Adelaide9216

I didn't get in anywhere last cycle. It hurt and was disheartening, but I planned to reapply. I actually ended up applying to programs outside of my previous field because my research interests were a better fit there. This change, in addition to all the rejection last year, made me really nervous about my chances. I found out this week that I got into one of the top programs I was interested in and they sent an email saying I was a top applicant. 
The point is, my GRE, GPA, background, and LoRs didn't change between the app cycles. This year I made sure to apply to programs where I knew I was a great fit, talked extensively to profs that I wanted to work with, and polished my SoP until the damn thing was shining bright like a diamond. Ultimately, this proves to me what we (and the programs) always say: it's not so much about the numbers. It's about goodness of fit and your ability to articulate that fit. Don't worry so much about the acceptance rates and published stats (unless the program explicitly states cut-offs or something). 

I have a bit of weight to lose. I wish I could create room in my schedule to go to the gym, but I can't. It's just too hard. I always end up giving up after a few weeks.
I have such a "rigid" lifestyle already (I sleep early and for enough hours, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I regularly drink water, etc.) that I feel like I would not have any pleasure anymore if I started going to the gym on a regular basis. I walk, one hour to one hour and a half a day, every day. But I know it's not enough. But I enjoy walking. I feel like there is so much pressure to do everything perfectly in this society. Plus, with my thesis and my research, I just don't see how I can make room for going to the gym. I enjoy eating, it's one of my greatest pleasure in life and to start restricting myself on that aspect when I already do in other spheres in my life would make me feel like I'm living in jail.

I spent my evening yesterday playing board games with friends. We ate sushi, pizza, dumplings and chocolate cake. hahahaha

I studied abroad in Budapest this past year and was fortunate to travel to many European countries. I spent part of my Spring Break in Paris and enjoyed it. I stayed in the 12th arrondissement and felt relatively safe. I walked around a lot (Louvre, Eiffel Tower areas), even at night - but I remained vigilant at all times. I stayed in a shitty airbnb, but would recommend single or women-only hostel rooms if you are aiming for the most protection at night.
In all my travels, I've had the fortune of never being harassed, so I can't speak much on that. I literally have a full can of mace that I've never used. I always walked around with my DSLR and a small backpack but made sure to keep them close and unsusceptible to theft. As a Black woman travelling in predominantly heterogeneous places, I experienced a lot of staring but that was it.
My biggest travel tip is to always download offline maps in Google Maps and Maps.me. If you don't have free data/wifi hotspot this saves the trouble of asking strangers for help or desperately trying to find wifi. This saved me a lot because I only had a Hungarian sim card and didn't want to rack up too many roaming charges. I also used Google Trips because they have a nice planning feature where you can map out your travels for the day.
France was definitely the most diverse place I visited, so I almost felt at home. I enjoyed Paris and would go again! 

Girl, I feel you SO MUCH. As a black female hoping to enter grad school next year, I keep wondering that maybe things will get better for my dating life there. But I have soooo lost hope on that. I had that same hope when entering undergrad, and I still have had not one drop of a romantic life. I've heard all the cliche advice ("It'll come when you're not looking", "You just need to put yourself out there", etc), and yet seen friend after friend get pursued by guys. Like, if you've ever watched Dear White People and seen that scene with Coco waiting for a guy to ask her out after all of her white friends have been, I feel like that describes my life.
And nobody ever understands how it feels. I have grown so much as a person to where, though I have moments of insecurity like a normal person, I am happy with the way that I look and who I am. I am not sitting around feeling as though I am a low-quality person because of this. It's just that one aspect of my life that I'm insecure about. Why don't boys like me? And it's never an easy question to deal with. You can never 100% know if it's the color of your skin (well, I suppose with real jerks you can), and that makes it all the more mind-gnawing. Like, is there something I can be doing better or is this just the life to which I'm resigned? It sucks too. If you're a successful black woman, then you're intimidating and emasculating. But if you're not, then you're just another  "ghetto" girl. There is no winning. I know I'm ranting, but with who my close friends are, it's not very often that I get to talk to someone else who gets it. 

