bsharpe269

I think getting this question during an interview would be great. It gives you a chance to highlight anything about yourself that you think the committee should know when making a decision.
 
So if you are passionate about research or a certain subject area then its a great chance to talk about your passions and goals. Any qualitites you have that can benefit the university can also be mentioned. I would focus less on what they want to hear and more on what you want to share. I think that your best fit school will be looking for the things that you would want to share here so it could be a great chance to filter out schools that you dont match well too.

Actually grading in an MS in engineering is very similar to liberal arts or any other field. Just because a field is more focused on writing an arts than math doesn't mean professors magically give As to everyone. I'm in bioinformatics which is in the engineering department at my school and the coursework overlaps with engineering courses a lot. As or at least As and Bs are expected just like any other field.

I agree with TakeruK and I also want to recommend keeping an open mind for grad school. There is no reason to go in with the attitude that all leisure activities are leaving and no relationship welcome etc. I would try to go in more with the attitude of "I have no idea how much time grad school will take or should take so I will give it as much time as I need to and then enjoy myself when I can." It is easy to think that you will never get burnt out but the truth is that you will if you dont take breaks. I often times do work from the time I wake until I go to bed but I still do have a date night with my finance once a week which is wonderful and relaxing. I also make time to workout, even if that means that I can only get a 15 youtube video workout in.
 
You dont need to completely give up video games if that is a good relaxation tool. I would instead focus on making rules for yourself like that you won't play them until all of work is done + reading a journal article or something along those lines. Sometimes you might get lucky and be able to play for an hour before bed. Other nights, you may have to skip it or keep it down to 15 mins. At this point, you have no idea what your schedule will be like so giving up activities that you enjoy is silly.
 
I also recommend finding a couple friends to study with so you dont get lonely. When you study nonstop and dont interact, its easy to get loney. Im lucky that my SO is working on his MBA so we often spend evenings studying together. It is really great to have someone sitting there studying with you, even if there isnt time to socialize with them. You say pets are a distraction but I actually think they help keep me on track. They allow me to spend 12 hours straight studying without feeling as lonely. Try to keep an open mind about these things. You might see a relationship as a distraction but I see it as a buddy to study with in the evenings and same with my dogs. I actually recommend finding a few close friends to sit in the library with a few nights a week or a dog or something. You need to be able to combine study and socialization since its hard to do adequate amounts of both seperately.

Wow I definitely could't live in a different city than my spouse but I do know a couple who did it for her whole phd.
 
My fiance and I have narrowed down the list of schools I am applying to based on where he can succeed in his field. Is there no way for your spouse to move with you?
 
My person opinion is that once you have a kid, things like living away from them for grad school arent really an option. They need you there with them and their needs come before desires of the parents. This is a personal opinion though and I don't mean it as a criticism. You have to do what is best for your family of course and no one but you guys can judge what that is.
 
Good luck in whatever you decide!

Wow I definitely could't live in a different city than my spouse but I do know a couple who did it for her whole phd.
 
My fiance and I have narrowed down the list of schools I am applying to based on where he can succeed in his field. Is there no way for your spouse to move with you?
 
My person opinion is that once you have a kid, things like living away from them for grad school arent really an option. They need you there with them and their needs come before desires of the parents. This is a personal opinion though and I don't mean it as a criticism. You have to do what is best for your family of course and no one but you guys can judge what that is.
 
Good luck in whatever you decide!

Wow I definitely could't live in a different city than my spouse but I do know a couple who did it for her whole phd.
 
My fiance and I have narrowed down the list of schools I am applying to based on where he can succeed in his field. Is there no way for your spouse to move with you?
 
My person opinion is that once you have a kid, things like living away from them for grad school arent really an option. They need you there with them and their needs come before desires of the parents. This is a personal opinion though and I don't mean it as a criticism. You have to do what is best for your family of course and no one but you guys can judge what that is.
 
Good luck in whatever you decide!

I would just send a very professional, polite email to her, thanking her for the opportunity but that you have decided to pursue another opportunity.
 
I would CC the department head or whoever in teh department you have been cooresponding with though and make sure you respond to the nasty email instead of creating a new one... this way you are completely polite but the department head will see the email she sent you.

I'm really thankful for this thread at the moment! I majorly need to vent!
 
