Butterfly_effect

My slides are not really usable. I plan to resign from the lab.   

Fellowship season is upon us, but as a second year student, I only probably have one potential letter writer at my grad institution (my PI). Most fellowships require 3-4 letters. Is it a horrible thing to have 2 of the 3 letters be from undergrad? For me personally, these would be from two different institutions (one REU, one my undergrad college) with PIs that worked with me and I ended up being on a paper in each lab. I just don't think anyone from my grad institution would know me as well. There have been professors whose classes I've done well in, but they can't really speak to my research ability. 

@Laptopcase: Applications for Fall 2017 will be due in December 2016 / January 2017 so if you wait until you've been at your new school for 1 semester before deciding to reapply, it will be too late to get in good applications for Fall 2017. So if you are set on the "go to the current school and then reapply later on" then you should reapply for a Fall 2018 start, not a Fall 2017 start. This will give you at least 1 year at the new school to get a strong LOR.
However, and I'm sorry that this will sound very judgmental from someone that doesn't know you. It might even sound a little condescending because you might have already thought about all of this. So you can skip the rest of this if you have already thought long and hard about it. It also gets personal so you don't have to respond to the questions here at all, it's more a list of things I think you should think about, having been in a similar situation in the past.
First, what are your goals post-PhD and how do they mesh with your personal life? If your goal is an academic position (e.g. tenure track professor or something like that) then you need to realise that this career path means a lot of moving around. I'm not 100% certain if you are not happy with your new school's current location in particular or just because it's not the same location as your family, friends and SO. If it's the latter, then it's important to come to terms with the fact that you might end up for many years in a location separated from these people. There are ways to reconcile these things though. For me, my SO moved with me (we're married now) and we had made a plan. Basically, the plan is by the time 10 years have elapsed since the start of my PhD, we plan to live in the area that we grew up in (where our family also are) and that being in this area is more important to us than the type of job we work on. So, the goal of my PhD has always been to develop the set of skills and experience that will best qualify me for a job in a certain geographical area.
Second, it's important to take stock of your relationships with your friends, family and SO. How important are they to you compared to the other things you want in life? If you have always lived in one place for your whole life, change can be scary and that's okay. So, if you are unhappy/afraid of change and this is causing your unhappiness, then it's likely this will go away after spending some time at a new city and making new friends. But if there are other reasons that require you to be in the same city then time in the new city will still make you unhappy. Basically what I am trying to say is part of growing up beyond undergraduate education is having new experiences and leaving behind familiar situations to take on new challenges. This isn't general advice that works for everyone, so if you are just nervous/afraid of new situations, I'd encourage you to take on the challenge and give the new school a try for a couple of years. If you will seriously be severely unhappy or distressed away from home (for example, maybe a parent is really sick and depends on you for care) then you would be better off not moving away.
Third, I think it's important for you and your SO to have a talk about your future. Are they also an academic? Does their career also require them to move around a lot or does it require them to stay in the same city/state/country or is it flexible? How will you balance your aspirations with theirs? What compromises are you two willing to make? What aren't you willing to compromise? Are you thinking of marriage or other long term commitment yet? How does this affect your decisions on your career? Are you and your SO going to factor in the viability of this relationship when making career decisions? Are you two willing to be long distance? For how long? If you're both interested or planning on a long term commitment, what about things like: how will finances work? are you thinking of children? when? where do you want to live permanently? does it have to be in the US? in a certain state? within some distance of a city? etc.
There are no right answers to the above questions of course, but I think that's something you need to get sorted out first before deciding what to do. 

