far_to_go

This past spring, I was leading a discussion section that was completely DEAD. The students were responsible for doing the week's readings and coming in with questions/comments, as always, but that day they all seemed really unprepared. I told all the students to close their eyes, except one whom I chose randomly. I also closed my eyes. Then I told the students to raise their hands if they'd done the readings, and asked the student with her eyes open to count the raised hands. As I had suspected, there were only one or two raised hands. So I chided them a bit, reminded them that the point of the discussion section is for them to critically engage with the course material rather than passively listening to me recite it for them, and sent them on their way 20 minutes before the scheduled end of class, saying "I expect better next week." They did shape up and do the readings, not only for the next week, but for the remainder of the semester.

The whole close-your-eyes, raise-your-hands technique was completely off the cuff, but it worked in this case!

I haven't done this, but my advice is this: it can be fine to room with someone from your program if you already know them, e.g. sometime after your first year, and you don't have exactly the same classes and the same office. I definitely wouldn't recommend rooming with someone you don't know yet your first year. You'll need a place to blow off steam, and it would be nice if 'home' was that place. Also, being roommates comes with its own challenges and irritations, and you don't want your need for clean dishes or their precise accounting of who paid for what to influence your grad school life!

Throughout undergrad, I got annoyed at people boosting a bunch of different titles in their signatures like:

"president of club x,
vice-president of club y,
founder of z,
student of school ABC"

So I did my own version:

Name
placeholder title,
some organization at a hierarchical institution

I only used it when emailing friends or other undergrads

Bwahaha. That is so true. I mean, I agree completely.

On a slightly different note:

Before my first semester started, I gave myself some time to get my living space well in order. Especially since I had moved across the country to start my program, I had a lot of work to do in terms of acquiring furniture, organizing all my belongings, etc. It was totally time well spent. My living space isn't large, but it's well-organized, functional, and beautiful; it's an optimal environment for getting work done and for relaxing at the end of the day. If you have the time and even a little money to invest in organizing/decorating your living space before school starts in the fall, I strongly encourage you to go for it.

I asked one of the ABD's in my department what she did to survive her first year. She said "I bought a good, comfortable reading chair and a very large bottle of vodka, and made good use of both."

Mine was kind of sad, actually. I'd been volunteering as a tutor/mentor to some underprivileged middle school kids for about a year and a half, and I happened to be sitting in the computer lab next to one of them when I got the acceptance from the school I eventually ended up going to.

me: "Bryan!! I just got accepted to U of X__!!!"
Bryan, with sad-puppy-middle-school-kid look on his face: "You're leaving? (even though he knew I'd been applying to schools, I guess it just hadn't sunk in)
me, feeling incredibly guilty: "Yeah, well, I mean maybe, we'll see what happens..."
Bryan: "Well, are you happy? You should be happy. I mean, good for you."
me: *wail*

I did leave and go to school, though it was damn hard to say goodbye. I still go back and visit every few months, though, and on my last visit back one of the kids told me that he's thinking about going to grad school someday. Making me so proud :-)

Mine was kind of sad, actually. I'd been volunteering as a tutor/mentor to some underprivileged middle school kids for about a year and a half, and I happened to be sitting in the computer lab next to one of them when I got the acceptance from the school I eventually ended up going to.

me: "Bryan!! I just got accepted to U of X__!!!"
Bryan, with sad-puppy-middle-school-kid look on his face: "You're leaving? (even though he knew I'd been applying to schools, I guess it just hadn't sunk in)
me, feeling incredibly guilty: "Yeah, well, I mean maybe, we'll see what happens..."
Bryan: "Well, are you happy? You should be happy. I mean, good for you."
me: *wail*

I did leave and go to school, though it was damn hard to say goodbye. I still go back and visit every few months, though, and on my last visit back one of the kids told me that he's thinking about going to grad school someday. Making me so proud :-)

Mine was kind of sad, actually. I'd been volunteering as a tutor/mentor to some underprivileged middle school kids for about a year and a half, and I happened to be sitting in the computer lab next to one of them when I got the acceptance from the school I eventually ended up going to.

me: "Bryan!! I just got accepted to U of X__!!!"
Bryan, with sad-puppy-middle-school-kid look on his face: "You're leaving? (even though he knew I'd been applying to schools, I guess it just hadn't sunk in)
me, feeling incredibly guilty: "Yeah, well, I mean maybe, we'll see what happens..."
Bryan: "Well, are you happy? You should be happy. I mean, good for you."
me: *wail*

I did leave and go to school, though it was damn hard to say goodbye. I still go back and visit every few months, though, and on my last visit back one of the kids told me that he's thinking about going to grad school someday. Making me so proud :-)

In the time between now and when your TA assignment starts, do what you can (within reason) to prepare yourself. Start reading up on the material you'll be teaching, start corresponding/talking wth the prof you'll be working with. Take any opportunities that come your way to do a little bit of public speaking and/or leading groups of people in conversations. Baby steps.

