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Teaching Faculty Wannabe

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  1. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to feralgrad in Anxiety and Depression   
    This application cycle has been a lot of ups and downs for me anxiety-wise. Acceptances and rejections haven't been nearly as difficult as figuring out my finances. It's very easy for me to spiral out of control wondering if my career goals will ever be financially feasible.
    That said, overall I think this has actually been good for my mental health. As difficult as the past couple months have been, I'm proud of myself; I'm going after something I'm excited about, rather than coasting through an easier career because I'm afraid to take risks. I used to feel so much dread sitting at my desk and wondering if I'd spend the next 50 years writing Facebook posts for a living. Even if I don't get the funding I need to go to school this year, at least now I know that's not my fate.
    That wasn't exactly advice, but I think it's something we should all keep in mind: As scary as school/funding/the job market can be, it's not as frightening as being 70 years old and regretting all the risks we didn't take.
  2. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to Imalthica in NSF GRFP 2018-2019   
    Thanks! You too!
  3. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from PsyDuck90 in Anxiety and Depression   
    Mental illness definitely affected my studies when I was an undergrad. I started seeing a university counselor and it helped a lot, but in the end, it wasn't enough for me. I started taking lexapro last year and I think it has helped. Of course, I still have my bad days, but my anxiety and depression has definitely been worse in the past. However, there are other things I am trying to put in my daily schedule to use for when days are tough in grad school. I am definitely trying to prepare for the stress of grad school because I know it is going to be a whole different ballpark compared to undergrad. I am trying to drink more water, get enough sleep and develop a somewhat consistent sleep schedule, do yoga or go on walk at least a few times a week, make healthy meals for myself, meditate on nights I am feeling stressed, drink herbal tea, avoid large amounts of caffeine, do things outside of school (such as volunteering, hanging out with friends, going to new places), etc.
    It is all a balance in my mind. Medication can help, but it shouldn't be the only thing to help. You have to integrate various activities that can help in your life. I think experiencing mental health has definitely made me nervous about grad school. I am afraid of having constant panic attacks, forgetting to eat or not having an appetite, losing sleep, not wanting to get out of bed, and feeling unmotivated. Honestly, I already had an anxiety attack over budgeting for grad school, so I know some of those things are bound to happen at some point. However, I am trying to reassure myself with all of the things I mentioned above. Also, my future PhD advisor seems to be really understanding about mental health. I think having understanding and supportive people around you also helps.
    I will say that medication isn't for everyone, and I was very hesitant about it for years. I am still very unsure about it, but I haven't experienced any bad side effects so far and like I said, it has reduced my generalized anxiety, depression, and social anxiety some. If you curious about it, then ask your doctor and/or therapist about it. There are so many types of medication and they don't always work the same for different people, but it could be worth a try if non-medication methods haven't work as well as you hoped.
    Also, as @PsyDGrad90 said, please seek a professional if you are dealing with anxiety, depression, or another sort of mental illness. There is nothing wrong with seeing a professional. Just like you should see a doctor when you have a broken bone, you should see a therapist when you have a mental illness that affects you daily. There is nothing wrong with having a mental illness as well. It is sadly just a fact a life sometimes, and I am sure there are more people out there that have, or have had, a mental illness than you know. I know it can be hard to convince yourself to see someone, but it is the only way to make you feel better.
  4. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from Imalthica in NSF GRFP 2018-2019   
    Good luck!
  5. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from MusicallyCursed in 2019 GEM Fellowship   
    I would possibly contact the GEM Representative at that particular organization. Maybe tell them about the situation and they can see if there has been updates on the school's decision.
  6. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from MindOverMatter in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    I have social anxiety, which has been seen as shy or timid by others. For the longest time, I thought I was shy and/or timid, and people viewed this as either me not liking them, or thinking I am better than me, or just a weirdo, I guess. It also doesn't help that I am an introvert. So not only do I not like talking in front of crowds or strangers, but I only really like talking to certain people and get tired easily when I have to interact with people for long periods of time.
