Requesting SOP review

[StrongStudent]

My profile summary is as follows:

CGPA - 5.77

GRE - 322, 3.5

Work Exp - 1.5 yrs

As you can see my undergrad is screwed up so really counting on my SoP to make a difference!

Heres the link: http://1drv.ms/1wFKht2

 

Thanks in advance!

[Rich4082]

I think you should pare down the part about why you started doing so badly as an undergrad.  Don't share too much with them.  Just make it brief and to the point. 

[Maxtini]

I think you could narrate it into a more "non-emotional" and "non-conversational" way, especially the one pertaining to your undergraduate experience. Don't go into length explaining your emotion and way of thought. Your SOP lack concrete details to highlight your strength. The key point is "don't just tell~ but show";

 

For example:

"Finally I acquired a PG Diploma in game design and started working as a game designer which was a job demanding creativity more than anything else. I met my companies expectations well and soon started exploring additional ways to contribute."

 

You could describe in detail what is your responsibility as game designer in the company. How in a way this work demand creativity more than anything else? Back your claim with particular projects that you have contributed to. Give concrete proof that you have met your company expectation (you get reward, more bonus, promotion??). Explain in details what "additional ways" you have explored.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Maxtini

[eragon]

My general suggestions:

1. Try to reduce about your undergrad GPA content
2. When you say "part of Men-On game development", you can describe about what part you were involved in and what you learnt from it
3. Instead of just saying you have knowledge of C++, C#, Java , u can write about a project you have worked using these. That will demonstrate your level of understanding rather than stating it.