wuglife427

Yes, yes, and yes to all of the above--both the stress, and the ways of coping with it.
 
And yes, people who say "oh, I'm sure you'll get in everywhere" really are the worst! I know they mean well, really I do, but… ugh. When I was drawing up my list of schools to applied to, I discussed a bunch with a prof and they pointed to a couple of the schools with somewhat lower admissions reqs and said "Well, I wouldn't bother to apply there--you can do better than that. I don't see any reason you wouldn't get into both Super Fancy University and University of Way Beyond Your Reach." Which, yes, great, vote of confidence. And I should be (and am) thankful for that, because confidence is exactly what I'm lacking. But also: pressure.
 
I find myself swinging wildly between two poles. Some days I think I'm a really strong applicant--great grades, great scores, solid language skills and preparatory coursework, clearly defined research interests, writing sample that a prof thinks is publishable, professors who feel so strongly about my candidacy that even though I didn't use them for letters they want to email POIs they know on my behalf. All great! All your programs are belong to us. But then I consider what a crapshoot, in some ways, this process is. I think about how the Forces of Fit could conspire against me, or that the sheer narrowness of my field of specialization means I'm up against a bunch of other really, really well qualified applicants for a vanishingly small pool of slots, and that things could very easily not go my way--them's the breaks. I don't have a solid, specific plan B lined up, but I also remind myself that if I don't get into graduate school, it won't be the end of the world. Sure, I'll be crushed, but I've had another career, done something else, and I have things I can go back to. I've reinvented myself professionally before, and--as sad as it is to think I'll need to put aside all my medieval interests to do so--I know I can do it again. I am not the sum of either my applications or of my past, present, or future professional lives; I'm a person with a life and relationships and friendships and interests, whose place in the world is not determined by what I do.
 
But man, that damn stress though. Five classes--all but one of which require a seminar paper--this semester, plus a (part time, admittedly) job, plus applications. This week was especially grinding--a test yesterday in one class that left everyone reaching for the bottle, readings for my Latin seminar that the Classics grad students and even the professor don't quite know how to construe (seriously--we get through maybe two paragraphs of text per hour), fast approaching research deadlines that seem to pile up one after another. This is a week after which I need some relaxation, and I'm taking it. I won't list all the things I do to destress, since Proflorax did an amazing job of listing them, but here are some personal standbies/faves:
 
Lean on the people who are there to be leaned on. I got home from my craptastic day yesterday and my partner, who can't cook to save his soul, had prepared a lovely candlelit spread of cheeses and cured meats and wine and whatnot for dinner. Just what the doctor ordered! Also: friends. Friends friends friends. Because I'm an older student, and we moved here last year not knowing anyone, absolutely all of my friends in the city where I live currently are PhD students in my current program. That's a bit of a bittersweet thing, and it'd be nice to have people to talk to who weren't obsessives about medieval lit in the way I am. But it's also great because they know exactly what it's like to go through this process. They know the right things to say to make me feel better, and they understand the particular and peculiar pain of having to slice your SOP in half for an application with a lower word count. Cook. I mean, this should really just be "non-academic hobbies," but that's mine. Research. Also mixed--if I don't get into grad school, all of my work on the manuscript output of this obscure Belgian monastery really won't matter. But until I get that last rejection, it will, and research provides clearly defined, attainable goals that you can chip away at, day by day. Plus there's the thrill of discovery, which is not to be underrated! Work on my languages--Arabic doesn't give a fuck if I get into grad school or not. Laze about. I'm going to work this morning, coming home this afternoon, and then do you know what I'm going to do? Not a damn thing. I'm going to order Szechuan delivery, open a case of beer, and stream scifi reruns until I'm drunk and fat and happy. Take a walk. Go down to the river and skip some stones. Get fresh air, and blood in the limbs. (Also, this is sorta necessary after the last point.)

Personally, I lean into the slump, if possible.
 
I found that forcing myself to work hard through a slump just made me feel slumpier.  I didn't want to work, so the quality of my work wasn't as good; I would sit for long hours procrastinating or staring at my computer screen instead of doing work, and then berate myself for wasting time.  The result was that I felt burned out and really negative towards my work, and I wanted to do it less and less.
 
Instead, I started simply reducing my workload during a slump and giving myself the time to rebound a bit.  I'd give myself the little easy/enjoyable tasks you can do, like data cleaning or reading articles.  And I'd take the time out to pursue something I really wanted to do, like read a book or go see a movie I'd been putting off or just take a long nap.  As I went on in my program I got better at pacing myself and building this extra time into my timelines - I would set deadlines with the expectation that I'd need a bit of downtime away from work to recharge.
 
It works for me.  Obviously sometimes you can't push it off because you have a hard deadline, but if you have the ability to set your own deadlines and give yourself the space to go into a slump for a little while, I think that's a good approach.
 
