katerific

I forgot how much my liver hates AGU.

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A pamphlet, you say?

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I don't remember what I was doing when I found out my acceptance to my current grad school (which wasn't my first/second/etc choice), but I do remember being rejected by all the other schools.

(I should have been more excited about that acceptance, though, because it's really freakin' sweet here.)

I like Americone Dream.

I'd probably opt for the hotel, just because I know I'd be able to sleep super well the night before. When I took the GRE. I actually specifically signed up to take it across the country in my home state, just so my dad could drive me. I mean, I was planning on visiting home anyway, but I scheduled my trip home around the GRE, haha.

edit: also, good luck!

Amazing. These will never get old for me. Ever.



Uhhhhh, let me try. Prepare the sad trombone, because these are pretty bad.

1. Chuck Norris was admitted to every geology program because he discovered something with a hardness of 11* on the Mohs scale--his fist.
2. They gave him full funding and even offered him future post-doc positions because he later found something rated at 12--his resolve.

....Nevermind, I'm going to stop now for everyone else's sake. You guys, I'm so so sorry.


*note: diamonds are the hardest at 10.

u guize. I present:

u guize. I present:

don't feed the troll, please

Hi,

In 2008 I graduated from one of the best business schools in the PAC 10 and after running my own business for awhile I've been thinking of going to graduate school with the goal of becoming a campus sugar daddy before the age of 30. One problem I've been having is that they all want transcripts from every undergraduate university I've attended and one otherwise insignificant institution has most likely placed a negative notation on it. By otherwise insignificant institution I mean a low quality commuter school that I only used to get credits while between good universities and by most likely I mean that I got my transcripts sent off to a better school before any negative notation could be applied.

Circumstances

After a negative experience in the Greek system at one school I left my frat and decided to hang out at a commuter school before transferring to a better one. Shortly after arriving members of the campus "public safety" attempted to arrest me for a crime I did not commit. Like any innocent person I fought back striking those wimps repeatedly, spitting in their faces, and threatening to kill them as well as their families. Eventually the real police showed up and shot me with a Taser to subdue me before charging me with misdemeanor assault. At my arraignment my charges were increased to felony charges of assaults on multiple "public safety" officers. At trial I was found not guilty of the underlying charge that I was arrested on, but guilty of multiple assaults on "public safety" officers on the grounds that despite being low skilled rent a cops my assailants were employed by the state to do police duties and that state law criminalizes acts of justifiable self defense made against law enforcement personnel. I was given misdemeanor treatment because I was a first time offender and my lawyer convinced the judge that I thought those "public safety" officers were security guards instead of cops due to the fact that "public safety" does not contain any language that specifically distinguishes as police officers or security guard. Still the judge unfairly made do 40 hours of slave work that he called "community service" after rejecting my parents offer to pay him thousands of dollars to keep me from having to slave away with working class peons.

The university evicted me from student housing and I was forced to rejoin a far inferior chapter of my fraternity at that school just to live near campus after my conviction led to multiple applications to nearby apartments being rejected (it was downtown in a major city, so they do background checks). I hated that frat full of tools and when I found a loophole I moved back into student housing and got one of the nicest apartments on campus. Some months later I was stumbling home drunk after celebrating a 3.9 term GPA when the same rent a cop harassed me again outside my building and tackled me with no provocation whatsoever. Despite being armed with a quick draw pocket knife I allowed the pig to assault me because I knew that a justified stab and twist to the throat would violate my probation. He took me to the drunk tank and I went home thinking it was just a bit of harassment in revenge for when I kicked his ass.

A couple months later I got a letter from the dean accusing me of violating the student code of conduct for allegedly engaging in conduct to the effect of being "intended to injure another". I talked to my attorney who said it was baseless, but advised me not to pursue it legally because he was surprised that my probation officer was not informed (a drinking ban was part of my probation). I went to the disciplinary hearing thinking nothing of it, listened to the officer tell a truthful account of events, and answering no when I asked him i I had ever attempted to strike him or if I threatened him in any way. Like anyone I was shocked to have been found guilty. When asked to explain themselves the disciplinary committee failed to provide proof of a violation and elected instead to say that their ruling was based on the necessity to enforce "the spirit of the code", so basically they admitted that I never violated the code to the letter.

To make sure that the admissions people at better institutions would not have their judgement clouded by false accusations I marched right down to the registrar and had sealed copies of my transcripts sent off. Shortly there later my school of choice was happy to accept an ideal student like me. I later graduated from that school with a degree in business and descent, but a slightly less that 3.0 GPA. Since then I have launched a successful online publishing business that thrives on allowing anonymous users to say whatever they want and exploiting search engine algorithms to make sure whatever they say tops Google for whatever they are talking about.

At this point I think that I probably have four options:

1. Hope that grad schools I apply for settle for the transcript from where I graduated.
2. Apply only to my alma mater hoping that they will just use the information they already have on file.
3. Publish false information demonizing the official responsible for the negative notation in a highly damaging, believable, legitimate news looking, and libelous way using one of my offshore servers before offering to remove it in order to compel removal of the negative notation.
4. Hire people to personally intimidate that official into removing the negative notation with threats of physical violence.

What do you think I should do?

At this point I would have not problem extending number 4 to include the use of deadly force against the official and the officers since misconduct by the latter caused me to lose a job offer right after graduation to a less qualified applicant who did not have a criminal record forcing me into less profitable entrepreneurship. They would be dead already, but I don't feel like living the rest of my life in a foreign country. Forgive my language, but after watching a movie tonight about an anti-French movement my belief in the justification of oppressive official removal by any means has been reinvigorated.

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

AGU has a nice directory of universities that have programs in specific areas. This is a good place to start (especially early on), I'd say.

AGU also has Eos, a newspaper with job listings as such. Usually they're for people already with PhDs, I believe, but you also get ads for PhD positions and lab assistants.

I did the same thing that waddle did, essentially, although it may be daunting if you don't know what to search for in those journals. In that case (or in any case, really), I'd recommend looking at AGU journals. These are more specialized, so you can name a topic you generally like (like geophysics, for example) and browse away.

My professors also recommended a number of people and universities, of course.

Whenever I sit down to watch TV for a bit, I like to watch junk like Toddlers and Tiaras, Storage Wars, Real Housewives of NJ, etc... they are definitely guilty pleasures, but they're also easy for me to walk away from during a commercial break.

As far as shows that I like to see all the way through, I like Adventure Time, Ugly Americans, Venture Bros, etc. I definitely lean towards comedy since it really lets me unwind.

The one thing that I really hate about my program is that it's in a region where soda fountains have Pepsi instead of Coke.

Thems fightin' words in the South.

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

Amazing. These will never get old for me. Ever.



Uhhhhh, let me try. Prepare the sad trombone, because these are pretty bad.

1. Chuck Norris was admitted to every geology program because he discovered something with a hardness of 11* on the Mohs scale--his fist.
2. They gave him full funding and even offered him future post-doc positions because he later found something rated at 12--his resolve.

....Nevermind, I'm going to stop now for everyone else's sake. You guys, I'm so so sorry.


*note: diamonds are the hardest at 10.

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

Amazing. These will never get old for me. Ever.



Uhhhhh, let me try. Prepare the sad trombone, because these are pretty bad.

1. Chuck Norris was admitted to every geology program because he discovered something with a hardness of 11* on the Mohs scale--his fist.
2. They gave him full funding and even offered him future post-doc positions because he later found something rated at 12--his resolve.

....Nevermind, I'm going to stop now for everyone else's sake. You guys, I'm so so sorry.


*note: diamonds are the hardest at 10.

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side
Back side