OK, this topic has been going on for a while now. I remember I used it before starting grad school! After three years, I thought I might give my two cents. 
Note taking: I have always been a pen-and-paper person. Yet, I decided to go laptop for grad school. Two main reasons:
You can search you notes faster. For writing papers and/or sitting for your Comps, it is always better to make your notes word-searchable. Easy to edit. If the discussion involved a reference to a book that I didn't know, it is easy to add hyperlinks/side notes to that book. Also, I would go home and add historical background (if needed), or other information I saw pertinent. A good resource was adding keywords and their definitions.  For notetaking, I use OneNote. Free and websync so you don't lose your stuff. 
Laptop: I brought to grad school a 2010 Dell mini 10''. Light, easy to use but very old and very slow. It took it half an hour to start running (even if it wasn't shut down). For my third semester I invested in a MacBook Pro and it was the best decision  I have made. First, because I have VERY GOOD campus support for Mac. Second, it is as light as my previous computer but the screen is bigger so I can actually work here (13''). Third, because Mac is SO much better for viruses. I travel a lot for research so it is nice not to worry about one thing. Pay attention to your campus offers as regards software. Most of the software I can download through my school is both for Windows and Mac, which is great. 
Software:
Bibliography– I use Zotero but because I only made a choice when I started three years ago. It was either Zotero or Endnote. Choose one and stick to it. I would suggest doing some digging -again- about support on campus. For example, when I work on campus computers, I make sure I choose one where Zotero is installed for using with a word processor. Endnote is everywhere, Zotero not so much. Like OneNote, it syncs online which is great. Writing– I recently started using Scrievener. It is a great resource for extensive writing. It has many features that you sort of discover as you use it: brianstorming, corkwall, keywords, etc. The only problem that I have with it is that there is not a good extension for bibliographic managers. But I will definitely write my dissertation here. SO MUCH BETTER than word. You can try it out for free for 30 days (30 days that you actually use it which can extend over a longer period). Scanning– If you need to scan books/documents, I suggest CamScanner. It scans and turns your scans into PDFs documents, and then you can send them to your e-mail. I also use traditional scanners if I am on campus, and traditional cameras if I am in the archive. But this is an awesome resource because, let's face it, your phone has a good camera.  Organizing files– For knowing what documents I have from which archive, which one has been OCRed, etc, I use online AirTable. It's a database software but SO MUCH easier to use than access. And it looks nice. And it's free. And online.  Organizing research– A Gantt Chart. Always. How to make a good Gantt chart? Look up GanttTeam.com or something like that. I have planned my research plus the tasks for each time.  Misc: I always have a copybook, pens, and color markers on my desk, including highlighters. I often make graphic notes for prepping for lectures and I need color for that. Also, writing by hand makes your mind process your thoughts differently than typing so I always resort to hand and paper when stuck. My "drafts" notebook is full of postits, bubbles, highlights that look like a mess, but made sense to me at some point! Finally, I have page markers all over the place: my desk at home, my bag, my office in school, my pencilcase... You cannot have enough of these! 
Furniture: My first year I lived in a furnished apartment and bought a bookcase like many suggested here. On my second year, I bought this bookcase-desk combo on craiglist. Actually, the "little" bookcase on one end of the desk was the one I had before and I put it next to the big one as a bed-side table (my room is pretty small). The desk + big bookcase + office chair were like $100. Oh yeah, invest on a good chair. The guy also gave me his desk lamp . So never underestimate Craiglist for a good buy! On this topic: many schools have an office that manage furniture and many sell their old furniture really cheap, look for those. Also, ask your department to contact you with people that are leaving/graduating to see what they do with their furniture (we "inherited" a lot form older students: bedframes, side tables, washer/dryer). 
Finally, I am happy to answer any questions! All the best to new students!!!!!!  
AP
 

I would suggest talking to your current advisor about this. In principle I would think a 2/2 distribution would look much better, but this really comes down to the content of the letters on the one hand and how the selection committee is likely to use the letters on the other. Your advisor will know more about the content of the letters and presumably also about the selection process for this and/or similar fellowships. To me, a reasonable compromise would be 3 strong letters: advisor + 2 from other research experiences, and a weaker letter from someone else at your current program. 
This might be a good time to start thinking about cultivating relationships with other people in your program beside your advisor, because this problem is certain to come up again.

Nothing else has happened since my 8/9/16 update. Sarah has been eerily nice to me while Veronica has ignored me. I will run the lab work on the dusty slides this week. My PI has been out of town for the past two weeks.  
 

Disclaimer: I can only speak to my own experiences, and these are shaped in part by being in a well-funded science program at a top university. I can’t speak to the issues I talk about below in the context of humanities, though I imagine things may be worse (?).


 
Grad school as a student from a low-income background can be difficult, even for me, someone in the sciences who gets paid a great stipend that means I don’t have to worry about accruing any debt. It’s just kind of an odd cultural situation.

