Jump to content
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Done Applying. Not Done Worrying.

Sign in to follow this  


This post is going to be as much for me as it is for anyone who read this. I'm getting so close to the final decision point: And. I. Am. Going. Insane.

Let's go full circle with my craziness:

I have officially been accepted for the Masters in Asian Studies at Seton Hall University - one of the two schools I've applied for. They have rolling admission which is why I found out so early. I was probably one of the first people to apply - if not the first, as I got my application in as soon as possible. I have NO IDEA what the ranking for Asian Studies is, but I know I've never heard of "Seton Hall" at the same level as Harvard. But then again - I don't care. I HATE the snobbiness of people who only apply to the top 5 schools, not because its the 'perfect fit', but just because its the top five school. Does reputation mean a lot in my field - (Policy Studies, MPA, Politics, etc) - Hell yes. But that has never stopped me before. I graduated with a B.A. in Asian Studies this December from Temple University, Japan Campus. Temple is not a big name school - though it tries to be - and Temple Japan is definitely not a perfect institution, but I worked hard, learned a lot, and had a lot of fun. I'm not afraid to do this again at Graduate school.

That said, I am terrified about just getting a MA in Asian Studies. What the hell do I do with that? I know I want to deal with international relations and education, I want to meet powerful people and tell them how to do their jobs right - haha. At $1000 dollars per credit, and as a 39 credit class, it'll cost me 39000.

I also applied for the Whitehead School of Diplomacy and International Relations at Seton Hall for a duel degree. I will find out about this program in Three Weeks. I'm not so sure if I can get into this program, as its a top 20 program, and I just don't feel old enough to get in (Yesterday was my Birthday :D Turned 22). AND to make it worse, if I get into Seton Hall's Diplomacy Program for my duel degree, it will be a 3 year, 60 credit program which will cost me SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Seton Hall has GA-ships that cover tuition and sometimes give a stipend. The Asian Studies program only offers language GA's, which mean's I can't get them as I am not fluent in Japanese. I'm not sure about Whitehead GA's, which means I have to apply for 'generic' ones like office help or research. But they're not posted until March. Can I wait that long?

Now on to UBC: I applied to the University of British Columbia MONTHS AGO, but I just sent them my most recent transcript (of my last semester). They do not even begin to look at admissions until the deadline passes, which is January 15th. I read somewhere that they do not even begin to send Acceptance Letters until MID MARCH if not April. I know, I know - this is EARLY compared to US schools. But I am allowed to freak out! They're program costs $9000 for the entire year. Yup. SO MUCH CHEAPER, and the program is really awesome. It is called the Masters in Asia Pacific Policy Studies: that's exactly what I want to do.

Now, let's move on: Warning, this gets mushy.

I am worried about dating. While living in Japan, I bounced between Tokyo and New Jersey every 6 months or so, which made it impossible for me to find anyone "special". I finally met someone this last semester who I really had a great time for and developed real feelings. And then I left him behind to graduate and come back home to America. We rarely talk more (well, I talk: he rarely replies haha). My ex - Adam - says he's still interested in a relationship with me, and basically asked me out last week. Because I just came out of a relationship (one that DID NOT drive me crazy unlike his and my last relationship) and because Adam really hurt me the last time we dated, I told him we can give it another shot but at a MUCH MUCH MUCH slower pace. He makes me smile sometimes, but others he drives me insane.

Here's where it gets even trickier: If I get into SHU and go, I can live at home or maybe get an apartment nearby. That means I can continue to date Adam or, if faith swings it this way, someone else for at least the next two/three years as I attend SHU. After that, if I'm serious with someone, they can follow me where ever I get a job. But if I date Adam, I will have to leave him behind if I go to the University of British Columbia. Now, if me and Adam stay 'dating' while I'm in Vancouver, I wont see him for a year. If he and I break up, how could I possibly date someone in Vancouver, if I'm just going to move in another year. Ugh. And I do not even want to think about dating someone else while attending SHU: I know Whitehead students occasional attend fancy dinners with fancy people, and as a gay man - attending a Catholic University - there are obvious....concerns.

