mandarin.orange

And so it begins: I traveled in a carpool to the Bay Area today, with others from my program. Someone had the "Symphony of Science" album and we had a sing-along. (For the uninitiated, these are autotuned remixes of Carl Sagan, Jane Goodall, Bill Nye, David Attenborough, etc. See example here.) This was followed by a long discourse on the global outlook of nonrenewable energies, and perceptions of Homer-Dixon among political ecologists. At this point, my seatmate threw her jacket over her head and went to sleep.

LET THE NERDERY COMMENCE.

LOL. I just PM'ed someone re. her SoP, and it's been a back-and-forth with me trying to impress the value of starting with something straight and to-the-point...which I feel is especially important in STEM fields.

Beware of getting overly worked up and riding what you perceive as a wave of linguistic cleverness...this may not leave the impression on the adcom you envision.

My opener was something like, "I want to go to graduate school so I can develop skills to work in California's public sector." Not exactly something I labored over, or coveted as "the Precioussss" while high on my own literary prowess. But it got the job done.

I went to my polling location, and found myself punching chads in a basement. Haven't done that in 10 years.

WTF, Los Angeles...this state is where the Digital Age BEGAN!

I can't speak from experience, but I would highly recommend an essay by Elena Evans called "My Little Comma," which is about having a baby while in grad school. Quick search online revealed some interesting commentary on the essay, but not the full text...I think you'll have to get the volume it was in, which was "Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers." I gave my copy to friend, while she was 8.5 months pregnant and in the first year of her PhD...she just finished this summer, posting a photo on the social medias labeled "what I did this summer" which showed her 2nd child, 2 months old, crawling atop her bound dissertation. Hmph, overachiever.

Bottom line: it can be done, and anecdotally, I've known a few who were successful.

My honest first impression is that the language is WAY over-the-top. I feel you're trying to impress with how creatively you can write - there's lots unnecessary words, roundabout ways of saying things, the dramatic stand-alone single-sentence paragraph, precious words in your word count spent on emoting, and the overall effect is just strange. For example: "I've nursed an immense penchant."  Even the opening two sentences: "It all began with the electron. For me, that is how it started." ...are redundant.

Avoid colloquialisms - you've got quite a few ("bitten by the bug," "bagged third place," "packs a punch"). Speaking of which, if this 3rd place award is recorded on your CV, don't mention it in your SOP.

Eliminate phrases like, "I was ecstatic to say the least" and "everything and more than I could ever hope for." You can still convey enthusiasm and direction without being overly emotive. I think this is especially important in sciences.

I hope the above does not come across as so nit-picky and harsh to be off-putting. But, I do want to convey that the effort you've put into the language, the odd turns of phrase, the forced conversational feel, in order to "stand out"...may not have the desired effect. Look, part of the SOP is to demonstrate that you can write clearly, specifically, and persuasively. You're basically trying to build an argument as to why you should be admitted, and what makes you more unique, more driven, and more productive than other candidates - not necessarily the most passionate or ruminative about formative experiences. So much of our time as academics will be devoted to securing competitive fellowships and grants. I think most AdComms are going to have their radar out, even subconsciously, for writing that's going to construct a solid, persuasive, specific argument. They will hedge their bets on these types of writers, because those are the students likely to win awards, garner outside funding, and get published.

Some resources I would recommend you check out and hopefully convey why I reacted so strongly to the writing style - these are good examples from the sciences:

Katherine Sledge Moore's breakdown of writing a good SOP. Be sure to check out her own SOP example on the Downloads page.
Forum member unlikelygrad's successful SOP

Both, I feel, convey a great deal of specifics about their experience, a sense of career direction, and solid familiarity with the program they're applying for...while still being to-the-point.

From the perspective of a professor: Female Science Professor's "My Grad School Application Essay"

If you haven't seen this thread, it's been evolving for some time - pages and pages of great advice here:

SOP Mistakes To Avoid

Good luck and hope this helps!

A faculty perspective on how to craft these emails:

Writing to Me

And...another debate. Another tumblr is born.

