psycholinguist

One minor detail of graduate school that I am looking forward to is slumming it---clothes-wise. Unless you are giving a presentation or attending anything that would require professional attire, slumming it with sweat pants in class and around campus is fine. I have this UFO/pyramid/camel knitted sweater that I have been wanting to wear out in public. When I had a job, this would have been frowned upon. With the advent of grad school, I am going to get it washed and ready because come fall I will wear this mad crazy UFO sweater all of the time always forever all the time everyday.

I live ~4.5 miles away from the building I need to be at every morning. By car, it's roughly a twenty minute ride. By walking to the T Orange Line, to a bus connection, to walking again, it's about 45 minutes barring any unforeseen travel issues. I can avoid the Green Line in this case. Walking is an hour and a half, and if I decide to only bike, it's a 30 minute commute. I've decided to do the second choice, and will blossom into a biker perhaps in the Spring semester. I'm still terribly unfamiliar with roads not along the T.

I feel I made the best choice (financially and sanity-wise) by not living in Allston/Brighton, because it's much cheaper to rent a room in JP, force myself to meet new roommates, and the community is extremely diverse. I need diversity. That, and I would have to pay out the ass to bring a dog and cat with me, but not so in JP. So yes, because I consider my pets family, I was extremely against moving without them.

Realtor: "Iz it absolootly imperahtiv daht you bring ya dag?"

Coming from Atlanta, I'm not miffed about the commute time. Actually, I'm very excited about learning how to "no-hands" the T while reading a book. Will I be successful? Who knows! I am also working on campus, so I won't be inclined to return immediately home once my classes are over.

See, you need to live close enough that you can stop into lab quickly but far enough away that you feel you can escape.

I live about 1.5 miles away, but I have a large yard covered in huge trees, so it kind of feels like a refuge

No, she's not a troll. She's just a very unhappy person, throwing the virtual world equivalent of a tantrum but not taking the adult way out of her predicament by taking the necessary steps to fix her problems. No need to downvote her posts unless they offer harmful advice, though. That just feeds her behavior. The post above is as negative as ever, but harmless, which is why I voted it back up. Not that I agree, but it doesn't deserve to be flagged either.

Well, I upvoted your post, just me, because it was, by my lights, a benign post, especially relative to others of yours. I don't see why people downvoted it.

Is this a PhD or an MA program? How much debt will you go into? I would certainly advise against doing an unfunded PhD; I'm less familiar with the funding situation for MAs in the US but I'd probably advise against doing an unfunded MA too. Can you reapply to your dream program next year? Are they more likely to have funding then? It looks like they want you there, so I think it's completely fair to be very honest with them, tell them they are your dream program and you would *love* to accept the offer but you can't afford to take on that kind of debt. You'll apply again this year and if there is funding, you will definitely come. It's a risk but it could pay off, and in my opinion it's just not worth it to get into debt otherwise. Meanwhile if you can defer your other offer for one year and work full time this year, that's probably the best solution I can see.

I've done both. I used to live a two hour's commute away (had to take the bus AND metro)... That was when I was an undergrad. Now I'm in my PhD, and I decided, from the very beginning, that I just could NOT deal with living so far away from campus. It was terrible, to be honest. A total waste of time. Also, my current university is located downtown, and typically, it's undergrads that commute and grads who live closer.. Also, as it's downtown and there are relatively few apartment buildings in the immediate vicinity of the university ) I don't get to bump into people I know all the time.. I *have* seen the same people over and over again, but they're not in my program, so it doesn't bother me at all . I live a 2-minute walk from school now. In fact, I can see my department building from my window. It's been great. It makes a lot of difference, IMO, because you get to save a lot of time AND energy. It's convenient both when you're doing coursework AND once you're done with coursework. I tend to do my research at random hours, so I can go to the library any time I choose, even past midnight (keep in mind that subway services usually run until 1am), and carrying a ton of books home wouldn't be a problem. I do have an office at the department, but sometimes I need a change of scene, and I end up going home for a few hours during the day, and having lunch and reading some, then going back to school.. Can't possibly do that if you're living so far away. It would be an insanely huge waste of time and energy. I'd say much of it depends on your study/research habits. With my study and research habits, living far from campus would be a killer.

My first year I was ~4 miles away. Now I'm about 1.5 miles. The shorter commute is sweet, but (as my friend who lives 1/2 hr away says) the community is "a bit incestuous"...i.e. everyone you bump in to at the grocery store etc. is affiliated with the school somehow. It's kinda weird to run into your profs around town, and your cohort in the laundry room.

