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serenade

Has your advisor ever hugged you?

25 posts in this topic

Has your advisor ever given you a hug? In the year and a half that I've known my advisor, it's only been handshakes. But then today at a conference he hugged me around the neck twice - once as greeting and once as goodbye after having coffee together. No idea why. I don't mind it all - just not sure what moved me from being on handshake to hugging terms. 

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I can't remember my advisor ever hugging me, but other faculty members in my department have. I'm personally not big on physical contact most of the time, so I don't feel like I'm losing out by not hugging. 

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My (male) PhD advisors never have, but my (female) postdoc advisor did on occasion, though not often. I, too, am not big on physical contact, so this is fine with me. I have also been hugged on occasion by other professors and colleagues. And yes, this happens much more frequently at conferences than at other places, and that intuitively makes sense to me. You see a lot of friends and acquaintances at a conference and you're usually in a meet-people-mode, so you might be more inclined to be friendly and more personal with someone that otherwise. I would take that to be the reason you went from handshake to hug. 

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My advisor hugged me when I passed my dissertation defense. And now he hugs me when he sees me at conferences. *shrug* I've legitimately never even thought about it until seeing this question.

OP, are you asking because you think there was something inappropriate about the hugs?

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13 hours ago, rising_star said:

OP, are you asking because you think there was something inappropriate about the hugs?

No, nothing remotely inappropriate! Thankfully, that is something I never have to worry about with my advisor. He's 100% professional and these hugs happened in a crowded hotel lobby. It's more just that I found it amusing to shake someone's hand for over a year but then at a conference, the default greeting for some reason becomes a hug? I think fuzzylogician's answer above is a good guess though. 

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My advisor used to hug me all the time. She is just really affectionate. Now I have a male advisor (he is in his 70s) - he never hugged me and dont think he ever will! 

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My male MA advisor hugged me when I passed my defense and when I dug up a particularly important piece of evidence on a forensic case we were working. Neither triggered any alarms for me. They were friendly, excited gestures.

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Interesting question. Mine began hugging me once I passed my prelim exams. It seemed to be tied to progressing up the ranks. Not sure how I feel about it ;)

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Haven't experienced it as a grad student (yet) but I've been hugged by a few male and female professors in undergrad after big milestones or when we bumped into each other after I graduated...although I'm from the Midwest and that pretty much guarantee's 90% of the population are big on hugging :P

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On 1/7/2017 at 2:56 PM, ExponentialDecay said:

Any particular reason you feel the need to analyze this?

 

Anything worth thinking is worth over-thinking.

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2 hours ago, telkanuru said:

Anything worth thinking is worth over-thinking.

my life motto 

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It doesn't matter whether other people "think" the hugs were inappropriate or not; it's your body!

Personally, I wouldn't want my advisor hugging me (especially around the neck, ew), especially if I thought it was going to evolve into a regular thing. If it makes you feel uncomfortable (as it would personally make me feel), you can either hint or directly tell them you "aren't a hug-y person" (sugar-coating it). 

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My advisor is a foot shorter than me and male, so a hug would be ... weird ... to say the least. The only prof I've ever hugged is the sole female member of my qualifying exam committee, after not having seen each other for a long time over winter break. In my opinion it's very gender-socialized - I'd feel super weird getting hugged by any of my male profs, but female profs hugging me wouldn't bother me at all. 

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22 hours ago, maelia8 said:

My advisor is a foot shorter than me and male, so a hug would be ... weird ... to say the least. 

😂😂😂

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Being hooded at graduation is pretty much equivalent to a neck hug.

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Posted (edited)

On March 28, 2017 at 6:51 AM, OhSoSolipsistic said:

Being hooded at graduation is pretty much equivalent to a neck hug.

:lol::P

Edited by serenade

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I never had an advisor hug me, but I've been working with my thesis supervisor since the beginning of my undergraduate studies (so that's more than three years now). We exchange a dozen emails (if not more) a week related to all the projects she got me involved in since I started at this university. At this point, I don't know if I should call her by her first name or simply call her Dr. It's confusing. So I get what you are saying!

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Nothing inappropriate about it, but it would be definitely awkward to me. Considering that I keep my relationship with my advisors (male, female, or any gender) to be as professional as possible, a hug would definitely raise all sorts of questions.

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I did my undergrad in Melbourne, Australia. Australians are the friendly type, my advisor included. She used to give me random hugs. It was great, and I felt welcome at the school (and in the city).

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On 2017-01-07 at 1:07 AM, serenade said:

Has your advisor ever given you a hug? In the year and a half that I've known my advisor, it's only been handshakes. But then today at a conference he hugged me around the neck twice - once as greeting and once as goodbye after having coffee together. No idea why. I don't mind it all - just not sure what moved me from being on handshake to hugging terms. 

I'm female and my supervisor is female. She has never hugged me. Only ever awkward handshakes. When I won the Vanier I wondered if she would hug me but nope - only handshakes.

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Posted (edited)

Never. Not that I see anything wrong in it, but I can hardly imagine too males with no personal relationships hugging each other.

Edited by nobraintrain

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My (male) advisor has hugged me (male) a few times over the year, including at graduation.

Seemed perfectly normal to me all of the times it happened.

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All my female advisors, past and present, but one, hug me quite regularly. The 'but one' hugged me if she hadn't seen me in a while. I have had only two male advisors. One is homosexual (this is perhaps the ONLY context I would mention this, because of the question). He hugs me, too.

Honestly, I actually don't mind.

Just in case: I'm also female.

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