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Require review on SOP for Robotics


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I have written an initial draft on my SOP but am still being plagued by some issues.

How do I know if my SOP has become too technical.?

I am finding it hard to remove the 'to be' words (is, was, are) in favor of action words. How does one do that?

How do I know if I am boring the reader? How can I avoid boring him/her?

It would be grateful if someone could review my SOP and give me an honest opinion. I will be very happy to send you my SOP. 

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