Final Subject: I applied for about ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND BILLION jobs since I've graduated. Some are way BEYOND my abilities. Some are way BENEATH my abilities. So far, no one as even bothered to mail me a rejection. Ah, such love. There are a few jobs that I've applied for that, if offered, I would skip out on Grad School for a few years. There are others that I will only keep as a backup if I do not get into Graduate School.

Its so depressing knowing that I'm both qualified and unqualified for these jobs - and not a single one is bothering with me. But: at least I can be happy I've been accepted for a Masters in Asian Studies. I mean, that's my real passion. So if they want me, I must be doing something right.

If you've made it this far; I love you, Happy New Year.

Sign in to follow this  


Recommended Comments


You being the only person on here other than me applying to the same program I tend to keep up! hehe

I understand your worries, I will be turning 28 in March and have been to school for almost all my life(even though I love it). But sometimes I feel like it would be nice to settle down, get a job and start a family. Other times, I feel like I cannot settle and by following what I actually want to do it will benefit me and my future partner much more than settling for something when I feel that I have so much potential. Which is why I have not dated for 4 years while studying here in Japan. I like long term relationships and I always felt that I would be the one to leave so I just never started anything.

I think that you have to consider what you want to do. I'm not sure if you are applying for jobs in Japan or elsewhere, but if you have a chance to do what you want to do, wouldn't money not be such an option? I personally have no money and that has limited somewhat but still I try to make the best with what I am given. I am waiting for only UBC, if I had another school that gave me an offer earlier I don't know what I would do. But, If I don't get in I will be in a panic and will have to decide my 2012/2013 life in a month or two, kinda tough.

What is most important to you? Are you the kind of person to be lonely? Do you need someone around to cheer you up and keep you motivated? Think of going to UBC as going abroad again to study like you did at Temple in Japan, do you want to go through with that again? You seem to have dealt with it successfully since you are here now!

Share this comment

Link to comment

I mean, If I get into Whitehead or if I get into British Columbia, I am DEFINITELY going to them (unless I get offered a job that I cannot pass up). Its just depressing seeing all my friends dating (in serious relationships) or even thinking about getting married, and I can't even stay in a place long enough to find someone haha.

I have NOT applied to any jobs in Japan because of Grad School. I can't afford rent in Tokyo right now (my parents only helped me pay while I was in school) - so I need to work in the states for a bit, save money, and then I can consider moving back. I am absolutely in love with Tokyo, and if I could, I would love to live there until I die haha.

Share this comment

Link to comment

I thought I would chime in and comment, first off because I have had experiences that you talked about, and secondly just because different opinions can often help you make the right decision.

First off, I always tell my friends this whether they are single or in a relationship/t, you have to occassionally be selfish. Don't be like that all the time, but it will help guide you to a decision that is ultimately your's. Personally speaking, I am one of the least selfish people I know and truthfully realizing you have to occassionally do this is difficult, but I imagine you will some how find a way through it. I have personally settled for another person before and I just think you will just wonder what if you had made a different decision if it doesn't turn out like you had hoped.

Secondly, since you mentioned these fancy dinners Whitehead students occassionally go on and you have concern about it being a Catholic university, I wanted to share an experience with you. I was working with the State Dept. and just happened to attend some of these fancy dinners in countries that are predominately Catholic, and no one ever made an issue of my sexual orientation. Now on the other hand, Americans are cruel and even when they get older they always have this idea in the head that they can talk crap about a person behind their back, but really who cares? We are adults afterall. Actually, I have a lot mopre stories, but really it will just turn into rambling.

Thirdly, there are guys everywhere. If a relationship becomes serious enough you and hopefully the other person will find a way to make it work. I personally know at least 3 couples who met while one person was working abroad.

Overall, you have time to figure it out. Just don't rush into things both on the personal level and on the academic level or else you will end up with heartache either for giving up on what you loved for the person you love or vice versa. You will figure it out.

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.