MsDarjeeling

What a great topic and certainly something I've started to ponder as I conduct my own research and ponder the possibility of publishing and presenting at conferences.  On the one hand I agree that something presented publicly reasonably makes it "up for grabs", but on the other hand it seems like the appropriate (and professional!) action would be to offer to collaborate with said presenter or cite said presenters work within ones own work.
 
It seems that something like this might be avoided if research was only presented after it had been submitted for publication that way during the conference one could say "and publication is pending."  That would nudge members of the audience doing similar work to either suggest collaboration or to cite the presenters work.  I do realize that this isn't always possible especially if one hasn't finished writing up their work or the research is in progress.  Out of curiosity, is there an advantage to presenting research that is in progress at conferences?
 
As for graduate seminars, yes I would say that in some cases professors use them to generate fresh ideas to further their research.  However, when a student comes up with a really good idea the professor wants to use then they can ask that student if they're interested in collaborating on the research.  If the student declines then the professor is still free to run with the idea.  This has happened in my program, but perhaps not in others.

watching sports, mustard, touchscreens, beer, facebook, twitter......... yeah they all have me rolling my eyes.

Of the psychology programs I have reviewed that said "recommended" they explained that to mean not mandatory, as in "it is not something we will penalize you for and yes we happily admit students that didn't take it."  However when probing further I learned that for students that did not have an undergrad degree in psychology or for students who did and had really low gpa's then "recommended" means more like "strongly encouraged, because we're not sure you have necessary foundation knowledge."
 
I have my undergrad in psych with a good gpa and am earning a master's in psych with an even better gpa, so I've decided to skip the subject test.  I thought the cons (the cost, limited test dates, yet another thing to study for, and I don't actually need it) outweighed the pros for me.   

Potatoes.  They bake in the microwave in just a few minutes and can be topped with anything.... veggies, cheese, tomato sauce, curry, fresh herbs, chili, tikka masala, salad dressing, etc.

Here is one that I think many people will disagree with:
 
Bacon.

drinking
 
I agree with bacon. probably worse than mcdonalds

OP, while I'm in a non-cohort Master's program I have had similar experiences with a number of my classmates.  I am flat out appalled at those who are investing so much time and money into a graduate program and show up completely unprepared for discussions.  I can understand not reading every single article, chapter, etc.  However, it is not hard to read some of the material and have a couple of discussion questions ready to pose to the class.
 
I will admit that my reaction has been similar to yours and I too have been called judgmental and arrogant.  It should be noted I don't care lol.  I have no interest in socializing or studying with any of them, but am still polite.  I am at times asked for help on assignments and I have chosen to provide limited information.  First I reiterate what the syllabus says and what the instructor said, then I may suggest a resource that may help them get started on their research/get unstuck or a format for organizing their thoughts.  I'm currently working full time in my field so I'm happy to share my work related experiences in my classes so that everyone can learn.  I feel that is sufficient support to offer them, however.  It isn't my job to carry them through the program and if they're struggling that much then perhaps they're in the wrong place.
 
In my program I tend to spend more of my time and energy on what I need to get done and the extra projects I've taken on.  I am doing very well in my program and at my job, so I understand why classmates will ask for help.  I just don't want to get to the point where I am pretty much doing all the work for them, so I just provide limited suggestions instead.  I also don't feel like there would be equal reciprocation if I asked them for help. 
 
My guess is since this is a doctoral program, very soon most of your time will be spent on research and you'll have less class time with your cohort.  Assuming you still like your options for research advisors and projects then that is where you will focus the bulk of your attention.

OP, while I'm in a non-cohort Master's program I have had similar experiences with a number of my classmates.  I am flat out appalled at those who are investing so much time and money into a graduate program and show up completely unprepared for discussions.  I can understand not reading every single article, chapter, etc.  However, it is not hard to read some of the material and have a couple of discussion questions ready to pose to the class.
 
I will admit that my reaction has been similar to yours and I too have been called judgmental and arrogant.  It should be noted I don't care lol.  I have no interest in socializing or studying with any of them, but am still polite.  I am at times asked for help on assignments and I have chosen to provide limited information.  First I reiterate what the syllabus says and what the instructor said, then I may suggest a resource that may help them get started on their research/get unstuck or a format for organizing their thoughts.  I'm currently working full time in my field so I'm happy to share my work related experiences in my classes so that everyone can learn.  I feel that is sufficient support to offer them, however.  It isn't my job to carry them through the program and if they're struggling that much then perhaps they're in the wrong place.
 
In my program I tend to spend more of my time and energy on what I need to get done and the extra projects I've taken on.  I am doing very well in my program and at my job, so I understand why classmates will ask for help.  I just don't want to get to the point where I am pretty much doing all the work for them, so I just provide limited suggestions instead.  I also don't feel like there would be equal reciprocation if I asked them for help. 
 
