E-P

Just made an appointment at the career counseling center for tomorrow!

Yeah, doubt he remembers a dream from a year ago. Sounds more like the guy just wants to cheat on his wife with you, but didn't want to outright say it, and wanted to see if you were cool with it so he made up some "dream" story to make it sound less shitty. I'd say that's probably worse than the actual desire of him to cheat on his wife. 

I agree with you. I told him I had no romantic feelings for him also. He needs to leave his partner, he knows he is unhappy and that things won't work.

That's not cool.  Your friend needs to keep his dreams in his hands and his lusts in his pants.  Either man up and leave his wife, or get some therapy and make it work.  Either way, keep his wandering thoughts away from you.  That's no way to treat a friend.

I'm all angsty because my "job" is not normal, and pays nothing, and I'm literally just hanging out in my apartment all day trying to research, and I feel like I'm not a normal human being anymore, but duh, what normal human being would go into academia in the first place.  And I need to go out more, but I don't want to go out more because I'm an introvert and apparently something is wrong with me. Also I'm broke AF and in debt, and don't get paid until September. And the people I hang out with are all accountants and normal people and go do things that cost money and I don't want to spend money.

I looked at the History department’s group from last year, and I think they only give 1-2 Ross fellowships/year. They take roughly 6-10 new phd students and then give 1-2 the fellowship. Or nominate. I think it’s a nominated award.

I'm not in your field, but I have a tool you can use!

Everyone has their own criteria, so, as Adelaide mentioned, it's tough to give general advice, since we don't know what your priorities are.  For example, when I was choosing my school (Boiler Up!), I decided that program prestige, social politics, closeness to friends/family/support network, and cost of living were important.  So I created a ranking tool to allow custom-rankings, and I've released it for all to use.  Here's the post with information:
 
 
 

This came up in another thread, and I realized that I could make it available for people who are applying in the future.  So, my gift to you is: The ability to compare universities, Apples-to-Apples.
 
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1EBayVkXRcYS4ECviOkApehEO_oEedMKM5P7K9UNmYhM/edit?usp=sharing
 
This spreadsheet allows you to determine the characteristics of a university that are important to you and how important each individual characteristic is.  Then, it allows you to put in the various rankings, make them all apples-to-apples comparable, and spits out a ranking.
 
I only used six criteria, but you may very well have more, so I created 20 columns so that anyone who was really particular had enough space to work.  Of course, it'll work with more, you'll just have to add them on your own.
 
Remember, this is only a start.  Ultimately, if you discover that your top ranked school is someplace you really dislike, your happiness for your graduate program will also affect your success....so once you have the quantitative number, apply your qualitative brain.
 
If you use this (even if it's many years from now), let me know. :-)
 
 
 
 

@SetDec I moved to Chicago from Central Texas, so I know that pain.  I'm not sure what gender you are, so your experience may be different from mine.  My spouse, who is male, has far fewer "winter clothes," but rarely complains about being cold.
For me, being content in the winter consists of three items:
1. Shoes.  Depending on how cold it is and how long you're going to be outside, the main goal is to have shoes with good tread on them.  That's so they don't slip on ice/snow.  Some shoes exist that have heat reflective/etc stuff in them too, but I don't really find that necessary unless I'm going to be outside for long periods of time or it's extremely cold (like, 0 degrees F).  I have a couple of pairs of police/combat boots that I generally wear, and a pair of duck boots I reserve for cold+wet days.
2. Coats/jackets/hoodies.  You can often pair these - so, put a hoodie under your coat.  Check out secondhand shops, because good coats tend to be expensive.  North Face and Columbia are good brands.  Look for coats that are rated for skiing.  I also suggest, assuming you'll have a desk, keeping a hoodie at your desk as a matter of course. Don't buy any coat that's white - snow only stays pretty for about a minute, and then cars turn it into sludge.  That sludge will get onto your coat.
3. Layers.  My favorite "Type" of layer is CuddleDuds.  They're soft, effective, cozy, etc.  You can get them on sale at Kohls or Sears for about $10 each.  I tend to cycle through 3 of each.
Really, if you have a good pair of shoes and a solid coat, you'll be fine.  Anything more than that you'll pick up along the way.  Embrace thrift shops - and keep in mind that thrift shops switch out their inventory, so you won't see much winter wear right now. You'll find that you do the same.  I have two tubs that are labeled "seasonal."  Twice a year, I dump out all my upcoming-season stuff, and pack away all my previous-season stuff.