I hateeee my fiance's dog... really hate it. I didn't think that I could hate an animal like I hate this one. Part of me wants to go open the gate and let it run off and get hit by a car (I know that I am a horrible person for saything that).
 
To understand my hatred, you have to understand that I have always hated large dogs. I like cute tiny dogs that will sit in my lap while I study IF they are really quiet. I am luck to have two of these cute little dogs. They lay in my lap or in their dog beds all day and don't bother me. They dont bark or drool. His dog is 70 lbs and the most hyper dog I have ever seen. I have to look after her most of the time since I can easily work from home and my fiance is a banker and gone all day. She doesnt listen at all, she slobbers and pants right next to me while I try to study. She sprints all around the house. If I send her outside to run around then she just scratches at the door until i let her in. I never get a minute of peace with my fiance either since whenever we try to watch a movie, she puts her ball right next to us and stares at it... just sits there and stares at it for hours, waiting for us to throw it. I know the first suggestion I hear will be to send her to training.. ohhh she's been to professional training. I don't think the issue is her training, its her personality. We have even put her on doggy downers and she still acts this hyper. Today was the worst... My (10 lb) dog was patienty waiting to go outside and she sprinted out and trampled its neck. He's ok i think... he's acting like its stiff but moving it fine. I hate this dog like I have never hated a creature before. 

I guess the take away message for future applicants would be:
1) if in doubt, contact PIs with a short email... It can't hurt and could potentially help a lot
2) if you are worried about annoying PIs as I was then it might be a good idea to ask the department secretary if they recommend contacting PIs. They will know whether it is normal in that department.

Not contacting worked out well for me but rotations are common in my field so you don't come in with a designated PI already. Even still, I doubt it would have hurt anything to contact people and it could have helped. I may have reached out to more PIs if I had more time. Writing those types of emails are very time consuming because you need to comment intelligently on their work and I get paranoid and reread the email 100 times. I agree that it might be very important for some departments.

Thanks for the advice guys! It is very useful to get opinions of others who are further along in their PhDs in these sorts of situations. 
I think I have come to like lab 4 even more since I wrote this a month ago! It really is a great fit all around. Also, the PI has made his interest having me join the lab clear so I don't think that he is using funding as an easy way to turn me down. My background is outside of what they do but compliments it. I think that we both see the combo of his expertise and my background as an opportunity to do really cool work. Though before I move forward with the mindset that I want to join that lab, I will confirm this and make sure we are both very interested in figuring funding out.
As far as other funding opportunities go... I am in the process of applying for a F31 and a couple other things. I'm putting a lot of effort into these applications so hopefully it works out. I have a MS already so I'm ineligible some others like the GRFP. Also, unfortunately TAing isn't an option in my department. I'm not sure why... maybe because we are in a med school? We are funded through an NIH training grant when we start and then its expected that we are funded by our PI unless we get external funding.
I think my plan is to first chat with the lab4 PI again and confirm that we are on the same page. If so, then I'll put everything I've got into my grant applications and hope that either that or the PI's funding works out. In the meantime I'll talk to the PI about alternative possibilities like a co-mentor situation. I could see if lab 2 or 3 would be open to something like this. If all of that fails then I'll guess I'll have to choose between joining either lab2 or 3 in the fall. I'm hoping for the best!

It is very field dependent I guess. I didn't contact professors and have 6 interviews and 1 acceptance so far. My current PI told me to avoid emailing because it annoys professors. I followed the advice it worked well for me.

I am a woman in science from a low income background. I do not want preference in admissions based on these factors at all. I want my application to be considered against a white wealthy male from a long line of academics and if admitted, I want it to be because my application is better than his.
 
Giving me an advantage because I am female is no better than giving white males an advantage. In either case, you discriminate against a specific group based on factors that are out of their control. I find the concept of admitting less qualified students based on gender, ethnicity, etc insulting and discriminatory and I would never accept an offer if I thought these factors contributed to my acceptance. By not holding me to the same admission standards as males, you imply that I am not as capable as they are. You lower the bar for me and only perpetuate the gap between performance.

I am a woman in science from a low income background. I do not want preference in admissions based on these factors at all. I want my application to be considered against a white wealthy male from a long line of academics and if admitted, I want it to be because my application is better than his.
 
