Ph.D. applications are strange. We all have this burning desire to show ourselves to be the kind of scholar that adcomms know will succeed in a given program but we have to do so by jumping through highly archaic or irrelevant hoops. This, of course, is not news, and we've all heard the arguments ad nauseam, so I won't rehash the talking points.
What I will say is this: all I really want is to get into a program that will support me so that I can prove myself. I know I have it, I just want the chance to show it. To me, this is really the last big hurdle that I face before I can really buckle down and kick some ass. I want that acceptance letter in my hand to ward off that Sword of Damocles over my head reminding me that I have this ETS hoop to jump through or that ApplyWeb app to fill out just around the corner. (My MA was stressful for that reason: I barely had time to stop and think because the second I walked into that school, I knew I was preparing for my Ph.D. app and all its concomitant nonsense.) I want to know I have the next five years ahead of me set in stone and guaranteed so that I can concentrate on the really important stuff: my research.
So, I'm praying that I don't get shut out this season. I know I have something to offer and I can't wait to prove it.