I hope to be moving farther out, 6-7 miles, next month.

Yes, abandoning the thread seems about right. No one is bashing you for your situation at home, if you glance back at your previous thread you'd see an outpouring of support from a bunch of strangers on the internet. But this one is different, I took issue with you complaining about the basic fundamentals of graduate school, I'd say you are bashing grad school, on a forum dedicated to being successful there. You just chose the wrong forum. Surely there are "we hate grad school" sites or blogs out there, find one of those and I'm sure you'll fit right in, you'll get lots of responses filled with complaints just like yours...or at least I guess so. But here, we're serious about our academic pursuits, which I think you must understand by now. So what you've posted is self-defeating, maybe you knew that going in, but trying to make us out to be the villains for taking offense to your post isn't helpful. You're not just venting about a single professor or a class that you don't like, your insulting the whole thing...the fact that you have to pay for it, the work, the curriculum, the grade requirements, and worst of all the "greedy pig professors." Again, wrong forum for that. The only redeeming quality you can find is the free coffee...that's sad. If you're going to bring up your mother and money troubles at every turn then how do you expect us to not become arm-chair psychologists? If you don't want that then leave it out of your posts...another idea is to find a forum dedicated to offering support for victims of emotional abuse, at the very least you'll talk to people who are actually going through what you're going through. I bet a quick Google search will provide lots of options...and if you say you've already done that and didn't find anything I'll know you're really gone...good luck to you.

I'm starting to agree. I've been worrying about Just me for months - little money, few ways of escaping, dissatisfying graduate program, reportedly abusive mother, reportedly abusive stepfather, reportedly abusive former boss, reportedly abusive parents-of-partner - and although there have been a good dozen people who have rushed to provide her with as much kind, sympathetic, empowering advice as we can think of, apparently not a single word of it has had an effect. Abuse is a serious issue, and those who are subject to it are certainly often rendered powerless and very psychologically passive, but this is getting so extreme that it's almost beginning to strain credibility. Apparent contradictions (she lives with her mother and can't get out; oh, but she lives in campus housing and one year had a room of her own?) are not helping. She gives us just few enough details that we can't verify assertions such as there being no shelters within reasonable distance, and it all adds up to a lot of frustration for everyone who wants to believe her story and therefore wants to see her removed from a sickeningly toxic environment as soon as possible.

Call the police as soon as possible, tell them your location, wait for them to show up, and then get the hell out of there simply by going to sit in the backseat of a cop-car. Requires no money, no friends, no vehicle of your own, no open health-services building - just a pay-phone and 90 seconds. The police have connections to domestic-abuse shelters, they have cop-cars, they have resources across the state and the nation. There are still pay-phones all over every college campus in the U.S.; students have cellphones, but not all staff-members do, and besides, physical telephones need to be there for emergencies. Speaking of which, you don't even need a quarter in order to call 911 from one of them; clearly, if you can type a post on this board, you can spare 90 seconds. If things are as bad as you say they are, then several people will be facing charges - rightfully - and your mother in particular will be separated from you by force. Permanently. You can leave school, stop having to worry about taking art classes, look for a job you like the sound of, undergo counselling and re-establish a healthy emotional balance, and slowly, slowly rediscover a) free-will, and optimism. Your life will be your own. This is my final piece of advice.

The one thing that I really hate about my program is that it's in a region where soda fountains have Pepsi instead of Coke.

Thems fightin' words in the South.

The thing to remember about rejections is that you may have been rejected for reasons that extend beyond you and your application packet: low-funding, the professor you wanted to work with is going on sabbatical, etc. The point is that 1) you shouldn't be beating yourself up about having to reapply and 2) those who wrote your LOR will likely be happy to recommend you again.

It might also help to shoot a note over to the professors you have an interest in working with, if you haven't done this before, just to get your name out there. Ask them about their research, funding, etc. One of my professors told me to approach my queries as though I've already been accepted and that I'm trying to figure out if I really want to attend there. So far, this has worked well for me (although I do feel weird trying to speak at a "professional" level with potential professors, knowing that I am no where near their level of expertise).

Thank you for the words of encouragement! I will definitely be contacting professors in the upcoming weeks. I've already made some acquaintances at one school (the one where I'm taking a grad course at), so that's a start. As I narrow down my list of potential schools, I'll start e-mailing like crazy

Six. One from childhood, one from my mid-teens, and four from my undergrad school. Two of the six are also grad-students, but that's just how things have worked out. One is in the same field, but that commonality was only tangential to how we originally met.

