a_sort_of_fractious_angel

You've given me an idea for every time my mother calls. 
11/10 agree you're selected to all. 11/10 believe they are staring at the phone during the weekdays - waiting, hoping, praying you'll call back. Have you gotten any voicemails of just breathing? I'm assuming several. Nerves, you know - crazy things.

So...I am a huge planner/overthinker, and the fact that I have no idea where I'll be living seven months from now is really starting to wear on me. Ugh. I just want some answers, so I can start planning visits, housing, envisioning myself living in the town, etc. How is it only January? -cry face emoji-

I think you're within your rights to spam call back. Repeatedly. 

Next time:
"ARE YOU PRINCETON? NO?" click.

Same thing happened to me yesterday, but Google revealed that the number is of a known spammer. I've never been so disappointed to have been spam called! Sad face  
 

Today at 4:54 pm, I was called by an unknown number. The area code matched an area code for one of the schools to which I have applied - I know this since I made all list of all the possible areas codes for all the schools to which I have applied and I keep it on my person at all times because Constant Vigilance.
So, I have my phone in my right hand and my list in my left and I realize that the first 3 numbers in the phone number are the same as the first 3 numbers of one phone number on the page.
I reject the call, naturally, because I am scared. 
I then stare at my phone, waiting for the voicemail notification, and think to myself - after about 15 minutes - "wow this is a really long voicemail, they must be really excited for me. maybe I got a double scoop of funding."
It is now 5:59 pm - I will admit there is no voicemail notification, but I'm just not confident that there is no actual voicemail. It's probably stuck, like a text, and is on its way. 
While I wait for it get unstuck, I'm going to fashion a "One Week of Waiting" chip for myself out of two beer bottle tops and a glue stick. 
Semi-related, hello and welcome to the deadzone, @Dogfish Head - I made it one week before collapsing into the third rail. May you make it at least 8 days. 

Today at 4:54 pm, I was called by an unknown number. The area code matched an area code for one of the schools to which I have applied - I know this since I made all list of all the possible areas codes for all the schools to which I have applied and I keep it on my person at all times because Constant Vigilance.
So, I have my phone in my right hand and my list in my left and I realize that the first 3 numbers in the phone number are the same as the first 3 numbers of one phone number on the page.
I reject the call, naturally, because I am scared. 
I then stare at my phone, waiting for the voicemail notification, and think to myself - after about 15 minutes - "wow this is a really long voicemail, they must be really excited for me. maybe I got a double scoop of funding."
It is now 5:59 pm - I will admit there is no voicemail notification, but I'm just not confident that there is no actual voicemail. It's probably stuck, like a text, and is on its way. 
While I wait for it get unstuck, I'm going to fashion a "One Week of Waiting" chip for myself out of two beer bottle tops and a glue stick. 
Semi-related, hello and welcome to the deadzone, @Dogfish Head - I made it one week before collapsing into the third rail. May you make it at least 8 days. 

I am officially applied to all of my programs! Now time to wait for what will seem like an eternity.

Congrats to recipient of the Emory interview!  Woo! 

I was thinking the exact same thing - sadly, I'd guess this week will be quiet overall (at least for my programs.) BUT! That brings us to the week of the 22nd - could get interesting. 
Maybe. 
I am now pro at flipping from GC results to the portal to my email within a minute (20 seconds for each page) - I guess this is my hobby now.

I was thinking the exact same thing - sadly, I'd guess this week will be quiet overall (at least for my programs.) BUT! That brings us to the week of the 22nd - could get interesting. 
Maybe. 
I am now pro at flipping from GC results to the portal to my email within a minute (20 seconds for each page) - I guess this is my hobby now.

Same, and I’m not even the applicant, which is rather sad...

I was thinking the exact same thing - sadly, I'd guess this week will be quiet overall (at least for my programs.) BUT! That brings us to the week of the 22nd - could get interesting. 
Maybe. 
I am now pro at flipping from GC results to the portal to my email within a minute (20 seconds for each page) - I guess this is my hobby now.

Dunno if this is helpful to you, @Warelin, but Rutgers (New Brunswick) English dept emailed me on Jan 8th saying that my application was "almost complete" (a letter was missing) and that the letter was due by Jan 15th. I'm not sure if a SOP or WS would be included under the umbrella of missing materials (as the SOP is uploaded with the Grad School application as well as later, along with the WS, CV, etc. - maybe?) but perhaps this info is of use to you.
Also, FWIW, the portal (as of today) is not updated - I emailed to confirm receipt that my application was now considered "complete" by the department.
 

I would go back to my university and sell barbecue to the students. Can't stop a foodie from doing what he likes.

