Bellawheeze

I wish they would just come out and say what they mean; seriously, it cannot be that hard. I do it all the time, Like hey, this process is total shit and I hate it.
 
 
 
See? Not that hard, schools.

I seem to recall this sort of anger from last year--people get pretty heated around this time. Good luck, guys. Honestly, I do believe that we're all in this crazy Humanities boat together, however fluffy that sounds.

If I knew any good luck rituals, I'd be doing them right now. Maybe I'll build a shrine to academia and offer it freshly ground coffee every morning for the foreseeable future.

^^^^^THIS^^^^ lots and lots of it!
I went into an MA program 10 years after my BA and that was after being told that my acceptance was unlikely. After being out in the "real world", paying bills, married then divorced, in various "careers" that were never that a good a fit for me just getting to this stage in the process feels like a victory. So many of you are so much younger and you've had the drive, the focus, and the HOPE to do this...well, it's sappy but I'm proud of you.   sometimes what seems like a dead end is more of a detour.   

To those of you rejected to UCLA: it's terrible here, the students are miserable, the professors often resort to physical violence, before examinations you must sacrifice small animals, and all universities have agreed to never hire UCLA PhD's. . .

See, they did you a favor.

I just want to know where I'll be in 6 months. I. Just. Want. To. Know.

I'm going to say something that I feel I have the right to say after getting kicked to the curb on my ass 3 and a half times.
 
Do. Not. Base. Your. Self-worth. on. grad admissions.
 
Or you will want to throw yourself in front of a bus.
 
You want to, and it's easy to do, and I did it, and I didn't listen to other people when they told me not to do it, but I'm going to try to tell you now.
 
If you get in, you're awesome. If you don't, you're still awesome.  And you're also not out forever if you don't get in this round. This is my third season, with an all-but-my-undergrad-institution fail for my MA.  And I did it again, and I adjuncted for a while, and I reapplied, And this time, I did get a very nice acceptance.  So if it's what you want, and it doesn't happen right away, keep going.  And if you do keep applying, or choose not to, remember that this process does not assign your value as a person, or even as an academic.
 
Just my two cents--you are all so freaking amazing, and I'd like to try to stem the tide of sadness and anxiety I've seen today. <3 to all of you.

I have two implied rejections and one official! They're pretty depressing. And I'm sure at this point, unless you're officially rejected, you still have a chance, but most likely it's not going to happen if it doesn't fit in with the normal times they alert everyone.

Sooo, I assume rejected and if anything else happens I'll shit my pants in excitement.

Okay, first of all, you don't always have to pay more in rent. Some places charge a pet rent, but there are many that don't. Also, some charge a pet fee but others don't. My current place charges a one-time $150 fee, which I just viewed as part of the security deposit, but which you could also view as a ~$10/month rent increase. I've also lived in places (rented through individual owners) that didn't charge anything for having a pet. But, depending on the dog you get/want, you may need to pay more to have a place with a fenced in yard, for example. As for the rest, well... there's the finances to consider (vet bills, dog food/toys, replacing anything the dog destroys [and there's pretty much guaranteed to be something], paying/finding someone to watch the dog when you're out of town) and the time factor. Do you have an hour or two throughout the day to spend walking, training, and playing with a dog? Are you able to commit to socializing your dog (dog park, playdates, etc.)?
 
Here's two things I would suggest. First, work with/through a rescue group, rather than just going to the animal shelter. This is especially important if you don't have much experience as a dog owner because they can help you understand what will and will not work given your personality and schedule and the dog's personality and needs. Also, you're more likely to get a dog that already has some training (and have people to consult with about continuing that training), which can be very helpful if you don't have that experience yourself. Second, before adopting a dog, consider fostering. That gives you 99% of the experience but without much of the costs. You get the experience of taking in a dog whose background you know little or nothing about, training and working with that dog, and that sort of thing but typically the rescue group is a 501c3 and covers all of the vet bills (and sometimes also food) on your behalf. Fostering is an incredible experience and I've fostered dogs for years, including for about 2.5 years in grad school. One of the downsides though is that you are likely to be responsible for taking the dog to weekly or monthly adoption events, talking to potential adopters, etc. Again, this is a time commitment but one that I personally find to be worth it.
 
In thinking about your question though, I was struck my thinking that the first few months of a big life transition are *not* a great time to get a dog as dogs can be very demanding on your time. Someone else asked me about this recently and this is part of the email I sent in response.
 
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Every group I've fostered with has required that I or someone from my household drop off and pick up the pet from weekly adoption events. Also, when I fostered in [one state], the group had a home visit and trial period as well, which meant I had to go to the prospective adopter's house for the home visit with the dog, drop the dog off if the visit went well, and, in one case, pick the dog back up when the person backed out of the adoption. Since you can't really take dogs on public transit, you'll need a personal vehicle to do all of these things.
 
As for traveling with the dog, that is really dog-dependent. Some dogs get sick every time they're in the car. It's something you can work on but that takes time. One of my foster dogs, Daisy, peed in the car basically every time she was in the car for the first 4.5 months I had her. If you have a dog like that, then you can't easily travel with him/her.
 