    (1) In the past, when someone says this to me, I usually just smiled at them and shrugged it off externally. Internally, I was questioning why they told me that. Was it a good or bad thing that they told me that? Should I talk more? If so, then what do I talk about? It was a vicious cycle and I noticed that my brain still does that sometimes. Now, when someone points this out, I either say something like "I am an introverted person" or "I am not a very talkative person. I'd rather listen." Sometimes I'll  tell people I am comfortable relieving this information to that I have social anxiety and sometimes talking just FEELS TO HARD TO DO. People do sometimes find these responses weird, but at least I am telling them the truth and not hiding my feelings like I used to. You can't really control how people react, but it's better to be honest with them (to the extent you are comfortable with).
    (2) I am not a PhD student yet (I will be starting this fall), but whenever I had to present during my undergrad, it was really hard. Hours and days up to the time I had to present something (a PPT project to my class, senior design updates to my advisors, poster presentations, etc), I would get super nervous and anxious to the point where I wouldn't eat, I felt like I was going to get sick, and I couldn't breathe well. What usually helps with me during those times is many things. Drinking lots of water. The water at least keeps you hydrated and flushes some of the stress hormone from your body (Make sure to go to the bathroom beforehand though, haha). It also keeps your mouth ready to talk. I hate when I talk and I start smacking because my mouth is dry due to my nervousness. Sometimes walking outside and chewing gum helps. If I am presenting with group members I trust, I am fully honest with them about my anxiety and I have honestly been lucky in them supporting me and making sure I am okay before presenting. Additionally, you have to stay realistic. You might mess up a few times during your talk or presentation, but try to breathe, take a small few second break during the messed up part to recollect your thoughts, and continue on anything your brain grabs related to your topic. When I met my future research advisor at a school visit, I was honest with them about my social anxiety and wanting to improve my presentation skills. They were totally understanding and told me that they would help me learn how to control my stage fright and find ways I can present better. Sometimes you just have to challenge yourself. One of the scariest things I have ever done was give a speech at my departmental graduation. I was asked by my classmates to do it. I really wanted to say no, but doing it would show my anxiety who's boss. To this day, I can't watch the recording of it. I stumbled during a part of it, and even said that I was a very nervous person, but people ended up liking it in the end. I felt like they could understand my nervousness. It probably helped that I had few jokes  in it (that actually made people laugh, say what??).
    I am not sure all of these things are useful to everyone and I am definitely still figuring out how to cope with social anxiety and being introverted in academia. But being honest with yourself and those around you feels key or else people will assume things about you and you might start overthinking too much. Also, as shown through this forum, there are other people out there that are dealing with similar things as you. You are able to connect with others through these circumstances that feel like a flaw or disadvantage. Good luck and I look forward to what others say! Thanks for starting this!
  7. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from nimsaj95 in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    Also, one thing I realized: As a women of color in science and engineering, I felt this pressure to put myself out there more. I know this isn't that great of a feeling because I feel like I have to work harder than other students to get the same results, but I have noticed that it has made me more outspoken over time. During various internships, I've had to interact and collaborate with various people. Because I didn't want to look a like a slacker, I pushed my anxiety aside, put my foot down, and just talked to them about whatever I had to say (a problem with lab equipment, an idea on the project I was working on, etc). I do believe a lot of my feelings to challenge my social anxiety stem from being a minority. I just thought this was an interesting realization I had. I am not sure if anyone else can relate.
  8. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from nimsaj95 in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    I have social anxiety, which has been seen as shy or timid by others. For the longest time, I thought I was shy and/or timid, and people viewed this as either me not liking them, or thinking I am better than me, or just a weirdo, I guess. It also doesn't help that I am an introvert. So not only do I not like talking in front of crowds or strangers, but I only really like talking to certain people and get tired easily when I have to interact with people for long periods of time.
