Cass

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

A+ 

Combining discussion of personal experiences with studies (and, as you say, there are many) that demonstrate the existence of gender discrimination in the sciences is extremely useful, especially on the internet  (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2015/feb/06/sharing-stories-of-sexism-on-social-media-is-21st-century-activism?CMP=share_btn_tw) where it feels less risky and where others are more likely to feel safe enough to speak up. 

I try to be as outspoken as possible at school, but it can be hard. Some friends and I had a blatantly sexist professor last semester who also happens to be in a position of some authority in the department. Warranted or not, a lot of the girls are afraid that he'll be able to ruin their careers if they say anything to make him angry. He's already gone out of his way to make things extremely difficult for one of the girls and it scared everyone else so much that a couple people wouldn't even write anonymous evaluations for fear that he'd be able to tell who they were. So, it's difficult for anything to be done about the problem because the voice of 1 student isn't really enough to make a difference against the voice of a distinguished professor. But we're not going to get to the point where others feel brave enough to add their voices officially to a situation like that if they're afraid to even discuss their experiences, casually. Knowing that others have been through similar things really helps soften the blow. My own advisor, who often side-steps conversations like that, finally told me some of her own experiences (I think she finally started to see what a hard time I'd been having with that professor) and it was terrifying, but also extremely refreshing. 

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that anecdotes are science or that there is no element of bias when women are adding their personal experiences to the discussion, but 1) where there's bias in women saying sexism exists, there is just as much bias in men saying it doesn't and 2) as mentioned above, a variety of studies have demonstrated the existence of sexism in science, so even if some of the personal anecdotes are not actually the result of sexism it seems likely that many of them are exactly that and knowing that there's at least a possibility that you're not just paranoid is an extremely positive thing. In fact, the paranoia itself is the result of sexism. Because we know sexism exists, we know it could be affecting us, but we can't always be sure that it is. So, people are sometimes afraid to speak up because they know there's a chance they're wrong and if nobody else is speaking up we have no way of recognizing when patterns emerge or any way of dealing with them.

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

Hi there! I'm not in your field, but I am a PhD student who had a baby seven weeks ago. I'm actually breastfeeding as I type this! My partner and I discussed how to time having a baby, but then we realized something infinitely true: there is no "good" time to have a baby. During school or work, I'll have outside commitments. Instead, we decided to start having kids when we felt emotionally and financially ready. And now, I have a beautiful, strong, happy daughter, and I couldn't be happier. I'm still on maternity leave, so I can't tell you much about actual motherhood/grad school balance. But I can talk about pregnancy and new motherhood as a grad student. 
 
Here's some scattered advice I have for any grad student considering having kids:
If you can, select an advisor/PI who is supportive. My advisor has three kids of her own and has been absolutely amazing. In fact, when our weekly meetings start up in March, I'll be bringing my daughter along! Find out your university's official parental leave policy for grad students and your department's unofficial policy. Have other grad students had kids? Does your department allow or even encourage creative solutions to scheduling issues? For example, my department encouraged me to teach extra in the Fall (when I was pregnant) so I wouldn't have to teach when the baby came. This has radically extended what parental leave the university granted me. Don't try to be a hero. Work with your university, PI, and department to take off as much time as possible. Child birth is amazing and wonderful and awful and exhausting-- all at the same time. Your body will need time to recover, and if you choose to breastfeed, that in itself takes weeks (and sometimes months!) to master.  Start prioritizing your health and your family now. It's good practice. When I was pregnant, I stopped responding to student emails over the weekend (unless the student really did need a reply right away). I started putting up boundaries early on, so now it feels second nature. When the time comes, allow your wife to take over household duties. I finished up my coursework and teaching the week before my due date, and my hubs is the only reason our house is still standing.  Invest in baby carriers and a hands-free bumping bra. Both will allow you to multi-task during the early days of infancy. Enjoy it. Pregnancy and new parenthood are both so strange, challenging, rewarding, beautiful, and wonderful. Take time every once in a while to really soak the whole experience in! 

My husband and I have a 2 year old (she'll be 3 next month) and I'm in an MS program, graduating this may, and starting a phd program (hopefully) this August. We're both prior military and waited til we were both out, eight years total, to have our first, so we intentionally planned knowing I was going to grad school. I gave birth in my spring semester, junior year of college. We want three, 5 years apart. That means we'll try to conceive again the year our daughter turns four, after coursework is finished. I'll be overloading on courses to not deal with coursework, pregnancy, and lab work--I know how hard it is from doing it. Then our third, we'll try to conceive during my post doc.

It's a lot of work, and finding the balance is difficult. That's why I'm so glad I did an MS prior to PhD. We have a great system setup for balancing our home and work life. It often means I get three hours of sleep in order to spend the evening with my kid and then write on my thesis after she goes to bed. But it works well. I have a great PI who is very accommodating with my schedule. The whole time I've been in grad school, I would arrive at the lab at 4 am in order to leave by 3pm with no issues (I drive two hours each way so I have to leave by 3 to get home for daycare closing).

In a lot of ways it makes me way more productive. I have a limited amount of time in the lab, and I live so far away I can't just pop in to check on an experiment. It's been a great time management learning experience. I go in with a plan, and I get shit done. I've written on three manuscripts (2 first author), my thesis (just turned in my first draft to defend this April), two oral seminars, 3 poster presentations, and will complete my degree on time.

