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The Trail We Blaze

Hello my amazing fans and readers (if there are any), 

Welcome to my first blog post...ever! I know, I can't believe it either but here it is. So, as I was thinking about what to write and what people would actually want to take time out of their busy schedules to read, it brought me back to how this whole journey got started. While that was true, I've decided (after a few seconds of debate with my inner workings of my crazy mind) we aren't going to talk about that today. Why? ...because I kind of don't want to right now. Also, because I feel like those of you thinking of entering the process have your own idea of what it's like and honestly, you aren't too far off. What most people don't know is what happens after. That's where I come in! 

So, what happens after you apply, you ask? You get to be one of the many lucky people that get to enter into the abyss (note: connection to past post that got me started in the first place...see what I did there?). The abyss, for those new readers here, is a whole lot of...well, you guessed it, nothing. Now, nothing can be both good and bad. For those unlike me, you get a lot of stuff done. For example, you completely reorganize your room, you get to finish your undergrad career, you get to pretend to have a life outside of work. However, for those like me, the story is a little bit different. You, my fellow compatriots, get to be engulfed in self pity, you get to be unhinged due to nerves, and you begin questioning the meaning of life. If you think I'm exaggerating, think again! I could mention having a back up plan being formed in this time frame (it should be, by the way), but I've already written about that as well. So what happens in the abyss between self loathing and thinking about every possible contingency scenario? A whole lot of nothing. 

This is something you're going to be doing a lot of during this little waiting period between applying and hearing back with a decision. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The reason why I'm writing about absolutely nothing is because it gives people a way to talk it out with someone other than that little voice in your head. That little voice that is beyond annoying and doesn't know the definition of the term "shut up". However, while the self loathing is almost inevitable during this time, there's also a small spark. If you're open enough to seeing it, that is. This spark reminds you of your true passions, whether it's what you plan to go to grad school for or something else entirely. This little spark allows you to see the path that you were meant to take and this little spark also reminds you of why you started. It's this moment that truly starts your journey into the future and it is this spark that will lead you to happiness. For some, it's barely visible. I'm a part of this group, sadly, but I know it's still there. For others, you get to be encompassed in a fiery blaze of glory and accomplishment. (Again, lucky you.) So enjoy it, no matter what group you're a part of. Enjoy the abyss because it's only in the darkest of times that one is able to see even the smallest amount of light. Follow your own path and enjoy every step of the journey because nothing easy is hardly ever worth achieving in the end. 

So, my fellow readers, welcome to the abyss and enjoy the darkness. I hope to hear from you all soon and thank you so much for reading. To all of you out there, I can't wait to see/hear how your journey ends.

Sincerely,

K.



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