    (1) In the past, when someone says this to me, I usually just smiled at them and shrugged it off externally. Internally, I was questioning why they told me that. Was it a good or bad thing that they told me that? Should I talk more? If so, then what do I talk about? It was a vicious cycle and I noticed that my brain still does that sometimes. Now, when someone points this out, I either say something like "I am an introverted person" or "I am not a very talkative person. I'd rather listen." Sometimes I'll  tell people I am comfortable relieving this information to that I have social anxiety and sometimes talking just FEELS TO HARD TO DO. People do sometimes find these responses weird, but at least I am telling them the truth and not hiding my feelings like I used to. You can't really control how people react, but it's better to be honest with them (to the extent you are comfortable with).
    (2) I am not a PhD student yet (I will be starting this fall), but whenever I had to present during my undergrad, it was really hard. Hours and days up to the time I had to present something (a PPT project to my class, senior design updates to my advisors, poster presentations, etc), I would get super nervous and anxious to the point where I wouldn't eat, I felt like I was going to get sick, and I couldn't breathe well. What usually helps with me during those times is many things. Drinking lots of water. The water at least keeps you hydrated and flushes some of the stress hormone from your body (Make sure to go to the bathroom beforehand though, haha). It also keeps your mouth ready to talk. I hate when I talk and I start smacking because my mouth is dry due to my nervousness. Sometimes walking outside and chewing gum helps. If I am presenting with group members I trust, I am fully honest with them about my anxiety and I have honestly been lucky in them supporting me and making sure I am okay before presenting. Additionally, you have to stay realistic. You might mess up a few times during your talk or presentation, but try to breathe, take a small few second break during the messed up part to recollect your thoughts, and continue on anything your brain grabs related to your topic. When I met my future research advisor at a school visit, I was honest with them about my social anxiety and wanting to improve my presentation skills. They were totally understanding and told me that they would help me learn how to control my stage fright and find ways I can present better. Sometimes you just have to challenge yourself. One of the scariest things I have ever done was give a speech at my departmental graduation. I was asked by my classmates to do it. I really wanted to say no, but doing it would show my anxiety who's boss. To this day, I can't watch the recording of it. I stumbled during a part of it, and even said that I was a very nervous person, but people ended up liking it in the end. I felt like they could understand my nervousness. It probably helped that I had few jokes  in it (that actually made people laugh, say what??).
    I am not sure all of these things are useful to everyone and I am definitely still figuring out how to cope with social anxiety and being introverted in academia. But being honest with yourself and those around you feels key or else people will assume things about you and you might start overthinking too much. Also, as shown through this forum, there are other people out there that are dealing with similar things as you. You are able to connect with others through these circumstances that feel like a flaw or disadvantage. Good luck and I look forward to what others say! Thanks for starting this!
  9. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from GoatMom19 in Advice for Future Engineering Applicants   
    Hi everyone!
    I have seen this sort of forum for other disciplines, so I thought it might be nice to have this for engineering students wanting to applying to graduate school at some point. My advice would be this:
    1. Don't undervalue for GRE scores, especially your quant scores. I hate the GRE with a passion because I suck at standardized tests that are there to trick you and steal your money, but it is a part of the application process, so it is important to schools somewhat. I think my average quant score did not make me standout, but I also had other things going for me, so I don't think it is as simple as my GRE scores being kind of crappy. You just got figure out if your score is "good enough" compared to the other parts of your application.
    2. LORs are really important. Make sure they all don't say the same thing and they give details about who you are versus giving a generalized view. You can give your letter writers pointers if necessary.
    Good luck, future applicants! Recent or past applicants, please provide any advice you have!
  10. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to nimsaj95 in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    I feel this. I also am not in grad school yet, but as a shy/quiet person, the thing that scares me the most is the broad task of "networking". This is obviously imperative in academia, and I've personally been told by a mentor academia may not be for me if I find it difficult to make connections and begin collaborations. 

    I don't have any answers. I think people pointing it out comes from a genuine place of trying to include someone who hasn't made their voice heard, but it is incredibly embarrassing and hurtful. Growing up, when I got singled out for being quiet (or worse, classmates finally realizing I was in their class at the end of the school year) I would get so angry and upset. At this point, I've realized it's okay to be this way and that I don't need to demand attention to feel worthy. 
