rheya19

What degree at HDS were you specifically admitted to?
Also, fuck Chicago in this case. It's a great school and would prepare you well but Harvard is an amazing school and you'll have full access to the rest of the university. 50% tuition, living expenses, etc in Chicago will still be a metric buttload of money. What happens if you don't get into a PhD or you come to realize that you don't want to do it? Now you've got debt (presumably). At HDS, your debt would be massively lower and you could still construct a degree to make yourself an exceptional applicant to PhD programs.
Don't spend more than three seconds thinking about this, go with HDS' offer.

I never fell in love until I met my husband, and I was nearing 30 at the time. I spent my 20s traveling, and while I had one or two relationships, mostly it didn't fit my nomadic, expat lifestyle. By the time I was 28, I was living in an East Asian country, and I got weekly questions about why I wasn't married yet. A cab driver even asked me if I hated men. LOL. So, yeah.
Then I decided to come back to the States and go to graduate school, to which my father's only reply was, "... Well, alright. But just be careful. Men don't like a woman who's too smart." (Other Dad-Classics: When he saw me in high heels, "You know, men don't like a woman who's too tall." And staring confused when he saw me lifting weights, ".... ..... .... ..... .....")
I know it's been even harder for my girlfriends in grad school who are black. It's just shitty. But honestly from where I'm standing, you're only 25. You're doing fine. You're doing important work. There are women in solidarity with you, and you are far from being done meeting men. So hold out some hope on that front, but keep doing what you love to do.

This can range very much from school to school and program to program. Even different levels of appointments within the same program. And you may have funding from other sources than TA (e.g. fellowships etc.). I think it is a good idea to say that you are happy to hear the good news and ask if there will be more information about the TA position / funding forthcoming.

When I started my PhD program in the fall, I had trouble finding official documentation of my vaccines too, just a piece of paper from my MA institution saying that they had record of receiving that documentation from me years ago. So I emailed the healthcare office at my current school  and explained to them my situation. They told me to send over the document that I had, and the woman I communicated with was very kind about it. She accepted most of the immunizations and just had me get an MMR booster (which was free). I would say email whoever is in charge of receiving your immunization forms, let them know what you are and aren't able to find, and see what they say.

I just wanted to say I really appreciate what a great forum this is, and how much having a support network like this has made things so much better. 
This past academic year and a half has been exceptionally difficult for me. I entered my program full of beans and and have since felt like I've let my department and my supervisor down repeatedly. Life got in the way (changing doctors from moving, chronic medical condition deteriorating, spending weeks recuperating part of which was in the hospital, difficult supervisor, sexual harassment, death of a mentor, supporting mentally ill family member; you name it!) and it just spiralled out of control from there. I was / am the grad student department chairs cringe when they see because yet another something has happened. There are days I am convinced my department made a mistake and I just slipped in by mistake. (This is not a post asking everyone to reassure me I'm doing well and all that!)
I could not have done it without all of you, taking time to respond, support, encourage, and give perspective to strangers on the Internet. Many of you support each other without judging. 
A special shout out to the ?admin? and / or just really smart people like @TakeruKand @fuzzylogician and @telkanuru and @rising_star and  @Sigaba for replying to virtually every panic stricken, lost, and scared graduate student on this board. I am sure I've missed some people, but know I do appreciate you. My memory sucks from all my drugs, so I shamelessly blame that.
If you ever feel like graduate school is just too much and feel like quitting (that's me very often lately), come here. You are not alone. This community will support you...or knock some sense into your head.

First off, once you get what records you can, I'd call your university.  You're not the only international student they have, so they probably have a set suggestion for "How to deal with it if you can't get the documentation."  There may also be documentation in odd places.  I was looking at my high school transcript the other day, and it has documentation of vaccines on it.  Go figure.  Your various primary schools may be able to send you records too.
Secondly, I'm surprised nobody has suggested this: Couldn't you also just re-get the vaccines that you don't have documentation for?  I'd be hard pressed to get physical documentation of vaccines at age 5, but I doubt there would be deleterious health effects if I got them again.  Presumably, your doctor could advice which ones would be "safe" to double up on.
Welcome to the US!  I hope you enjoy it.  You're in a good place to get help adapting; I have found that everyone here really genuinely wants to help people get acclimated, both to their programs and to their new homes.

