veggiez

I wear skinny jeans all the time here, because I find them warmer than my flares for whichever reason. Since my hips are pretty broad I just try to cover them with a very loose, long sweater or nice top. 

Yep. That's my plan, too. 
 
I'm moving three hours away from my girlfriend, which was a small part of the reason I chose that city. It means that visits can happen every once in a while, so I feel grateful for that. So for me, anticipating being super busy with the program is both a blessing and a curse...less time to sit and think, also less time to visit. 
 
We're going to be doing the long distance thing, and fully expect it to suck. I've done distance before, but this time without a specified plan for afterwards. We'll see how that goes. I'm trying to be okay with seeing how the relationship changes and grows and am less concerned about there being some huge issue because we have a really strong relationship and knew I was going to be moving *somewhere* for school when we started dating. But I fully anticipate it to suck. Good luck to everyone doing the long distance thing! I'm right there with you! 

I have 28 days before I leave for the U.S and about 6-7 weeks before I start. All I can say is this is the stage of obsessive list-making! 
 
There is one required course that is filling me with dread so that does temper my excitement. Despite having heard so much about what grad school life is like, I still feel like I have no idea what's in store for me. Moving to a new country is a big deal and my programme is going to stretch out over 7 maybe even 8 years...I don't think this has entirely sunk in.  Still, excitement definitely continues to trump nervousness  

I don't move until August and the emotions I'm feeling are a weird mix of excitement, nervousness, anxiousness, and sadness. 
 
I'm very excited to get started with what will be my lifelong career, to get settled in and explore my new city before grad school life becomes hectic, to meet new people and make new friends... But I'm also really starting to feel some sadness about leaving my home. I'm really going to miss my hometown, my family, and my best friend of 17 years. 
 
Overall, I know what I'm doing is the right thing for me, but as the time nears, it's actually starting to feel real!

No feedback page saying what the study's about? Booooo. Poor form.

change "noticed some of your interes includes ____" to "am extremely interested by your research areas in _____" <or similar sentiment>.
 
get rid of "Unfortunately............internet search".
 
change "I was wondering...." to "I will appreciate if you could point me to resources where I may be able to find further information on........."

Hey everyone,
 
Hope you're all hanging in there! We're a couple of graduate students (long time lurkers, first time posters!) who've started a podcast to discuss a lot of the issues we all talk about here (our first two episodes have been about the types of people you meet in graduate school and working summer camps for summer funding).  If you give it a listen, we'd love your feedback! 
 
You can find us in several places:
iTunes - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pomp-and-circumstances/id659166892?mt=2
PodBean - http://pompandcircumstances.podbean.com
Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/pompandcircumstances
 
If you like what you hear, please do subscribe - we'd love to hear you thoughts! Thanks!

Simply familiarising myself with the work (past and present) of faculty members who are of interest to me. Also keeping up with general things in my discipline. And working on French. Duolingo is wonderful. 

I think it's just going to continue to be a good idea to revisit what the long-term goals are and have updates and reminders and just a genuine love of what each other is doing and how they're making themselves better.
 

I had a panic when I realized (At the end of my SO and I applying to and hearing back from schools) that we were going to be apart and it was a reality now.  At first everything was just hectic enough waiting for answers and making decisions on grad schools but once things started to settle it hits you hard.  We have been living together since 08 and are in our 5th year of marriage with him going back to a nursing program in his native country of Sweden and me going to graduate school back to my hometown in San Jose, CA.  Luckily he doesn't start until Spring so we have a few months of being in San Jose together before 3 years of separation.  The hardest part is figuring out how to visit because the first year I can go there (Summer 2014) but the summer after that I'll be tied up graduating from my MSW program as well as having to find a job so I can pay-back the stipend I will be receiving during my school time.

So we just remind ourselves about why we're doing what we need to and how 3 years isn't long to wait to have our educations in order and ready to jump-start a new phase when we're back in the same place again! I think in a lot of ways we've also been-there-done-that because before we lived together we had met online and dated and were only able to see each other in person once in a 2 year span so we've gone through the waiting and skyping and snail mail before.  Snail mail really does help.  It's fun to see handwriting or get a package from your SO.

I'm also mostly just hoping that graduate school keeps us both really busy.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I also think Teagirl's suggestion of having a kind of personal goal/challenge to meet new people is a good idea. I think if I make that commitment to myself I will be more likely to do things that might be slightly stretching my comfort zone in order to meet new people. I really think the first few weeks will make or break me (because if I start off totally in my shell it will be that much harder to break it down the road), so I guess I'll just have to make myself get to know some people right off the bat.