Honestly, things were much easier in undergrad. I attended a very small SLAC that prided itself on being inclusive and diverse. It had its problems, but as a low-income student I felt really welcomed by the no-cash campus and low-income-specific student groups. Even if we had problems with the administration, at least we weren’t alone. I held several jobs, but I didn’t have to. I just tend to be someone who squirrels away money ‘just in case.’ When it came to grad school, I was accepted to what is arguably the best school in my field. I would be attending for free and would even be paid a living wage stipend, and I didn’t even have to teach! I thought having the same stipend would even the playing field even more between myself and my peers. Or so I thought.

I didn’t realize that in grad school that it’s common to receive significant financial support from your parents. No offense intended if you happen to be one of those students; I just had no clue that that was commonplace. Because I got a full-ride scholarship to undergrad, and did research internships (or other random things) during summer, my parents haven’t had to really support me in a serious way for years. I recognize that I was incredibly lucky to have received those privileges and it’s not nearly so easy for others who just miss cutoffs for financial aid, or who go to a less well-funded college. I realize my experience is nowhere near the norm, but what surprised me the most when I got to grad school is how every other first year grad student seemed to think that their life was the norm. For example, my program is small, but of the 15 or so of us in my year, I think everyone has parents that are professionals: doctors, lawyers, or professors/scientists. One guy even published a paper recently with his dad. For comparison, my dad works in a factory and my mom didn’t work while she was raising myself and my sister. My set of experiences are very different from my peers. Not necessarily better or worse, but so different that it's often hard to relate. I'm pretty candid about my background, but I can tell it makes others uncomfortable at times. Sometimes the differences make me feel uncomfortable too. 

For example, some other classmates and I went shopping together. I am very money-conscious and enjoy window shopping, but a lot of the time won’t get anything unless I feel like it’s a good deal. My grad school friends bought new winter coats and boots and used their parents’ credit cards to pay. I’m not bitter about it; if I could I would totally do that as well. I just can’t relate. And I don't think they could relate to me either. I just loaned my family $2000 for my sister to pay for college because my parents couldn’t afford the expected parental contribution. Loaning my parents money was a very odd thing for me, but whenever I try to talk about those kinds of experiences, I usually get blank stares or weird concerned looks. I just wish I knew someone who has been in my shoes; someone who I could share these experiences with. 

I was wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat, and if you are, how did you find people like you/relate to your peers who seem to come from totally different worlds?

Hi, thanks for the response. Just to clarify, I don't regret my decision to loan my family money at all. I just mentioned those instances as times I felt distant from my peers, kind of 'torn between two worlds' kind of way, if that makes sense. 
 
I don't think this is the case at all. Maybe I was unclear in my description. My family didn't support me largely because they didn't need to (full-ride scholarship) and it's not like they didn't help out (I stayed home over some breaks, etc.). Also just to be clear, they didn't demand, they asked me. I was free to say 'no' and they would have had to try to get a loan from the government or something. Again, I really don't regret this decision at all. I am happy to be able to support my family (and it's not like I won't get the money back eventually). I wrote the post more to get perspectives from people in similar (or different) situations regarding navigating class differences in grad school.

Thanks for the reply (and thanks to everyone else who has replied!). And you're not a derailing voice. This kind of thing (relating to others) is exactly what I'm looking for. Yeah that's a great document. Here's the wiki link. http://howtoprepforgradschoolwhilepoor.wikispaces.com/. 

Thanks for the stories and perspectives everyone! From hearing your stories and talking with older grad students, I feel really positive about the future. People (myself included) will be awkward sometimes, misunderstandings will happen, and transitioning from one class to another isn't easy, but it's ultimately a positive thing.

Thanks for the stories and perspectives everyone! From hearing your stories and talking with older grad students, I feel really positive about the future. People (myself included) will be awkward sometimes, misunderstandings will happen, and transitioning from one class to another isn't easy, but it's ultimately a positive thing.

