Jump to content

psychdork

Members
  • Content Count

    523
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Reputation Activity

  1. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Carly Rae Jepsen for a blog entry, Here we go again   
    It has been several months since I last wrote in here so I guess I should start this entry with a brief update. Basically last application season did not work out. I interviewed at one school (which I thought went really well) and ended up getting on the waitlist for 4 schools (including the one I interviewed at). However, in the end I had to wait until well after April 15th to find out that I did not get in anywhere. I spent a few days weeks dealing with the disappointment, but then I had to face the fact that this is how it is and to move on. So I am...well mostly. I am human after all.

    So now I am starting my fourth round of applications. Yes, you read that right, fourth. Each round I have improved my application, which has yielded more favorable results by the adcoms (more waitlists, etc.) but I haven't gotten the actual PhD acceptance letter yet. Have I mentioned that there are no glaring flaws with my application? I have had numerous people tell me that it basically was just down to bad luck that my app wasn't chosen. And yes, it is frustrating and at times I wonder why I am doing this to myself. But to put it simply, I have done a lot of soul searching and I know for a fact that if I give up on this, I will regret it down the line. So I reapply, hoping and praying that this time it will work out in my favor. And in the meantime, I continue to improve my application so that eventually it will. I am a stubborn one after all. :-)

    I started blogging here several years ago because I wanted to document my experiences. I needed an outlet to express my feelings with others who really understood where I was coming from, and I think this year I will need that more than ever. Although this cycle has just started it already has been emotionally tough for me, and I know that it will most likely just get worse. But I think that's an entry for another day.
  2. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from lanalingam for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  3. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from docjourney for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  4. Downvote
    psychdork got a reaction from dw3000 for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  5. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Neeko for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  6. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Bluth. for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  7. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from cdesilva621 for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  8. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from veggiez for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  9. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Quant_Liz_Lemon for a blog entry, And now we wait   
    I realize it's been some time since my last post, but there really wasn't anything exciting to write about until recently.

    So now I'm in that never-ending waiting period. Every day I find myself staring at my phone, demanding the email notification light to start blinking. And then it does, and I think, "wow, it really worked!". Until I read the email, which has nothing to do with my applications, and 9 times out of 10 is something I couldn't care less about. So then I sit at my desk annoyed at that email, and start the email-light demanding cycle over again. It's usually then that I make myself do something productive which works for a good 5-10 minutes until I find myself staring at my phone again. Apparently, I have developed the attention span of a goldfish.

    Of course, every so often I do hear something positive. Now, you would think that hearing something would help squelch the anxiety I feel towards my other programs, right? Oh no, actually it makes it worse! It's almost like some twisted gambler's fallacy, if one school tells me something, well then the others have to as well! So if I hear something from School A on Monday, well then Schools B-H will definitely tell me something Tuesday. And if not Tuesday, then Wednesday, and so forth. And yes, I realize the lack of logic there, and I've tried to tell myself that. But have you ever had an argument with yourself? Mine never end well. In fact, they usually end with me staring at my phone...

    So at this point, I've had one in-person interview (School A), one phone interview (School B.) and I'm officially waitlisted at another school (School C). So that's 3 out of 8 programs, with no word from the rest. I think I might be waitlisted at School D, but I'm not sure yet. From what I've been told from the schools I have heard from, if there is anything positive coming my way I should hear back from School B in the next few days (for an in-person interview invite) and School A should be making admissions decisions early next week. From my experience, School C has a long waitlist so it's hard to say where I stand there if they even get to the waitlist (they didn't last year). So for now my hope is on Schools A & B. I thought that knowing when I would hear back would be helpful, but I don't know if it is. I mean I guess it is in a way since I know when to expect it, but at the same time I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come. Except that I don't know if I'm getting a present, or if Santa will give me a lump of coal sometime later. I know it's only 1 more week. I already waited 1.5 weeks for School A (plus 6 weeks), I can wait another week. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