I found so much of my time was spent on acquiring supplies ( I taught chem with no lab, no supplies!), paperwork, "helicopter parents", parents who couldn't care less, administration, huge achievement gaps and little help for students to overcome, teaching to standardized tests...

I too found that teaching high school science was less about super cool lessons and labs, and really more about how to manage 120+ people, manage frustrations with broken technology, and staying on top of a vast amount of paperwork: grading, supply orders, Learning Support documentation, grading, reimbursement forms, the Inbox, grading, documenting parent contact, recommendations, documenting proof of my continuing ed and required workshops to admin...

What are your intro emails like?

There is good advice at this profs blog - she breaks down the different "levels" of response she'll use, and how to craft a good intro email. Not sure if all profs are this systematic or care this much, but valuable insight. Other faculty/profs have chimed in, in the comments section, with their approach.

Writing to me

get ready for Romney as the next president.

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/126/314/3cd8a33a.png

Americas believe what they see on yahoo.

People still read yahoo?

I just recently met with a professor who told me that unless I wanted to teach at a college level, there is not point in pursuing a PhD in history.

False. Hopefully you will get alternate, more positive, perspectives from other profs. However, keep in mind that professors who have been life-long academics really only can advise you on how to become like them, and may fall short on a myriad of other careers one can go with a History PhD. A good college friend went to a top tier History PhD program, and now has a very successful translating business.

The following is a great resource, started by a woman with her doctorate in History. She wrote a Chronicle article about how she tried, and eventually left, the seemingly-tailored-for-her academic job. It feels a much-needed void for PhD's on the job market, in my opinion.

Beyond Academe

And if interested - The Chronicle Article

Not sure if hejduk is still active in these fora, but I remember him/her starting a few topics in this vein a little over a year ago. I got the impression this person ultimately wanted to seek college-level teaching position, however. You might find some good advice here:

Getting a PhD to teach but learning to love research

Anyone getting a PhD to teach primarily rather than do research?

There's a fair number of fled-to-academia former HS teachers kicking around here Grad Cafe, myself included...total opposite trajectory to what you are seeking. Historically the tenor of our conversations is more like this example, and I think you're likely to find a lot of disillusionment here from members who've had HS teaching experience.

What sort of school do you want to teach in? That will have a lot to do with how appreciative teens are of the teacher-scholar model you envision. I.e., if you're aiming a position at a private academy, school with repute for academic rigor, and/or AP curriculum, you're more likely to be a good fit.

I've linked a few of her other blog posts in various Grad Cafe threads, but I really like the advice and insight of FSP into the admit process.

Here's one post where she mentions do's/don'ts (reiterating many of the points made on p. 1 of this thread), followed by a hilarious example of a really, really bad (not real) SoP.

http://science-profe...tion-essay.html

Ok, what does everyone think about whether to contact POIs?  I know people have been successful with contacting POIs and without, and I just wonder whether it really makes any difference.  

YES it can make a huge difference.

If you have an enthusiastic reply from a prof and seem a good match, they can really be an advocate for you on the inside when the adcom convenes, and push to get you admitted.

Developing correspondence may also reveal things not reflected on departmental webpages - such as who is on sabbatical, not taking students, or perhaps has moved in a completely different research trajectory.

I replied to a similar thread this week, where I discussed this further. I also included a few links I'd found helpful:

Cold Contacting POIs

<sub>Interesting how many of the replies focus on finding excuses for his behaviour, like it's simply not possible that he's just a bad instructor.  We all know they exist, maybe I just happened to find one.

The comment that I'm "approaching it from an undergrad perspective" is pretty funny.  I'm 44 years old and have two degrees, and trust me, there is NO professional context in which the quality of writing in his teaching materials would pass muster.  An undergrad would get a very poor grade if they handed in similar work.  Not to mention there are some accessiblity/readability issues with it, i.e. it would be rough going for someone with vision impairment (which is a no-no by law in this jurisdiction).

He's not new.  I think it's just that no one is reviewing what he's doing.</sub>

In response to this, I will borrow Eigen's excellent reply from here.