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Distractions


yin-bodhi

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How are you distracting yourselves from "the great wait?" I've been having a hard time getting my mind off of things and I need some tips. Reading and doing schoolwork doesn't help. Watching TV deosn't help because I have my laptop in front of me and I check my e-mail a million times a day. Three nights ago, I went and got a milkshake. Last night, I smoked a honey hookah and drank a pot of sage tea. It worked for a little bit. My boyfriend wants to go to a cafe tomorrow and get coffe/play chess. Last weekend, it worked for a bit, but the conversation went back to grad school worries. I just can't seem to keep my mind off of this...

Any suggestions would be helpful!

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This technique will depend on your being good at making things up. I've been telling myself (with some success) that I will not hear from grad schools until April. That way if anything does happen to come in the mail, it's completely unexpected and early. If nothing comes in the mail, that's because I'm not supposed to be hearing yet.

Otherwise, I've been working on a knitting project and going jogging more frequently. (This is because my first technique, of lying to myself, does help but is not foolproof.) Doing something non-academic but that requires physical movement (i.e. not watching TV or reading, but possibly following a recipe to cook something unusual, or fixing up some part of your apartment, going out for a hike) seems to work pretty well...

All this said, I know how you feel! Good luck.

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Then again, I am not the best at not freaking out. I'm offering tips here as I check this site for results...what a hypocrite I am!!! Well, anyway, I should follow my own advice and not check this site so much! :wink:

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Guest Applicant007

I would recommend being as drunk as possible as often as possible. Drunken euphoria doesn't permit grad admissions thoughts to enter your head, while devastating hangovers don't permit *anything* to enter your head. However, being anything short of absolutely retarded does not guarantee distraction.

Drunkenness is great for a night and a day, but if you can't afford to be unconscious all the time, there is a shorter-term solution: sex. Not to be crass, but it both alleviates anxiety and gets your mind off everything else for the duration. I've found myself masturbating at least 4 times the usual amount (which is saying quite a bit) and I have no doubt my raging libido is directly correlated with the stress of waiting for decisions.

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I've been smoking a lot of pot -- but then, I always do that.

It's easier now that I've heard good news from two solid programs, but I'm still smoking away the hours for the rest.

Also, spending 'quality' time with my gf is the only thing that can take my mind off anything.

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I've been babysitting my brother and sister, who are in highschool. That means cooking dinner, chauffering, doing piles of dishes, and loads of laundry. And meanwhile having no clean underwear of my own. I can't check my mail, so that's off my mind. No email at the house. But I do get to referee fights over the bathroom, the computer, the phone, and curfews. It's good times. Anyone want to take a shift?

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I would recommend being as drunk as possible as often as possible. Drunken euphoria doesn't permit grad admissions thoughts to enter your head, while devastating hangovers don't permit *anything* to enter your head. However, being anything short of absolutely retarded does not guarantee distraction.

Drunkenness is great for a night and a day, but if you can't afford to be unconscious all the time, there is a shorter-term solution: sex. Not to be crass, but it both alleviates anxiety and gets your mind off everything else for the duration. I've found myself masturbating at least 4 times the usual amount (which is saying quite a bit) and I have no doubt my raging libido is directly correlated with the stress of waiting for decisions.

I can tell from this post that you are certain to be accepted. And I am not being sarcastic, I assure you.

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Guest gradvet

It might ease peoples minds to know that you have more than one shot at this process. It's not the end of the world if you get rejected by EVERY school you apply to. I speak from experience. The first year I applied to graduate school (philosophy/political theory) I applied to 5 schools and got one unfunded wait-list offer (which never materialized) out of the whole process. A year later, with a few cosmetic changes to my application and one additional letter of recommendation I went through the process all over again. This time I applied to about 12 schools and was admitted to all but 1. Same person, basicly same application, radically different results. The lessons? 1) You have more than one shot at the process, 2) it's difficult to discern much of a rationale behind most of the decisions these committees make. ONce you make the first cut, fairly contingent/random things beyond your control will determine whether you are admitted or not. IN short, the process is pretty much out of our control, but we can play the game multiple times.

best of LUCK

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I've long given up on using my work to distract me. But I am into the whole (half) lying to myself thing. I tell myself that I haven't heard because they are still trying to work out funding issues. This usually buys me a couple of days (until I come here and see that someone else has been accepted with funding). Then I tell myself that there was some reason that they were accepted instead of me (they're applied - while I'm theoretical, they were denied university funding - while I'm still in the running, even...the department knew they weren't comming so they wanted to hold that spot for me - in case the university funding doesn't work out). Surprisingly, this actually buys me another couple of days...