At any rate, I wouldn't make any decisions until you get settled in your position and get a sense of what your days will be like. If you're expected to have a lot of face time on campus or in the lab, then having a dog is more complicated unless you have a roommate that can let the dog out when you're unavailable. In general, fostering isn't for everyone. You have to be willing to love and treat a dog as if it's your own then let it go to someone else without getting bitter or sad. It also means taking in a dog that probably has some sort of problem that needs to be resolved (physical, behavioral, or whatever). It probably means housebreaking, crate/kennel training, and leash training. A lot of those training things can be avoided if you adopt from a local rescue group that keeps their dogs in a foster home and has the foster parents do that training for you. Adoptions cost more in those cases but they can also save a lot of work, which is a good thing if you're unfamiliar. The upside to fostering is that you won't have to pay vet bills (and really, don't foster with any group that makes you pay the vet bills out of pocket). Oh yea, it's difficult to foster if you can't show that you have experience living with and working with dogs (I'm not sure if you do). If you don't, they typically make you volunteer first so they can get a sense of your comfort with dogs before they send one to live with you, which totally makes sense to me. And if you foster, you basically have to commit to keeping the dog until it finds its forever home. For me, that's been as short as 3 weeks and as long as 5.5 months...
Hope that helps. I'm happy to chat more about this if you want.
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Again, this is just my experience and opinion. A cat, imo, is much easier to adopt because you don't have to worry about how long ze can hold its bladder while you're in class or the lab or wherever.

(congrats!)

Ahhhhhhhh!
 
So I'm hoping this isn't some random glitch because I haven't gotten an email or phone call or letter or anything yet, but a little while ago, I took a random glance at the results board and saw a few posts from people saying they'd been accepted at Ohio State. So I just checked my own page on the app status site and it says, "Congratulations - you have been offered admission!"
 
Ahhhhhhhh! *flails Kermit-style*

Exactly. The excuse for avoiding exercise that I dislike the most is "I never have the time". Free time doesn't appear out of nowhere. I have to actively put aside time to exercise, sometimes at the expense of a half hour of work. It is much more important to keep your body healthy than to get that extra bit of work done.
 
If all else fails, just substitute Facebook time for exercise time.   Even 15 minutes a day keeps you active and keeps the stress down.

Just a couple things:
 
1.) I don't think you actually read what I wrote. I think you're stuck in this alternative universe and you refuse to take a look out the window.
 
2.) It's extremely offensive for you to project your view of what constitutes happiness onto others (like saying you don't know why your aunt is happy, and that it's sad to you that her successful career is in itself fulfilling). We all have different paths and goals in our lives. A past boss made a great point (in response to some people teasing a gay friend about not yet having found "the one" in his mid thirties): "Some people just see one path for happiness and fulfillment and feel bad for anyone who hasn't taken their path. But the fact is that not everyone may need or want the same things." He's right, and it's extremely rude and ignorant to do that. 
 
3.) First, you clearly DO have prospects for a relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be open to one. Simple as that. Second, why do you have to meet someone in the next year or two in order to be married by 30? That's silly and rather immature, because chances are you're going to need to find someone with a similar vision for the future as you, and that probably means a short relationship and a short engagement. Who knows, maybe when you're 29 you'll meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and get married within those 365 days. It's possible - and the very fact that you believe otherwise is itself a limitation of the chances for success in potential future relationships. You are choosing only to see one possible way for this all to work out the way you want it to, and short of that you've failed and are going to live a long, miserable life alone. The problem is, that's not at all how reality works. 
 
You really need to start looking to empower yourself. I truly believe that the people best suited for relationships, are the people who are comfortable with themselves outside of a relationship. You ought to consider reading The Feminine Mystique, or at least reading the synopsis on Wikipedia... In some ways, I'm hopeful that graduate school and living in a new city will provide you the opportunity to open your eyes and not see so narrowly.

I keep both items in the bathroom because (1) I'm not really worried about it, and (2) I don't have a lot of space otherwise. The bathroom has more storage space than my bedroom.

I keep telling myself I only need 1 "yes". Then I go through my list of schools and systematically break down all the reasons I won't get into that school. And then I cry and want to throw up. I think this is more emotional than anything else I've experienced, and I've gone through some sh*t in my life.

Am I the only one who has a mini-heart-attack whenever a new email comes in? Every time my phone's email alert goes off I die a little

Different boat same sea.

All we can do is adjust our sails and weather the storm.

I swing violently between "IM NOT GETTING IN ANYWHERE IM GOING TO FAIL LIFE AND DIE ALONE" to "THEY WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE ME." Until I receive word one way or the other, I am going to be mentally unstable and volatile. Apologies to all who have to be near me.

i think we all just need to step away from gradcafe from now till spring. for real. 
 
but of course as always easier said than done.

If you throw enough shit at the wall, something's bound to stick.
 
Right?
 
 
 
Right?????????

And adding on to this: very, very few schools in general will notify before February.  This is likely the only time you'll be able to relax until April 15, so please try to take advantage of it.  You will need that rest to help maintain your sanity through February and March.

Programs that are more about the numbers I'm guessing can move through applications faster and thus notify their applicants earlier. Chemistry, Biology, Psychology programs are much more likely to have hard cut-offs right off the bat as far as evaluating applications. If a program gets 500 applications and can eliminate 250 of them based on GRE score alone, they're already well ahead of English. Also, don't deadlines for the sciences at least tend to be a bit earlier?
 
 
It's not surprising at all. It's not even halfway through January! Classes have resumed here since we're on the quarter system, but I know a lot of universities are still on break and will be for the next two or three weeks. If you're resigned to checking the Results Search page - still I advise, stay away if you can! - you can look at past years and see that mid-Jan is the very earliest (so next week sometime), with early February being really when the madness starts. 
 
Good luck everyone! I'm sure your applications are wonderful!