My guess is since this is a doctoral program, very soon most of your time will be spent on research and you'll have less class time with your cohort.  Assuming you still like your options for research advisors and projects then that is where you will focus the bulk of your attention.

I'm unsure if Canis' reasoning is related to your specific field or not, but as my boss says "There is more than one way to skin a cat". If you love the program and are willing to deal with lack of funding to have a better shot at being admitted to their PhD, I don't see why you shouldn't go for it. Waiting until next year to try again is only beneficial if you know you will be able to improve your application. Otherwise you'll end up in the same spot. It's such an individual decision though, and is not one-size-fits-all, by any means.

Well, there are a few questions you should ask yourself:
 
1. What do you want out of this degree? Professional development? Career change?
2. What kind of degree? Not only area (looks like psych for you), but a research degree or something with a thesis that will leave an option open for a PhD?
3. Are you willing to pay for this degree? How much?
4. Are you willing to relocate? How far?
5. How will this change your life? Will it make things better for your career? Worse for your family? Balance these pros and cons to yourself.
6. Are people in your life supportive of you? If not, it will make things difficult?
7. Do you want/need to do a degree part-time or do you need to find one that works around the lives of working professionals?
8. Do you have all the pre-reqs you need, both courses and professors willing to give you recommendations (usually a requirement is that 1-2 of your references must come from people who can evaluate you on an academic level). If you need some of these things, you should look into enrolling in courses at your local community college or university's extension program.
 
Good luck! You can post on the Psychology board too, if you want to. There are usually threads broken down by speciality/concentration.

I'm with microarray.  I just don't do all nighters.  When I'm tired, I sleep and don't care what is still lingering on my to do list.  The 5-6hr option still lets me function and not be cranky to everyone around me.

Between working full time and going to school full time I can definitely say I'm more the type that fits exercise into my day. I stopped being able to afford the $60+ per month gym ages ago. So now I'm the person who very rarely takes the elevator. I take the stairs, I walk to someones desk instead of email/im, I walk on my breaks, I park far and walk, and I live in a walkable neighborhood so I can drive less to resources. I have a list of low cost yoga classes that I drop in when I can, otherwise I do the poses at home. I go also walking/hiking with family and friends. Now I do miss the gym with all of the fitness classes and just the sense of not exercising alone. With all these $20 per month gyms popping up and they have great classes I'll see if there's room in my budget for that.

I wouldn't say that I have made any spring semester resolutions, but like you I don't want to waste the day and miss out on social opportunities.  When it comes to school work I find setting a schedule for when I'll be working on papers, research, reading, etc and putting that on my calendar is extremely helpful.  I put all the deadlines on there, set up reminders to study or get to the half way point or whatever.  I also schedule social outings as well so I don't feel like my life is nothing but work and there's no time for fun.  I force myself to make time for fun, which then forces me to be more productive.  I won't have any fun if I know I farted around and didn't get my work done earlier.  I also schedule short breaks during my study sessions so I don't burn out trying to work all day straight.

I really think a thank you card is sufficient.  In many ways writing LOR's is part of an academics job, so additional compensation isn't necessary.  

I don't agree with your assessment. When you waive your right under FERPA, it is an agreement between you and the institution only--the recommender is not involved. However, the school does inform the recommender about your decision.
 
Under FERPA, schools must make every part of a student's record available to the student and the student only. Thus, without the waiver, if the school keeps a copy of your LOR in your permanent record, then you will be able to request access to it under FERPA. So, a recommender might be worried about you using your FERPA rights to see the letter and if you sign the waiver, it makes the recommender and school feel better about FERPA.
 
However, the only right you are waiving is your FERPA right to see this part of your student record. The recommender can choose to release the letter to you if they wish. The school can also choose to release the letter to you if they wish. The school can also choose to not place your LOR in your student record so that you might not ever access your LOR even if you didn't waive the right. 
 
I learned this information from conversations with professors at US grad schools and through some FERPA related training. 
 
Also:
 
1. If you are rejected from a school, then you will have never enrolled in that school, which means you will never be a student of that school. Thus, even if you did not waive your rights, you cannot use FERPA rights to view your LOR from rejected schools because you don't have any FERPA rights since you are not a student. You can still ask the school to provide the LOR to you, but they are not required to under FERPA.
 
2. If you are accepted to a school, the school can still choose to release your LORs to you even if you waived your FERPA rights. In one example, when a colleague graduated, their school turned over all of that student's files on record to the student, so that the school would be no longer responsible for maintaining security on that student's file. Among the giant folder of stuff was the student's LORs from years ago. 
 