When I'm not out of touch with reality, I distract myself by cooking these elaborate - Martha Stewart style - made for at least six people meals (fortunately my department is full of hungry grad students).

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Guest jujubee

I've found that burying myself under a mountain of work actually helps. For the most part, I'm too focused on meeting deadlines to invest 100% of my energy in worrying and wondering. And, I found that it has increased my productivity. Usually socializing hasn't helped. Since most of my friends are in the same boat as I am -- going through the grad school process -- it's just one big anxiety fest when we get together or talk. "I got rejected from here." "I got wait-listed there." "I got accepted to X but without full funding." "I got a full fellowship at Y, but it was my *LAST CHOICE*!" I've found that throwing myself into research for that reason has been helpful. My productivity has spiked because I know that, even if I stop for five minutes, I'll give myself an ulcer thinking about the status of my applications!

These days, I'd say only about 28% of my energy goes into nail biting. However, I there are some moments during the day -- precious few, but occasionally I get down time -- when my thoughts turn to the dreaded grad school application process. As the previous poster has said, I come to this website to see who has been rejected/accepted -- I am usually relieved if nobody has heard back from the schools that I applied to. Thus far, I have heard back from all of my "back-up schools," but the remaining "top three" of my formerly "top four" (got rejected from the fourth one), have not yet responded.

Over the last week, however, I've become a bit obsessive, especially since it's approaching March. While writing this article that I'm currently working on, I usually have my Internet Explorer up (but minimized on my task bar), and I periodically refresh the "grad cafe" page. I feel sort of ridiculous doing it, but I find that it's difficult not to. In fact, I think that I'm a little consumed by it. I *NEED TO KNOW ASAP* and, at times, the suspense gets to me.

The other day, the telephone rang. At my place my phone ringer distinguishes between long-distance, and local calls. So, the second I hear that it's a long distance call, I just about break my neck running for the phone. (See, logically, you'd think I'd keep the cordless handy, but I always find that on the days that I do, nobody ever calls me!!!). On Thursday, I picked up a long distance call, only to have the individual on the other line say, "Good afternoon, this is the Weed Man. Spring's just around the corner. Do you need your lawn cared for?" I was overcome by a wave of emotions -- frustration, disappointment, anxiety, astonishment (I don't even have a lawn!). I stood there for a good minute and a half, phone up to my ear, just thinking, "This isn't the Grad School of Arts and Science calling. What the hell!?!" I felt like Homer Simpson -- you know when the thoughts race through his head, but nothing comes out of his mouth. It was like a whole monologue went through my mind, and I temporarily forgot that there was a person on the other end of the line. Due to the fact that I hadn't spoken into the phone for a whole 90 seconds, I became so embarrassed that I hung up on the Weed Man without uttering a single word.

I think the next week or two will be the toughest. At least that period of hiatus between December and early February offered a tiny bit of relief -- though I did lose many hours of sleep worrying about whether my personal statements were snappy enough, whether they were lacking substance, whether my GRE score was competative enough, and whether my writing sample was sufficiently sophisticated to impress a committee. I think this week I will distract myself through more work, taking on another research-related project for a prof at my current university, go have some "rejection" drinks with friends (which will, no doubt, involve some really great institution bashing of those grad schools that sent the usual "I regret to inform you . . . " letters), and possibly not open my e-mail if I start seeing postings that people were offered acceptances to my "top three" schools.

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Guest Applicant007

In the last few weeks, I've pickled my liver in alcohol, and wanked to the point of being unable to walk. This is terrible: until I work some of this booze out of my system, and my testicles return to their normal size, I may have to face the full brute horrific force of relentless reality.

So now, for the time being, knowing the development of our personal relationship will bring comfort, and that he (and not the various admissions committees) has all the answers I'm looking for, I have turned to Jesus.

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Guest Third country applicant

I think you have to rely on a number of strategies to survive these couple of months unharmed; one is just not enough. so until last week, I've been alternating between partying (including booze, xtc and cocaine, I'm not a pot person), sex and hard work. and it worked: I was checking my email once a day, sometimes even once in 2 days and I didn't spend more than 3% of my time and energy worrying. not having anyone around to talk about the process (I am probably one of the 20 people that have ever applied to US phd programs from my country) was also helpful.

and then last week I got the call (actually my gf got the call, I was out) - I got into an Ivy league school and my top choice. the wait's over.

I wish you all the same good luck

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