Should I end my life?

[annanyc]

I am really depressed with my life. I screwed up in college a few years ago. Because I am diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, it was extremely difficult for me to take 12 or 15 credits each semester and get good grades in all of my courses. Now, I am 27 years old. I went back to school part-time to finish my Bachelor's degree and I am getting straight As. I am majoring in Anthropology and minoring in Biology. I am interested in various topics including biological anthropology, osteology, population genetics, forensic anthropology, neuroscience, psycholinguistics, animal behavior, primate evolution and anatomy, prehistoric archaeology, cultural anthropology, tribal art, sustainability, environmental issues such as deforestation and climate change, and public health. I have strong blogging skills and I'm proficient in PowerPoint. My GPA is only a 2.55 overall and a 3.1 in my major. Unfortunately, it is too late for me to raise my horrible GPA because I am a senior with 108 credits. I am planning to graduate from college in the spring of 2014. I feel like I want to kill myself. I think that graduating from college with a 2.5 or 2.6 GPA is the end of the world. I will never get a job or get into a Master's program. Employers will judge me by my horrible academic record and won't even give me a chance to prove myself. Also, most jobs in the Anthropology field require at least a Master's degree and I will never get into graduate school with a 2.55. I live in NYC. I am dreaming about working for the Museum of Natural History, the National Museum of the American Indian, a primate conservation center, a nonprofit organization dealing with environmental health and sustainability, or becoming a professional travel blogger. I think my mediocre GPA is going to stop me from achieving any of those goals. My low GPA will haunt me until I die. I will never become a productive member of society. Should I commit suicide by jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge? I really feel like I'm useless and I don't deserve to live anymore.

[memyselfandcoffee]

I am not from USA but in uk and ireland you can get into MA with a 2.55 GPA,particularly with a 3.1 in your major ( try university of nottingham in Uk or university of Limerick in Ireland) I would imagine you would still have  chance in some lower ranked US universities, or maybe if you can show that your disorder affects your ability to work or has done in the past you could get into some even better Uni's. There is also in my country the option of doing postgraduate diplomas, which generally, though not always, require lower GPA, but require you show strong motivation.

 

Aside from this of course you should not kill yourself, there are plenty of options and not getting into graduate isn't a good reason. You really should go and speak to a professional if your having these thoughts- the counselling centres in UNI's are very good.

 

My aunt killed herself 15 years ago, she had postnatal depression. I think of her often and all she is missing out on. I'm an atheist, so according to my belief system she has stopped existing . sure she had a lot of problems at the time, but if she had just presevered she would have come out the other side and had a great life. I miss her a lot and feel awful when I think of all the wonderful experiences in life she has missed out on.

 

I really hope you go see someone soon .

 

ps see thread below this on sub 3.0 GPA -- it seems a lot of people have gotten into masters with a sub 3.0 gpa

Edited August 7, 2013 by elise123

[mewtoo]

No. I totally understand existential depression, I suffer from it quite often. If your suicidal ideation is that strong, seek treatment for it. Unless you apply to every single anthro program in the world and rejected from all of them, I see not point in killing yourself over your perceived failure as you do not even know if you are barred from everywhere.

 

There are schools that will most likely accept you, especially if you highlight why your GPA is this low (struggles when you were young and first going) and highlight your current GPA. These schools will not be top schools by any means, but they can be reputable. Target small, regional college town schools. For instance, my undergrad university will accept nearly anyone, even sub 3.0-ers. Don't be fooled by this however, these are very reputable programs and people go on to good phd programs from it (one of my friends did). There will be plenty more schools like this.

 

Just don't give up. If you are serious, get help.

[fuzzylogician]

annanyc, please get help in dealing with the depression that you'e feeling and with the suicidal thoughts. You should not deal with it alone--seek out a therapist or a support group, perhaps through your school. I'm sure that there are programs that are meant for people who are similar situations to your, and they can help you see your way through the difficulties. 