In a lot of ways, having a kid gives me more motivation--I can't let my degree drag out indefinitely. I need to get back into the workforce asap.


It took about a year to figure out our groove. We have no family around because we stayed where my husband's last duty station was for me to complete through my MS. It sucks and in another life, I'd already be tenure track, but I don't regret my service or moving for my husband. It took six schools to finish my undergrad because of the constant moving, but it was worth it. And at least I have no debt because of my GI Bill.

My biggest piece of advice is in picking your PI. If they want a grunt monkey to do nothing but their own work the whole time, with a minimum hours requirement, it's probably not the best PI for you. If they measure productivity and designing your own experiments, executing, and being self motivated without caring about the clock then it's a much better situation.

Either way, it's hard. There are so many moments of guilt. Guilt when I'm home because I'm not devoting as many hours as the single phd candidate in our lab. Guilt when I'm away because I could be with my kid. Guilt when I skip a day in the lab to go to an event at my daughters preschool. Guilt when I'm in the lab instead of at an event all the other parents are at.

My biggest piece of advice is quickly accepting you won't be the best. I'm a great student but I can't devote my life to it to be the best. I'm a great mom but I can't devote all my time to it to be the best. Time with my husband slips when I have to ramp up lab work. Time in the lab slips when I devote time to my husband and kid. And you know what? It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Just don't let one side always be the up side on your scales.

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

I think you make the mistake of believing that the idea behind feminism (or gender equality, if the word makes you uncomfortable) is 'equality' in the sense of 'everyone is the same' rather than equality in the sense of equal opportunities. If we lived in a culture that allowed everyone equal opportunities based on interests and merit, but men happened to be statistically more likely to be interested in/good at certain things and women happened to be statistically more likely to be interested/good at other things, but there was 0 discrimination of outliers, that would be great. That is, however, not the world we live in. And that is a problem and one we shouldn't be ignoring because "omg men and women are different, get over yourselves!" 

Good link. This sort of (sometimes unrecognized) bias makes a big difference to how TAs and younger profs (but apparently not older faculty) are perceived re knowledge, competency, and preparedness. Because I don't think I've seen it pointed out in this thread (instead it's focused on male students), this sort of implicit bias is not limited to male students either, the linked study and other educational research studies suggest that female students similarly rate female instructors lower than their male counterparts of similar teaching skill (or rate the males higher if you prefer to think of it that way).
 
If I think back to how I've perceived instructors at the college and graduate school level, I have been more likely to perceive young female TAs and faculty instructors as unprepared, poor instructors, or unduly harsh/combative, and I've been more likely to skip their classes and come up with flimsy excuses or otherwise act in a contrarian manner. It's possible some of those instructors really were bad at their jobs, but I rarely acted the same way with an equivalent male instructor (again, trying to more objectively evaluate this years later, and memory is fickle). I wonder how many of of those participating in this thread, male or female, would come to the same conclusion looking back now?

And what would be an unbiased source, exactly? Maybe the study I linked to that clearly shows a gender bias in teaching evaluations? And lets not be naive, this bias also comes up during the semester, and it affects people's careers through hiring decisions and promotions, not just people's feelings (in case that isn't enough). I don't understand why people think it's acceptable to argue that "I am a man and this has happened to me too, so there is no problem of gender discrimination here." The study (and it's not the only one out there) clearly shows an overall trend, and that doesn't mean that there are no exceptions but there is something here that we should pay attention to.
 
People write about their own experiences as a way to share and to learn that they are not the only one that this has happened to. The OP specifically asks for these stories. It can be a lonely place to be in when you think you are being discriminated against but aren't sure. There aren't too many places where you can share this. As I already wrote, it's really hard to know, when you feel something like this is happening to you, why it is and whether it has to do with your gender or the color of your eyes or just that the student isn't sure how to pronounce your name, or a million other things. But the data shows that it happens, so I am inclined to believe that at least some of the "anecdotes and opinions" that you say come from "biased sources" are real. We should listen to people when they tell us they feel discriminated against. 

My post was solely in reference to what the other poster was saying. Also, saying more girls flirt with male TAs does not somehow eliminate the discrimination that female TAs experience. And people in this thread have already given anecdotes and data on how the experience is worse when you're a woman. Women not being taking seriously in their field is a real issue.

Giving a female TA all the attention just because she's "cute" is demeaning (do you care nothing about her ability to explain things, her knowledge of the subject or experience in the classroom?). Female TAs don't exist solely for your visual pleasure, they exist to help with your education. Nor do "innocent" male intentions always translate the same way to women on the receiving end. You can tell if somebody is checking you out, right? Do you think female TAs won't realise that you are only asking them questions because you think they're hot? 

No. 
 
I'm sorry, but that's not ok. It's exactly the kind of behavior that makes us feel like we are not being taken seriously. 

You could send her an email now, but what if you change your mind?  Even if you don't change your mind and know you won't, she might have the same thought that I did.  I doubt that you will continually email back and forth for two years meaning she might even forget about you during that period.  To preface my advise, I want to note that I do not have experience with this. 
 
You could email her now thanking her for her time and advising her of what you're currently doing.  In a year or so, you could email her again advising her of the research you have performed and how you are doing in your program.  That will be about the time that you would start applying for graduate schools anyway, so it would make sense.  You could also her ask her at that time if she thinks she'll be able to take on more students.