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Massive decision angst


memepool

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I figured that if I'm having a freakout, I should probably have it on a freakout forum. Thank you, grad cafe. :)

What follows contains a bit of narcissistic whining. But, hey, we're grad students here. We're used to it.

So at the last possible moment I decided between my top two schools, and have been regretting it ever since. Here are the offers I got:

NYU English, 22k, five years funding, two years TAing sections of a lecture class

University of Washington English, 14k, five years funding, teaching 2nd, 3rd, 4th years. Opportunities to teach junior and senior level courses in the 3rd and 4th year.

The reason I ended up ultimately going with the University of Washington was out of paranoia about going on the job market with so little teaching experience, even though I know that as a rule the profession privileges research over teaching. Also, I felt more of that "home feeling about the UW than NYU while on my campus visit, but, well, that's possibly due to a complicating factor. I grew up in Seattle, see. Lived there until I was 22. Even (oh, man, did I just hose my career?) did my BA at the UW, though I've been away for several years (two of which were at another school getting my MA).

And do I really want to live back in Seattle for another five years? Before I did campus visits (and, admittedly, before I found out that there wasn't any individual teaching at NYU and wouldn't be any time soon, due to the administration not wanting to give grad students leverage for another strike), I was dead certain that I would be at NYU next year. Woo! Getting to live in New York! Getting paid enough to sort of survive, provided I live over in Jersey or way out in the outer boroughs! NYU! Big name school, sorta! Heck, it's where Felicity went!

A couple of times over the last two weeks I've been very, very close to asking NYU if they could reopen the offer, even though I know that I most likely wouldn't be doing myself any favors asking. But... it's nagging me still, especially since I was able to get an extension on the April 15th deadline from them -- they said that they weren't going to be grabbing anyone off the waitlist, so I wasn't keeping anyone from getting a spot by delaying. Gosh, what should I do?

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You should contact NYU and see if they are willing to give you back the spot. They obviously thought that you were a great candidate. My friend actually did something similar. She started her Grad studies at USF and realized that she missed friends/family too much. She had previously been accepted at Seattle U. She called them and they were willing to take her back.

They might do it in your case, too. You have nothing to lose. I am sure they understand the dilemma we are faced with when making decisions. I am just finishing my undergrad at UW, and while it is a great school, I would not want to spend another 3 years here. Congrats on getting in though, their English Department is a tough one. I tried it myself, but now I am glad that I didn't get in, and I can start a new life in San Francisco.

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Main thing is moving back to my hometown for five+ years (not something I originally pictured myself doing), combined w/ angst over whether doing BA and PhD at the same school will be a negative on the market. Another factor is that NYU's on a hiring spree, while the UW is most definitely not. However, the UW has stronger people in my sub-subfield right now.

The thing that makes me angry at myself is that I sort of went with the UW as a snap decision, based on, well, relationship reasons. This, one and all, is exactly the recipe for resentment one would expect. Hooray for things one only tells anonymous internet forums...

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I have no idea about whether doing your degrees at the same place means anything on the market. It was a never an option for me, but what I've read on it has been mixed at best. Alot of it depends on whether you are doing your degree in the same field, with the same people, which could potentially be limiting. When you say stronger (at the UW) I assume that you mean more established or well-known faculty. But what about your interests or goals - better fit for which school?

(I get the picking a school for relationship reasons resentment - been there, done that. Also the hometown thing, because I'll never, ever, move back to Cleveland.)

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Same field, different folks -- there was a big shakeup and a lot of retirements at the UW a few years after I got my BA, so the department in large part doesn't really resemble the one I went to for my BA.

There's one big name at the UW doing the cybercultures stuff I'm interested in; several big names at NYU, but none of whom do exactly what I'm into. Also, at the UW I'll be doing interdisciplinary stuff with the folks over in the Geography department, which is considered top-ranked in that (small) field. I could most likely do the same sort of work with the same caliber names if I went to NYU, though I'd have to work through the consortium of NYC schools to do it.

That said, although the UW has more people doing exactly what I'm into, I'm not sure if it'd be stultifying to be in a place where people are doing /exactly/ what I'm into.

Side notes:

-I had a much better rapport with the professors at the UW than at NYU when I visited, even though the NYU folks were more aggressively courting me. This is possibly a distortion effect caused by it being my hometown school, though.

-Oh, lordy, I want to live in New York.

I wonder if it would hurt to call them...

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Wow, this is a tough situation, I'm sorry! I had a few waves of post-decision regret but they came and went very quickly, and never to the point where I thought I made the wrong decision. If these feelings were lingering, as they are for you, I'm not entirely sure what I would do. As much as I wouldn't want to seem like a dog with my tail between my legs, if I really felt that I made the wrong decision I would probably contact NYU and be very honest and ask if there is still a chance I could get my spot back. If not, then I would thank them for checking and go with UW with my chin held high (Seattle is awesome anyway, I'd love to live there). If I could still get into NYU, and I were 100% sure it was worth it, I would contact UW and probably tell them that I got off of a wait list at my dream school (a white lie seems appropriate here) and I was terribly sorry to renege my acceptance but I must. If you've thought about everything- your advisor's personality, advisor's reputation, advisor's students' success rates, location, cost of living, lifestyle, etc. etc. etc.- and you are sure that NYU is where you belong and that it's not just because you're a little scared about graduate school (secret: we all are), then seize the day! I was hesitant about asking a school about something and my Grandpa said, "Honey, now is not the time to be shy," and he is so right. This is your only chance, so if you're sure about it then I think you should at least try. Good luck and let us know how it turns out :)

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There's one big name at the UW doing the cybercultures stuff I'm interested in; several big names at NYU, but none of whom do exactly what I'm into. Also, at the UW I'll be doing interdisciplinary stuff with the folks over in the Geography department, which is considered top-ranked in that (small) field. I could most likely do the same sort of work with the same caliber names if I went to NYU, though I'd have to work through the consortium of NYC schools to do it.

That said, although the UW has more people doing exactly what I'm into, I'm not sure if it'd be stultifying to be in a place where people are doing /exactly/ what I'm into.

You've said everything that matters. 1) Better fit with faculty in terms of personality and interests. 2) it'd be harder to do the work you're interested in at NYU than at UW.

I don't think it will be stultifying to be in a place where people are doing what you're into. I think it'd be pretty cool. Think about the collaborative possibilities and the interactions with other students where you can learn from one another.

P.S. Geography is not a small field. It is far bigger than you think. Not as big as MLA but it's certainly a big discipline in the US and the UK.

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