    I also made a decision that if I got an interview I would only tell a select group of people (less than 5 total). I thought that would help because then I wouldn't have a lot of people asking details about the interview...which just leads to questions about all the other programs to which I applied. Also, then you don't have 20 people giving you advice about the interview. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, and I am more than willing to ask others for advice. However, I like to do it on my own terms, and ask the people I trust, and know how graduate school interviews work. Hearing about how interviews work at your place of employment probably will not help me at X University. I've done a good job keeping this all quiet, but it is much harder than I thought it would be! After my phone interview yesterday all I wanted to do was tell someone...anyone...fine, everyone how it went. Once I get in somewhere I'll probably share interview details (if there are any at that point) with anyone who asks, I'm just hoping that day comes soon.
  10. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Queen of Kale for a blog entry, School lists, and statements, and letters, oh my!   
    So I want to start this entry by thanking everyone who left a comment on my last entry. I was touched to see how many of you wrote such positive things, so thank you! It really meant a lot to read your encouraging words.

    I haven't forgotten about this blog, in fact I've been trying to come up with an idea for an entry for the past few weeks. I always try to write an entry with either a pensive or funny message, or sometimes both, but recently I haven't been able to come up with anything. So this entry might be more of me rambling than actually something insightful, but oh well. I really haven't made a lot of progress on this round of applications, mostly because I've been too busy TAing, tutoring, working on my thesis, and studying for the GRE. I did take the GRE a little more than a week ago, and even though I thought I had bombed one of the sections I ended up raising my overall score by 100 points (old scores). To be honest, I was hoping for a little bit more, but I will take it. I really didn't need that much of an improvement anyway so any improvement would have been fine, but I was excited when I saw my scores. My school list has been basically finalized for weeks, with the exception of one or two schools, so that is another thing to check off my list.

    So now I've moved on to asking my professors for LORs and writing my personal statement. I already know which profs I'm going to ask, as they were the ones who wrote letters for me last year, I just have to actually ask them. So here's the thing, I know I shouldn't complain because I know they will say "yes", but I always find it so awkward to ask them. Especially my main advisor for some reason. It always ends up being one of those cases where I know he will write a letter, and he knows I'm going to ask him (and if I didn't he would be seriously upset...he's my strongest LOR anyway), but it's still the formality that makes it awkward somehow. Did anyone else find this to be the case too? I will ask my advisor to buy something for the lab without a second thought, and yet for this it is just weird.

    As far as my personal statement, ugh. I haven't even started on it and yet that's how I feel about it. I hate writing personal statements with a passion. I would rather resit the GRE two more times than write a personal statement. I think the thing that gets me the most is that, usually I'm a good writer (though don't use this particular blog entry as proof!) but when it comes to my personal statement I just can't get anything to flow together. I either come across as too humble, or too arrogant. It's the balancing act I have trouble finding. I go through 7-8 drafts before I let anyone even see it, and then it goes through a few more after that. I know I need to start working on it but ugh that's all I can say right now.
  11. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Nausicaa for a blog entry, School lists, and statements, and letters, oh my!   
    So I want to start this entry by thanking everyone who left a comment on my last entry. I was touched to see how many of you wrote such positive things, so thank you! It really meant a lot to read your encouraging words.

    I haven't forgotten about this blog, in fact I've been trying to come up with an idea for an entry for the past few weeks. I always try to write an entry with either a pensive or funny message, or sometimes both, but recently I haven't been able to come up with anything. So this entry might be more of me rambling than actually something insightful, but oh well. I really haven't made a lot of progress on this round of applications, mostly because I've been too busy TAing, tutoring, working on my thesis, and studying for the GRE. I did take the GRE a little more than a week ago, and even though I thought I had bombed one of the sections I ended up raising my overall score by 100 points (old scores). To be honest, I was hoping for a little bit more, but I will take it. I really didn't need that much of an improvement anyway so any improvement would have been fine, but I was excited when I saw my scores. My school list has been basically finalized for weeks, with the exception of one or two schools, so that is another thing to check off my list.

