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impasta

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  1. Upvote
    impasta got a reaction from ccab4670 in How to cope with rejections?   
    @whatislife69 @mandelbulb @sugilite @jillcicle @jrockford27
    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I've struggled to focus on my acceptances despite the initial euphoria they brought. I can't help but feel like I've let down my professors, family, and friends who had high hopes for me and encouraged me to shoot for the top 10s. The rejections seem to be confirmation that their confidence in my potential is misplaced or overinflated. I felt foolish for thinking I stood a chance.
    At least that's what I thought when I started the thread. It was unwise of me to apply for top programs that didn't fit my interests but I can't be faulted for applying to the ones that did. How can anyone be faulted for striving and hoping for the best?
    I still lack the equanimity needed to handle rejections gracefully. What has helped the past few days was focusing on what it took for me to receive all those acceptances and rejections. Given how hard I've worked in college, studied for the GREs, and toiled away at preparing application materials, I should give myself more credit. Not because of the outcome, but because I knew what I wanted and was willing to put in time, effort, and -sigh- money to achieve it. The fact that I had the determination to power me through the application season is proof that somewhere inside me is the drive needed for a career in academia life.
    Uncle Gary may not be impressed with me but I sure as hell am.
  2. Upvote
    impasta got a reaction from jrockford27 in How to cope with rejections?   
    @whatislife69 @mandelbulb @sugilite @jillcicle @jrockford27
    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I've struggled to focus on my acceptances despite the initial euphoria they brought. I can't help but feel like I've let down my professors, family, and friends who had high hopes for me and encouraged me to shoot for the top 10s. The rejections seem to be confirmation that their confidence in my potential is misplaced or overinflated. I felt foolish for thinking I stood a chance.
    At least that's what I thought when I started the thread. It was unwise of me to apply for top programs that didn't fit my interests but I can't be faulted for applying to the ones that did. How can anyone be faulted for striving and hoping for the best?
    I still lack the equanimity needed to handle rejections gracefully. What has helped the past few days was focusing on what it took for me to receive all those acceptances and rejections. Given how hard I've worked in college, studied for the GREs, and toiled away at preparing application materials, I should give myself more credit. Not because of the outcome, but because I knew what I wanted and was willing to put in time, effort, and -sigh- money to achieve it. The fact that I had the determination to power me through the application season is proof that somewhere inside me is the drive needed for a career in academia life.
    Uncle Gary may not be impressed with me but I sure as hell am.
  3. Like
    impasta got a reaction from mandelbulb in How to cope with rejections?   
    @whatislife69 @mandelbulb @sugilite @jillcicle @jrockford27
    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I've struggled to focus on my acceptances despite the initial euphoria they brought. I can't help but feel like I've let down my professors, family, and friends who had high hopes for me and encouraged me to shoot for the top 10s. The rejections seem to be confirmation that their confidence in my potential is misplaced or overinflated. I felt foolish for thinking I stood a chance.
    At least that's what I thought when I started the thread. It was unwise of me to apply for top programs that didn't fit my interests but I can't be faulted for applying to the ones that did. How can anyone be faulted for striving and hoping for the best?
    I still lack the equanimity needed to handle rejections gracefully. What has helped the past few days was focusing on what it took for me to receive all those acceptances and rejections. Given how hard I've worked in college, studied for the GREs, and toiled away at preparing application materials, I should give myself more credit. Not because of the outcome, but because I knew what I wanted and was willing to put in time, effort, and -sigh- money to achieve it. The fact that I had the determination to power me through the application season is proof that somewhere inside me is the drive needed for a career in academia life.
    Uncle Gary may not be impressed with me but I sure as hell am.
  4. Like
    impasta reacted to whatislife69 in How to cope with rejections?   
    Focus on your acceptance
  5. Like
    impasta reacted to mandelbulb in How to cope with rejections?   
  6. Like
    impasta reacted to Musmatatus in How to cope with rejections?   
    First off, I agree with the previous suggestion to focus on your acceptances. I would also like to add that admissions are very much about fit--and then, also, a bit of a numbers game. Looking at the US news rankings, I'm lucky enough to have 2 acceptances from top 10 programs. I've also received explicit or implicit rejections from 3 other top 10 programs. Further, I've been waitlisted at a program a little outside of the top 20. I hope this helps as an example of fit/randomness. 
    EDIT: For anyone there who is looking at a shutout, I wanted to weigh in with just actual things I do to cope, in order: 
    1) I tell all my friends/family "[school] doesn't want me!" -- This allows me to whine, BUT more importantly they won't ask me if I've heard back from [school]
    2) I watch absurd amounts of Brooklyn 99. No, but, really...Absurd. 
    3) I go read a book. I'm just finishing up The Library Book by Susan Orlean, and would recommend it!
  7. Like
    impasta reacted to jillcicle in How to cope with rejections?   
    The money was definitely the biggest pain for me. Still feel like I'm getting stabbed if I think about almost $1,000 down the drain BUT after a really bad day of not getting out of bed and staring at the wall, I've shaken it off some. (It helped to remind myself that I was only ever going to accept at 1 school anyway, and even if more acceptances would have felt better it wouldn't have changed the time and money being gone.) When I was expecting a shutout, I had to remind myself that the time and money were useful even then for helping me figure out what wasn't working. Also, just picturing an ad-com sitting down to 300 applications and they have to somehow narrow it to 6 - thinking about the logistics of that makes me realize how much it's not a reflection of personal worth or qualifications.
    Start planning for your acceptances and get excited about it. Look at apartments, places to socialize or do recreational stuff, etc. For me, that meant letting the top 10s sort of drift back into the realm of daydream that they once were. Also, thinking a lot about where I was at the beginning of my undergrad degree - I didn't have any ambitions about how good I was back then, I was just excited about chances to read and learn! For that version of me, there's no inadequacy because UG me is blown away that I kept going at all.
    And I think it's fair to approach rejections like other grief and loss, even if it isn't the loss of a living being. Let yourself feel it and voice the pain, recognize what you're losing, but then move past.
  8. Like
    impasta reacted to jrockford27 in How to cope with rejections?   
    Most of the admissions process was totally out of your control. I've said in many other threads that the most important aspect of the process is who is on the committee, and what the current makeup of the graduate student body is like in the program in terms of interests. Many people on this board get accepted by Top 10 schools and get rejected by schools in the 30s and 40s. Most people applying to grad school are great candidates, and the process is very capricious.
    You'll learn as you become a more experienced scholar that the ranking of one's program does not necessarily correlate to the quality of their work, the originality of their scholarship, or the breadth of their wisdom. A degree from a Top 10 is also no guarantee of a tenure track job and indeed, the lack of teaching experience one receives in many of those programs can actually be a disadvantage when applying to certain types of jobs.  The only thing that the ranking of one's school can really predict is how much financial support they'll receive, and how bowled over their Uncle Gary will be when he gets the news they were accepted.
    Be happy you made it, you're still in the game, still in the chase for the brass ring. There are many who aren't. This is a long hard slog that will be filled with disappointments and devastating lows. Savor the highs, there wont be many.
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