3. However, in some cases, it's likely that the recommender and the school may also have their own confidentiality agreement. It is possible that when the recommender submits their LOR for you, the school agrees to keep it confidential and not release it to you unless required to by law (e.g. FERPA). 
 
So, in summary, the FERPA waiver is an agreement between you and your future school only. It is not a promise to anyone that you won't see or know the contents. You are only promising to give up your FERPA granted rights to access this particular component of your future student record.

I second ratlab.  When you call them they'll probably make a note in your file to not expect that letter.  That way if it does show up it will a pleasant surprise, but it was optional so it won't be a huge deal if not.  
 
Also I think your experience with her should make it clear that she isn't the best choice for future LOR's.  I get that professors are busy, but since you gave her adequate notice and any supplemental materials she needed then that doesn't excuse missing some of the deadlines or working at the last minute.  If you don't want to deal with this anxiety again ask someone else.  If she offers again just tell her you appreciate it and will let her know if you need any LOR's.

I was in a similar position and when I asked for advice from others in the field (I'm in Psych) I was told that if I could not get all of my letters from academic professors or research supervisors, then letters from employment or volunteer work would be fine if they were in my intended field.  I too have supervisors that have varying degrees of education and I was told to select those that can best speak to my skills, abilities, professionalism, and capacity to succeed in grad school.  I was also told to select those that had the highest education whenever possible.  So a supervisor with a PhD or MA/MS would be great.  A supervisor with a BA/BS or classified as a graduate intern (as in their degree wasn't quite finished) would not be ideal.    

I second ratlab.  When you call them they'll probably make a note in your file to not expect that letter.  That way if it does show up it will a pleasant surprise, but it was optional so it won't be a huge deal if not.  
 
Also I think your experience with her should make it clear that she isn't the best choice for future LOR's.  I get that professors are busy, but since you gave her adequate notice and any supplemental materials she needed then that doesn't excuse missing some of the deadlines or working at the last minute.  If you don't want to deal with this anxiety again ask someone else.  If she offers again just tell her you appreciate it and will let her know if you need any LOR's.

Well I am not familiar with her nor do I know what field she is in.  However, if she publishes you might find recent articles that list her current school affiliation.  You could also search for her on LinkedIn and other social media/professional association sites.  She may have also left forwarding contact information with Tufts.

Here's what you know:
 
You're unemployed.
This is a great company offering you a full time job.
This job is relevant to what you want to study.
Telling this job that you may be leaving for grad school in less than a year is the kiss of death.
 
Here's what you don't know:
 
If you'll be invited to interview for grad programs.
If you'll be accepted anywhere.
If a job offer like this will come along again.
 
Here's something to consider:
 
Ad com's know that people are working while waiting to get accepted somewhere.  They know that sometimes you can't take time off work and may schedule interviews on weekends or via skype.  If you get invited to interview ask about these options.  If they insist you come in person then you'll figure out an excuse to tell your job later.  
 
So take the job, save some money, get off your parents couch, learn in your field, etc.  If you don't get in this round then next round you can mention all the cool stuff you've learned at this job =)

"So you pay money to apply and can't just enroll?  Then what are you paying for?"

Inform them immediately.  That way if they haven't written the letters they don't waste their time.  Just explain that you have reevaluated your program choices and decided that those two are not as good of a fit as you thought.  If they've already sent the letters I don't think you need to do anything.  The school will likely toss it if the rest of your application doesn't arrive in time.

I think the others have given you some great input.  The only other thing is that you should reply to her and just thank her for taking the time to consider your request.  Many professors don't respond at all, let alone actually looking up info about a past student like she did.  Now it is time to focus on who else you can ask.

Inform them immediately.  That way if they haven't written the letters they don't waste their time.  Just explain that you have reevaluated your program choices and decided that those two are not as good of a fit as you thought.  If they've already sent the letters I don't think you need to do anything.  The school will likely toss it if the rest of your application doesn't arrive in time.

Here's what you know:
 
You're unemployed.
This is a great company offering you a full time job.
This job is relevant to what you want to study.
Telling this job that you may be leaving for grad school in less than a year is the kiss of death.
 
Here's what you don't know:
 
If you'll be invited to interview for grad programs.
If you'll be accepted anywhere.
If a job offer like this will come along again.
 
Here's something to consider:
 
Ad com's know that people are working while waiting to get accepted somewhere.  They know that sometimes you can't take time off work and may schedule interviews on weekends or via skype.  If you get invited to interview ask about these options.  If they insist you come in person then you'll figure out an excuse to tell your job later.  
 
So take the job, save some money, get off your parents couch, learn in your field, etc.  If you don't get in this round then next round you can mention all the cool stuff you've learned at this job =)