After putting it off for months, I'm finally getting back into the process of applying for the PhD. Last year went so poorly that I almost feel sick when I think about going through it all again, but I know I can't enter a program without at the very least applying. I think many of us who are second (or even third) time applicants might know these feelings well: fear, shame, self-defeat.
On top of it all, I'm way overloaded with work: full-time university research position, teaching a class and editing on the side has left me with no time at all to work on things or even volunteer with the community I want to study. Not exactly how I had planned things to go, but I suppose it could be worse--research and teaching are both good signs of my engagement as a scholar.
Are you trying again this year? How is it going for you?
I feel as if I could end up in one of two positions: my fear and regret over a bad first cycle causes me to screw up this year (self-sabotage!) or I move past what was an admittedly very traumatic experience and just get my head in the game.