    So now I've moved on to asking my professors for LORs and writing my personal statement. I already know which profs I'm going to ask, as they were the ones who wrote letters for me last year, I just have to actually ask them. So here's the thing, I know I shouldn't complain because I know they will say "yes", but I always find it so awkward to ask them. Especially my main advisor for some reason. It always ends up being one of those cases where I know he will write a letter, and he knows I'm going to ask him (and if I didn't he would be seriously upset...he's my strongest LOR anyway), but it's still the formality that makes it awkward somehow. Did anyone else find this to be the case too? I will ask my advisor to buy something for the lab without a second thought, and yet for this it is just weird.

    As far as my personal statement, ugh. I haven't even started on it and yet that's how I feel about it. I hate writing personal statements with a passion. I would rather resit the GRE two more times than write a personal statement. I think the thing that gets me the most is that, usually I'm a good writer (though don't use this particular blog entry as proof!) but when it comes to my personal statement I just can't get anything to flow together. I either come across as too humble, or too arrogant. It's the balancing act I have trouble finding. I go through 7-8 drafts before I let anyone even see it, and then it goes through a few more after that. I know I need to start working on it but ugh that's all I can say right now.
  12. Downvote
    psychdork got a reaction from theoretician for a blog entry, School lists, and statements, and letters, oh my!   
    So I want to start this entry by thanking everyone who left a comment on my last entry. I was touched to see how many of you wrote such positive things, so thank you! It really meant a lot to read your encouraging words.

    I haven't forgotten about this blog, in fact I've been trying to come up with an idea for an entry for the past few weeks. I always try to write an entry with either a pensive or funny message, or sometimes both, but recently I haven't been able to come up with anything. So this entry might be more of me rambling than actually something insightful, but oh well. I really haven't made a lot of progress on this round of applications, mostly because I've been too busy TAing, tutoring, working on my thesis, and studying for the GRE. I did take the GRE a little more than a week ago, and even though I thought I had bombed one of the sections I ended up raising my overall score by 100 points (old scores). To be honest, I was hoping for a little bit more, but I will take it. I really didn't need that much of an improvement anyway so any improvement would have been fine, but I was excited when I saw my scores. My school list has been basically finalized for weeks, with the exception of one or two schools, so that is another thing to check off my list.

    So now I've moved on to asking my professors for LORs and writing my personal statement. I already know which profs I'm going to ask, as they were the ones who wrote letters for me last year, I just have to actually ask them. So here's the thing, I know I shouldn't complain because I know they will say "yes", but I always find it so awkward to ask them. Especially my main advisor for some reason. It always ends up being one of those cases where I know he will write a letter, and he knows I'm going to ask him (and if I didn't he would be seriously upset...he's my strongest LOR anyway), but it's still the formality that makes it awkward somehow. Did anyone else find this to be the case too? I will ask my advisor to buy something for the lab without a second thought, and yet for this it is just weird.

    As far as my personal statement, ugh. I haven't even started on it and yet that's how I feel about it. I hate writing personal statements with a passion. I would rather resit the GRE two more times than write a personal statement. I think the thing that gets me the most is that, usually I'm a good writer (though don't use this particular blog entry as proof!) but when it comes to my personal statement I just can't get anything to flow together. I either come across as too humble, or too arrogant. It's the balancing act I have trouble finding. I go through 7-8 drafts before I let anyone even see it, and then it goes through a few more after that. I know I need to start working on it but ugh that's all I can say right now.
  13. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from edith for a blog entry, Here we go again   
    It has been several months since I last wrote in here so I guess I should start this entry with a brief update. Basically last application season did not work out. I interviewed at one school (which I thought went really well) and ended up getting on the waitlist for 4 schools (including the one I interviewed at). However, in the end I had to wait until well after April 15th to find out that I did not get in anywhere. I spent a few days weeks dealing with the disappointment, but then I had to face the fact that this is how it is and to move on. So I am...well mostly. I am human after all.

