mk-8

Well... If you can't take criticism about a school that has nothing to do with you, then "I" don't know... 

In the time between now and when your TA assignment starts, do what you can (within reason) to prepare yourself. Start reading up on the material you'll be teaching, start corresponding/talking wth the prof you'll be working with. Take any opportunities that come your way to do a little bit of public speaking and/or leading groups of people in conversations. Baby steps.

Also, it may help to remind yourself that you are not going to ruin anyone's educational experience. The worst that can happen is that you might bore some people. If you set your standards of self-expectation low, it'll be easier for you to achieve those standards and beyond. Low expectations are better than crippingly, panic-inducingly high ones.

Best of luck!

The "confusion" is yours. The comments you quoted were in reply to post #14, not the OP.
Moreover, had you read the entire thread carefully, you would have seen that your interpretation of the OP's situation disregard information provided by the thread's title, the OP itself, and the additional information provided in post #7.

I am really intrigued by the different responses to this topic. This is how I interpret the OP's interactions with the student: the student is in his class, has probably chatted with him during office hours, and they exchanged phone numbers. Friendly texting ensued, and at some point the student suggested the possibility of relationship after the class was over, to which the OP said, "we'll play it by ear."

The only thing I think the OP did incorrectly was say that they'd play it by ear. It isn't a horrible response and certainly doesn't commit to anything, but it does send the message to the student that you are interested in her romantically. A better response would have been that you couldn't discuss that at all until the semester is over.

It's not clear if the OP and the student ever got together outside of school for any kind of social activity. I think that would make things murky. However, having conversations at lunch, in the office, etc. is certainly acceptable. I've spent many hours in the offices of my professors (of both sexes) talking about a wide range of things, from coursework to current events to movies, and so have many other students. I've also had professors who invited groups of students to their homes for dinner. So socializing in itself is not a bad thing.

As for trading phone numbers, that's also something that I don't think is wrong. I have the phone numbers of several professors for a variety of reasons. Some gave out their numbers to everyone in class so they could easily be reached. Others gave them out only to advisees or students on field trips or research trips. Some who do tutoring give them to students so they can call if they really need help with something outside of regular hours (I did this as a peer tutor during undergrad). I think professors occasionally regret this... on one weekend field trip for a course, a bunch of us went to dinner and then to a bar, and several of the guys decided it would be fun to text weird pictures and memes to our professor.

So yeah, having friendly text conversations isn't bad, but only texting this one particular student would certainly look a bit fishy if someone decided to investigate. However, having the same conversations with a male student probably wouldn't set off any alarms (excluding the bit about a future relationship, of course).

So I really don't think the OP has seriously crossed any lines. Again, the play it by ear comment puts you in some murky territory, but the mere fact that you are interested in this student doesn't violate any ethics (as long as you aren't letting that interest dictate how you treat her in class), nor does having deep conversations with her. However, backing off may indeed be a good idea to help keep you objective as well as help keep her focused on the class.

I obviously don't know what your conversations with this student have been like, but is it possible she isn't flirting with you?  I only ask because I've often struggled to make friends with men who didn't catch my drift of "let's be friends."  If I want to spend my personal time with someone, man or woman, I'll start with the obvious suggestion of inviting them to dinner or drinks.  "Have you seen this movie yet?"  "We should hang out when finals are done with."  It can get pretty frustrating.  One guy even told me he thought it was a date just because I wore a skirt.

Uh, no. The comment was inappropriate and misogynistic. Joke or not, this is not a place for these kind of comments. And this is coming from a guy...

^ Hah. Lots of people taking this comment way too seriously. 
 
No matter how objective you try to be in situations like this, people will try to play it off like you're favoriting the student if it becomes apparent you two are involved. Depending on your school's policies, this could very plausibly lead to a huge mess and set you back in some way. But that's already been said. I'd tell her that you need to stop things (whatever those 'things' may be, no matter how minimally intimate or flirty they are) immediately until the semester is over. 

7 replies and nobody has bothered to ask for the relevant data in this situation?  
 
Pictures, man. We need to see pictures of this girl before we advise on the correct course of action.

When you get rejected by a program, they don't write a personalized rejection letter. They certainly don't tell you who they chose over you. When the shoe is on the other foot, you don't owe anyone anything.

First of all, I think it's great you're planning on declining offers right when you know for sure you won't attend them rather than holding onto them longer. If these programs have a wait list, the people on it will be very grateful.
Secondly, you're going to have to email the DGS or whoever coordinates admissions, but I would also send a personal email to any POI you were in contact with. For the DGS, I said something like this: "Dear Professor [last name], after careful consideration of my offers, I have decided to decline [X Program]'s offer of admission. [if you attended recruitment, thank them for their hospitality here. Thank the DGS for any information/assistance provided. Wish the department well if it doesn't feel weird to do so]." For your POI/s, I would be much less formulaic and reiterate that you were excited to have the opportunity to work with them and hope you can stay in touch/grab a coffee at conferences/get in contact when you're in their area/etc.
Some programs need you to decline an offer through the online system, so look out for that. But definitely email the DGS even if that's the case.

I sent an "accept or reject me" email to the DGS last Thursday (I have other offers, and want to make a decision soon). No reply.

@mk-8 I have also heard that "New Tampa" is a nice area to live. There are so many options!

