned much scorn from them. Leaving teaching to pursue a PhD earned even more scorn. It is true that they make more money with undergraduate engineering degrees (or in some cases MS degrees) than I will as a PhD. It is true that they have money, while all I have is the stipend I get from the uni ... and my spouse's salary, which is perfectly adequate for us but which is still an object of scorn because spouse is not an engineer. Insane_in_the_membrane (how one earth did you choose this name?!) is right -- it is difficult not to be influenced by all the negative comments. I may not agree that being in a PhD program in the social sciences (or, by extension, doing ANYTHING other than engineering) makes me stupid, lazy, etc. ... I may not agree that having less money makes me a lesser person ... but when you're constantly faced with these attitudes, it is hard not to feel upset about it. You start to feel like maybe they're right. It is interesting that some folks have raised the "marriage" issue here. I started hearing about "You-better-do-such-and-such-or-you'll-never-get-married" when I was literally still a teenager. You see where this goes -- I'm now happily married, but I'm still not good enough. Actually, one of my cousins married someone from a more humble background -- she married more than a decade ago -- and she's still getting criticized for it ... but that's not all: This cousin actually died in a tragic accident a few years ago, and the relatives are STILL criticizing her marriage! They're criticizing her when she's already dead! Anyway, here's hoping we all finish our programs successfully and get great jobs afterwards. Thanks for having this discussion, and stay strong everyone!
  14. Wow, you've managed a lot and accomplished a lot. All respect to you, my friend! I can't imagine handling your exact situation, but I do have some family responsibilities -- spouse and child, as well as my MIL who is generally in good health but is in her seventies and sometimes needs to be driven to doctor appointments, etc. So I have a few thoughts, which may or may not be helpful to you: 1. Before you resign yourself to loans, look around for outside financial aid! 2. Are you sure your degree program is right for you? Have you talked with profs about other local options that might offer you more money? 3. If you don't want to move but would like to broaden your options as far as programs, San Jose State offers an ONLINE MLS (actually MLIS) program that is perfectly well-respected, at least in California. I know the whole idea of an "online" program sounds just horrible and ridiculous, but I know a whole bunch of librarians who've graduated from this program and gotten jobs. My spouse did the SJS MLIS degree online a number of years ago, and he's a gainfully-employed librarian. 4. I've found that being open and upfront with my profs and cohorts about my caregiving responsibilities has been really beneficial. Most of my classmates do NOT have to care for children or elders, so I thought they wouldn't "understand" my situation, but they are almost all really supportive and appreciative of the extra effort I have to put in to make this whole thing work. 5. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed once you start, try your university's counseling services ... I've found that the counseling and psychological services center at my uni is really very helpful. I was overwhelmed at one point because my child had developed a chronic health problem and I just couldn't seem to balance the necessity of dealing with her needs (attention, doctor appointments, etc.) with my own need to actually get my work done. One of the counselors has helped me, not only to be more in control of my own emotions and life, but also to find resources for my child. Well, sorry this is such a long reply, but I hope you find some part of it useful. Again, congrats to you and good luck!
  15. Hey, thanks so much for your responses, everyone. I really appreciate the moral support! Mediamom, are you a mom? Of course just ignore the question if it is too personal ... I'm only asking because I am a mom, as well as a grad student, and I'm always interested in other parents' experiences. I find that BEFORE I became a parent it was much easier for me to just tell myself that my judgemental family members could go xyz themselves ... now I feel I owe it to my daughter to maintain family relations. On the other hand, there's also the problem that some relatives feel a need to insult me IN FRONT OF my child -- saying things like "You've accomplished nothing in life," etc. -- and sometimes I wonder whether hearing these toxic comments isn't worse than just having no contact with them. Seems kind of like a lose-lose situation. Anyway, I'm not normally this negative ... just fishing for empathy and/or advice around here!
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