    So now I am starting my fourth round of applications. Yes, you read that right, fourth. Each round I have improved my application, which has yielded more favorable results by the adcoms (more waitlists, etc.) but I haven't gotten the actual PhD acceptance letter yet. Have I mentioned that there are no glaring flaws with my application? I have had numerous people tell me that it basically was just down to bad luck that my app wasn't chosen. And yes, it is frustrating and at times I wonder why I am doing this to myself. But to put it simply, I have done a lot of soul searching and I know for a fact that if I give up on this, I will regret it down the line. So I reapply, hoping and praying that this time it will work out in my favor. And in the meantime, I continue to improve my application so that eventually it will. I am a stubborn one after all. :-)

    I started blogging here several years ago because I wanted to document my experiences. I needed an outlet to express my feelings with others who really understood where I was coming from, and I think this year I will need that more than ever. Although this cycle has just started it already has been emotionally tough for me, and I know that it will most likely just get worse. But I think that's an entry for another day.
  14. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from quick1 for a blog entry, Roller coaster   
    I've said it before that this whole process is one big emotional roller coaster. One minute you think you will be accepted to many schools & the next you will not only be rejected from all your schools, but everyone will stop talking to you, and you will end up living in a box by the freeway (or something like that).

    This week has been one crazy emotional roller coaster.

    And I hate roller coasters.

    I started this week feeling really good about my chances. Yes, I had one rejection but I had just had a very positive interview experience (from my point of view anyway) and I was feeling very confident about my chances. Yes I would get some rejections, but this time I was going to get into a PhD program. I could feel it!

    Then a few days after that I decided to check my application status for one particular program to see if it had finally changed to "rejected" as I fully expected it to. I knew this program had held an interview weekend already and I was just waiting for that notification. I logged into the application and sure enough there was my rejection. Oh well, I knew it was coming, right? Well yes I knew the rejection was coming but I didn't know that it would hit me so hard. It's not like this was my first rejection ever (this is my third time applying after all!) and really it wasn't one of my top choices, but still that rejection stung. I couldn't just shrug it off like I did my first one this year, which was to a school I really did not expect to get into (though it would have been amazing if I did!). Nope, this one stayed with me stinging away for quite some time.

    Not only did it keep stinging but it made me look at the rest of my schools in a different light. Suddenly those programs that I know had sent out interviews were seen as rejections instead of "maybe/who-knows". I went through my list and all of a sudden it was cut in half. All of a sudden I had my hopes on a handful of programs (some of which were likely rejections too) instead of a long list of prospects. Needless to say this did not help my mood. In fact it made me feel even worse. I started considering my "plan B" which gets complicated now since I will have my masters degree soon. Do I throw in the towel and give up? Do I stick around and fight one more time? How many times can I hear "no" before I decide that maybe my dream career will never happen? I get the whole "try try again" thing but even then, how many times do you try before you realize you should give up?

    Oh and my awesome interview? Started re-thinking that one too. Yes it was awesome, but there are several factors (that I can't go into here out of concern of revealing my identity) that all of a sudden seemed to go against my application. Yes I am qualified but given these other factors, will that even be enough?

    Then yesterday I go to check the mail and find out that I am waitlisted at a school I had already written off as a rejection!

    See what I mean about an emotional roller coaster?

    I still hate them.
  15. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from gouache for a blog entry, Distractions   
    We meet again GC!

    It's been several years since I last posted, so I'm going to start this entry with a brief update.

    I am currently finishing up my master's degree in psychology. Trust me, this was not the original plan, but when life hands you lemons apparently you enroll in a masters program, so I did. I am not saying that I regret it (although the application season isn't over...) but it just was not the plan. Still I think I made the best of my situation, and I am grateful for some of my profs who have helped make this detour successful.

    So now that this detour is almost finished I now find myself waiting to hear back from my (PhD)schools. I really thought I was going to be able to keep myself distracted until at least the end of January, but as soon as those apps were in (end of November) I have been waiting impatiently for any kind of news. It's funny, last semester I was so busy all I wanted was some free time. Now I have it (relatively) and I'd rather be busy.

    It's not like I don't have anything to do. I have class, and a job, and lab stuff, and a thesis to write. But the problem with all of those (except the class part) is that due to the nature of these tasks, I live a fairly autonomous lifestyle, which means plenty of time to check the results page and stare at my phone waiting for the "email light" to start blinking.