@Butterfly_effect thanks for posting this. Like you, I come from a humble background: my parents don't have college degrees, my grandparents were immigrants, and we often struggled financially while growing up. When I first started grad school, my mom was living in a trailer, and with my grad stipend, I was making significantly more money than her annually. I recently got my first car at 26, and it was a 20-year-old hand-me-down from my father after HE was able to get a slightly newer hand-me-down car from relatives.
What surprised me most about grad school was that most of the other grad students frequently complain about how little we make - to me, the stipend is a fortune! Because of the way I grew up, I am extremely careful now about savings, paying off debts, and filling my retirement IRA each year, so I was flabbergasted to hear from other students last year that they had "run out" of money by the first of June and had nothing to live on over the summer!
This year I actually held a workshop for other grad students in the department to show them how to file their own taxes - many of them had never had a job of any kind before (at an average age of 24-26 years old) and had no idea how to fill out the forms. When I told other grad students who grew up with parents who were doctors, lawyers, and teachers that I was raised in a house where we didn't have books, and I saved all of my pocket money to buy them for myself, they were shocked.
I've never experienced any condescension or rudeness from other grad students who grew up in families that were better off, but I think it's important both for them and for myself to see that there's something more than we experienced growing up. I hope that my presence in our grad program is able to better remind others how lucky they are to be there (as I myself feel every day), so perhaps they won't take things as much for granted. 

My bf is starting a neuroscience program as well, and from my time with him I've learned how he doesn't always feel comfortable or like he belongs in the same situations that I might take for granted. Being the first person to graduate from university in your family, having to translate for your parents, or teach them basic financial skills, or sometimes loan them money is all new to me.
However, both my bf (from a lower income background) and I (from a more educated and better off background) can not relate to people who have no sense of what things cost, no responsibility and no previous work experience, and who are still dependent on their parents in graduate school. I know many people like this, but both of us are unable to really relate to them on a deeper level or get along very well.
So although I know there are many things I likely can't relate to, I completely relate to being someone more frugal, who prefers to window shop, and doesn't feel comfortable with people who spend their parents' money like it's nothing.  That might not help you find a way to get along with these people, but you might just have to be polite acquaintances and not close friends.

I can only speak for myself but I'm on the opposite side of the fence. My parents have helped me throughout undergrad and I'm very lucky to have zero loans. I also was smart enough to use this time wisely and put a lot of money towards my savings. Now I'm mostly independent, they offered to help pay my tuition. I went instate for undergrad and I had access to affordable four-year schools. With the fellowships I was given, it brought down the price significantly for grad school. My parents offered and I didn't see any reason not to accept. I'm going to a masters program so it isn't completely funded.
I'm applying for part time jobs now but with my parents help I don't feel the pressure of getting a full time job. Also living with my bf helps with the cost of living. Of course I never bragged and only talked this with close friends. Not sure about anyone else but I know that I never meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I do know my peers liked to comment "how I always dressed so fancy" when all I was wearing was a dress or a sweater/jeans. I won't understand the struggles completely since I haven't experienced it for myself. But my close/best friends come from less privilege means so I'm not oblivious. I like to joke that my sense of reality is a little bit better than Lucille Bluth.

I feel you on this so hard, @Butterfly_effect. I am starting in the fall and really worried about what it's going to be like not just with my cohort, but also to TA for undergrads who have more money at 18 than I have in my entire life. I'm a non-traditional student who just came from a tiny SLAC, where there was a lot of money, but it was different- I was embraced as a part of the community, and my experience was, while not entirely bump-free, pretty great. Now, though, there's this power differential, and I'm not super sure about what to do to lessen those awkward situations.
What has helped a little in the prep is talking to other folks who are already in PhD programs and dealing with the same stuff. Out-of-touch cohorts, undergrads, and admin/faculty are all situations that have been discussed among my friend group, outside of my program. Also, a friend posted this recently (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vCjZLXBPY1p7iKz2jnviJa0YYIFlyT2pREad-CiFqtg/preview) and I have found it to be a source of good information, lots of common sense stuff, but it's nice that it's all spelled out in here. It's becoming a wiki, and will be edited further in the coming months. 
I know that stuff isn't really an answer to what you're asking, and I'm sorry to be a derailing voice. I just wanted to jump in and say hey, you are heard, and you are not alone. 