And thanks for the meetup.com suggestion. I hadn't thought of something like that, but it could really help me, especially if I am having a hard time getting to know people in person.

try to get a place near or in Cary, Cary is the best place to stay in the Triangle Area.

Hello! 
 
My boyfriend and I, we've been together for 9,5 years and although I will be 17 hours away, we have no intention of breaking up! 
He is really supportive and we trust each other so much, I do not think we will face any difficulties...
He is currently an undergraduate student and we have plans for him to move in with me after the first year or after the Quals.
I do not know if our way of thinking feels like living in utopia, but I know we are determined to make it work!

It's been a while since I posted, and this has been bumped up several times with long gaps, but I feel the need to respond:
 
It's not "well known" that graduate school is a relationship killer. It can be, just like any other stressful intense situation can be. But it's definitely not common, nor should it, in my mind, be "expected" that it will be. 
 
My wife and I were married before grad school, we moved when I started, and she applied the next cycle. We've experienced life without grad school, with one of us in grad school and with both of us in grad school. Grad school isn't a relationship killer unless you suddenly decide that it's more important or of a higher priority than the rest of your life. 
 
And if you decide that, it's not going to stop with grad school, but will just continue through post-docs and tenure track positions. 

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm about to start grad. school this fall, so I'm a little worried about how stress and relocation will affect the relationship. I met my now fiance (I'm a long distance non-believer turned believer! ) about 3-4 months before he headed to Singapore for graduate school. I had no clue he applied to grad. school abroad. He received his acceptance about a month or two after we started dating, so in my mind, this would be a summer fling then we'd part ways. Things were going so well that I decided to take a leap of faith and buy a plane ticket to visit him a couple of months into his program. Of course, I worried that maybe we wouldn't even like each other by the time my flight rolled around, but it all worked out.

Long distance was a lot easier than I expected. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't terribly difficult either. I think it helped that his program was only a year, so we knew there would be an end date - light at the end of the tunnel to focus on! We also trusted each other and communicated well. Lots of little emails and video chat whenever we could - the time difference was tough, only gave us a one hour window in the AM and PM to connect! I also visited him again towards the end of his program and he flew back to the states to visit me a few times. He also moved back during summer break so that helped. Oh and he decided to study "abroad" back in CA for the last few months of the program, so we were doing long distance between northern and southern CA. At that point, 1 hour plane ride or 6 hour drive compared to a 12+ hour flight was easy peasy! Same time zone!

Anyway, like others who've had successful long distance relationships because of grad. school have said, it's totally doable if both are committed to making it work.

Now it's my turn to go off to grad. school and my fiance has been nothing but 100% supportive. He knows this is something I want and need to do and it's my turn! We're moving from San Francisco to NYC together. I chose schools in major cities to give him better job prospects plus we both have similar taste in where we'd want to live, so it wasn't a real sacrifice on my end. We went through the list together and decided why we wouldn't want to live in a particular city, so that helped me narrow down my list.

My only concern now is that he was probably a much more disciplined student than I am. He'll get things done way in advance, whereas, I wait closer to the deadline, which puts me in a state of anxiety and panic, but I always get it done so of course, I don't learn my lesson. When I'm in this state, I will refuse to go out or do anything until I'm done with school work. It's a bummer on him because he wants to have a social life, but I have to put mine on pause.

Does anyone have suggestions on strategies to balance school and personal life? How do you make your partner feel special and not neglected during a busy time where both individuals will have varying schedules and priorities? Also, were you able to introduce your partner to the grad. student friends you've made? How did your partner meet new people? I imagine it can be kind of isolating in a new city without access to a grad. school cohort for friends. There should be a support group where partners can meet partners of other grad. students.

I've been having a lot of anxiety about having to move an hour or so away from my boyfriend. We've been together 4.5 years and even though we don't live together, we're pretty used to seeing eachother almost every single day (we live three streets away from one another right now). He works in the trades and we met while I was completing my undergrad. I took a couple of years off to work before applying for M.S.W's so I haven't been too busy and we've been on similar schedules.

I know that 1 hour isn't far at all and I will probably be coming back to Toronto on weekends or he will come up to see me but I can't help but feel really sad and anxious about the move I'm trying to convince myself that if I keep up with my coursework during the week that I will have time to spend with him on the weekends...

I know where you are coming from. I'm an introverted person and really like living on my own, however, I'm sacrificing that at the very least for the first year, and staying in graduate housing to push myself out there, but I don't think that this is the end all of meeting people at all. You can be just as isolated in a group of people as you are by yourself.
 
