Mataharii

I am very proud of all of those you got the award! That's awesome!
However, as a "Not Recommended" person with some conflicting reviews and I think a bit nitpicky at that, I feel defeated. The thing keeping me going is the fact that I got an internal fellowship and an external fellowship and I have an awesome PhD research advisor with great project ideas, which I feel super lucky about. Also, I can't let this experience as well as my successes define me, just have to put a little bit of effort into getting over the reveviewers' words. I guess you can't win them all.
Also, I am proud of myself for a good application in general. I didn't have a mentor to help me, and I wasn't even currently working on research at the time, but I did get help from two people, which I am super thankful for.
Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors!

Saw this on Fastlane? Could be normal maintenance but I'm hoping it means they're uploading the reviews/giving us the instructions for accepting..

Saw this on Fastlane? Could be normal maintenance but I'm hoping it means they're uploading the reviews/giving us the instructions for accepting..

I am so sorry to hear about your family members. I can only imagine what you and your family are going through, and I hope your father's recovery goes smoothy.
I do know what it is like to live far away from family, even when they are sick. It's not great feeling because you want to be there with them. However, you shouldn't punish yourself for choosing a place further away from them.
Also, you are not alone in questioning your choice of grad school. I still question my choice to this day. I would say give the school you chose a year or so to see if you really like it. It seems like you are currently in a position full of nerves to point where you are questioning everything, especially with everything going on with your family. You seemed to have chosen that place for a reason, right? So, I don't think you should give up on it so quickly.
When it comes to your family, you might not get to be there in person with as much as you want, but there are still ways to contact them.

Know you're definitely not alone in these feelings. I was in a similar situation (choosing between two great programs), and while I'm happy with my choice, I'd be lying if I said I haven't frequently experienced anxiety about my choice (Incidentally, I also picked the slightly lower ranked school further from my family). I could be wrong, but it does seem like you're probably experiencing a similar anxiety, and I do think it would be unavoidable no matter what choice you made. I can completely understand how you're feeling when it comes to your family. But what could you realistically have done for your family with your grad school responsibilities even if you had chosen the other school? You sound like a selfless person, and I think it's positive that you'll be able to have that focus on yourself, and still see your family whenever you're able. 
I think you are beating yourself up. But it really does sound like you made the right choice. Don't doubt your past decisions, you made them for a reason. I find that I get deeper into my regret ruts when I fixate on all the negative aspects; it's unavoidable that'll you'll feel miserable if you do that! For me, it's helpful to push those thoughts away, and focus on all the positives that made me choose the school I did. Get on google and look up fun things to do in the area you'll be moving to, look at the exciting research at your school, etc. Anything to distract you from your doubts and reaffirm that you made a choice that made sense for you. It may be extra helpful also to get outside validation by talking to friends, advisors, family, etc.
Take a deep breath. You're not stupid, or rash, and it sounds like you made a good choice. Wish the best for you!
Edit: I see from your post history that you will be attending Brown! That's an amazing choice and I'm sure you'll do great things there. 

Anybody get their reviews or link to accept the award? I feel like it isn't real until I accept lol

I know unaffected people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I'm tired of being pressured to compromise my career for my boyfriend's by the more traditional males in my life.. it's just irritating to constantly be held to a double standard.

??? Is it over yet?

No matter what happens tonight, all of you are valuable members of the scientific community and your research is important in some way. This is a very competitive fellowship and not getting awarded in no way means you are not worthy! Positive vibes only for the rest of the night. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I know unaffected people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I'm tired of being pressured to compromise my career for my boyfriend's by the more traditional males in my life.. it's just irritating to constantly be held to a double standard.

I feel this. I had to choose between two schools with different living environments, and I liked them both a lot. However, I had a gut feeling of wanting to go to one over another. Once I chose that one, many doubts ensued, but it was definitely the right choice. 

Thanks guys. I know its just something to ignore and thankfully my boyfriend doesn’t agree at all with this nonsense. 

