This post is going to be as much for me as it is for anyone who read this. I'm getting so close to the final decision point: And. I. Am. Going. Insane.
Let's go full circle with my craziness:
I have officially been accepted for the Masters in Asian Studies at Seton Hall University - one of the two schools I've applied for. They have rolling admission which is why I found out so early. I was probably one of the first people to apply - if not the first, as I got my application in as soon as possible. I have NO IDEA what the ranking for Asian Studies is, but I know I've never heard of "Seton Hall" at the same level as Harvard. But then again - I don't care. I HATE the snobbiness of people who only apply to the top 5 schools, not because its the 'perfect fit', but just because its the top five school. Does reputation mean a lot in my field - (Policy Studies, MPA, Politics, etc) - Hell yes. But that has never stopped me before. I graduated with a B.A. in Asian Studies this December from Temple University, Japan Campus. Temple is not a big name school - though it tries to be - and Temple Japan is definitely not a perfect institution, but I worked hard, learned a lot, and had a lot of fun. I'm not afraid to do this again at Graduate school.
That said, I am terrified about just getting a MA in Asian Studies. What the hell do I do with that? I know I want to deal with international relations and education, I want to meet powerful people and tell them how to do their jobs right - haha. At $1000 dollars per credit, and as a 39 credit class, it'll cost me 39000.
I also applied for the Whitehead School of Diplomacy and International Relations at Seton Hall for a duel degree. I will find out about this program in Three Weeks. I'm not so sure if I can get into this program, as its a top 20 program, and I just don't feel old enough to get in (Yesterday was my Birthday Turned 22). AND to make it worse, if I get into Seton Hall's Diplomacy Program for my duel degree, it will be a 3 year, 60 credit program which will cost me SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.
Seton Hall has GA-ships that cover tuition and sometimes give a stipend. The Asian Studies program only offers language GA's, which mean's I can't get them as I am not fluent in Japanese. I'm not sure about Whitehead GA's, which means I have to apply for 'generic' ones like office help or research. But they're not posted until March. Can I wait that long?
Now on to UBC: I applied to the University of British Columbia MONTHS AGO, but I just sent them my most recent transcript (of my last semester). They do not even begin to look at admissions until the deadline passes, which is January 15th. I read somewhere that they do not even begin to send Acceptance Letters until MID MARCH if not April. I know, I know - this is EARLY compared to US schools. But I am allowed to freak out! They're program costs $9000 for the entire year. Yup. SO MUCH CHEAPER, and the program is really awesome. It is called the Masters in Asia Pacific Policy Studies: that's exactly what I want to do.
Now, let's move on: Warning, this gets mushy.
I am worried about dating. While living in Japan, I bounced between Tokyo and New Jersey every 6 months or so, which made it impossible for me to find anyone "special". I finally met someone this last semester who I really had a great time for and developed real feelings. And then I left him behind to graduate and come back home to America. We rarely talk more (well, I talk: he rarely replies haha). My ex - Adam - says he's still interested in a relationship with me, and basically asked me out last week. Because I just came out of a relationship (one that DID NOT drive me crazy unlike his and my last relationship) and because Adam really hurt me the last time we dated, I told him we can give it another shot but at a MUCH MUCH MUCH slower pace. He makes me smile sometimes, but others he drives me insane.
Here's where it gets even trickier: If I get into SHU and go, I can live at home or maybe get an apartment nearby. That means I can continue to date Adam or, if faith swings it this way, someone else for at least the next two/three years as I attend SHU. After that, if I'm serious with someone, they can follow me where ever I get a job. But if I date Adam, I will have to leave him behind if I go to the University of British Columbia. Now, if me and Adam stay 'dating' while I'm in Vancouver, I wont see him for a year. If he and I break up, how could I possibly date someone in Vancouver, if I'm just going to move in another year. Ugh. And I do not even want to think about dating someone else while attending SHU: I know Whitehead students occasional attend fancy dinners with fancy people, and as a gay man - attending a Catholic University - there are obvious....concerns.
Final Subject: I applied for about ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND BILLION jobs since I've graduated. Some are way BEYOND my abilities. Some are way BENEATH my abilities. So far, no one as even bothered to mail me a rejection. Ah, such love. There are a few jobs that I've applied for that, if offered, I would skip out on Grad School for a few years. There are others that I will only keep as a backup if I do not get into Graduate School.
Its so depressing knowing that I'm both qualified and unqualified for these jobs - and not a single one is bothering with me. But: at least I can be happy I've been accepted for a Masters in Asian Studies. I mean, that's my real passion. So if they want me, I must be doing something right.
If you've made it this far; I love you, Happy New Year.