perfectionist

I keep both items in the bathroom because (1) I'm not really worried about it, and (2) I don't have a lot of space otherwise. The bathroom has more storage space than my bedroom.

I keep both items in the bathroom because (1) I'm not really worried about it, and (2) I don't have a lot of space otherwise. The bathroom has more storage space than my bedroom.

I keep both items in the bathroom because (1) I'm not really worried about it, and (2) I don't have a lot of space otherwise. The bathroom has more storage space than my bedroom.

I keep both items in the bathroom because (1) I'm not really worried about it, and (2) I don't have a lot of space otherwise. The bathroom has more storage space than my bedroom.

I feel like I must be doing something wrong...I see all of you getting acceptances here and there. 
 
My undergrad GPA was a 3.56 (psy major 3.7). I have 2 masters. One in counseling psych (3.96). One in forensic psych from John Jay (3.56).
GRES are medicore: 580/580 4.5A 
I wanted to take them over by was to broke to afford the fees. 
 
This is my third year applying to programs. Third round of almost universal rejections. (Still waiting on 3 schools). I don't know what else to do at this point.
I worked as a research assistant, participated in several labs for my research based master's. Wrote a master's thesis which I designed my own enormous survey for. 
 
I really don't know what else I'm supposed to do and I'm completely at my wit's end. 

Do you think you were a mature person before you entered grad school? After? I just started my first job and I realized I am kind of not mature. I mean I can handle myself in a mature way, I know how to carry myself but at the same time I just feel childish.  I don't know if it is just being in a new environment with people who are adults and live alone and just have really adult type lives.  I just feel totally different from them.  Even reading threads on here everyone seems so old, I don't know if I am just super young.. which 23 isn't super young at all.  I just feel this total disconnect.  In the post about car insurance everyone is like "oh yeah my husband and I pay whatever in car insurance" and I'm like I have no idea how much my parents pay and I have no idea when I would pay for my own insurance.. I don't want to to be honest.  When did everyone grow up? I mean I know 20s is when major changes happen for me (everyone except me obviously) but holy shit! When did this happen?  I can only imagine how grad school will be. I did a web seminar for my program and so many of the people in the program were older like 30s 40s+  they are going to have like a crap ton of life experience stories and I'm going to be like.. "umm I just learned how to use a coffee maker".  

I only read the first few posts on this thread... If you're reluctant to try an antidepressant perhaps you could see if a natural product like St.John's Wort would help. There's a list of recommendations on this link for people with mild to moderate levels of depression written by Dr.Weil who is an MD and a naturopath.
 
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/QAA400678/Integrative-Approach-to-Depression.html

Maybe you should READ IT and figure it out on your own huh?

Your reasons for not taking anti-depressants are fairly problematic. I'll address them in turn.
 
1) The Friend's best friend's father, or Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc: Your brother's best friend's father committed suicide after he took anti-depressants, but that does not mean he committed suicide because took anti-depressants. Doesn't it seem more likely that he committed suicide because he was depressed?
 
2) I am lively and outgoing: People who are depressed can be lively and outgoing one moment and then curl up into a ball of despair (a "major down point" in your words) the next. Note: that doesn't necessarily mean they are manic.
 
3) I should be able to regulate my moods on my own: If you suffer from depression, it's possible your brain is not properly regulating your moods. It's also possible you are genetically predisposed to depression. Moreover, an abundance of stress in your life (grad school + what you've said on the "Finding a Husband" thread) can cause depression. Several of these things could be occurring simultaneously.
 
4) Being forever dependent on medication: Just because you take anti-depressants now, or even a year from now, does not mean you will continue to take anti-depressants in the future. For example, if your depression is fueled to a large extent by stress, you could reduce or eliminate your intake of anti-depressants by reducing the stress in your life.  
 
5) People who cry all the time or can't leave the house: People who can't leave the house suffer from agoraphobia have an anxiety disorder and may or may not suffer from depression. People who "cry all the time" may suffer from depression, but you needn't cry all the time (or even at all) to be diagnosed with depression.
 
6) My family would think it is absolutely insane: If your family doesn't think it's "absolutely insane" to see a therapist, I can't imagine they would react so strongly to your taking anti-depressants. Regardless, this isn't your family's decision. It is yours. 
 
7) I am going into a profession where I would be working with people who have mental illness: If you suffer from depression, I would think your ability to treat it and be a successful social worker would be an asset. It would help you sympathize and make connections with your clients.
 