I'm making it a personal challenge to get to know somebody new every week I'm there until I make enough new friends. Don't turn down people or outings. If someone strikes up a conversation, don't shut down and don't worry about what you sound like, which is what I used to do. Instead of focusing on yourself, just ignore that inner dialogue and focus on the actual conversation. Just listen, ask questions about them and their life, and offer up some conversation about yourself. If you get a good vibe, just let them know you'd like to stay in touch and exchange contact info and let them know you'd like to get together. And then the most crucial part: follow up on that! Call, facebook or text them (whichever makes you feel most comfortable) within a few days and suggest dinner or coffee with some of the people you've met (and anyone they'd like to invite).
 
I also second meetup.com which can be a great way to meet new people. Just join something that sounds interesting and go.

I hate to break it to you, but clinical psych PhDs and PsyD are brutally competitive. I would strongly suggest prepping for your verbal as well. . You're at the 4% for math and 15% for verbal. I suggest you aim for 50% in both, which require scores in the 150s.

I recently turned down my offer for TWU's M.A. in Sociology. I am still awaiting results for the M.S. in Applied Cognition and Neuroscience at UT-Dallas. With this being said, I figured the worst case scenario is, I don't get into the M.S. program, I enroll in an introductory algebra class, study well and hard for the GRE and retake the test sometime in November. I scored a 4.5 on the analytic essay portion, a 137 on the math and a 142 on the verbal. This was my first time taking the GRE (I am very happy with my essay score). I figured, I lack algebra skills in general, I didn't take it in high school, nor did I take geometry. Because of this loop hole and the fact I have taken multiple statistics courses in college (made A's in them both). I need to take a step back and learn the basics, and do well on this GRE.
 
I want to become a psychologist, I want to help the mentally ill, I believe the current view of people saying that they want to be a psychologist is to help people are being discounted and often scoffed at. I don't want to be a counselor, a social worker, etc. I want to be a PSYCHOLOGIST, whom provides scientifically-back knowledge to help people suffering mentally. And yes, I want to be referred to as Dr. Ream one day
 
 

I'm not talking about graduate housing in general (as you say, most graduate housing is just a collection of apartments that happen to be majority student occupied), and I recognise that many universities don't have residential colleges among their graduate housing options (which is unfortunate for such schools and students). That said, I do think there are some advantages to standard graduate housing over leasing an apartment in a non-affiliated apartment building and especially a house with regards to meeting new people, but that depends on the areas demographics.
 
 
 
I was being facetious in saying that having a cat was the only valid reason. Moving with a SO and/or family is another reason why many choose independent living. I have been as forceful as I have because so many people seem to be in a hurry to move into their own apartment or sharehouse during grad school because it's "what's done", and don't even consider the consequences or alternatives to such choices. This thread is specifically about fitting in socially in a new location and school. It is undeniable that for this purpose, living in a residential college is generally a far superior alternative to living in standard graduate accommodation, non-grad student apartment blocks and share-houses (in that order). Certainly, the standards of the rooms are often lower, lack individual kitchens, are more expensive etc (but none of these things are always true; it varies with residential colleges just as it varies between apartment buildings). This is not to say that it isn't possible to be social if you aren't living in such circumstances (such a sweeping claim would of course be absurd), but it's certainly giving yourself a large obstacle to overcome.
 
I strongly believe that the social benefits of having a proper student community and extensive shared facilities (e.g. gyms, sporting facilities, auditoriums, study rooms, libraries, computer rooms, dining halls etc) outweigh these costs (when they occur). So many grad students seem to loathe grad school (judging from general perceptions on the internet, studies that show depression rates of grad students, and the grad students I've known at the three universities I attended as an undergrad), and I think it's often of their own making (if unknowingly). Undergrad is often thought of as one of the best times in peoples lives, but the same seems to be said of grad school vary rarely. While this is certainly related to workload and other factors, I think a huge problem is that grad students socially cripple themselves without realising due to their choice of accommodation. When I went to my PhD acceptance visitation weekends at a number of universities and discussed with students their housing options and how they found grad school socially, a clear pattern emerged that those who lived in standard graduate housing hardly knew the people in their buildings, and a majority of their friends came from within their departments. Those who lived in residential colleges on the other hand seemed to know their neighbours and a much greater range of people.
 
If my posts make a few people think about what they want socially from graduate school, and consider how their housing choices affect those wants (because I really do think it's a decision made by most without careful consideration), I'm not particularly bothered by being called negative or judgmental on the internet.