So for all those struggling with the cost of living here in Boston @Butterfly_effect@ts1493 Boston actually has quite a few housing programs to help with renting and purchasing in this stupidly expensive city.

http://www.bostonredevelopmentauthority.org/housing
Boston's redevelopment authority provides subsidized housing for people making about 70%-120% of the area median income. This nicely fits with what grad students / postdocs make. The exact income limits depend on how many people are in your household. It is a long-ish process, and they go through your financial background in fine detail, but the payoff is pretty nice. All new buildings with apartments or condos must set aside 12% of the units as a lottery for this program (or pay the equivalent to the city in a fund).
Anyway... I'd highly recommend it. You can occasionally find them listed on craigslist (I search "BRA" under the housing section). If you have questions about the program, feel free to message me. It definitely helped me offset some of my living expenses.
Other housing resources: http://www.bostonredevelopmentauthority.org/housing/more-housing-resources
 

As far as needing experience in your field, this is probably very field- and PI- dependent. The best way to find out is to ask. You got into the program, so obviously MIT thinks you're qualified  My program was rotation-based so when I was contacting potential advisors, I would usually use "Graduate student rotation" or "Meet to discuss Rotation" or even "Rotation?" as a title (depending on how well I knew the PI). My first email was something like this:
Hi Professor X, 
  I hope you are doing well. My name is Y and I am a first year student in the <program name>. I have been reading about your work and I was wondering if you would be available to meet to talk about the possibility of me rotating in your lab. 
  My background is mostly Z. I studied <insert past research if relevant>. I am excited about <reason why you're interested in in their lab>. I am particularly interested in <problem you would be interested in working on>. Thanks for your time and let me know if we might be able to meet in the coming weeks.     Hope that helps!

Hi, thanks for the response. Just to clarify, I don't regret my decision to loan my family money at all. I just mentioned those instances as times I felt distant from my peers, kind of 'torn between two worlds' kind of way, if that makes sense. 
 
I don't think this is the case at all. Maybe I was unclear in my description. My family didn't support me largely because they didn't need to (full-ride scholarship) and it's not like they didn't help out (I stayed home over some breaks, etc.). Also just to be clear, they didn't demand, they asked me. I was free to say 'no' and they would have had to try to get a loan from the government or something. Again, I really don't regret this decision at all. I am happy to be able to support my family (and it's not like I won't get the money back eventually). I wrote the post more to get perspectives from people in similar (or different) situations regarding navigating class differences in grad school.

It depends on the school. The first year when I was doing coursework and rotations I got scheduled breaks and vacations. I think I got 2 weeks in winter, 1 week in spring, and then major secular and Jewish holidays (my school is affiliated with a Jewish University). After I declared though it's pretty much like a full time job. I get at least 2 weeks vacation (some PIs allow for more depending on circumstances and how productive you are), but I have to ask for permission to take them. On the plus side, I can take them whenever I want.

I have a similar experience where even professors have trouble believing that students are genuinely struggling to make ends meet. I have had a professor complain to me about the school accepting MA students who work when only partial scholarships are offered to some  MA students and the others must work/live off of loans/receive parental help. I am one of the students working 2 part time jobs (for more flexibility in my schedule) in order to pay bills, etc. Everyone is different and we wouldn't be who we are without different circumstances and upbringings, but I definitely get the frustration that comes with a lack of understanding about different socio-economic status lifestyles. 

Yes, I know plenty of graduate students in my program are still supported by their parents, even when they are in their 30s (ex. phone bill, car insurance, rent, etc.) 
I have noticed that most generous people I have met in graduate school were all from low- or middle- class background. One of my former coworkers was an international student from a third world country, but he often fail to mention that everyone in his family are medical doctor and that they just bought a beach front house in US in full cash, in order to gain legal resident status. Oh, and he wasn't even willing to contribute $20 for a farewell gift for a postdoc who helped our lab research a lot for 3 years. 
Another kid (also a former coworker) was also bragging about he doesn't have to pay any rent because he owns a house that his parents gave it to him (he doesn't pay for property taxes) and he has a fund ready for him to use once he turns 30. 
 
 

I'm definitely on the lower end of means compared to 99% of students I meet, and while other student's family's affluence is never blatant, there are hints. Sometimes, it's how nice of a car they drive or how much they spend on food. Sometimes, it's the clothes they wear; I doubt anyone of lesser means has a closet full of Patagonia. Sometimes, it's passing mentions of what their parents do for a living.
I generally just nod and hold my tongue. It does feel as if they live in another world. Peers of mine will mention in passing that they didn't grow up with much money, yet their second breath notes how their parents can only pay their rent, not their tuition. Or they'll comment that their 'really old, junky car' is only 2-3 years old and probably cost more than my student loan debt when new.
I genuinely wonder how these people will do after graduation.