    Hoping to get some tips from this thread too!
  11. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to mariya_gor in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to your post a lot. First of all, people making this sort of comments are simply impolite and ignorant, I've come to the conclusion it's best to just ignore them and focus on your progress. Which sounds amazing on your part! Progress is not a linear thing, so just celebrate and concentrate on your achievements, how ever small they might seem at first. 
    I feel like the more effort you put into it, the better results you get. 
    I've also been this awkward, too silent type in my undergrad time, but presenting came more easily because I just wore this self-confident mask for a certain amount of time. I'm not sure this will work for you, but you can try to practice some power poses before your speech or presentation to set the mood, and then just fake it from there, no other way around it. ? I've recently watched Ted Talk by Maisie Williams and as confident as she seems, she still had her hands shaking slightly throughout the whole thing. 
    So yeah, we're not alone in this, and good luck to you in your progress! 
  12. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to feralgrad in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    I'm not in grad school yet, but this has been on my mind a lot lately. My quietness seems to come off as a lack of interest in other people, which is not ideal for writing workshops... I don't often get "you're so quiet," but I've gotten a lot of "I thought you hated me"/"I was afraid of you." Not sure why people think that's a nice thing to say, either! I haven't found a good solution for this yet, so I'll be keeping an eye on this thread.
    Anyway, I'm sorry your colleague made you feel that way. I think outgoing people simply don't realize how hurtful those comments can be. That said, one person's evaluation doesn't negate your progress. If you feel like you're starting to overcome your shyness, you're probably right; it may just take a while before other people can see it.
  13. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to MindOverMatter in Quiet/Shy/Socially Anxious in Academia   
    Hello everyone! I'm feeling a bit low tonight and thought I would reach out to the kind people of the Grad Cafe :)
    Today, a fellow lab member mentioned I am "so quiet." She mentioned a few other things related to my quietness, but long story short, I found this really disheartening, as I am overcoming social anxiety, and the past few months (and the past couple of weeks especially) have personally felt really triumphant as I was so much more vocal in lab, class, and in social situations. I honestly thought I got over my social anxiety recently, and someone pointing out my quietness today really gutted me.
    I'm sure my peeps who are likewise shy, socially anxious, or simply trait introverted, are tired of their quietness being pointed out to them. My questions for the crowd are:
    (1) How do you respond when someone points out you are quiet? I never understood why people are comfortable pointing this out to someone. Someone's quietness may be characteristic or something they are trying to work on, and I do not know why people think it is helpful or worthwhile to point out someone's quietness to them.
    (2) For my friends that are shy, how are you coping with this in academia, where there is pressure to present confidently, competently and consistently? I think I have the competence bit down, but its the confidence that I am working on. I'm in research because I love it, but secondary skills, like presenting, do not come naturally to me. I am working on it. I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts, struggles, etc.
    While there are a lot of people who are both strong researchers and have the gift of gab, I suspect academia also attracts a lot of us brainy people who haven't quite mastered communication, or are a bit eccentric, or whatever it may be :) I hope I'm not alone! Would love to hear from anyone who shares in the struggle, or kind folk in general with a sympathetic word. Thanks, all!
  14. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to milka49 in NSF GRFP 2018-2019   
    As much torture as this is, I'm glad they are taking the extra time. I've heard people say that the panels were canceled, and other say they weren't. I hope they weren't and I hope the delay in results means that, despite the shutdown, they are taking the reviewing as seriously as they do every other year. I know this might be coming from a place of already-in-school privilege, and I can't imagine what that added stress must be, but as someone who probably put triple digit hours of work into their application, I'm in a way glad they aren't rushing this.
  15. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from WaliaIbex in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    Thanks! Congrats to you too for getting one as well and for getting into UVA!
  16. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to TITX in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    Just wanna say that BME thread has kept me sane throughout this whole process... ❤️ lol
  17. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from pineapplepizza in Budgeting During Grad School   
    You should check out this website and her podcast: http://pfforphds.com/
    She talks about how to do your finances as a PhD/graduate students, such as budgeting, taxes, and money saving tips.