I thought about it when I moved for my PhD program but, the graduate housing isn't a "residential college" with a common dining area, it's set up as apartments. And, it would've been $150 more per month (not counting having to pay for on campus parking for my car) to live in a 4 person graduate apartment than it was to live a mile from campus in a house with two roommates. There are lots of reasons why people don't choose to live in graduate housing, whether they be personality, cost, the quality of the housing (lackluster in many places), or otherwise. And while you don't have to accept them, you also don't have to be so negative or judgmental about other people's choices.

I found this to be very fruitful summer reading before I started: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93455
And it's only $2!

If you really do think that the onus will be on you to keep the conversation going, think of a few topics/questions in advance that you can utilize to do away with awkward silences.

I used to be pretty socially crippled in high school and this was the thing that saved my bacon. I'd even run through imaginary scenarios in my head, having fake conversations with the "scary people", over and over, until I started to feel a bit more comfortable with the idea of talking to them.

It takes practice, but it does get better if you're willing to put forth an effort.

As September creeps closer and the reality of moving to a new city to start my Graduate degree sinks in, I find myself worrying about how I'm going to settle into the city/school socially. I do have a SO but he will not be moving with me (instead we're hoping he'll be able to work in some decently long visits). I don't know anyone in the city I'll be going to and I haven't met anyone in my program.

The reason I'm worried is because I'm very shy, especially in certain circumstances. If I'm confident in the material, I can give a great speech or presentation, but as soon as it comes to something like striking up a conversation with the person sitting next to me, I'm hopeless. Either I never work up the courage to start or join a conversation, or when I do I'm so nervous that I end up looking like a fool. That being said, when I'm around people I know and am comfortable with, I am very confident, so it's not like it's impossible for me to relate to people.

I just know that in my undergrad degree, I didn't become friends with anyone in my classes. The closest was one or maybe two people from groups I volunteered with that became decent acquaintances/mild friends (but we never had frequent contact). I'm worried that if the same thing happens in grad school, I'll be totally isolated (except for my cat) because I won't have my community of family/friends nearby.

Is there anyone out there, maybe with similar social anxiety and shyness, who has any advice/insight/experiences to share?

Craigslist! I've used this for years with great success. It can be time-consuming -- you have to do all your own screening and asking lots of questions. Simply reading through the ads to separate the sanity vs. insanity takes time, and be prepared for some people to not follow up or reply to emails. 
 
I would read and reply to some posts, and then on the "housing wanted," I posted my own ad too, describing myself, habits, what I was looking for (including my price point), and definitely emphasized that I was a responsible, financially-savvy grad student. That last part is important, as many people view a very studious or on-campus-all-the-time person as a fairly low-maintenance potential roomie.
 
If someone has a bedroom to fill or offer you, it can cut out a lot of the time spent filling out applications, credit checks, and fees. But, never commit without a written agreement. Subleasing has its upsides -- it may be cheaper, require only a short-term commitment, and may include furniture and utility costs --  but make sure you are protected with a sublease, and a way to directly contact the owner/landlord yourself. 
 
Even if you don't contact anyone via craigslist, I found reading the ads to be really informative...gives you a sense of fair market pricing for rents, when things tend to be available (is 14 days out the norm? or more like 60?), and neighborhoods.

I too would let the application fee go. They shouldn't charge more than $50 for a simple credit check; most I've ever paid was $75 for two of us and we walked away from that particular deal (well-worth it). I'd rather lose $20-50, than getting approved and suddenly being solely responsible for the cost of two people's rent.
 
I refused to do graduate housing for the same reason - even before I arrived in the city, it struck me as a huge racket, with prices waaaay above market. I found it suspicious that I kept getting emails about my special "reserved spot" in grad housing, long after I formally declined it.
 
Don't commit to a place sight-unseen before you arrive...you can always book a week in a hotel or hostel for when you arrive, and search then. Not ideal, but at least you are finally there to see the layout of the city, campus, and apartments first-hand. 

Sorry to hear this - must be very frustrating. I think you should continue your search in the same vein. Try Uloop, craigslist and such like. See if there are  relevant facebook groups too and there often are. Ask your 'roommate wanted' ad to be sent not just to incoming students but to the existing student list. The main thing is to clearly discuss commitment. I was very upfront and basically said, "So are you committed to sharing this place? Because then I  will  suspend my roommate hunt. Don't flake on me! " and the person in question was equally forthright. Often people are assessing all their options and are keeping multiple potential-roommates on hold. It's important to ensure that you are on the same page and have both clearly agreed to an arrangement so the other person knows what's at stake. Of course things may still fall through in the end but this is what worked for me. Hope this helps!