Dealing with depression/anxiety during application season

[bicsy]

With all of the topics in this forum about chances, SOPs, etc., this is a bit of a different subject, but I feel like it's relevant to a lot of us applying this fall. 

Who else is dealing with depression and/or anxiety while filling out and submitting applications? I'm sitting here unable to sleep with my mind racing with questions about whether I'll get in anywhere, what I could have done better, and where I will be in a year. That combined with the amount of regular coursework I have is, to put it lightly, overwhelming. I'm sure others are going through the same thing.

For applicants from previous years reading this, it would be really helpful if you could reply with any insights/suggestions on how to deal with potential depression and anxiety that sets in during application season.

[jayelko]

I don't have any advice unfortunately, but I can at least tell you that you're definitely not alone. I'm constantly mad at myself for not doing more or trying harder and I'm just so worried that I'm not good enough to get in anywhere. At the same time that I'm so worried about being rejected though, I'm equally terrified of getting in. What if I get there and I have no idea what I'm doing? What if I'm the joke of my lab and my PI regrets taking me in? There's really no solution to this whole process that I'd be totally content with and it's taking a huge toll on me mentally and physically. I just keep trying to remind myself that I can always reapply, but as I'm sure you know, anxiety is rarely rational.

[bicsy]

Thanks for your reply. Exactly, it's hard to rationalize things when it comes to anxiety. One piece of advice I read recently said to look at yourself from an outsider's point of view, and to give yourself the advice you would give a friend going through the same thing. 

Also, I found this thread yesterday. It's from 2009, but discusses basically the same issues, including imposter syndrome. I found it pretty helpful.

[sjoh197]

I have dealt with severe depression and anxiety after my daughter passed away while I was still in college. While time has certainly diminished these, I still suffer from quite a bit of general anxiety, especially over these types of things.

I have found that the best way to ease your anxiety is distraction. If you have finished your application.... move on, don't agonize over what could have been, because you can't change it now. Adopt some soothing hobbies (I crochet scarves, paint., garden, play my piano.. it helps me calm down). Also... have a plan B.. the biggest worry with grad school is "what if I don't get it?" People worry about this but then aren't proactive with what they WILL do if they don't get in. Start researching areas that have good work potential for your field. Make a game plan of where you would be willing to move... etc. Or, figure out what you would do in a gap year/semester if you didn't get in. Would you have to scrape money together? Could you travel? Is there some kind of volunteering you have always wanted to do but have been too busy? etc. Having a plan B can really ease your anxiety. 

[Heavensmaiden]

I applied last year and I am reapplying this year. Honestly, talking it out with my BF and sadly time has helped. If I am rejected again this year I would be sad but it won't be as deep of a blow. 

[serenade]

I remember feeling the exact same way this time last year. I had no confidence that I would get in any decently ranked school and was scared of having to figure out something to do with my life for a year if I didn't get in anywhere. That, coupled with some problems I was having with my then advisor, was really weighing me down. The anxiety/depression thing can get real during application season. It can really suck the motivation out of you. 

 But, just this morning I was walking through campus of the institution where I'm now a first year PhD and I just sat on a bench in the middle of campus and looked around. I started to tear up thinking about how glad I am to be here and how much happier I am now than last year this time during the emotional roller coaster of application season (and advisor probs). I thought, "wow, if I had only known how wonderful it all ended up being, I totally wouldn't have worried last year." However, I realize not everyone's story turns out perfect and I understand reapplying next year may be necessary. I know it's disheartening to think about (I definitely remember that feeling) but I think one thing that helped me was thinking of something/somewhere I might want to do/work at for a year that I wouldn't have the chance to ever do again once I started the PhD/academia rat race. That way I had something to (mildly) look forward to if applications didn't turn out well. 

All that to say, don't underestimate yourself if you think you have a reasonable chance of getting in to the places on your app list. The school I currently attend was a "reach" school for me (I daily question how I got in but that's a function of imposter syndrome, I think). But things worked out better than I hoped and I couldn't imagine wanting to be anywhere else right now. I hope that in a year from now, the same will be true for all of you and you can look back and think "why did I worry so much??" Cheers and best wishes!