I'm a bit late to this but here's my anecdote about passing a language exam for my MA in English.
I was emailed a journal article (about literature) by the French department and I had an hour (maybe 90 minutes?) to translate a part of it into passable English. I was permitted to translate between 500-1000 words and was allowed a dictionary and a grammar chart to help myself along. To prepare for the exam, I bought a book off of Amazon that was made specifically for graduate students needing to pass this kind of exam. The book is called French for Reading (authors are Karl C Sandberg and Eddison C Tatham) - it was a fantastic resource and helped me get comfy enough with French to stumble my way through without panic. I'm not sure if there is one for every language but if you need (or can swing) French for your area, it's a handy little book.
FWIW, I wasn't all that familiar with French prior to my MA - I took two semesters (101 and 102) as an undergraduate and did alright but not great (I freeze during oral testing of foreign languages).
My sense was that the book + a basic familiarity with the language + minimal preparation (an hour or two for 4-5 days a week for about 4 weeks prior to the exam) got me to a point where I could piece together enough of the sentences/paragraphs to figure out what was going on. And I passed, so that is cool.
Also FWIW, the PhD students in my program (which is consistently ranked top 10-15) had the option to do two of these tests OR to do a more intensive exam that (I think?) required speaking on top of reading. As we all know, not every program is the same but my sense is that - unless a program or field makes clear that an applicant needs to really be good with language (med/ren peeps, I'm looking at you) - you'll be OK and can definitely explore ways to get it done once you get to your program.
One fact and one myth to conclude:
Fact: our department had a connection to language summer sessions that many PhD students enrolled in - six weeks of intensive language learning and a test RIGHT at the end which our dept. accepted as "proof" of proficiency. My guess is that other programs have this option or something similar. 
Myth: I had a peer who went to the DGS to ask about the language exam. They told him they were raised (and subsequently) fluent in another language. He "tested" them right there on the spot and signed off on their language requirement after about 10 minutes. Dunno if this is as true as I'd like to be, but it makes me laugh.
All to say, there's probably several avenues to learning the language you need and you can find support along the way, especially since you're thinking about it now. And my friends who are currently PhD students at various institutions have never expressed a concern for this test (though they are freaking out about their 3rd year oral exams right now, haha).
 

Arizona Late February-Early March
  Arizona State Mid February
  Berkeley Early February
 
Boston C  
Late January
 
Boston U Mid to Late January
 
Brown Early February Buffalo Mid February
  Carnegie Mellon Early February
  Chicago Interviews in Mid January Claremont Late February
  Colorado Mid to Late February Columbia Late February Connecticut Early February Cornell Mid February CUNY Mid February Davis Early February Delaware Late January to Early February
  Duke Mid January
  Emory Interview requests send out in Mid January.
  Florida Early March Florida State Early March Fordham Mid February George Washington Late February Harvard Late February Houston Mid March Indiana University Early Feb to Early March Irvine Mid February Johns Hopkins Late January to Early February Kansas Middle February LSU Early to Mid March
  Maryland Interview requests have been sent.
  Massachusetts Mid February
  Miami University Early to Mid February Michigan Late February Michigan State Mid to Late January Mississippi Mid March Missouri Mid February

A good friend of mine here at Cal got in — both to here and to a range of other schools (Yale, Penn, Columbia, etc) — with no less than five (at least; I don’t remember the actual tally) typos in their SOP. Which is to say: it really, really doesn’t matter!
Still, though: don’t reread your materials. That way madness lies!

In the very first app I submitted (I corrected it before the other five went in, thankfully...) I referred to a character by the wrong name in my lit analysis writing sample.
Twice. 

I know I'll find bloopers galore if I dig, but I'm holding myself back from looking at any of my documents for sanity's sake. 

I have one in the works! Will be posted later tonight.

Congratulations to your husband and permanent congratulations to any sliver of good news that is posted here in the next few months.
I am also one of those constantly checking portals every night just in case.

Don't stress about that! UCLA is also displaying mine as "Not Recieved" and I sent them in about 4 months ago. I doubt it has anything to do with the English department specifically. In November, when the application portal was down, I spoke on the phone with someone in the admissions department and someone in the English department. Apparently, it has been nonstop  tech drama for UCLA admissions this year, and both people I spoke with were extraordinarily kind but sounded a little stressed out. 

Hey! Awesome! I'm not familiar with Yoon Ha Lee, but I'll look the novel up - it sounds fantastic!
The author I worked on (and who I highly recommend) is Nalo Hopkinson; she has several novels and collections of stories. Midnight Robber juxtaposes Caribbean myth figures and dimensional space travel and there's a racialized computer network - it's awesome. 11/10 recommend. 

I don't know! What an oversight! Haha! 
And omg, that happened to me as well. Nutty. And do! Mine are part of the reason I'm applying to all PA schools/schools within a 5 hour driving distance of Philly (aside from UMich, because, UMich).
Why? Because I did not bring mine to my MA program location and subsequently didn't ride for 2 years. I did, however, hit a total mental wall and became extremely burnt out/broke down halfway through the program.
Are these two things related? I would not say "no," haha.
So, yes - bring the horses! And, to all on this thread - make sure to do The Things You Enjoy while in a program. Make time for that stuff - it'll keep you balanced and help you be a better scholar.