That said, grad-school is a great social environment for me...and this is coming from someone who is quite introverted and who didn't start enjoying the company of larger groups until she finally, finally got out of high-school. By this point if you're still in school, it's (99% of the time) because you really, really, really want to be there. And in your department there are people who are excited by all the same things you are. Most grad-students are enthusiastic, bright, hard-working, down-to-earth, and delightfully nerdy. Love it. I sensed as a young child that there was something I really liked about being on a college campus, but I didn't realise until much later that it might have had to do with such places being full of the sorts of people I actually want to interact with.

Six. One from childhood, one from my mid-teens, and four from my undergrad school. Two of the six are also grad-students, but that's just how things have worked out. One is in the same field, but that commonality was only tangential to how we originally met.

That said, grad-school is a great social environment for me...and this is coming from someone who is quite introverted and who didn't start enjoying the company of larger groups until she finally, finally got out of high-school. By this point if you're still in school, it's (99% of the time) because you really, really, really want to be there. And in your department there are people who are excited by all the same things you are. Most grad-students are enthusiastic, bright, hard-working, down-to-earth, and delightfully nerdy. Love it. I sensed as a young child that there was something I really liked about being on a college campus, but I didn't realise until much later that it might have had to do with such places being full of the sorts of people I actually want to interact with.

Just Me...I do agree with you, perhaps it is better you quit this thread...and maybe quit posting all together. Again, I see no effort by you to make your situation better...again, you are just complaining. You get no sympathy for me now. Unless your mother held a gun up to your head and forced you to go to school, you have no right to be demanding sympathy from people. I am even kind of wondering if your mother is as terrible as you make her out to be...people who love playing the victim always have to create villains that they can blame their shortcomings on. I'm coming to this conclusion because of the unfair characterizations you are making of the employees at your institution, solely because you feel the need to blame someone else for your problems instead of yourself.

I certainly do agree with you here starmaker...parents can give you a hard time if you don't play by their rules. When I decided to switch my major from the sciences to the humanities, my immigrant parents were very upset, and it took time for them to realize that I loved what I was doing and was good at it. They never threatened to cut me off financially, but of course, them just being disappointed intitially with my decision was hard for me to deal with, I felt like a failure. But the thing is, I knew that I was making the right decision for me...once I was confident in myself, I was able to face the fact that my parents wouldn't be alright with my decision. However, at this point, both of my parents are very happy about all of my accomplishments and have said that they are proud of me...one of the happiest points in my life. I share this story because it points to the fact that there are times where you have to find the confidence in yourself to do what is the best thing for you. If you don't do the best thing for yourself and things don't go well, there is a certain point when it is your fault and no one elses.

I don't think posters have been flip with the OP....I disagree with you here. The OP created an earlier thread discussing her situation, and most of the same posters on this thread were very sympathetic when it came to her situation...I think one poster even offered to pick up the OP and take her to a housing shelter. There was a lot of advice given in the gentlest way possible. However, the OP refused to even digest the advice given to her.

I think what is bothering posters is that instead of the OP focusing on getting out of her situation, she has turned to tearing down the school she is attending, even going to the point of attacking professors for being greedy, money-seeking individuals who don't care about their students. I think that is a very unfair characterization of professors...no one seriously goes into the teaching profession to make money.

But to end my rambling, I think that if you look at the prior thread, you will see that no one is being flip about the OP's situation...it seems like a pretty serious situation, and I can kind of understand what is going on. However, how long do you think the OP can vent about this situation without ever finding the courage to deal with it? For how long can you go on in life blaming your mother? I think posters have been overly generous giving advice to this OP...out in the real world, especially in the job market, no one cares about your family issues...you are solely in charge of what is on your resume or CV. I seriously hope the OP isn't banking on blaming her mother in any future interviews if she does poorly in her MFA program...with the attitude she has right now, creating this her vs. the academic institution situation, I doubt she will succeed.

It's not that simple for some people, though. Some people have abusive parents, or parents who are willing to disown them over something like choice of major. I've had a number of friends in that sort of situation (a couple were able to sort of rescue themselves financially, after their parents cut them off, by documenting abuse, and using that to get the school to declare them independent for financial aid purposes). There's pissed and then there's pissed. I think some people are a little too flip about this kind of thing.