Also, it may help to remind yourself that you are not going to ruin anyone's educational experience. The worst that can happen is that you might bore some people. If you set your standards of self-expectation low, it'll be easier for you to achieve those standards and beyond. Low expectations are better than crippingly, panic-inducingly high ones.

Best of luck!

I updated my school after I started my program. I did post my plans to attend my current institution sometime in March/April, around the time I accepted the offer.

In general, I tried to keep the details of my app season off Facebook. I didn't want to announce every little thing to the world. In fact, I think that March/April status update was the first official mention of PhD applications that I made on FB.

I updated my school after I started my program. I did post my plans to attend my current institution sometime in March/April, around the time I accepted the offer.

In general, I tried to keep the details of my app season off Facebook. I didn't want to announce every little thing to the world. In fact, I think that March/April status update was the first official mention of PhD applications that I made on FB.

A few weeks after my first semester in grad school started, I asked a visiting speaker (in a personal chat) what she did to make it through her first year of her PhD. She said, "I bought a comfortable reading chair and a very large bottle of vodka, and I made good use of both." I followed her advice ;-)

I think it would be appropriate to get him a card and write something along the lines of "I really appreciate all the help you've given me so far, and I'm looking forward to working with you in the future." As long as you don't get too effusive - "OMG, you're the best, smartest, most wonderful person ever" - I don't think it will be perceived as sucking up.

I think it would be appropriate to get him a card and write something along the lines of "I really appreciate all the help you've given me so far, and I'm looking forward to working with you in the future." As long as you don't get too effusive - "OMG, you're the best, smartest, most wonderful person ever" - I don't think it will be perceived as sucking up.

The lack of self-awareness in this post is both hilarious and infuriating.

If you were an international student in the U.S., and went to a half decent school for undergrad, your parents almost certainly dropped over $100k on your tuition, room, and board. Closer to $200k for good schools.

They are providing you with a free house likely worth several hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's not forget the electricity, heat, water, insurance and other associated bills that are far from insignificant.

On top of that, they are paying for all your food.

The single mother with a non-skilled job who probably is struggling to stay afloat has the "gall" to suggest you are living off your parents because, newsflash, you are. Think she would mind someone writing her a check for about $500k of aggregate support? And then you castigate her, when your biggest financial worries are "going out" and buying new clothes?!

People shouldn't be embarrassed or try to hide that they have significant parental financial support - it doesn't invalidate or cheapen your academic accomplishments, whatever they may be. But for gods sakes, have the decency to at least acknowledge that you are extremely fortunate in the opportunities afforded (literally) to you!

Thank you for clarifying semantics. I now see the err of my ways. Your ability to focus on the big picture of a topic and not miss the point is unrivaled. You have definitely contributed to this conversation. Unfortunately, I fear that your vast intellect is intimidating other posters, deterring them from contributing as well. Therefore, I kindly request that you refrain from further posting in this thread. It is important that others feel encouraged to participate, even those without your superior abilities.

A note on using voice recorders: MAKE SURE YOU ASK THE PROFESSOR'S PERMISSION BEFORE RECORDING, Even if you're only doing it for your own personal use, it's important to ask first. Apparently, recording without asking can be some kind of violation of intellectual property rights. One of the profs in my department got very upset when she found out that a grad student was doing this and threatened to have the student expelled (not kidding, wish I were!)

As for the notebook question: yes, I use a notebook. I only use one, with different sections, for all my courses and meetings; I find that it's much easier than carrying a bunch of different notebooks. Having my laptop open in class usually creates too much distraction for me, so I try to avoid it.