Thanks for the advice. 
Already had a meeting with both the academic director and financial aid. That didn't produce anything helpful. I'm already getting a $40,000 scholarship, so the university is not going to give me any more money. I might earn more through awards as I perform well, but that can't be predicted or counted on.
There's not a nonprofit subtopic, else I would post there. 
I'm not willing to delay a year, as it throws off a lot of things in my personal life. And, Vanderbilt has always been a dream of mine, so I get just as much personal satisfaction out of going there as I do professionally. I started at community college and have been working my way up the ranks to finally attend an institution such as that. I had offers from other schools, but once Vanderbilt said yes, my decision was certain. I'm not willing to go anywhere else, so I am okay with the price tag. Just trying to figure out how to mitigate debt as much as possible. 
My car terms are fine at 2.9% interest. I'd be better off keeping that loan and paying extra cash towards school loan interest since that'll be at least 6.5%.
I'm up for salary review in August and will push for a 7% increase based off my performance this year.  
I know half a dozen people who went through this program and are doing very well in their careers. I've done 2 dozen coffee meetings with folks associated with this school and its programs to make certain I was choosing the right degree for what I want to do. I could have gone for the MBA through Vanderbilt Owen. But for nonprofit work, this Leadership and Organizational Performance degree will serve me much better - both in terms of cost and in academic focus. 
I have access to payroll info at my current company and know I can expect a $25K/year increase 2 years from now when I have my Master's and my supervisor retires. They're grooming me for his role, so if I decide to stay here then I can expect enough increase in salary to justify this degree in the first year alone. Many of the director level folks have Master's at my company, not to mention my own peers, who I must remain competitive with. 
I will heed your advice on the loan forgiveness. Will not count on that. 
Another thought occured to me - I have equity in my home. I might be able to pull that out to pay for school. When I sell the house in two years (part of the master plan, mind you), I can pay all of it off and be done with it. Since my home appreciates at 4%/year, I know the equity will be better put to use paying down higher interest student loan debt. 

I take offense to your comment on two points. First, nonprofit is not weird. It is a legitimate sector of the economy and an important field to be in. Second, just because I provided one example of my point, that does not mean I only have one example. Your comment was uninformed and dismissive. 

I successfully defended my undergrad thesis today!!!

I got in. I dont know what just happened today

I would move. A PhD isn't just about the seminars. It's also about the networking, being able to attend events on campus, gaining teaching and research experience, having access to the reference librarians and the stacks, etc. I think it's fine to live at a distance later in the PhD but early on, being close to your colleagues, advisors, and campus resources is often crucial. That said, you're putting the cart before the horse if you haven't even applied yet...

I had to reply to another back-up program before 11 AM today, which is why I'd been freaking out so much last night, was that there was going to be a very limited window in which I could get this sorted out. (Plus the back-up program was a comparatively poor choice due to fit and finances, so I wasn't stoked about needing to turn to it.) I had a fitful sleep and set an alarm to wake up right when it would turn 9 AM at the school and called every hour for three hours until I made contact with the student services manager. She was wonderfully helpful and told me that in past years she'd never had this issue, but that I was one in a growing line of students who had asked this same question this year and to not worry, I got into the coordinated program I needed. She also answered other questions I had about the program and was generally a delight to talk to. I'm actually glad this situation forced me to reach out and talk to her, since previous bad experiences with other programs (that backup I'd mentioned) had me scared that questions would be met with prickly, borderline-helpful answers. It also is nice to hear directly from the program that I am admitted to the program I need, considering the horror stories of accidental acceptances from Columbia and such!
(I'd come back to delete this freak-out thread, but since other people have weighed in and such I think I'll leave it up. Maybe my "freaking out but then everything was okay a few hours later" situation will help calm grads in the future!)
k? I sincerely wish you good luck, but if you expect to not hear about acceptances just because you haven't received one you may want to avoid talking to applicants in any way, because this forum is for everyone, not just you.