If you absolutely have to get through a bunch of November deadlines and there's no way to reorganize, then what works for me is to approach it like a big exciting project that I have to break down into parts.  I love lists and organization and so I'll start furiously making lists (using Wunderlist) of the items I need to complete by X date.  I break those into subtasks.  What do I need to get done each week in order to meet the deadline?  Each day?  Take things one day at a time.  Don't think of all of the dates together (which is overwhelming), think about the thing you are doing right that moment or that day and stay focused.

Comcast is the worst.

Thanks everyone for your advice! TakeruK, that is something I did not consider, and it is an excellent point. I've mentioned it to her, and we are going to talk to the professor about our arrangement and any topics to be covered so that no one can point fingers. Also, our entire grade for this class is based on a final paper, with the homeworks and midterms serving as "insurance"--they can help us if we don't do as well on the paper, but they cannot bring our grade down. There is no curve, and thus no conflict of interest. The topics I would need to cover with her is basically material from a prerequisite that she didn't actually take (not sure how she signed up for the class, but that's not my business). She really does need tutoring just to have to have a chance of understanding the course material. I think it's worth mentioning that she approached me to ask for tutoring and said she would pay me. If the professor says I should not be compensated, I will not take compensation, although that means I may not be able to make as much time for it. That sounds pretty selfish typed out, but I have a lot on my plate and can't spend all my free time on what would basically be a favor to someone I barely know.
 
Reinhard: Again, she brought up payment. Had she not brought it up, I wouldn't have either; however, based on her suggestion as well as my understanding of the type and amount of help she needs/wants, I don't think it's unreasonable to charge so long as the professor approves the arrangement. We're also on very different tracks (she's an Applied ling grad student going into language teaching, I'm a theoretical-focused undergrad hoping for academia), so I probably won't run into her much after this class ends, or at all once I graduate. Even if our paths were to cross again in a professional setting, I feel like we would be mature enough to handle a different type of working relationship. I could see how your comment would apply to people who are in the same program and on the same general track, but I honestly don't think our situation has as much potential to cause professional problems. Thanks anyway for your input.

Maybe something along the lines of:
"Hi Professor _____,
 
I am just writing to thank you again for writing a letter of recommendation. I really appreciate the time you put into it, and while I unfortunately was not admitted to XYZ University, I am sure that your support strengthened my application. For now I will focus on gaining experience in X field by doing Y, and perhaps in a year/X amount of time I will be a more competitive candidate.
 
Again, thank you.
 
Sincerely,
coffelovr"
 
Not perfect, but just something to break the news while shielding them from blame, and showing that you are dedicated to your education/self-improvement such that it leaves the door open for possible future recommendation requests.

Actually, UMass and Santa Cruz are considered to be in the top three of theoretical linguistics programs (along with MIT). In addition to having fabulous syntacticians, they do an excellent job of teaching you how to teach, making their grads highly sought after. They have recent grads teaching at Stanford, Yale, Brown, Georgetown, and lots of other top schools. I was shocked when I realized getting into Santa Cruz could be harder than schools most people consider top-notch; this is a very specific field, so you have to look at the program itself vs. its composite strength as an institution for undergraduates.
 
Argh ok Harvard is on my list...I copied and pasted the list from my spreadsheet, and it might have gotten deleted while I was working out the formatting issues. But thank you for suggesting it!!

Actually, UMass and Santa Cruz are considered to be in the top three of theoretical linguistics programs (along with MIT). In addition to having fabulous syntacticians, they do an excellent job of teaching you how to teach, making their grads highly sought after. They have recent grads teaching at Stanford, Yale, Brown, Georgetown, and lots of other top schools. I was shocked when I realized getting into Santa Cruz could be harder than schools most people consider top-notch; this is a very specific field, so you have to look at the program itself vs. its composite strength as an institution for undergraduates.
 
Argh ok Harvard is on my list...I copied and pasted the list from my spreadsheet, and it might have gotten deleted while I was working out the formatting issues. But thank you for suggesting it!!

Actually, UMass and Santa Cruz are considered to be in the top three of theoretical linguistics programs (along with MIT). In addition to having fabulous syntacticians, they do an excellent job of teaching you how to teach, making their grads highly sought after. They have recent grads teaching at Stanford, Yale, Brown, Georgetown, and lots of other top schools. I was shocked when I realized getting into Santa Cruz could be harder than schools most people consider top-notch; this is a very specific field, so you have to look at the program itself vs. its composite strength as an institution for undergraduates.
 
Argh ok Harvard is on my list...I copied and pasted the list from my spreadsheet, and it might have gotten deleted while I was working out the formatting issues. But thank you for suggesting it!!