To be totally fair to you, opuskyle, I'm not sure we have enough information about your situation to really weigh in just yet, and these very well-intentioned posts are frankly making me a little uncomfortable on your behalf. There's some talk about how to move forward, as you solicited, but there are also some underlying assumptions bound up in this talk that, if they were directed toward me (and my situation), would probably be more depressing than helpful. For example, the advice about pursuing an MA could be good, sure...unless you already have an MA. In which case you probably want to light something on fire or punch a hole in a wall. The advice about retooling your application could be good, sure...unless you've already done so and you're in some cycle other than your first one already. In which case you probably want to scream into a pillow. There are comments pertaining to embarrassment as well, which are dicey to say the least. Granted, you solicited it, but let's get some further info so that we don't unwittingly and in good faith drive you out of your hopes and dreams forever.
I may be a little extra sensitive, here, because I've been tempted to post something similar and have had some pretty severe ups and downs the last few weeks/months - which is to say, I can relate - goodness, more than relate - and I could have well been the one posting what you posted. Verbatim. Those could have been my words, and had I received the comments you did - and even understanding how well-intentioned they are - I'd either go completely bonkers or else set the record straight pretty quick. I invite you to do the same.
Now, even if you are getting comments that accurately reflect your situation (a decent possibility, sure), I have more to say. I need to go ahead and disagree with the notion that a stranger can't or won't or shouldn't comfort you on an anonymous board. For all the talk about support and encouragement and all the warm fuzzies that I constantly see spouted around here, and the rhetoric about this website having the potential of a supportive and helpful community, fairness demands that it goes both ways, and you don't have to be intimate with anyone to commiserate. Period. And so, opuskyle, I commiserate! The plain fact is that this is a brutal process, and I say that if you want to wallow in self-pity for however long, you're well within your rights to do so. I may even join you! Just understand that it will only be productive to the extent that it's a function of how you process things, and to keep it within those parameters. Me? I need a good bout of letting it all out in order to move forward. It's not rational, but it is productive. Be safe, but yeah - throw on some Tom Waits or Beck or whatever and get drunk if you need to. Go on a hard run. Find a punching bag. Have a root beer float and a cue up a movie marathon. Etc. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that these might be good ideas even for those of us hoping that it's not yet over. What the hell?  What's it gonna hurt to go on some comfort bender only to get accepted sometime in April? I say, let it rip!
The other academic fields have spawned various incarnations of "venting" threads, and perhaps you'll find some good info or an outlet or material to help process on one or more of those. Or maybe you want to create one for this field (or bump a past one, surely there are any number of dormant ones full of heart-wrenching stories...). Or maybe all of this is in itself presumptuous and unwelcome/unhelpful, but that just brings me back to my point - I am nervous about the commentary you've received given what we know of your story, and I hope you'll appreciate my humble gesture of solidarity in recognizing the relative unknown of your personal situation. I know that for myself, a total shut-out this round would be it for me, for a lot of reasons, and as excellent points are being made about how this doesn't have to be the case for everyone, it does have to be the case for me. Whether it is the case for you, or not, I think depends on a lot of stuff that we have no idea about, based on your post.
Anyway. Best of luck, here's genuinely hoping that something comes through for you!

Hi guys!
I'm currently apartment searching in Tampa. I'm not 100% sure if I'll be attending USF, but it's looking that way. Are there any apartments to avoid/any to definitely look at? I've been told Temple Terrace is a nice place to live. Any advice would be very much appreciated, as looking at apartments from 1,000 miles away is difficult.  Thanks!

Congratulations!! I'll see you there, then (my flight was just confirmed and booked yesterday!)

Hi guys, I'm in at USF too (for rhet/comp)! I'll be at the open house in March as well.

ah i just looked at the box on the left and saw phd and freaked out. basically i should keep my mouth shut if i'm going to read so sloppily. for an ma prestige doesn't matter as much, and they don't fund in the same way phd programs do. i don't really know shit about ma programs. carry on! i might've had a few beers tonight...

Did you read that these are MA programs? No MA problems are placing graduates into TT jobs. And 12K for an MA program is a pretty slamming deal.
 
To the OP: to answer your question, what is your goal? Do you want to go directly into community college teaching after your MA or apply for PhD programs? The best program may depend on your goal. I went to SF State for my MA in Lit, which set me up well for a teaching job (I found out I was in the lead for a TT teaching job at my community college when I withdrew my application this morning) AND for PhD applications. There is very little in the way of funding, but if you are a CA resident, the fees are pretty low. Let me know if you get in! I'd be happy to answer any questions.

honestly? i've never even heard of any of those programs. they are not well-regarded. you need to do your research - are they even placing any of their graduates into tenure-track jobs?

while i am being blunt, anything but a 100% tuition waiver (or 95% at worst) is bad - like, makes me angry and i think is sort of unethical for programs to do. plus a $12k stipend is paltry, even with the normal full tuition waiver. here is a document that should give you an idea of what most respectable programs offer: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/lv?key=0Al9pLrYezRcSdGdUTk0zWk5QVUJFSGxVZ2FJQ1QwWFE&usp=sharing

i really don't mean to be a dick, but this post made me worry for you.

ETA: just realized it's 12k per semester, not year. okay that's much more reasonable. still, the other stuff i stand by, though it's a little less worrisome. definitely do your research about teaching load and especially placement.