I just got a 500$ grant for a conference to Paris in August 2018. The other applications will be done in 2018 but I'm really happy to have a little bit of funding secured!

Just want to pitch in and say that even if other folks wouldn't think of charging, that doesn't mean you are wrong or immoral for considering it. We all need to get by and sharing your story over and over again no doubt requires a great deal of emotional labor, that none of us should be expected to give time and time a gain for free, let alone those of us with marginalized identities (e.g., women, people of color, disabled folks, etc.). If this is something you are passionate about but something that isn't feasible or desirable for you to do (for whatever reason) without being compensated then there is nothing wrong with that. You're not less than for asking your work be valued in a way that is tangible and beneficial for you. 

Then I guess we can close the thread then. It was my mistake to have started it here. 

so happy for you! great holiday gift! 

I am eligible for FRQSC!!!!! Just got the email. So relieved!!!! 

It might be a good idea to calm things down a bit. One doesn't always get the advice one expects, especially from strangers with imperfect information, and especially on a discussion board where anyone can take the discussion in any way they choose. You can choose what to take and what to ignore. It's not personal. 
Personally I think that if you get a decent number of requests and spend a lot of time and energy doing this, motivation and passion aside, charging some fee actually makes perfect sense. This is especially so if we're talking about companies that expect to pay some fee and who would pay other speakers in similar situations. You may choose to volunteer your time when speaking to a non-profit or the like, and you can adjust your rate when you speak to a company that has a budget for these things. I would try and find out what other speakers charge. Maybe you know some other speakers who've attended the same meetings as you, who you can ask. I have a friend who does things like this and one thing she learned is that charging a fee means thinking of yourself as a professional, and it often means that the other side treats you with more respect and takes you more seriously. If they want to fly you out to speak in front of a large audience, they can afford an honorarium. In case it's at all meaningful, for colloquia and the like, the sum usually runs from a few dozen to a few (very few) hundred dollars. I give colloquia because it's good for my career and I wouldn't decline an invitation just because a school can only afford to reimburse my travel/accommodation, but I wouldn't decline an honorarium, if offered, either. It's simply part of the culture; it's not something to be ashamed of, and it doesn't change my motivation or passion one bit. 

I just want to say that I fully support you charging and I think you should get paid for your work. I second what fuzzy said above. To expand on it, I believe that if I am not being paid by my employer to go and do this, then it's perfectly reasonable to charge and get paid for your work. I do a lot of outreach work, speaking about science to non-scientists. I usually do this as part of my salaried job thru my university/institution. In those cases, I do not expect to get paid because I am still drawing a salary from my work and I take work time off to do this outreach**. It's part of my job description. But sometimes, I speak with groups outside of my employed role, as an individual person. When I do this on my own time, I do accept payment for my work, but see note below on charging based on who is asking. 
(**Note: As pointed out above, there are plenty of cases in academia where colloquia and invited seminar speakers get honoraria on top of their expenses. The amounts I know about are around a couple of hundred dollars per day. Maybe $300 for just a single day. I think this is a very fair way to compensate the extra work it takes for an academic to take time off to benefit another institution. There would be lots of cost out of pocket otherwise if academics had to arrange childcare, pet care, etc. due to the disruption in their normal routine to travel for an invited speaker role).
Through my work with my school's student government, I've organized events where we invite outside speakers. They seem to charge a wide range, depending on how busy they are. I've received quotes from as low as $0 (only travel expenses) to $5000 plus expenses. Obviously we had no way to afford the thousands of dollars range, but we've paid $500 ish for speakers before. 
As fuzzy said, you have people offering to pay you and it makes sense for you to charge. You asked how much? I don't think a number based on your hourly rate makes sense because this is very different work than your "day job". For this type of skilled work, I would say a rate around $50 to $100 per hour of time you actually need to prepare and deliver the talk, plus travel and meal expenses. You can charge more for larger groups too. 
Here's a strategy to talk about the price though. First, I don't think it's a good idea to advertise your rate on your website or any public place. This allows you to set whatever rate is appropriate. You should have a rate in mind for a standard talk/speech that is the "maximum" you'd charge (i.e. going the full capitalistic approach, what is the max you can get someone to pay). Maybe it's like $500 or something (for sake of an example). Then, consider what factors would cause you to decrease it (maybe for schools or non-profits, you'd charge less). When someone asks you to speak, determine where they fit into your hierarchy of fees. Pick a higher number if you're unsure because I very typically see something like, "I normally ask for X dollars per speaking engagement, but I am willing to discuss a different rate if this is not possible for your organization". This way, as long as X is high enough, you don't end up getting less money than you could have. At the same time, if X was really high for the group (and you really do want to help them), this allows you to be flexible and find something that works.
During the discussion you can learn more about their event. Are they charging admission? Are they making money or are they just barely covering costs with admission fees? Are they providing a service? Are the organizers being paid or are they volunteering etc. All of this can change whether you charge your full rate, a reduced rate or nothing at all.
The tough part is finding out where to start. Luckily if you are getting many offers per month, you can start experimenting. If people seem to be scared off by an initial ask that is too high, try something lower. If people are happily paying your asking rate, try raising it. Of course, if you can find others doing similar things, it would be better to talk to them, but trial and error is probably okay given that you're well established and have lots of opportunities to test things out.
 