  18. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from samiamslp in Budgeting During Grad School   
    You should check out this website and her podcast: http://pfforphds.com/
    She talks about how to do your finances as a PhD/graduate students, such as budgeting, taxes, and money saving tips.
  19. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to cullenish in NSF GRFP 2018-2019   
    I've applied to two other national scholarships (Udall and Goldwater) and wasn't given the time of day on either of them. I know for a fact I put down solid applications for both scholarships since a) I believed in the material and b) I worked closely with the staff at my university whose job it was to advise students applying to those things. I've seen plenty of people saying they question the value of their NSF application, but the most important thing I've learned so far is that not being selected for these things doesn't mean you're not good enough or that your application wasn't good enough. They pick applications and people they believe fit their organization. Pretty much everyone applying for this thing is top notch - ultimately there's probably no real rhyme or reason to who gets selected and who doesn't. We'll all be fine regardless of the results.
    On a separate note: thoughts on at what school level the GRFP helps the most with? I'm an undergrad that was accepted in February to a program with mixed TA/RA funding for master's position that pays fairly well. If I do get the fellowship, I'll of course be ecstatic, but I don't NEED the money or prestige to get into a program now. How might this help me in 2-2.5 years when I'm moving on to my PhD other than being a shiny spot on my C.V. from a couple years ago? I don't know why I'm just not questioning the utility of this thing, especially since they haven't announced winners yet. 
  20. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to XVIIA in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    I applied last year, and I got a lot more rejections than I was expecting. It definitely stung. Even in my first year, though, I've started to realize the ways that the program I'm attending and (from a more limited perspective) the only other one that gave me an offer are more suited to me as a researcher than some of the programs that rejected me. For example, I knew what I wanted to research, but I've started to learn the nuances of that research area enough to see how I probably wouldn't have been as good of a fit for at least half of my rejections. I'm almost grateful to have been rejected, to be honest!
    A few of my past rejections still sting a bit. One program is seemingly very similar to where I am now but lower ranked/less prestigious, and my pride is still a bit wounded by that rejection. I now find myself rooting against their sports teams on principle. ? But overall, my perspective has made me realize that some of my rejections were probably mutually beneficial. Obviously everyone's experience is different. I just wanted to throw my perspective in there in case it helps someone get less discouraged about some rejections in favor of being more excited for the programs that chose them!
  21. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to sgaw10 in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    I was also pretty close to not getting in anywhere, so I'm also grateful I'm wanted at one place. And yes, we must always remind ourselves that what we do in grad school is often more important than the school itself. Maybe we'll stumble across each other at a conference or something someday. 
  22. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to sgaw10 in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    I'm sure we'll look back on all of those rejections later on in our careers and laugh, but they're definitely not fun. Hopefully you get the NSF to lift your spirits
  23. Like
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe reacted to WaliaIbex in Biomedical Engineering/Bioengineering Applicant Profiles for 2019 Admission   
    Congrats on the GEM Fellowship! 
     
    Same here. I'm really happy about the school I will be attending, but it was so scary with all of that silence when I thought I wasn't going to get in anywhere this cycle.
     
    Let's make the best of it, though. We have a whole 5 (or 6) years of science to do and prove our excellence, and based on your profiles here, I'm sure we'll all do some great stuff! May all of our experiments go perfectly the first time, and all of our papers be accepted to Nature. ? 
  24. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from BioCook in Budgeting During Grad School   
    You should check out this website and her podcast: http://pfforphds.com/
    She talks about how to do your finances as a PhD/graduate students, such as budgeting, taxes, and money saving tips.
  25. Upvote
    Teaching Faculty Wannabe got a reaction from AlwaysaFalcon in Budgeting During Grad School   
    You should check out this website and her podcast: http://pfforphds.com/
    She talks about how to do your finances as a PhD/graduate students, such as budgeting, taxes, and money saving tips.
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