The other side of that, of course, is that the terrible situation continues until you're able to buck it one way or another. In that sort of situation, it might be harder to break away, but arguably it's even more important to do so.

I even understand the thought process. I had a parent who pushed me to go to the major they wanted and walk on the path they wanted for me. Midway through sophmore year I realized how much I hated it (which clearly the poster has already done), and what did I do? I swtiched. Was my dad pissed? Yes. Did he get over it? Yes. Is he still a dick about it? Yes. But I'm happier and that's what matters.

This is what the OP does though, starts a post about something intolerable just to see if anyone else out there will feed into it. I mean I need to vent and complain just as much as the next person and I do when I'm in the appropriate company, as in people who are going through the same thing or to friends and family who might be sympathetic enough to just listen and offer a little encouragement. But to come to a forum that's dedicated to all things grad school and whine about the most basic fundamentals of your institution and program is a little self defeating. There's not much sympathy for the "I didn't know how much this would cost, how long it would take to earn the degree, or what classes I'd have to take" thing. And the OP has yet to answer my question of "how could that be?" I don't really buy it. And what's even more off about this is that the poster has no intentions of changing a single thing about her situation, none whatsoever. There's no "hey, maybe I'll think about that or give this a try" every response from the poster is just another excuse as to why she can't do this that or the other. No matter what, someone somewhere is keeping her down. Her previous thread was brimming with support and empowerment but eventually it turned into frustration because like I said, every response from her was nothing more than, "I can't do that because..."

Just Me, if you're looking for nothing more than "oh yeah, I hate my program too" then this just isn't the forum for that. I'd say most of the users here really enjoy grad school and are happy to be doing what they're doing, hence the mostly positive atmosphere. But for those who feel like the program is not the right place for them or there is a major issue they're not sure how to handle, they come here seeking advice in order to change it for the better. Everyone in grad school is an adult and we all know that we are the only ones who will do the right thing for us. So at this point in your life you should not just be sticking it out with something you hate to the very core, especially since it seems like it won't even result in something you can really use. And since you've chosen to just keep going through life this way, it's not ok to go around pretending that your school is somehow the monster taking advantage of you or your greedy professors convincing you stay so they can squeeze every penny out of you. It's kind of insulting to those of us who dream about grad school and worked really hard to get in somewhere, at least to me it is. At some point you should realize that the only person who will come to your rescue is you.

I'm starting to agree. I've been worrying about Just me for months - little money, few ways of escaping, dissatisfying graduate program, reportedly abusive mother, reportedly abusive stepfather, reportedly abusive former boss, reportedly abusive parents-of-partner - and although there have been a good dozen people who have rushed to provide her with as much kind, sympathetic, empowering advice as we can think of, apparently not a single word of it has had an effect. Abuse is a serious issue, and those who are subject to it are certainly often rendered powerless and very psychologically passive, but this is getting so extreme that it's almost beginning to strain credibility. Apparent contradictions (she lives with her mother and can't get out; oh, but she lives in campus housing and one year had a room of her own?) are not helping. She gives us just few enough details that we can't verify assertions such as there being no shelters within reasonable distance, and it all adds up to a lot of frustration for everyone who wants to believe her story and therefore wants to see her removed from a sickeningly toxic environment as soon as possible.

Call the police as soon as possible, tell them your location, wait for them to show up, and then get the hell out of there simply by going to sit in the backseat of a cop-car. Requires no money, no friends, no vehicle of your own, no open health-services building - just a pay-phone and 90 seconds. The police have connections to domestic-abuse shelters, they have cop-cars, they have resources across the state and the nation. There are still pay-phones all over every college campus in the U.S.; students have cellphones, but not all staff-members do, and besides, physical telephones need to be there for emergencies. Speaking of which, you don't even need a quarter in order to call 911 from one of them; clearly, if you can type a post on this board, you can spare 90 seconds. If things are as bad as you say they are, then several people will be facing charges - rightfully - and your mother in particular will be separated from you by force. Permanently. You can leave school, stop having to worry about taking art classes, look for a job you like the sound of, undergo counselling and re-establish a healthy emotional balance, and slowly, slowly rediscover a) free-will, and optimism. Your life will be your own. This is my final piece of advice.