8) I am afraid of trying it: This one I honestly understand. It can be scary to think about taking medication that affects your mood. I'll just say this. Taking anti-depressants doesn't change who you are. It doesn't change your personality. It certainly does not make you "zombie like". I would liken it to simply a buffer against the lowest of lows.
 
Only you can decide whether or not to take anti-depressants, but they are probably worth looking into for you because your therapist has recommended them twice. 
 
I hope this helps.

Does anyone on here have any experience using anti-depressants? Any side effects? Negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts? My therapist suggested a second time that I go to the doctor and try an anti-depressant.  I am VERY against it, my brothers best friends dad took them and he ended up committing suicide.  I just don't like the idea of possibly becoming zombie like.  I feel like right now I am lively and funny and outgoing, I know I have major down points and I used to know when it would happen. Like I have a certain week that my mood just turns to absolute shit, now it is more everyday.  I just feel like everything sucks, everyone sucks like I just hate everything.  I hate having to be fake with people and pretend that I care when I could give less than a crap.  It all comes back down to the same thing. At the same time I don't like the idea that I can't regulate my moods, I should be able to do that without the help of medication.  The idea of being forever dependent on a medication to make me feel happy is weird.  I am not against people who take it because I feel like there are people who genuinely need it, but when I think about depression I think about people who are so sad that they can't leave their house, or just cry all the time. I don't think that is me.  I am just afraid of trying it, my family would think it is absolutely insane.  I am going into a profession where I would be working with people who have mental illness. I don't think badly about mental illness but I just don't want to take an anti-depressant.  I don't want to feel bad. I mean either way I feel bad I guess. 

1. I've never taken a MBTI test with percentages, I'll have to check that out.
 
2. I did some research - 17% of the US has a bachelor's and 10% has a graduate/professional degree. If, let's say, 50% of those who apply to graduate school don't complete their degree, then about 14% of the population applies to graduate school. Now, certainly not everyone who applies to graduate school comes to GradCafe, so that bumps down the percentage of GradCafers to... I guess, 6 or 7% of the overall population? If my assumptions are correct, you're right, abnormal is normal for GradCafe. But I can't help but be very suspicious of anything that perpetrates the "you're a special snowflake" message. I feel like it does extreme cognitive damage. 

supaslim apparently has a blog dedicated to giving advice to people dealing with INTJ, as if it's some kind of condition. I think people love to attach themselves to some kind of label. Attaching yourself to a personality type that's determined by some bullshit 72 question Yes or No test you can breeze through in 5 minutes on the internet is a bit ridiculous. Reminds me of a friend I had who really wanted Asperger's. He was so disappointed when the doctor said he just had horrible social skills. 

Why bad??

Obviously everyone's gonna claim they're a socially awkward, introverted genius. It's GradCafe. We read old SOP's in our free time. 

Just an aside... I don't really agree with people (not saying anyone here) who live their life for a CV. If you want to take a year off and do nothing related to academia or your field, I see nothing wrong with that. It's your life. And I don't think a program should have a problem with that either. If you want to live on a mountain for 6 months, that's your prerogative. I don't think you should think "How can I fit this on my CV?" for every single thing you ever do. 

I was so worried about getting accepted. I had a 3.38 GPA and GRE scores of: verbal 153, quantitative 153, and analytical 4.5. My school involvement was limited to school recruitment and not much health related. The only health related course I had was over the past summer at Columbia. 
So far I have been accepted in my top programs, so I am happy. 

I religiously keep Moleskine notebooks for any research-related notes.  I have about five of them filled up and sitting in my office right now.  I used to care about pens until they kept getting stolen.  Now I try not to get attached.
 
Gnome Chomsky - I study in the shower.    Print out materials, stick 'em inside a quart-sized ziploc bag, and press that against the wall of your shower and you're good to go.

Kid isn't that smart. He doesn't even have sand in his sandbags.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Just kidding.

I think the "not being angry" and more importantly, not coming off as angry is one of the harder parts. When I was first asked during the process by the adcom if I had written my own book, or rather "There's a question from a member of the adcom as to if the book is all your own work..."
 
I was livid.
 
I managed to take myself down a few notches and have an intelligent conversation about it with the right people, and in that process I learned that a surprising number of applicants try to take credit for other people's work. Something that never even really occurred to me as a "thing" prior to this. So it wasn't about me, it was about the adcom questioning things based on their past experience... and hopefully I made it clear it was my own work and I replied appropriately. Time will tell, but it's hard not to get immediately angry and upset when it seems you're being judged unfairly.