Giving me an advantage because I am female is no better than giving white males an advantage. In either case, you discriminate against a specific group based on factors that are out of their control. I find the concept of admitting less qualified students based on gender, ethnicity, etc insulting and discriminatory and I would never accept an offer if I thought these factors contributed to my acceptance. By not holding me to the same admission standards as males, you imply that I am not as capable as they are. You lower the bar for me and only perpetuate the gap between performance.

I started my first research rotation about 6 weeks ago and start classes Monday. I've gotten to know the cohort 1 year ahead of me fairly well this summer and my cohort has slowly been arriving. Everyone is great but I haven't bonded with them deeper than a superficial level. Its difficult for me as a female in a male dominated field. I'm used to being the only woman in the lab and am fine with that but I still like to have some close girlfriends. There is one other woman in the entire program (as in, spanning all years) and luckily she seems great so I think we will become friends. I've also started dating someone here and really like him. He's new to the area too and having someone to go through the adjustment with has made it easier.
My first rotation is going really well! Its similar to my MS work so I was able to jump into a fun project. The PI is terrific. He is new/untenured but already has a rockstar reputation in the field. He approaches me weekly to check that I'm still happy with that project and asks whether we meeting frequently enough/too frequently for my liking, etc. He seems to be a genuinely great guy who wants his students to be happy and feel supported. My next rotation is with a more established professor. The 2nd prof actually emailed me before I could email him, asking that I consider rotating with him. He has a reputation for being strict, formal, and very selective of students but also supportive of his students once they are in the lab. None of the older students had heard of him ever contacting students before (in fact, its known to be a bit difficult to get into his lab) so I feel super happy about that and excited to start that rotation.
shadowclaw, I know you had struggled with limited funding in your field. Were you able to get the TA at your new school?

I have dogs but it is also a big time commitment so I can comment on the general topic of having animals in grad school. I just started my PhD a month ago. Half way through my masters degree I got 2 dogs. It wasn't planned in my case... One of the dogs was a stray and I took her in briefly until I could find her a home and we ended up getting attached. About a month later I realized how poor of care my sister was giving her dog who had been in the family for >5 years. I didn't want to see him getting such horrible care (his nails got so long that it was painful for him to walk, he wasn't on heartworm prevention, etc) so I took him. Luckily both dogs are under 20 lbs which greatly increases housing options.
 
I absolutely love having my dogs. It is definitely a lot of work but it is manageable, even in grad school. I get to spend nights and weekends working on the couch with a pup curled up on either side of me. In my opinion, the main things to consider (which many people have already discussed) are:
 
Housing: Your housing options will be slightly more limited but even with dogs, I was able to find a place for us near my new PhD school without a problem. My housing situation has involved compromises... I personally prefer to live alone and would rather live a bit further from campus since my school is in a city. I ended up finding a place right near campus so that I can easily let the dogs out during the day (so not what I would prefer). Getting a place so close to campus came with an increase in price so I am sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. This living situation would not be my first choice but is definitely not horrible. The company of the pups is definitely worth the compromises.
 
Your time: If you will be at school or in the lab all day then you will need to make sure you are home most evenings so the pet isn't alone all of the time. You could get 2 animals who are able to keep each other company to help with this some. I find myself turning down invites to hangout with people if I have been away from the dogs too much. Since I am not a super social person anyway, I am fine with this. Sometimes I even appreciate having an excuse to say no. If you are the type of person who really values a busy social life though then this could be a problem.
 
Money: Animals are costly and you will want to make sure you savings in case of emergencies. Again, I don't mind the expense. I would rather cut back on eating out or other expenses to be able to afford the dogs.
 
I personally think that pets and grad school can mix very well! I love having dogs and might even consider getting a 3rd and some point during my PhD!

As someone who has done an MS and started my PhD about a month ago, I can provide someone info on how it has helped me so far. If I had to do it all over again, I would without a doubt to the masters first again. For me, none of the masters credits are transferring so it isn't going to speed me up in that sense but it has put me SO far ahead academically. I worked my butt off during my masters and got 2 first author publications and 1 middle author one. I also presented at multiple conferences where I got to know many of the big name people in my field. This is in addition to the publication and presentations I had from undergrad. As someone who wants an academic job one day, it is great to already have all of this on my CV.
 