This is a person who already asked you something ethically dubious....is that the first person you want to put your trust in right now?
I can see scenarios where this would make sense—they hinge on him not knowing this norm and now being sorry—but also, you know, are there any other warm bodies in your general vicinity you could collaborate with?

Yes, it does mean "be on your best behavior." I've been told that it comes from the expression "mind your pints and quarts", a recommendation to keep track of how much you're drinking so that you don't get wasted and do something stupid. This is also a good piece of advice to keep in mind when you're around faculty- don't get wasted.

In my experience, first-year RAs tended to do simpler tasks such as literature reviews, data collection, project management, etc.  And usually your first year course work gets you up to speed on quantitative and qualitative analysis so by your second year - you can be contributing to the analysis part of your research project on your research team.
Also the point of a RA is that it is a learning experience - so your PI should also be training you on how to do research and use particular tools such as SPSS.  The good news about SPSS is it is one of the easier statistical software packages to learn and the UI is fairly straight forward.

i have no idea how much to tip people. was supposed to order pizza for group meeting. got $75 worth of pizza. I only tipped like $3, and apparently, the norm is $5 PLUS 10% or some shit. why?? just pay your damn employees a good wage, cover their gas, with vehicle depreciation. we're not in the 60s anymore. tipping is a retarded practice. be gone.

Thank you! And I am feeling hopeful after reading the life advice! Haha!   I guess I really need to ask about the nature of the grant I've been invited to work on. Do you think they normally would have included this information in my offer letter? 

No.

If it were me, I'd do SLC and Yellowstone.  You'd also presumably be able to go by Rushmore and the Crazy Horse memorials too.  No particular reason, I suppose, other than finding that it would probably be more beautiful this time of year, more memorable, a little more comfortable temperature-wise, etc.
 
There's not a lot to do in Nebraska or in Iowa.
 
As a sidenote, you also might investigate geocaching.  If you're the kind of person who would enjoy a high-tech treasure hunt, you might enjoy adding geocaching as a component of the trip.

@AGingeryGinger I'm glad to see other people have the same fellowship.  So far, I've only met people in my department who do.
 
On that note, I was able to get a summer start with it, so I'm already here and moved in.  If there's anyone else who has to move here, hit me up if you need me to do any investigating for you.  So far, I can say that if you have a hammock, be sure to bring it, because it seems like everyone and their dog has a hammock strung up if the weather is nice.

Late: after orientation. 

My Spouse and I also have been married for a few years, and he will be joining me for grad school.  Fortunately, his job moves with him, so he can be the bigger income earner while I'm in school.
I would say that the biggest thing I'm doing is factoring him into my decision.  If it had been just me, I'd probably have gone back to Texas.  Since it's not, we're most likely staying near his family.  Similarly, where he can work has been factored in.  Furthermore, he has some desires with regards to the type of house he wants to live in, so that's a factor too.  Basically, if he's going to follow me and deal with the stress of a partner in a PhD program, I'm going to do everything I can to make it easy on him.
 
Oh, and as for Spouse/Partner, I'm a believer that none of us should assume the gender of someone, so I call him my spouse, and I called him my partner before we got married.  I don't think it's coopting language at all; it's normalizing the gender-neutral reference.  Even if someone is 99% hetero or homosexual, they may make a single exception...for the person they're married to.  So I like to think of it as being the change I want to see in the world.