 

Graduating with a low GPA is NOT the end of the world. It might make your life somewhat harder than if you had a perfect 4.0, but that's all it is. You will still have opportunities and you can still have many successes in your life. You could get into a Masters program by following the advice in mewtoo's post above. Or you may want to get a job first, and that can help in a few ways - beside the obvious making money, it'll give you some perspective to help you make sure what career you'd want to have in the future. Having more distance between your undergrad and your grad school experiences will also make your grades less important than other aspects of your portfolio. I understand that you're currently doing well in your program -- that too will help; many people struggle at first but the upward trend in grades will prove that you are able to be successful in school. Maybe you can find an internship with a museum or other group that is relevant to what you want to study and do later in life. There are many options out there and it's just not true that they're all closed off because of this one blemish. 

 

Whatever you do, and before you figure out a job or grad school, please--get help dealing with your feelings. Everything will be some much easier and clearer once you do that. 

[Cesare]

No. You SHOULD NOT END YOUR LIFE. This should never be an option. Where there is a will there is a way. Everyone has obstacles in their life, it is how we deal with them that makes us into the people we are. Obstacles can be overcome. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

What the fuck...

[greyjay69]

Seriously, you need to go talk to someone for the depression.  If you were to be accepted into a lower ranked school you would still be able to reach those goals that you have set for yourself. Don't let a low GPA stop you from trying.  I haven't started the application process yet, but I would think that at some point you would be able to explain your situation.  My point is that this is a road block, and life is full of road blocks, you just can't let it stop you from trying anymore.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I don't know your background. I guess everyone is different. I come from a family where no one has ever went to college, so no one would really care about a low GPA in college. The only way to disappoint my family where I would be at the brink of suicide would be if like I was a serial rapist/pedophile. I understand a 2.55 GPA in college is not that impressive (it's also not that bad unless you're considering applying to top notch PhD programs). I know it's not nice to tell someone their problems are overexaggerated, but there are people in way worse shape than a 2.55 GPA. You really need to lighten up. You have the benefit of living in a city like NYC (where I happen to be from... well, Brooklyn), so you have a lot of opportunities. NYC is very competitive, but there are also a lot of opportunities to live an eventful life. I imagine your family has money since you're able to live there without a college degree or career. At least you're not dead broke in the projects. Also, at least you're not one of these people stranded in some backwoods hillbilly town with nothing to see but horse sex. You really need to evaluate your situation and get a nice dose of reality. 

[wtncffts]

No, as everybody's been saying. I know that it's easy to say this from where we are, and I wouldn't pretend to know how you're feeling (though I have had quite depressing moments myself). All I can say is that you're understandably caught up in your own circumstances and can't see outside of those narrow confines, but there's a whole big world out there that you're not seeing. If you're not happy with yourself, going to grad school isn't going to do it for you. Not to mention, if you hang around these or similar boards long enough, you know grad school is not a picnic. There are so many opportunities out there, and you're really driven and passionate about what you want to do, there will always be something out there. You don't need a graduate degree to be a travel blogger, or to work for a nonprofit. Although I agree with the above that you still have chances to get into grad school, I don't want to reinforce the thinking that you need to do that to be happy. Life is way, way, way more than school and grades and these narrow institutional hoops that we all love and dread.

[CageFree]

You can get into a master's program with that GPA. It won't be funded, but you can do it, and go from there.

[LGBTQIra]

No. I know someone who went to six high schools and had to fight her way through getting into the college of her choice. Eventually she took her master's, got scholarships abroad, and is now a recipient of a prestigious writing grant. Do not lose hope. And yes, please seek  help in dealing with the depression.

Edited August 9, 2013 by LGBTQIra

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

This person created his/her account, posted this, stayed online for about a half hour, then never came back on GradCafe.

 

Troll? 

 

Or too late? 

[happykitten62]

I would rather this being a troll than being too late...