A note on using voice recorders: MAKE SURE YOU ASK THE PROFESSOR'S PERMISSION BEFORE RECORDING, Even if you're only doing it for your own personal use, it's important to ask first. Apparently, recording without asking can be some kind of violation of intellectual property rights. One of the profs in my department got very upset when she found out that a grad student was doing this and threatened to have the student expelled (not kidding, wish I were!)

As for the notebook question: yes, I use a notebook. I only use one, with different sections, for all my courses and meetings; I find that it's much easier than carrying a bunch of different notebooks. Having my laptop open in class usually creates too much distraction for me, so I try to avoid it.

A note on using voice recorders: MAKE SURE YOU ASK THE PROFESSOR'S PERMISSION BEFORE RECORDING, Even if you're only doing it for your own personal use, it's important to ask first. Apparently, recording without asking can be some kind of violation of intellectual property rights. One of the profs in my department got very upset when she found out that a grad student was doing this and threatened to have the student expelled (not kidding, wish I were!)

As for the notebook question: yes, I use a notebook. I only use one, with different sections, for all my courses and meetings; I find that it's much easier than carrying a bunch of different notebooks. Having my laptop open in class usually creates too much distraction for me, so I try to avoid it.

NO WHITE SOCKS. EVER. This is a strange pet peeve of mine, but I always feel that an otherwise perfectly professional or casual look is completely ruined if I can see even half an inch of white sock. Just don't do it.

I tend to dress more formally during the first several weeks of the semester (black pants with button-up shirts, professional-looking skirts + dresses), and then introduce more casual outfits from there on in (jeans, the occasional sundress with cardigan, etc). I see my students three days a week, so I also try to avoid wearing the same outfit twice within a 2-3 week span of time. Variety is the spice of life.

A note on using voice recorders: MAKE SURE YOU ASK THE PROFESSOR'S PERMISSION BEFORE RECORDING, Even if you're only doing it for your own personal use, it's important to ask first. Apparently, recording without asking can be some kind of violation of intellectual property rights. One of the profs in my department got very upset when she found out that a grad student was doing this and threatened to have the student expelled (not kidding, wish I were!)

As for the notebook question: yes, I use a notebook. I only use one, with different sections, for all my courses and meetings; I find that it's much easier than carrying a bunch of different notebooks. Having my laptop open in class usually creates too much distraction for me, so I try to avoid it.

Best of luck to you, foglemgs! I'll echo badgers154's advice- I think you should hang tough. Also, think about whether this school is one that you really want to go to if you do get in off the wait list. Is it one that you added to your app list just as a safety school, or would you be happy and excited to go there if admitted?

If you do really want to go to this school, and you do decide to contact them (which I don't recommend), try to project confidence rather than desperation. I'd write something along the lines of "I haven't accepted any offers from other schools yet because your program is currently at the top of my list" rather than "I haven't gotten in anywhere else, give me a break!" They don't need to know that you haven't gotten any other offers. I only got into one school out of seven, but because they thought I was likely to get good offers from other places, they actually increased their initial stipend offer by an extra 10k per year... I never told them that they were in a bidding war only with themselves :-)

Hope you get in! Only a few more weeks to wait!

Best of luck to you, foglemgs! I'll echo badgers154's advice- I think you should hang tough. Also, think about whether this school is one that you really want to go to if you do get in off the wait list. Is it one that you added to your app list just as a safety school, or would you be happy and excited to go there if admitted?

If you do really want to go to this school, and you do decide to contact them (which I don't recommend), try to project confidence rather than desperation. I'd write something along the lines of "I haven't accepted any offers from other schools yet because your program is currently at the top of my list" rather than "I haven't gotten in anywhere else, give me a break!" They don't need to know that you haven't gotten any other offers. I only got into one school out of seven, but because they thought I was likely to get good offers from other places, they actually increased their initial stipend offer by an extra 10k per year... I never told them that they were in a bidding war only with themselves :-)

Hope you get in! Only a few more weeks to wait!

A few weeks after my first semester in grad school started, I asked a visiting speaker (in a personal chat) what she did to make it through her first year of her PhD. She said, "I bought a comfortable reading chair and a very large bottle of vodka, and I made good use of both." I followed her advice ;-)

A few weeks after my first semester in grad school started, I asked a visiting speaker (in a personal chat) what she did to make it through her first year of her PhD. She said, "I bought a comfortable reading chair and a very large bottle of vodka, and I made good use of both." I followed her advice ;-)