As one example of how the MS has helped me, I recently submitted an abstract for a conference this fall. The two 2nd year grad students who are in the lab that I am currently rotating in also submitted for the same conference. I was asked to give a talk based on my abstract and one of the 2nd years also was (he also got a masters before the PhD) while the student who went straight from undergrad was declined. It is definitely not common for 1st year PhD students to speak at this conference. I feel excited and lucky that I get to!  I am also getting emailed by multiple professors, asking if I will consider rotating with them. Some of these professors have reputations for being very picky about who they will admit to their labs but their interest in me simply stems from my already strong background in their work that I got from my masters degree and having met them at conferences during my masters.
 
I also notice a huge maturity difference between those who came straight from undergrad and those who waited a couple years. The students who came straight from undergrad goof off on their computers and phones during seminars or get on facebook while in the lab. This obviously  isn't true of everyone who came straight from undergrad but there it is true of many. I don't think that a MS is the only or even best way to get the head start and skills I mention above but I do suggest taking some time to get more experience. It sounds like you can get into good PhD programs now with your current application but I do not know a single person who regrets taking a couple years off. Most people find it very helpful!

THIS. I am female who studies biophysics. My current campus has the main campus and then within walking distance but still pretty separate is the "engineering" side of campus with engineering, comp sci, and physics buildings.
 
I swear that just yesterday, this guy came up to me and said "Are you sure you're on the right side campus?" Umm excuse me???  He seemed to mean it in a flirty way and then proceeded to explain that he doesn't see many women over here. Does he really think that I might be interested in dating him after he insults my gender? Why is this ok to say to women but a problem to say about ethnicity or socioeconomic status. I'm a girl and I do science/math. If a guy seriously is concerned about the lack of women in STEM then do some outreach and encourage young women to pursue science. If you don't care enough to do that then you really don't need to be insulting us.
 
I have totally noticed that unlike my male peers, I have to prove myself. Men don't seem to want to ask me to be in groups for projects or ask me questions they like do men in the class. It is only after I kick their butt on the midterm that they seem to take me seriously.

When I look at this situation from an employer/employee relationship then I come to different conclusion. Let's say I'm an employee for company, they overpay me and never assign me more work despite my repeated attempt. you stop working for them completely and don't hear anything from them for months. They can't come to you 6 months later and demand you stop your other job or temporarily juggle both to do more work. They certainly can't demand you fly from another state at your expense to work for them. They can demand you repay them if they would like but that should be the extend of their ability to request things from you in my opinion.
Also if a project is put on hold, that is not the fault of the student. The student is not expected to take time off from their job and fly back to their old location at their own expense to finish a project that stalled 6 months ago. That makes no sense? How is this the OP's fault? They aren't making excuses... They literally moved to a new state! Sure they should pay back the money but they aren't expected to fly around the country to do work after they move and start a new program.

When I look at this situation from an employer/employee relationship then I come to different conclusion. Let's say I'm an employee for company, they overpay me and never assign me more work despite my repeated attempt. you stop working for them completely and don't hear anything from them for months. They can't come to you 6 months later and demand you stop your other job or temporarily juggle both to do more work. They certainly can't demand you fly from another state at your expense to work for them. They can demand you repay them if they would like but that should be the extend of their ability to request things from you in my opinion.
Also if a project is put on hold, that is not the fault of the student. The student is not expected to take time off from their job and fly back to their old location at their own expense to finish a project that stalled 6 months ago. That makes no sense? How is this the OP's fault? They aren't making excuses... They literally moved to a new state! Sure they should pay back the money but they aren't expected to fly around the country to do work after they move and start a new program.

I agree that the easiest thing to do is to offer to pay back the money but if everything you say you is true including that you made it clear you could only work for 1 semester, you asked many times for additional tasks, and that he knew you were moving then I think it is incredibly rude for him to contact you now and ask you to work.
 
In my experience, what you describe is very common in academia. Although I have been paid "hourly" for research, I have never ever kept tabs on my hours. I was paid for 20 hours per week for work all last year. Some weeks school would get busy and I would work less than 5 hours. Other weeks I would have lots of time and work 40+ hours. My professor knew I was dedicated to the project and I produced strong results. Some weeks I was in a situation you describe where I would spend a couple hours starting up some simulations and couldn't do much else until they finished. In my opinion, this is how research works.
 
I definitely don't think you need to fly to your old location to meet with professor B. If you tried many times to do the work and were never given any then Professor B doesn't get to make you a permanent slave and demand things at his leisure until you complete the hours. I would politely tell professor B that you are swamped at the moment and don't have time to help out and ask if you can refund the money.