I'm starting to agree. I've been worrying about Just me for months - little money, few ways of escaping, dissatisfying graduate program, reportedly abusive mother, reportedly abusive stepfather, reportedly abusive former boss, reportedly abusive parents-of-partner - and although there have been a good dozen people who have rushed to provide her with as much kind, sympathetic, empowering advice as we can think of, apparently not a single word of it has had an effect. Abuse is a serious issue, and those who are subject to it are certainly often rendered powerless and very psychologically passive, but this is getting so extreme that it's almost beginning to strain credibility. Apparent contradictions (she lives with her mother and can't get out; oh, but she lives in campus housing and one year had a room of her own?) are not helping. She gives us just few enough details that we can't verify assertions such as there being no shelters within reasonable distance, and it all adds up to a lot of frustration for everyone who wants to believe her story and therefore wants to see her removed from a sickeningly toxic environment as soon as possible.

Call the police as soon as possible, tell them your location, wait for them to show up, and then get the hell out of there simply by going to sit in the backseat of a cop-car. Requires no money, no friends, no vehicle of your own, no open health-services building - just a pay-phone and 90 seconds. The police have connections to domestic-abuse shelters, they have cop-cars, they have resources across the state and the nation. There are still pay-phones all over every college campus in the U.S.; students have cellphones, but not all staff-members do, and besides, physical telephones need to be there for emergencies. Speaking of which, you don't even need a quarter in order to call 911 from one of them; clearly, if you can type a post on this board, you can spare 90 seconds. If things are as bad as you say they are, then several people will be facing charges - rightfully - and your mother in particular will be separated from you by force. Permanently. You can leave school, stop having to worry about taking art classes, look for a job you like the sound of, undergo counselling and re-establish a healthy emotional balance, and slowly, slowly rediscover a) free-will, and optimism. Your life will be your own. This is my final piece of advice.

I know several people like you, who constantly insist on playing the victim. Until you stand up and take responsibility for yourself, you probably will continue to fail. It's impossible to succeed when you blame others for your failure.

Many people on this forum have attempted to help you and give you advice, which you have ignored. At this point it is difficult to feel badly for you when you insist on doing nothing to help yourself.

This may be harsh, but I have never been able to feel sympathetic towards people who do nothing to help themselves. As a strong, independent woman myself, I have never been able to put myself into their shoes and understand their thought process.

I do remember your prior post JustMe, and think that people really did try to help you figure out how to deal with your situation. Unfortunately for you, you refused the advice given, and now have the nerve to take up unnecessary space venting about a program's structure. Thing is, it isn't the school that is at fault, it is you. I'm sure there are many MFAs in your program that are happy and thriving...because they want to be there. Since you don't want to be in school for a MFA it makes sense that you would hate everything about the school.

My advice for you given your situation is to change your attitude so that you can at least finish this program with great work. I have a feeling that you will go through your program with terrible work (stemming from a terrible attitude), then go back and blame your mother for "forcing" you to go to school in the first place. I doubt any employer you go to for an interview will take that as an excuse. Take responsibility for your actions....as someone who is at grad school age, you should know this by now.

well look, I think you must have some idea of how this all sounds to people who are serious and committed to grad school. The idea that somehow you got through the entire application process without knowing things like length of program, tuition costs, and financial aid is a little incredible. You have to have been to the school's website in order to do the application and you're saying that you didn't even stumble across any of this information during that time....or that you didn't even think you should know those things, I mean really, how could that be?

Your school isn't giving you the loans for a reason, you just didn't press them into giving you an answer. Perhaps you've reached your borrowing limit. But these superficial complaints that you have are not really the issue, from the other thread you posted a while back it's clear that it's more that you just don't want to be going to grad school and that your mother is forcing you. You're also completely committed to sticking it out and not make any changes whatsoever to improve your situation in anyway because as you've said, it's just easier to keep going the way you're going. If you've decided that you will not make any changes or stand up to your mother than what's the difference if you're in grad school or not? If this is your mother's plan for you and you're relinquishing control of your life to her than just let it ride. If you were able to finish the degree sooner, she would just have you move on to something else you don't want to do, so go with it and take comfort in the fact that you don't have any responsibility whatsoever for your own life, choices, or future. A lot of people responded genuinely and sincerely to that thread of yours to try to help you by offering a lot of ideas on how to get out, but you decided to not consider any of them and here you're expressing a deep seated dissatisfaction for what you're doing but have made it clear you're just going to stick it out, which is a choice you've made. I'm sure many people find that their program isn't as magical as they hoped it would be, but they think it over, seek advice, and either change their situation or their mindset so they can move forward. You're set on not changing anything. Now I do feel for you but complaining about grad school only for the sake of complaining about it on a forum that celebrates it isn't going to get you much sympathy.