Maleficent999

Yeah, I think i bought my white Civic in August 2011. She's got less than 30k miles on her, but she doesn't have a name. Maybe I should name her? I don't normally name cars haha

I bought a 2012 honda civic new back in 2012 (duh). I was able to put a lot down so my payment is pretty small for a car payment. It'll be paid off the summer after my second year in grad school. I wanted a honda civic because they're known to last for years if you take care of them, it gets great mileage, and maintenance is really cheap compared to other brands. I didn't buy it with grad school in mind but it is a practical car so I'm happy with it.

I say grad student in casual conversation and then I'll correct people if they incorrectly assume that means I'm working on my Master's. I've had people argue with me about what degree I'm working toward. Even people in Master's programs don't seem to understand how I could be in a PhD program without completing a Master's degree first.

I wrote out an entire long explanation for why I have a problem with that phrase, but to be honest, I'm really non-confrontational and I don't want to hijack the thread or start a "geek" war. But I do think you didn't quite pick up on the dramatic humor I was going for in my last post. I was being 70% silly and 30% serious.

I'm a khajiit. My name is cleokatra (but seriously, I am and it is).

I'm a khajiit. My name is cleokatra (but seriously, I am and it is).

To put it simply: You work hard and you play hard.
 
If you just work hard without the leisure, you will do worse.  Your emotions will be completely in the toilet, and you won't be living life in the present, which is an absolute necessity in grad school.  Even worse, your grades will suffer as you lose perspective.  I do far, far better in my studies when I take time off to socialize, relax, enjoy my surroundings, and meet other students.  The brain simply will not absorb what you learn as well if you're constantly stuffing more information into it.  You need to back away from studies periodically to allow the brain to absorb the knowledge into a compact form.  For instance, I was in the shower when I finally came to a realization about Lagrange multipliers.  I was walking to and from an appointment when the fundamental theorem of Linear Algebra, which I had used constantly, collapsed down into a small nugget of knowledge that made perfect sense to me.  I no longer had to memorize any equations for it.  These "ah ha!" moments happen away from my studies.

This doesn't sound bizarre to me at all. My research interests focus largely around bdsm and the kink scene. When "kinksters" interact in an intense scene, usually a scene between a Dom and sub, the sub can often experience "sub drop". The Dom can experience a drop too but it is less talked about. Stay with me here, when the sub comes down from such an intense high/emotional/extreme place they can very easily fall into a kind of depression. Experienced kinksters know that aftercare is an important part of a D/s scene. Aftercare means both physical, mental, and emotional care so that the drop isn't too intense and damaging. I think you're experiencing a kind of drop like this. Maybe, grad drop? Haha but seriously, you're coming down from a very intense place. It's important you take care of yourself. That might mean taking a few days to process everything and just chill out. It might mean talking to loved ones or doing some fun things you've been missing, maybe all of the above.

Just my $.02. I'm no expert but I definitely don't think what you're feeling is out of bounds.

I put mustard on my corned beef and cabbage. I'm not sure if this is the traditional Irish way but it's so freaking sour and delicious.

This doesn't sound bizarre to me at all. My research interests focus largely around bdsm and the kink scene. When "kinksters" interact in an intense scene, usually a scene between a Dom and sub, the sub can often experience "sub drop". The Dom can experience a drop too but it is less talked about. Stay with me here, when the sub comes down from such an intense high/emotional/extreme place they can very easily fall into a kind of depression. Experienced kinksters know that aftercare is an important part of a D/s scene. Aftercare means both physical, mental, and emotional care so that the drop isn't too intense and damaging. I think you're experiencing a kind of drop like this. Maybe, grad drop? Haha but seriously, you're coming down from a very intense place. It's important you take care of yourself. That might mean taking a few days to process everything and just chill out. It might mean talking to loved ones or doing some fun things you've been missing, maybe all of the above.

Just my $.02. I'm no expert but I definitely don't think what you're feeling is out of bounds.