The other good approach I see is a sliding scale based on event size that delineates profit vs. non-profit. 
This lets you have base prices that scale for, say, the 4000 person gig and the 50 person gig. It also lets you charge a non-profit differently than, say, a company retreat. 
I agree with TakeruK that I wouldn't advertise a price- I'd work out what you feel comfortable with and then have that on hand. 
The other thing you need to decide is if you want to go flat or itemized- and how you want to deal with this for tax purposes. Do you want to set up a business and bring the income through that? Or deal with it as contract income? 
These all have different outcomes in how you can deduct related expenses on your taxes.

I wasn't talking about deleting it. 

You could take a few approaches. One, find out how much other people get paid for talks. You can try to see if anyone who does talks lists their pricing on their website (unlikely but you never know), or you could ask some other people.
Second is to consider your expenses. What does it cost you in gas, food, etc. to attend this talk? And what's your current hourly wage? If the talk requires five hours of your time (driving to and from and talking, for example), charge your hourly wage times five. If you don't have a job, imagine what someone might make entry level in your chosen field and use that.
 

I think "how much" really depends. Have you tried researching pay for motivational speakers/life coaches? Usually, having an agent makes it easy to figure this logistical part of giving talks. Also, what's your field? Academia? I don't think people in academia usually charge for talks, but are offered travel reimbursement from the inviting institution. Does this make sense? Or am i totally out of place?

Happy Birthday! In my timezone you're probably already 25.

So... some of this is youth, I think. There's really no reason to wonder about what others are doing that you aren't because so much of it is about your timing. Maybe there just happened to be two people in the right place at the right time and you haven't had that moment yet. Maybe they read loads of dating advice online and follow it to a T. Maybe they have a secret talent for mind-reading and use that to find the right person. You'll never really know. And I'd say to stop worrying or wondering about it altogether because it doesn't serve much of a purpose. 
But also, you grow and change throughout graduate school and as you age (and, sometimes both at once!). What I wanted in a relationship at the beginning of my MA is quite different than what I want now that I'm done with my PhD. Similarly, the dating landscape has changed (e.g., Tinder wasn't a thing when I was dating online years ago). In terms of the online scene, some apps are known more for those seeking long-term/serious relationships than others (Match, eHarmony, and Jdate come to mind). Others (Bumble, Tinder) are typically used more casually though sometimes these lead to long-term relationships. There are also meetup groups for singles in many cities so you could try that. Or try volunteering for a nonprofit and connecting with people that way.
@Adelaide9216, if you're concerned about the potential for dates to basically be racist, you could try using apps where people have to answer questions and then weed out the ones who are racist. I've used OkCupid in the past so I know that there are questions in their database about one's willingness to date someone outside their own race/ethnicity and about one's attitude toward racist jokes, just to give two examples. If you go that route, then you can weight those questions as extremely important to you and then look at other people's answers and hide/block them based on their response. It's not a perfect method, but it is one way to reduce the potential for bad dates.
That said, I think going on bad dates is just part of the process. I also think it's important to get outside one's comfort zone and date someone who may not be your usual type. I've dated several people that are not my usual type. Sometimes it works out and other times it's an absolute disaster but, you live and learn. Thinking of all the dates as a learning experience (turn on your critical social science lens but only after the fact) can be valuable. It also gives you a chance to learn about yourself and the things that are or will become dealbreakers for you. I hope some of this helps!