My grad school would not let graduate students enroll in classes if they had not received their immunization form so I would check to see what the policies are for your school and not assume that they will be lax on it - especially since this is a state law and not an internal policy.

Just so everyone knows, the UIUC strike is on TODAY! Let's hope for a fair contract soon!

@FishNerd: I think "partner" is very commonly used, especially where I am now. It's actually now my new favourite term and my partner and I are starting to use it more often to refer to each other. I have been saying "spouse" a lot in the past few years, especially on these forums (for some reason, "spouse" seems more naturally when written but doesn't sound as nice verbally, although I usually just use their name).
The reasons why I like "partner" is that it is the most true description of our relationship. I also like that it is gender-neutral and "legal"-neutral. By that I mean it doesn't require you to be legally married to your partner (for some people, they might come from countries where it would be illegal for them to be married, or maybe from cultures where they would not be accepted as a married couple). I also like that it doesn't imply a judgement on how committed you are---i.e. an unmarried partnership isn't any less valid than a married one. Our Graduate School policies uses this term as well because they don't want to treat married or unmarried partnerships differently (keeping in mind that some partnerships are more accepted by various laws/societies than others). So, for example, the school has benefits to help pay for a partner's health insurance and the school doesn't discriminate between married couples or not.
So I've been using "partner" more and more. Originally, I think people from same-sex partnerships and those who cannot or do not want to be married used this term more. But now, everyone uses it and I think it's great to normalize all relationships
Significant other is also nice but it's a bit longer! 

I began my Ph.D. program with a five-month-old baby and am now pregnant with my second (although in a history program, so no lab work).
To answer your questions in order:
Yes, motherhood in grad school is totally possible. It's extremely challenging and humbling, to be sure, but there are also advantages. For example, a small human is great for putting school problems into perspective, and parenthood eliminates perfectionist tendencies. I often tell people that doing the kid thing and the Ph.D. thing at the same time has been harder than I thought it would be, but I'm happier than I hoped I would be.
The private university that I attend offers two options for maternity leave: either I could take the entire semester off, forgo my stipend, and then tack that semester of funding on to the end of my program, or I could receive my stipend and work for only six weeks of the semester. I believe this is the federally guaranteed minimum in the U.S.; a friend at a public school told me she is entitled to an entire semester off with stipend, so you'd obviously have to check with your individual program.
Many universities offer daycare, but since the daycare is subsidized, the waiting lists can be long. Again, you would need to check with your program.
I have not experienced any discrimination or backlash in terms of support from faculty. If anything, the parenthood aspect gives us another way to connect, given that most of them are parents as well. That being said, a family-friendly department and especially a supportive advisor are absolutely crucial. In my experience, faculty with kids are far more supportive than those without. Other parents, both moms and dads, tend to approach me with a "hey, it's chaos, but great chaos" attitude, and provide invaluable support and guidance (accommodating the rigors of breastfeeding, helping me limit non-essential tasks, recommending projects where much of the research can be done locally, et cetera). So please talk to your prospective advisors, other faculty, program administrators, and students. Look for warmth and enthusiasm. If people tell you that combining a baby with doctoral study is a bad idea, what they're really telling you is that it's a bad idea to try to do it with them.

There are definitely professors with this perspective on their students-- that they should live for their research and put everything else second, but those professors usually have no personal lives or very dysfunctional personal lives themselves.
Luckily, there are also a lot of professors who recognize that you have to put your most important relationships first, and that your research is ultimately a job. Are there any other professors in your school that you'd be comfortable talking to?--not about your advisor, but about your situation with your girlfriend?
But honestly, just remember that you don't need anyone's permission to live your life. Your advisor can stomp his feet, but this is your decision, and you live with the consequences, not him. Don't feel guilty for taking care of your girlfriend or yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty; just do what's right for you. 
And who knows? Maybe if you move and still stay on top of your work (because you will no doubt be just fine), you might change your advisor's mind on the topic of balancing personal lives and research... or at least nudge his mind in the right direction.