    Because of this I've thrown myself into several other tasks, to hopefully help me obsess a little less. My New Year's resolution is to lose a specific amount of weight, and so far so good. :-) Also, I've decided to run a 5k this year, so I've been training for that. Finally, I decided to do the more complicated of the two options in regards to my master's thesis. This will require more work, but hopefully will have a bigger reward in the end.

    Now if I could only find a way to distract myself when I'm too tired to work on my thesis, but not tired enough to go to sleep...I guess this blog will have to do.

    Good luck everyone! My #1 choice should send out notifications any day now, so hopefully I will have good news next time.
  16. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from surefire for a blog entry, Distractions   
    We meet again GC!

    It's been several years since I last posted, so I'm going to start this entry with a brief update.

    I am currently finishing up my master's degree in psychology. Trust me, this was not the original plan, but when life hands you lemons apparently you enroll in a masters program, so I did. I am not saying that I regret it (although the application season isn't over...) but it just was not the plan. Still I think I made the best of my situation, and I am grateful for some of my profs who have helped make this detour successful.

    So now that this detour is almost finished I now find myself waiting to hear back from my (PhD)schools. I really thought I was going to be able to keep myself distracted until at least the end of January, but as soon as those apps were in (end of November) I have been waiting impatiently for any kind of news. It's funny, last semester I was so busy all I wanted was some free time. Now I have it (relatively) and I'd rather be busy.

    It's not like I don't have anything to do. I have class, and a job, and lab stuff, and a thesis to write. But the problem with all of those (except the class part) is that due to the nature of these tasks, I live a fairly autonomous lifestyle, which means plenty of time to check the results page and stare at my phone waiting for the "email light" to start blinking.

    Because of this I've thrown myself into several other tasks, to hopefully help me obsess a little less. My New Year's resolution is to lose a specific amount of weight, and so far so good. :-) Also, I've decided to run a 5k this year, so I've been training for that. Finally, I decided to do the more complicated of the two options in regards to my master's thesis. This will require more work, but hopefully will have a bigger reward in the end.

    Now if I could only find a way to distract myself when I'm too tired to work on my thesis, but not tired enough to go to sleep...I guess this blog will have to do.

    Good luck everyone! My #1 choice should send out notifications any day now, so hopefully I will have good news next time.
  17. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from Gvh for a blog entry, Distractions   
    We meet again GC!

    It's been several years since I last posted, so I'm going to start this entry with a brief update.

    I am currently finishing up my master's degree in psychology. Trust me, this was not the original plan, but when life hands you lemons apparently you enroll in a masters program, so I did. I am not saying that I regret it (although the application season isn't over...) but it just was not the plan. Still I think I made the best of my situation, and I am grateful for some of my profs who have helped make this detour successful.

    So now that this detour is almost finished I now find myself waiting to hear back from my (PhD)schools. I really thought I was going to be able to keep myself distracted until at least the end of January, but as soon as those apps were in (end of November) I have been waiting impatiently for any kind of news. It's funny, last semester I was so busy all I wanted was some free time. Now I have it (relatively) and I'd rather be busy.

    It's not like I don't have anything to do. I have class, and a job, and lab stuff, and a thesis to write. But the problem with all of those (except the class part) is that due to the nature of these tasks, I live a fairly autonomous lifestyle, which means plenty of time to check the results page and stare at my phone waiting for the "email light" to start blinking.

    Because of this I've thrown myself into several other tasks, to hopefully help me obsess a little less. My New Year's resolution is to lose a specific amount of weight, and so far so good. :-) Also, I've decided to run a 5k this year, so I've been training for that. Finally, I decided to do the more complicated of the two options in regards to my master's thesis. This will require more work, but hopefully will have a bigger reward in the end.

    Now if I could only find a way to distract myself when I'm too tired to work on my thesis, but not tired enough to go to sleep...I guess this blog will have to do.