Unfortunately, money throughout the world is not distributed well, in my opinion. The wealthy are super wealthy, and the poor are usually super poor. Also, education is not valued like it should be either. Like in the US, education is not one of the top priorities when it comes to creating the federal budget. So, because of this, there is pretty much a requirement of organizations focused on the value of education. And then organizations have to make scholarships, fellowships, and grants in order to keep things running because in the world of humans, "money is what makes the world go round". This is how I see it, anyways. It is sad and frustrating and maybe it will change one day, but as of right now, it is what we have to do as students, sadly.

I am so sorry. This sucks.

This really sucks. 

I know unaffected people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I'm tired of being pressured to compromise my career for my boyfriend's by the more traditional males in my life.. it's just irritating to constantly be held to a double standard.

It's her decision, not yours. If she's graduating from undergrad now, that means she's probably 21-22 and old enough to make that decision for herself (whether you agree or not). In all actuality, a degree from a top-name institution doesn't mean that much after you get a bachelor's. Work experience trumps a degree in many instances. Worldly experiences look good on a resume but do not determine your intellectual ability or how much you retain from such experiences. I'm currently a fourth year graduating senior at one of the most popular and largest institutions in the nation (also on a policy track). It's a hard school to get in to, the academic rigor is tough, all of that jazz. I can personally say that if she hates economics, she shouldn't be forced to do it. Micro is easy, macro is an awful crime against humanity. You should feel confident in your daughter's decision-making skills. The majority of students (myself included) will graduate with mountains of debt no matter what (even if we had fellowships from Hopkins). Let her go where SHE wants to go, not where you want her to go. She's lucky to have you to "underwrite the check", but that doesn't mean you get to decide where she goes to school (or even influence her one way or another).

Alright yall...last weekend to wait it out, presumably! Eat good food, hang out with friends, and take a bunch of deep breaths.

Agreed!! I’m frustrated by the waiting but I’d rather wait an extra week or however long than receive a review calling me the wrong name or reviewing the wrong proposal lol.

As much torture as this is, I'm glad they are taking the extra time. I've heard people say that the panels were canceled, and other say they weren't. I hope they weren't and I hope the delay in results means that, despite the shutdown, they are taking the reviewing as seriously as they do every other year. I know this might be coming from a place of already-in-school privilege, and I can't imagine what that added stress must be, but as someone who probably put triple digit hours of work into their application, I'm in a way glad they aren't rushing this.

I feel like everyone feels this way. 

I like this idea! Good for releasing tension lol. You have a really interesting topic! It sounds like important research, hope you get the funding ?
I applied with a proposal for degradable 3D printed scaffolds for bone repair. It looks like I’ll apply it to 3D printed bio-inspired nanostructures though based on the lab I’m leaning towards joining. I don’t feel like my proposal was the strongest, but I’m hoping for good feedback for applying next year if nothing else!

It's funny because I applied last year during my senior year of undergrad and refreshed Fastlane for about two weeks straight. I was writing my senior thesis and taking 20 credits of classes and definitely had better things to focus on. It was the perfect tool for procrastination. 
I took a gap year this year to travel and apply to schools which gave me the added benefit of a third chance to apply to NSF. But I haven't thought about it once since I submitted until the past couple days. 
My project looks at ruminant microbiology and seeks to define the host genetic effect vs microbial control on phenotypic variability in methane emission of ruminant mammals. I realized I didn't want to work with animals though, so I will not be continuing that line of research. I will likely end up working in a lab focused on microbial ecology in water sanitation and resource reclamation but I was accepted to my program without the recommendation of a specific adviser so I'm keeping my options open based on advice from my undergraduate research adviser. There are projects in multiple labs I could see myself working on and I want to make sure I fit in the lab before I choose it.

I like this idea! Good for releasing tension lol. You have a really interesting topic! It sounds like important research, hope you get the funding ?
I applied with a proposal for degradable 3D printed scaffolds for bone repair. It looks like I’ll apply it to 3D printed bio-inspired nanostructures though based on the lab I’m leaning towards joining. I don’t feel like my proposal was the strongest, but I’m hoping for good feedback for applying next year if nothing else!