Disclaimer: I can only speak to my own experiences, and these are shaped in part by being in a well-funded science program at a top university. I can’t speak to the issues I talk about below in the context of humanities, though I imagine things may be worse (?).


 
Grad school as a student from a low-income background can be difficult, even for me, someone in the sciences who gets paid a great stipend that means I don’t have to worry about accruing any debt. It’s just kind of an odd cultural situation.

Honestly, things were much easier in undergrad. I attended a very small SLAC that prided itself on being inclusive and diverse. It had its problems, but as a low-income student I felt really welcomed by the no-cash campus and low-income-specific student groups. Even if we had problems with the administration, at least we weren’t alone. I held several jobs, but I didn’t have to. I just tend to be someone who squirrels away money ‘just in case.’ When it came to grad school, I was accepted to what is arguably the best school in my field. I would be attending for free and would even be paid a living wage stipend, and I didn’t even have to teach! I thought having the same stipend would even the playing field even more between myself and my peers. Or so I thought.

I didn’t realize that in grad school that it’s common to receive significant financial support from your parents. No offense intended if you happen to be one of those students; I just had no clue that that was commonplace. Because I got a full-ride scholarship to undergrad, and did research internships (or other random things) during summer, my parents haven’t had to really support me in a serious way for years. I recognize that I was incredibly lucky to have received those privileges and it’s not nearly so easy for others who just miss cutoffs for financial aid, or who go to a less well-funded college. I realize my experience is nowhere near the norm, but what surprised me the most when I got to grad school is how every other first year grad student seemed to think that their life was the norm. For example, my program is small, but of the 15 or so of us in my year, I think everyone has parents that are professionals: doctors, lawyers, or professors/scientists. One guy even published a paper recently with his dad. For comparison, my dad works in a factory and my mom didn’t work while she was raising myself and my sister. My set of experiences are very different from my peers. Not necessarily better or worse, but so different that it's often hard to relate. I'm pretty candid about my background, but I can tell it makes others uncomfortable at times. Sometimes the differences make me feel uncomfortable too. 

For example, some other classmates and I went shopping together. I am very money-conscious and enjoy window shopping, but a lot of the time won’t get anything unless I feel like it’s a good deal. My grad school friends bought new winter coats and boots and used their parents’ credit cards to pay. I’m not bitter about it; if I could I would totally do that as well. I just can’t relate. And I don't think they could relate to me either. I just loaned my family $2000 for my sister to pay for college because my parents couldn’t afford the expected parental contribution. Loaning my parents money was a very odd thing for me, but whenever I try to talk about those kinds of experiences, I usually get blank stares or weird concerned looks. I just wish I knew someone who has been in my shoes; someone who I could share these experiences with. 

I was wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat, and if you are, how did you find people like you/relate to your peers who seem to come from totally different worlds?

Time. And patience. You get to know them better, they get to know you better. If they are open and willing (and you can't make them, if they are not), they will come to understand where you came from and when an assumption they are making just doesn't hold for you, at least to some extent. You can't expect them to change their assumptions about the world after just talking to you once, but you can hope that if you have multiple conversations with them over time, that they will begin to be more inclusive of your point of view. It's really hard to imagine someone's life when it's completely different from yours, even if you are the best meaning person, certainly if you are not even aware of your privilege. Having actual personal contact with someone who lives that life is the best way to lead to change. 

I think we all sometimes feel like there are others better off than us, or that there is something different about us that makes us feel left out. I think because you're self-conscious about it you're going to be the one noticing things like this, not anybody else.
Although I'm not in the same situation as you, I do know what it's like to feel like others are in more favourable circumstances than I am. I did have my education paid for by a relative, but not being on financial aid made me ineligible for all summer research opportunities. This feels downright unfair when you're trying to apply for grad school and see fellow classmates presenting at conferences and conducting research with professors. And I know other people being able to spend their money more freely, or having academic or wealthy backgrounds, can feel unfair as well, but you have to remember that you've ended up exactly where they are regardless. People have different backgrounds and different experiences but still share certain qualities and goals. Try to put a positive spin on your circumstances and experiences. Try to find similarities between you and your cohort rather than focusing on the differences.