Well, based on all the available information, misinformation, known knowns, known unknowns, unknown unknowns, and a guy name Curly who dabbles in the mysterious and all things phantasmagorical I can confidently say that nothing has been illuminated other than this process will require more patience and time.
To all of those who have made it into your school of choice remember to raise a dram of whatever ye enjoy to all of us still squirming on the pointy hook of academia's indecision. Don't be afraid to grade a paper in green pencil, take a dance class if you need to get out of your head, and always remember to find a bathroom where you can go and have a moment of tranquility and time for yourself!
Thank you all for your input.
- Frankly