This doesn't sound bizarre to me at all. My research interests focus largely around bdsm and the kink scene. When "kinksters" interact in an intense scene, usually a scene between a Dom and sub, the sub can often experience "sub drop". The Dom can experience a drop too but it is less talked about. Stay with me here, when the sub comes down from such an intense high/emotional/extreme place they can very easily fall into a kind of depression. Experienced kinksters know that aftercare is an important part of a D/s scene. Aftercare means both physical, mental, and emotional care so that the drop isn't too intense and damaging. I think you're experiencing a kind of drop like this. Maybe, grad drop? Haha but seriously, you're coming down from a very intense place. It's important you take care of yourself. That might mean taking a few days to process everything and just chill out. It might mean talking to loved ones or doing some fun things you've been missing, maybe all of the above.

Just my $.02. I'm no expert but I definitely don't think what you're feeling is out of bounds.

This has been my experience as well. My department has an almost weekly happy hour frequented by grad students and faculty. Some people talk about random things (sports, news, etc.), others talk about teaching, others about research. I've found that in some of these small conversations I've gotten great ideas or insights into my research that I hadn't gotten otherwise. Sometimes just being asked to give the 30 second version of your research can force you into thinking about it in a different way or allow someone else to say something you hadn't thought of. Without those conversations, my work would definitely suffer.
 
And yea, I'm one of those people who can't work all the time. Back when I did my comprehensive exams (which were multiple questions over like 10 days), I remember people in my department (mostly those not yet at the exams stage) being surprised that I was still attending the class I was TAing (I was mostly grading but went to every single lecture), working out, and even watching an episode or two of a TV show online. But you know what? You can't work for 16 hours a day for the 10 days without a break. And really, since I was limited to like 25 pages double-spaced per answer, I would've ended up writing way more than I needed if I'd worked that long. Instead, I rode my bike to the gym, worked out with friends (including some who had PhDs and thus totally understood what comps were and why you might need a break), cooked myself real food, etc. It's about knowing what you need to work efficiently and be productive and taking the time to do whatever that is.
 
Back to the original question though:
- Be open and willing to learn.
- If you're in the humanities or social sciences, take the time to just browse the library shelves in your general field and in your intended research area to get an idea of what's been published and what research resources are available to you. (Even better, meet with a librarian early on to make sure you know what your school has and the support s/he can give you.)
- Skim through recent journal issues in your field to get a sense of what topics are current and which are becoming dated. Pay attention to book reviews if there are any and use those to help you find relevant books for your discipline and research area.
- Learn to use reference management software (EndNote, Zotero, Mendeley, etc.) and start keeping track of your references that way.
- Figure out an easy to use system for staying abreast of current/new research in both books and journals that may be of interest.
- Read your graduate handbook (and TA handbook if needed) so you know what is expected of you. Ask questions if expectations are unclear.
- Start figuring out what, if any, courses outside the department you might want to take, how often they're offered, how difficult they are, etc.
- If you're going to need research methods training, figure out how to get that ASAP. In the social sciences, this often means taking courses in qualitative methods, statistics, and/or GIS and seats in those classes can fill because they're attracting students from an array of disciplines. Getting your methods coursework done means you can start collecting data sooner.
- Get to know whomever helps oversee grant apps (NIH, NSF, SSRC, Fulbright, IAF, etc.) at your institution and ask them what you can do beginning now to prepare to apply in the future, when you should be applying, what you'll need to be competitive, etc. And, while you're there, get them to help you set up some alerts for grant announcements.
 
There's probably more you could do, especially related to conferences and networking, but I don't want to overload anyone with suggestions.

I guess it depends who makes them, but yes they can be good. There's a restaurant in my hometown that does a lot of vegan options and corn dogs are one. So much nom.

I don't think this was meant to suggest do nothing; do things you enjoy/want to do (don't do them just because you think you need to).
 
Getting a part-time job and saving money is never a bad idea. As you already mentioned going to some conferences is also a good use of your time (networking opportunities, research inspiration, etc.). You've already been accepted and while more research experience couldn't hurt, I don't think its necessary.
 
