Cheshire_Cat

Tired of being single. I cried again.
I also stopped praying and meditating these last couple of days, maybe I should get back at it because it helped me to let go of my relationship status for a couple of weeks when I began. I was surprised by the change. But I don't feel the strength to meditate and pray, I just want to cry. 

I have a really good adviser and always feel better after talking with him. I hear those are in short supply, so I'm very lucky.
Also, I found my dream home, so hopefully it will still be on the market in a month or two when I'm ready to buy. Given the town it is in has a shelter-in-place order, this may be possible. (Not worth it to kill the economy and that people have the virus, but we are looking at silver linings here) This house looks like it came from my pinterest album and I love it. It's a little pricey, but not so much that I would have a problem paying for it. Do I need a house as big as it it? No. Do I want it? Yes!!

In other news, I only have to go back to my graduate institution to clear out my desk and grade some papers. No more being accosted by homeless people or fighting to find a parking space in a garage six blocks from my office. No more sharing an office. No more teaching night classes in the rough area of town. Also no more walking to class in the rain. My new institution has the faculty offices in the same building as the classrooms. Also I'm moving to a cleaner city, with a new, cleaner building. And well kept parks. This makes my germaphobic self very happy. I'm pretty bummed I won't get to have a regular commencement, but there are some silver linings.
 

Yup. I am very blessed with that. And it is at the school that I always wanted to go to.

I'm in a similar position. My cohort has been tight-knit from the beginning and it really bums me out that a class we had a few weeks ago was probably the last time I'll see everyone together again. I wish we had known somehow and hung out before it was too late. The sad thing is that I'm a horrible correspondent, and as much as I want to keep in touch with everyone, I can see myself drifting away over time. I have a hard time making friends, and it was wonderful to so suddenly be friends (or at least friendly acquaintainces) with 17 other people. I'm hoping I can at least keep in touch with the few who stay in-state and go out to lunch when all this is over.

I know Covid-19 is causing problems for a lot of people, and mine are minuscule in proportion, but I still need to vent mine somewhere.
I am graduating in May with my Ph.D. Commencement is cancelled, so that sucks. But what sucks worse is that I can't go out and celebrate with my friends. I don't even know if I'll see my friends again before this is over. I live by myself, and the thought of being stuck alone in my apartment for two months is terrifying. I'm not even a social person, and it is sad. But not getting to see my friends is the worst. I knew I would have to leave them eventually, but I didn't expect it to come so quickly.
Also, I got feedback from my advisor which wasn't great... basically, the deadline to do the final defense came a lot sooner than I remember, so I had to submit my final paper before I was really ready, and before my advisor got to look at the final draft... So he finally read it and didn't like a lot of the changes I made. Ugh. So now he wants me to change it and get it back to him by Friday and I may have to push my final defense date back. Which I guess doesn't matter now because the whole reason we were doing it so early was because I wanted to walk at commencement, which is cancelled. At least I can blame it on the virus...

I'm worried about the long-term economic impacts and how that will affect funding and the job market. I saw someone online suggest that we could go through another round of what happened in academia during the 2008 financial crisis. I was fairly young then, however, so I don't know much about that. I'm curious if anyone can speak to it? What sort of changes could we expect?

You need to drill down on why you are anxious about continuing your education. If you do not want to be in school anymore, then don't do it! Grad school is not like undergrad. You have to be very self-motivated to complete it, and if you're not, then it is hell.
However, if you are just nervous about the application process, then that is very common. Gather more information on what you want to do and go for it. You do not know how well you will do until you try. Michael Jordan once said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."  

I'm very empathetic when I think of all the people with mental health challenges (especially anxiety) who must be going through an extremely though time right now due to COVID-19. I am not that anxious of a person, and I cannot imagine. I was bombarded with messages, emails, notifications, news reports, every 5 minutes (literally) on COVID-19. I can't imagine those who feel extremely anxious over this.

People who excuse their rudeness as a dislike of stupid people... Get over yourself. You aren't that smart. Also, being smart doesn't mean you can't respond to people with grace. Being rude because you think you're smarter than everyone is just a sign of narcissism. 
This isn't aimed at anyone. I just saw it on a t-shirt someone posted on facebook. As someone most people would classify as "smart" I think that this attitude is toxic. And it's usually perpetrated by people who aren't actually that smart in the first place, haha.

Congratulations!