I can totally relate. Leaving home is always hard. I left home on the day I turned 18, and now I am 26. As you know, I submitted my PhD dissertation not longer ago. I had been feeling very anxious in the year leading to the write up, although I do not have any mental illnesses. What has been the most helpful is an understanding psychologist. She also did a PhD herself, so she can totally understand how difficult doing a PhD is. I second lemma's suggestion that you should set up a team of mental health professionals who can help you. Perhaps your current therapists can identify resources in the city you will be in. 
I also agree with fuzzylogician that you can find someone to live with you. If you get on well with your flatmates, then they are undoubtedly handy support. However, if you don't get on well, they are your additional source of stress. Personally, I lived alone in the very first year away from home for that reason. I only started having flatmates from the second year onwards. I generally got on well with my flatmates, but we did not become very good friends that can support each other like a family. I am not discouraging you, but reminding you that family cannot replace friends. If you decide to find flatmates to live with you, get on with them, but do not expect that they will be like your mum and siblings. 
All the best! 

Hey, good on you for thinking of taking this step - it's pretty brave. 
From my own experiences and the experiences of my friends, the first few months are the hardest when moving away. This is the period before solid friendships form. However, if you keep on pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, within 12-18 months you have a group of people who will have your back no matter what. I found joining interest groups (sports, music...) useful at making friends. Sometimes you also need to be the person to propose something - be it an ice-cream hangout with your cohort, a study session at your apartment with the people who sit next to you, or finding someone to walk with you to pick up lunch. 
Skype is so helpful. It makes a huge difference. Something that might seem paradoxical is that my classmates who had the hardest time integrating were the ones who spent an excessive amount skyping home at the beginning of the year. This was because they were spending time online instead of meeting new people and forming bonds. Skype a couple of days a week is usually fine, but when it turns into everyday at the beginning of the degree, it can be hard.
If you decide to move away, I would recommend getting a mental health treatment team set up well before semester starts. Moving is stressful for everyone, and given your previous experiences of mental illness, it would probably be helpful to have someone work through the transition with you. 

You can live with roommates. It'll be more affordable, too. Depending on the COL in your target city and the stipend you'll get, it might even be necessary. You'll have cohort mates, and you can stay in touch with your family via the phone/skype. 

I just handed in my last assignment of the semester. 

I love my part-time job. This is a first. Always feel happy to go there <3

This is wise! Another thing that helps is to think about what really matters in a partner, not just what we might think of initially. I can't imagine someone who would entertain, challenge and support me like my partner, however, if I had met him a few years earlier I might not have gone on that first date. I had pretty rigid ideas of what made a good partner, and given what my previous relationships were like, I wasn't honing in on what really mattered to me. 

Hey girl hey. I'm 24, applying for PhDs, and most of my friends got married at 20-22. My friends are all in the baby having stage right now, so I feel you. This sucks. And, unfortunately, a lot of men are still intimidated by smart/driven women. I just try to shrug it off because I wouldn't be happy with a man so easily frightened anyway, but sometimes it's easier said than done. All I can offer is a cyber hug, some solidarity, and some hope. We don't need 1000 men falling over us. Just one, if he's the right one. And I mean, come on. Out of the billions of men on this planet, there has to be at least one with whom we can have reciprocal attraction, some shared values, and a good time. I'm confident that with patience, we'll both get what we want academically AND romantically.