Please critique my topic

[Ekta05]

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems.docx

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

I agree with statement because in general, its the human nature to co-opt easy option than the harder one to solve any problem. If we have the technology , we will go for it rather than solving the problem manually. But relying too much on technology is detrimental. Let us take an example. Suppose we go to a shop to buy few things but forgot to bring phone or any electronic device with us. We have to calculate our bill (list is small that we can calculate manually) but couldn't do without calculator. If we had not relied too much on technology, we would have practiced a lot of things manually. And this situation would not have occurred.

Relying too much on technology make you incapable solving even a small and easy problem. Because we stop practicing manually and solve via technology as much as we can. Too much dependency is one of the biggest problem. The more we become dependent on something the more we become handicapped. 

I agree that by using technology we can do our tasks quicker. Secondly few things that we can not do manually can be done with the help of technology. Technology makes our work more efficient and productive. But too much dependency can harm your mental abilities, creativity, decision making, bring torpor by co-opting easier options every time.

Suppose we have to solve a problem manually. We think in different ways to solve it. Many times we find new ways to solve it. As a result it increases our innovative capabilities, makes our mind non monotonous. 

Hence solving more and more problems mentally and manually make humans to think more creatively and make humans more independent as he/she can use their mental skills anywhere and anytime if in case e-devices are not with you.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Ekta05

[fuzzylogician]

I am not an expert in scoring GRE essays but based on the descriptions the ETS gives, I'd probably put you at 2.5. There are some repeated problems with your grammar, though your sentence structure itself is generally ok. You only give one example and it's pretty hard to follow. The second paragraph is too short and vague, and doesn't say anything new that wasn't already said in the first paragraph. Your third paragraph sort of makes a new point, but then circles back to a point you had made before, and you don't tie those two ideas together. It's not clear why the 4th paragraph is a separate paragraph, it seems like a direct continuation of the last sentence of the previous paragraph, and again this repeats an idea that you had already discussed previously. It's also too short. Finally, your conclusion doesn't directly address the question you started out with, although we can extrapolate from what you write what your opinion would be (but it'd be better if you explicitly spell it out, since that is the task at hand). 

[Ekta05]

Thank you so much for the feedback. Now I've an idea how much I have to improve.