I got an offer to be a tenure track faculty from a good institution. I am in a very rare field where this is still possible right out of grad school, and even with us, probably half of everyone graduating will have to take visitings this year because the market is rough. I am going to the school of my dreams, and I can't chalk it up to anything other than being incredibly blessed.

I got accepted to a doctoral program at an extremely prestigious business school!

I got an offer to be a tenure track faculty from a good institution. I am in a very rare field where this is still possible right out of grad school, and even with us, probably half of everyone graduating will have to take visitings this year because the market is rough. I am going to the school of my dreams, and I can't chalk it up to anything other than being incredibly blessed.

I got an offer to be a tenure track faculty from a good institution. I am in a very rare field where this is still possible right out of grad school, and even with us, probably half of everyone graduating will have to take visitings this year because the market is rough. I am going to the school of my dreams, and I can't chalk it up to anything other than being incredibly blessed.

I'm depressed. Ok, not really, but I'm just emotionally tumultuous. There isn't a "good" reason for it, it is just the stress of finishing my dissertation and finding a job and teaching two different classes. It's made me an emotional mess. Six months and this process will be over. I remember getting my acceptance and then having to wait 6 months to start, and that being a painful time. Well, this might be worse. I've been here for almost 5 years. It seems so long. At this point most of my adult life has been as a graduate student. I'm ready to have a career job, haha.

You are not alone. You don't need to pretend everything is going perfectly. I found that most people have a lot of sympathy for PhD students and understand how hard it is to get adjusted. Don't be whiny about it, but maybe talk to an older student about what is going on and see if they have any advice for you. If anything, a listening ear is always comforting.

Alcohol. Lots of alcohol...
Just kidding! Haha! Don't do that!
I am a Ph.D student, going into my fifth year, and I am very quiet and self-contained. I barely even spoke to my family until I was almost 20. People don't point out that I'm quiet much anymore, but they used to do so all the time. I would just smile, because its true, and I don't think it is a bad thing, most of the time.
My heart still races when I raise my hand in workshops. It's been four years, you would think I'd get over it by now, but I haven't. One thing that has helped is that my dissertation chair also has introvert tendencies. He also doesn't speak up in workshops often. I was in his presentation at a major conference once and he barely looked up from the floor the entire time and his arms were crossed the whole time. But he has coauthors who he works with and he is very well respected in the community.  So I know if he can do it, I can do it too.
As for conferences and other situations when you need to interact with people, the key to being interesting is to be interested. I am a great listener. I do go up and introduce myself to people, and then I mostly listen to them talk, with a few interjections so they know I'm interested in what they are saying. And I almost always have people to talk/listen to because of it.

Overall, give yourself a break. Try not to worry as much about sounding stupid or looking goofy. And realize that you aren't perfect, but no one expects you to be. But don't give up on trying to better yourself. It isn't a paradox to love yourself for who you are while also realizing that you have areas you can improve on in your life. And there are very few jobs that don't require communication with other people, so it is important to try to do as well as you can at it.

Have you considered asking the clinical professor to back you up? Not sure if that would be appropriate, but I agree that that's unacceptable. You're right: this is a workplace, not a daycare, and a grown man should not be allowed to throw a temper tantrum. Quite frankly, I don't think someone so immature and aggressive belongs in a PhD program...

Almost a month since I moved for my PhD studies, and all I can say is that I am really happy and enjoying it so far.

Being a grad student is like juggling plates. And right when you get a handle on juggling the number of plates you have, more are tossed in and you have to juggle them too. And then in the last year, instead of more plates being tossed in, you are hit by a car. Fuck.

I solemnly promise myself that some day I'll live in a building that wasn't built in the 1800s and doesn't have chronically persnickety plumbing...

This is a great start. Congrats!

I asked a man I am interested in for coffee. He has accepted. but I don't know if he is single... I hope so. (Maybe he thinks my invitation was a friendly one.). 
I pitched an idea to a journal for an article today.
I went to see a free music concert yesterday.

I finally found a mobile vet who put her down on Friday. She had lots of banana and I held her for about 30 minutes before she was put down. At this point, she couldn't even really hold herself up, but still had her personality and wanted to eat banana and give me kisses. She fell asleep while eating banana and then vet put her down, so it was very peaceful.

I finally found a mobile vet who put her down on Friday. She had lots of banana and I held her for about 30 minutes before she was put down. At this point, she couldn't even really hold herself up, but still had her personality and wanted to eat banana and give me kisses. She fell asleep while eating banana and then vet put her down, so it was very peaceful.