I agree that the easiest thing to do is to offer to pay back the money but if everything you say you is true including that you made it clear you could only work for 1 semester, you asked many times for additional tasks, and that he knew you were moving then I think it is incredibly rude for him to contact you now and ask you to work.
 
In my experience, what you describe is very common in academia. Although I have been paid "hourly" for research, I have never ever kept tabs on my hours. I was paid for 20 hours per week for work all last year. Some weeks school would get busy and I would work less than 5 hours. Other weeks I would have lots of time and work 40+ hours. My professor knew I was dedicated to the project and I produced strong results. Some weeks I was in a situation you describe where I would spend a couple hours starting up some simulations and couldn't do much else until they finished. In my opinion, this is how research works.
 
I definitely don't think you need to fly to your old location to meet with professor B. If you tried many times to do the work and were never given any then Professor B doesn't get to make you a permanent slave and demand things at his leisure until you complete the hours. I would politely tell professor B that you are swamped at the moment and don't have time to help out and ask if you can refund the money.

I don't think that people with families should get bonuses to their stipends. I completely support anyone who wants to have a family in grad school but I don't think they should get extra money to do so.
 
I have 2 dogs that can be quite expensive. One of them had heartworms when I got her and juggling that on a grad school income was rough. Having dogs has limited me in grad school. It makes it harder to find housing and I have additional fees for vet care and pet deposits and have to figure out how to either come home on my lunch break to let them out or pay for a dog walker. I recognize that I chose to get dogs though and so I live with the pros and cons that come with that. Why should someone with kids get extra money when I don't? My dogs aren't as expensive as kids but they are still an extra expensive and grad school can be difficult with dogs.
 
Everyone chooses to live differently. Some people choose to have kids or spouses or pets in grad school. Others choose to live in one bedroom apartments instead of studios or decide to have roommates or live near campus. Some people choose to eat organic food. These are all life choices. I think that people should be free to live however they wish to in grad school but I don't think that stipend should be determined based on life choices.

The professor sat and watched her boyfriend majorly harass OP and has a history of major student complaints so its a bit deeper than just expecting an apology.
 
OP, I hope you are able to sort this out and have much better advisors/colleagues in the future!

I don't think that people with families should get bonuses to their stipends. I completely support anyone who wants to have a family in grad school but I don't think they should get extra money to do so.
 
I have 2 dogs that can be quite expensive. One of them had heartworms when I got her and juggling that on a grad school income was rough. Having dogs has limited me in grad school. It makes it harder to find housing and I have additional fees for vet care and pet deposits and have to figure out how to either come home on my lunch break to let them out or pay for a dog walker. I recognize that I chose to get dogs though and so I live with the pros and cons that come with that. Why should someone with kids get extra money when I don't? My dogs aren't as expensive as kids but they are still an extra expensive and grad school can be difficult with dogs.
 
Everyone chooses to live differently. Some people choose to have kids or spouses or pets in grad school. Others choose to live in one bedroom apartments instead of studios or decide to have roommates or live near campus. Some people choose to eat organic food. These are all life choices. I think that people should be free to live however they wish to in grad school but I don't think that stipend should be determined based on life choices.

I read your post yesterday before it was deleted. I think you should take some sort of action. The situation you describe was absolutely inappropriate. I think others make good points that the issue is more with the boyfriend than with the professor so you will probably have to take action against him instead of the professor. 
 
Stepping away from legal details of who gets in trouble (which will likely be the boyfriend), I do think that the professor acted completely inappropriately and am shocked that so many people are blowing it off as no big deal. There was obviously something extreme said about the OP to inspire that sort of behavior from her boyfriend. I also think that the PI has an obligation to her students to not let her boyfriend harass them. In fact, at my school professors are by university policies required to report any known harassment issues involving their students. Not only did the professor not adhere to this kind of behavior, she witnessed it (and very likely played a role in instigating it). This is absolutely inappropriate behavior. I do not think you owe this professor any sort of protection. You simply reporting the incident is not going to result in problems for the professor unless the school agrees that there is a misconduct issue. You can simply make the facts known and the university can decide how they want to handle the situation. If the professor gets in trouble then you are not the reason. You are simply stating facts and the university can then decide whether they want this person mentoring students given the facts.
 
Anyway, didn't the whole incident start because this professor has a history of problems with students?? It sounds to me like you are not the first student to have problems with her.