I think all of the above suggestions are great. Catch up with family or friends, spend some time reading things for enjoyment, explore some areas in town (find a cool new coffee shop or place where you can go to relax when you're stressed out in future semesters). Traveling also isn't a bad idea. You probably won't be able to travel much once you're completing coursework and doing research (unless you're presenting at conferences). I also agree with the advice of pursuing an outside hobby. You will inevitably encounter awkward conversations; it is nice to find common ground with another cohort member or to discuss something else with your professors other than just work and school. 
 
I also think xdarthveganx makes an excellent point. Grant-writing and proposals are essential skills that can always be refined. Maybe explore some grants you may be eligible for and come up with a game plan for applying to them? 

Note: I work full-time so I'm not necessarily saying you should sit around all summer doing nothing. My point was that we will probably not have another summer where we aren't required to be doing research/teaching/etc for another 5-8 years so we shouldn't be stressing out trying to get a leg up. I was told to "keep an eye on the relevant literature but for the most part, try to enjoy your friends and family."

I put ketchup on my eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Your quadruplet here! I am obsessed with youtube, especially beauty gurus. I'd like to think it pays off because my friends ask me to teach them "how to makeup". Haha. I'm actually subscribed to a beauty guru called redheadphd. She's in a grad program and makes videos. It's nice to have some solidarity!

It's not necessarily weird depending on what part of the world you're from, but I put hot sauce, spices (salt, chile powder, etc), and lime or lemon juice in my Mexican beers.

I put ketchup on my eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Also, I might ask this question: If most of you believe or suspect that the working conditions in academia are eroding (and they are, that is true), then why don't you organize against this erosion? My campus is in the fledgingly stages of organizing graduate and adjunct labor....several other universities have already done this...
 
Academia is not a "natural" system. Lets be critical of this state of affairs.

Thank you. That is pretty much where I'm at. I didn't think twice about ending it until recently when I started wondering if I'm being selfish. I tell him I love him and yet I'm not willing to give long distance a try. Then again, he's not willing to be outside of his comfort zone so I guess we've both decided other things are more important to each of us than our relationship.

@Maleficent999, please don't feel bad about your decision! I am in a relationship right now with someone I love, but I'll be ending it in two months when I move for grad school, because both of us know that long distance (across continents/oceans, for an unknown period of time) is not something that we want). Beating yourself over the head for it is not worth it, and it is perfectly within your rights to say that you love him but that you aren't willing to give long distance a try. There are many different types of love, and not all of them involve compromise or sacrifice in a relationship. If you feel it's not right for you, then you don't have to give anything up that you feel might negatively affect your move/early grad school experience. I think the move will be a good way to have a clean break and move on in a way that is healthy for both of you.

If it were me, I'd choose to end the relationship when I moved, and spend the rest of the time before then mentally adjusting to that thought as best I could. Starting grad school will be an adjustment period anyway and I think it'd be better for you not to lose that first year (or however long it takes for the relationship to finally end) trying to keep the relationship alive instead of making connections in your new location and concentrating on classes. An LDR is hard enough when everyone is very committed, and I think it's pretty much impossible otherwise. Seems to me it makes more sense to minimize the time to the end of the relationship and to make the transition as painless as it can be, given the circumstances. A move is a natural way to make that transition, in my opinion.

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.
 
Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

OooOOooo...  now this is interesting. I say embrace it. I mean... don't ACT on it, but there's nothing wrong with an INNOCENT sense of flirtation; in fact it's fun, healthy, exciting.  I could NEVER understand the notion that once you start dating someone/get married/committ to a relationship any sense of sexual attraction to anyone else is unacceptable and should never be felt and if it is it should be pushed deep deep down in the pit of your soul where it will turn into a rotting repression that will eventually lead to cancer and certain death.... okay, I'm exaggerating slighty, but in all honestly, it's human nature. Don't feel bad or guilty or nervous. Enjoy it. Really. Oh.. and watch American Beauty. Note, he (Kevin Spacey) never seals the deal, but the awakening he has simply from the feeling and fantasy of sexual attraction is enough to completely change his life and perspective.