There's lots of advice already on this website, as well as elsewhere. One important piece of adult wisdom is knowing how to use it -- use the search function to find relevant information here and elsewhere, and come back with more detailed questions. That will increase the likelihood that you'll get replies. (= help us help you!) What you're asking now will require a whole lot of time to answer, and not everyone will want to spend that time on this question, given that we've already answered it multiple times in the past. 
Another piece of advice is to start creating a network. Reach out to current students at your program to find out information about where students live, how much rent costs, if anyone is looking for a roommate, when is the right time to search (the housing market might have a yearly cycle and you'll need to know when leases tend to begin to know when apartments go on the market). More experienced students will have all of this information at their fingertips and some will be willing to help, I'm sure. 

I agree completely. My interview only covered research and potential career plans, but after they made an offer and when I visited, I asked a lot of those questions. They even set me up on a coffee date with a student who has a son so I could ask her about it. Paula is right that if any school is going to penalize you for having a family, then you should know that up front so you can pick a different school. ?

Personal life plans/hopes/dreams in general are way too tangential to discuss in an interview, but if you go on campus visits, either because you have already been accepted or because you are a very promising applicant, please do ask whether the department is family-friendly, how many students have children while in the program, what their experiences have been like, and if you can speak with them.
I don't think you (or I, or any woman, or any human) would want to attend a program that would penalize you for asking such questions in 2018.

Just to update- I spoke with a peer mentor who I really respect. They reported the situation to our university's EOO office, and now I have to meet with them. I'm going to make a plan for setting boundaries for what I will and won't tolerate, and draft a document with evidence of what was said and done to me in this program. One day, when I have a secure job, I'll let send this document to someone with the power to affect change. Thanks to everyone here for their advice. It all got me to go confide in someone.

I sit at the front of the room and stare forward, motionlessly, like this:
 

Yes. Yes it is.
When I have classes with people like this, I wait until the last minute to show up, make sure I sit as far away from them as possible and avoid eye contact when I can. I stay around the other women in the class, do not give them my phone numbers, and generally try to pretend I don't notice them because otherwise I'm worried I'll get followed, spammed with messages etc. I'm 24, but I look like I'm about 19, and I don't want or need this kind of attention.
In undergrad we had a guy in his early 30's getting his BA for the first time, and he was blatantly looking for a wife amongst us 18-19 year olds. I tried to be at a bare minimum not evil towards him because all the other women in my class told him where he could shove his perv attitudes and obsessions. To this day, because I tolerated him 6 years ago, I still get facebook friend requests every couple of months. I finally had to tell him we were not friends then and I have no interest in being friends or anything else now and to please stop trying to add me on facebook, commenting on my comments on mutual friends' pages, etc.
Some men, especially older men who specifically want to date younger girls, do so because they know they don't have the self-esteem or social skills to date someone their own age. Instead of working on getting to that level on their own, they either want to use younger girls to practice their romantic endeavors to "build up" to something more reasonable (like the op saying he'd probably only date the mythical girl who worships his every move for a few months because his romantic curiosity is greater than his attention span...ew) or because they think that a younger woman will not be wise enough or brave enough to notice or call out their inappropriate behaviour. Unfortunately, they're right.
When I meet guys like this in mixed classes (my university has some classes that are undergards-PhDs) I warn the young women who seem open to something to be careful because I've learned first hand what an inconvenience kindness can be. I actually wound up having a guy stalk me for a short while when I was younger because I didn't tell him to shove it when everyone else did. Age differences don't matter as much when the youngest party is 22+ because at that point, they have a little life experience, a little independence, and a more fully developed frontal lobe. But never should a PhD candidate be looking to date undergrads, specifically freshman or sophomores.