I'm not a grad yet (still in the waiting period), but I'm a bit worried as to how I can manage working as a RA/TA+studying while also taking care of my nutrition and housing needs with a stipend that a lot of people say is the cheapest salary you can get.
Any advice or warnings?

As someone who used to get anxious from merely thinking about saying something in class (in undergrad and before) and who now easily gets up in front of a room full of people to teach or present my work, I can guarantee you that it does get better. The only way to get over the anxiety is by doing. You can start small and work your way from there. There are resources for teachers on campus and there are groups dedicated to learning to present - e.g. (non-competitive) debate groups, drama clubs, etc. For me it was easier to start by learning a new language (I'm a linguist, after all) where I didn't know anyone in the group and I realized that the only way I would ever learn the language is by speaking it, even if I make mistakes. Beside, who cares if I do -- everybody does, and besides I didn't know anyone in the group and wasn't interested in making friends with them, to keep the distance I needed in order not to care.  For me it was like "baptism by hellfire," as you so eloquently put it, but in small steps. I started with more protected environments where I wasn't judged on my ability to speak in front of a crowd and only after I gained confidence in doing that did I move on, first to lecturing environments where it was important that I deliver my talk right but where I thought bombing would mostly affect me and not so much my audience. Later on I started teaching, once I was confident that I could do it. It's a learning experience and I wasn't great the first time around, but if you put conscious effort into it, you can learn. I've never tried taking medicine and I would not recommend starting without attempting to make things work without it, but either way it's something to consult with your doctor about. If that's what it takes to get you out there, it might be worth considering. 
 
For me it was important to become good at presenting and teaching because those skills are vital to being a good professor. You need to teach and you need to be able to communicate your ideas if you want to be successful. You may want a career where that's not important so you might be able to avoid going through this process, but honestly I think it's worth it either way because it'll create opportunities for you in the future. You need to communicate your ideas not only in a teaching-type position but also e.g. if you would ever want to be in management, or if you would like to share your art, music, etc. with others. Avoiding opportunities because you're scared is really a shame, and the longer it lasts the harder it is to resolve. 

Umm... my thesis is halfway done, honey. I need an editing service to ensure that it's well written. My adviser left me by saying that I had one of the best and most passionate topics. She simply said that she had "prior commitments."

re: Joint CMU-Pitt Comp Bio program - Does anyone know the difference between "enrolling" through CMU or through Pitt?  Seems like PhD is awarded by one or the other based on thesis advisor?  But is the option offered, or is admission based on just one or the other?  
 
My son (not on this forum) is looking for input.  He was contacted by Pitt professor based on his statement of interest (they said)?  Or are there different criteria?
 
Does anyone have any thoughts?  Thanks in advance.

Sure! Here it is:
 
Undergrad Institution: Top 10 liberal arts school
Major(s): Molecular Biology & Biochemistry (just one major, but it sounds like two)
Minor(s): Film and Media Culture Studies
GPA in Major: 3.69
Overall GPA: 3.71
Position in Class: Unknown
Type of Student: Domestic white male

GRE Scores (revised version):
Q: 165 (91%)
V: 166 (96%)
W: 6.0 (99%)
B: didn't take

Research Experience:
-2 summers + 4 semesters of independent research for undergrad. Presented at national and international conferences. First-author paper in medium-impact factor journal and high honors thesis from undergrad.
 
-1.5 years (so far) research as a tech at major cancer research institute. 2 publications from this experience, one second-author review in high-impact journal and one fourth-author in high-impact journal.
 
Awards/Honors/Recognitions:
-High honors thesis
-Award for outstanding research at international conference
-Senior research award at college
-Deans list

Pertinent Activities or Jobs:
-TA'd Intro Bio class for 2 semesters

Any Miscellaneous Accomplishments that Might Help:
Not that I can think of! Some volunteer work but nothing too extensive. Also, I've been very lucky to be in a tech position where I'm involved in designing experiments, helping write papers and fellowships. Not just typical tech stuff. I feel like that's helped a lot in terms of learning new techniques and how to do research well.

Special Bonus Points:
No special connections or famous recommenders. I think that my 3 strong references definitely helped my application a lot though.

Applying where:
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Hippie.