    Good luck everyone! My #1 choice should send out notifications any day now, so hopefully I will have good news next time.
  18. Upvote
    psychdork got a reaction from stackoverflow for a blog entry, Distractions   
    We meet again GC!

    It's been several years since I last posted, so I'm going to start this entry with a brief update.

    I am currently finishing up my master's degree in psychology. Trust me, this was not the original plan, but when life hands you lemons apparently you enroll in a masters program, so I did. I am not saying that I regret it (although the application season isn't over...) but it just was not the plan. Still I think I made the best of my situation, and I am grateful for some of my profs who have helped make this detour successful.

    So now that this detour is almost finished I now find myself waiting to hear back from my (PhD)schools. I really thought I was going to be able to keep myself distracted until at least the end of January, but as soon as those apps were in (end of November) I have been waiting impatiently for any kind of news. It's funny, last semester I was so busy all I wanted was some free time. Now I have it (relatively) and I'd rather be busy.

    It's not like I don't have anything to do. I have class, and a job, and lab stuff, and a thesis to write. But the problem with all of those (except the class part) is that due to the nature of these tasks, I live a fairly autonomous lifestyle, which means plenty of time to check the results page and stare at my phone waiting for the "email light" to start blinking.

    Because of this I've thrown myself into several other tasks, to hopefully help me obsess a little less. My New Year's resolution is to lose a specific amount of weight, and so far so good. :-) Also, I've decided to run a 5k this year, so I've been training for that. Finally, I decided to do the more complicated of the two options in regards to my master's thesis. This will require more work, but hopefully will have a bigger reward in the end.

    Now if I could only find a way to distract myself when I'm too tired to work on my thesis, but not tired enough to go to sleep...I guess this blog will have to do.

    Good luck everyone! My #1 choice should send out notifications any day now, so hopefully I will have good news next time.
  19. Upvote
    psychdork reacted to gellert for a blog entry, On submitted applications and the ocean's difference between A- and A   
    So today is the last day of exams, and also the application deadline for the gross majority of my schools of interests. It feels strangely like the end of an era; this entire semester has been colored by the shadow of grad app deadlines hanging overhead, which has contributed to a constant low level of stress buzzing in the back of my mind and making me feel guilty when I do anything that isn't working on applications.

    And now it's over.

    I'm not sure what to do with myself anymore.

    I mean, no, that's not precisely true, I have a general idea of what I can do. Work on my honor's thesis, for one. Start that paper I'm co-authoring with my adviser. Finish the novel I started writing in October. Have a real social life. Compulsively check my application statuses. (Stati? No, that's not right.)

    Also, I have burnout. Or senioritis, whatever you want to call it. Kind of hit at an inopportune moment, really; right in the middle of exam week. Though I suppose it's better that it's coming right before a long break (winter hols) than in the middle of the semester and thereby influencing my grades to a greater extent. I'm one of those obnoxious kids who is disappointed when they get an A- , because they're convinced that if they really knew the material they'd have a straight-up A, and there's no reason not to know the material because they're a smart kid and so it really comes down to whether or not they worked hard enough. No escape in citing incompetence. Just akrasia. No one and nothing to blame but oneself.

    My parents are not "tiger parents." Well, they kind of are: "You don't need to be dating anyone, gellert, you need to be applying to graduate school" and "Why are you going out on Friday night? Why not studying?" --but on the flip side of that coin, they think a B+ is a perfectly acceptable grade and see no distinction between an A- and an A. I've had people tell me before that I need to be less grade-focused and put the emphasis instead on material comprehension, but for me the two are one and the same. If I understand the material, I will make an A. It's what's happened in the past, it's what generally happens in the present. If I get an A-, it is often in classes or on assignments in which I can freely admit I didn't put in sufficient effort and that is why I didn't fully comprehend the material. Had I worked a little harder, studied a little, I would have an A, and more importantly, I would understand. Not saying this is true for everyone, but it's true for me.

    The point is, no, it's not about some arbitrary letter for me. It's about what the letter represents in terms of my personal comprehension. Confessions of an intellectual perfectionist.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.