It may not be physical abuse, but it is definitely emotional abuse and sexist as well. Don't dismiss the damage that emotional abuse can do. It almost always escalates over time as they wear you down. Please seek counseling, and consider carefully how much your dignity and self-respect is worth. 
Sending you hugs and good vibes!

It may not be physical abuse, but it is definitely emotional abuse and sexist as well. Don't dismiss the damage that emotional abuse can do. It almost always escalates over time as they wear you down. Please seek counseling, and consider carefully how much your dignity and self-respect is worth. 
Sending you hugs and good vibes!

What you have already mentioned is unfathomably bad coming from someone in a position of power over your career. If there are worse things you haven't mentioned, I would implore you to seek help, especially if you state these are likely reportable offenses. It is really beginning to sound like you may be an abuse victim. I urge you to seek professional help.

@Comparativist lots of things that are legal are generally a bad idea, because they are immoral (socially suboptimal) or stupid (personally suboptimal). Laws and institutions do not exist to regulate every infintesimal aspect of your life, as if you were living in the warped world of We. Regulators assume that individuals have the wherewithal to look out for themselves in most cases where the Coase Law applies, or at least to listen when large swathes of others tell them that what they're doing is creepy and absurd. So please: what is the physical difference between fucking a 16 year old and fucking an 18 year old that makes the latter okay and the former not?
Why do you keep requesting science, arguments, and sources from me when you have none? Your argument boils down to, 18 year old girls are hot and not jailbait so I like to date them. Nothing about that is scientific. My argument boils down to, dudes like you are creepy, gross, and usually misogynists. I have no illusions about convincing you that you're creepy and gross, or even that you should just maybe think about why you dislike women your age and need to be 10 years older than a woman to be vulnerable with her. Your personal development is none of my concern.
Telling me that men like you are not creepy and gross because reasons is absolutely mansplaining. How many 30 year old dudes did you date as a 19 year old girl? I'm gonna guess 0. I'm speaking from experience and you're speaking out of your ass. That's not in itself mansplaining - but it becomes mansplaining when you presume to tell a woman what the female heterosexual dating experience looks like because you think you know better.

Look, friend, nobody would have a problem if you said: "The dating pool in my town tends to skew young, and I like dating women who like exploring and trying new things—which has tended to correlate with women being in their early or mid twenties. That structural availability plus my personality preference has influenced my dating history in a younger direction. I don't drink, too, which reduces the sense of the social age gap. As I age, I may always like having high-energy partners—which again correlates with 'women younger than me'—but I expect that when I am 35 I will be interested in women 20-30, at 40, maybe 25-35, that kind of thing." I don't think it's a great dynamic to be as prevalent in our society as it is, but it's not something I'm going to criticize at an individual level. I don't have a problem with you thinking to yourself, "Younger women are especially fit and attractive!" In the privacy of your head, that's your business. (I advise you not to say that to an actual woman. It is unlikely to be well received.) But you keep saying 18-26 is your preferred range. From what you've said about your age—over 30?—we're arguing that you should move your minimum expected age to, like, 20. We're not arguing that you can't make an exception, that a relationship between an 18 year old and a 32 year old can't be cool, but as a former teenage woman, I would feel a lot better if that would be an exception, rather than part of the age range you say you're still looking for.

We're not skewing the representation of your position. You like dating teenagers. 19 is teen-aged. You also use the term "girls" as opposed to "women" to discuss those you desire to have intimate relationships with. Not only are they not adults, it is clear that you do not even conceive of them as such.
In reference to your earlier point, I do not think people need to wait until their mid twenties to date. As you pointed out, that would be asinine. I think until they are in their mid twenties they need to date people nearer them in age. Why any adult would want to be with a child (or if it makes you feel better, "a young person with a brain that is not yet fully matured")makes zero sense outside of pedophilia.