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dimanche0829

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  1. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from inooradd in Studying isn't that necessary...   
    Congratulations, you're happy. You tested well. Your methods and background worked for you. Consider yourself lucky.

    You'll have a long and difficult road ahead if you think you can successfully slack your way through grad school, too- assuming you're even accepted into a program. You're not nearly as clever as you think you are; slacking on any part of the application is just a BAD idea. If you're not even willing to put forth an honest effort to study for an entrance exam, you really just don't belong in the applicant pool.

    My 0.02.
  2. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from pianocognition in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  3. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from -hermes- in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  4. Upvote
    dimanche0829 reacted to ComeBackZinc in Decision Anxieties   
    "Am I overthinking this?"
     
    Yes.
     
    "Is it really that bad to step outside the box for a little bit?"
     
    No.
     
    "Can pursuing a degree outside of your intended field be considered a good thing?"
     
    Sometimes, sure.
     
    Is the decision between having an MA degree paid for and paying your own way at a school you consider more prestigious? Because I would urge you as strongly as I possibly can to pursue the former option. 
  5. Upvote
    dimanche0829 reacted to ComeBackZinc in Decision Anxieties   
    Also: feeling anxious is totally normal and understandable to everyone. But don't forget to feel good about the opportunity you have, which is rare and wonderful. Getting your MA for free will improve your life no matter what your future in the academy might be, so try to keep that in mind when you're feeling some of this anxiety and confusion.
  6. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from getitlow in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Or maybe you're just pathetic.
  7. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from karent in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Or maybe you're just pathetic.
  8. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from phonology_rocks in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  9. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from lm0324 in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  10. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from anthropologeist in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Might I suggest you do the same for my response?

    IDK, there's just something about:


    that doesn't really hit my sarcasm radar. Then again, this is the internetz.
  11. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from anthropologeist in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Or maybe you're just pathetic.
  12. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from MashaMashaMasha in OMG, my financial aid "need" is only for 9 months   
    Oh, I know your situation all too well. It sucks.

    It can get better.

    First, is there any possibility that you could move to a less expensive neighborhood? Obviously, California is a big state, but I live in LA when I'm not on the east coast for school. I pay $1400 a month to live downtown vs. $2,000 a month to live in the "nice" area - though I feel it necessary to defend downtown because it's really a great place and I actually prefer it to the suburbs of LA. Then again, I've always been a city girl at heart.

    If you aren't willing to downgrade, what about taking on a roommate - either they could move in with you, or you move in with them?

    If that doesn't work, would your parents be able to take on one or two pets so that it's not so costly? Parting with pets for any length of time is rarely a desirable choice, but you kind of need to take care of yourself. No money = no money for pet food = really bad situation for pets.

    Also, try bartering with the landlord. Most of my landlords have been willing to just accept a higher security deposit instead of added rent. Not to mention, an extra $500 a month seems ridiculous for even the nicest areas.

    Second, a more long-term solution, you should really consider cutting up your credit cards. If you're having trouble meeting all of your financial obligations (this doesn't have to mean that you're late on anything) then it sounds like your debt/income ratio is way too high, which isn't doing your credit rating any favors. Bad credit = less favorable interest rates, higher payments, less flexible terms = much worse than the probability of a "just in case" scenario actually happening in the next year or two. Additionally, your cards work against your credit score if your cards have balances totalling more than 50% of the max. limit. I paid down all of my credit debt a couple years ago but kept one card and asked that they reduce my balance to X dollars. In my opinion, a true "just in case" isn't going to run me more than a month's salary. And if it does, it's probably going to be medically related, in which case I can make alternate arrangements with the hospital. Just my 2 cents. I tend to be overly paranoid because I worked at a bankruptcy firm for several years. You learn some things along the way...

    Third, you might consider a second job temporarily? With holiday season coming up, it wouldn't be too tough to find something.

    Sadly, many academics don't "make it work." Many people work multiple jobs in the summer, rely on family members, live very meager lifestyles, etc. The ones who do make it work just know how to budget really well, still lead modest lifestyles, and do whatever they can to float by. In both cases, it's usually a struggle. Anyway, I hope these suggestions help. If not, I hope things work out for you!
  13. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from 28verses in Grad school makes me want to kill myself   
    Um.

    If you are talking about killing yourself as in you're waxing hyperbole and are not REALLY thinking of killing yourself: this is normal, but you should talk to someone (perhaps a trusted professor or friend) and find ways to alleviate some of the stress.

    If you are talking about REALLY killing yourself: this is not normal and you need to seek help immediately.
  14. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from Galahad in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Or maybe you're just pathetic.
  15. Downvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from Hanyuye in Are humanities grad students pathetic?   
    Or maybe you're just pathetic.
  16. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from Jrock4real in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  17. Upvote
    dimanche0829 reacted to go3187 in After experiencing some really awful behavior, I can no longer be a member of this forum   
    Are you referring to the OP's posts in

    In my opinion, she didn't come close to telling someone that they were "going against the theme" of the board. The way I read post #9 in that thread, she wrote what drew her to the board ("I was drawn to TheGradCafe.com for the supportive and positive environment."), and how she thinks many others view the forum ("I think that many other posters feel the same way about this forum."). To me, that means sharing her experience and opinion ("I was drawn", "I think"), not telling anyone what's the "theme" of the board.

    In reference to the other thread, would it hurt the OP to send the professors a personalized email if that's what she wants? I don't think it would, although I wouldn't have done it myself (but then, I also wasn't in that situation when I applied). And if it doesn't hurt sending personalized emails, then ANDS!'s advice was not really better than different views presented in the thread.

    ANDS! first reply there, and the OP's reply to his/her post, were polite. But because the OP (politely) disagreed with ANDS!'s suggestion, she got back a sarcastic reply, "Well then by all means, craft personalized emails for these instructors you have had these substantive conversations with who I am quite sure will remember you in 5 or 10 years.", followed by another, "But hey I'm sure someone will come along and tell the OP what they want to hear: personalized hand written cards (perhaps scented) expressing deepest regrets and the hope that this doesn't completely shatter their graduate program." There were others who agreed with ANDS! that a canned email would suffice. The OP didn't/doesn't seem to be bothered by those, so was she really upset because she "wasn't told what she wanted to hear"? I'm not so sure. She's the only one who can answer that, but I would assume that what bothered her was the part of ANDS!'s post that she quoted in her 2nd reply to him/her (post #9). It's the same that bothered me, too.

    Among all the fluff existing on the board, the experienced grad students who give good advice, imo, do it bluntly, but with clear good intentions. I hope we all reply to others with good intentions. But while I see the good intentions behind ANDS!'s first reply, I fail to see them behind the unnecessary, repeated sarcasm.

    That said, giving negative reputation points for reasons that have nothing to do with the actual posts isn't exactly what I would call "really awful behavior." I've seen so much worse online. I understand it can be upsetting though (been there; it took some gentle guidance from a dear friend to learn not to care).
  18. Downvote
    dimanche0829 reacted to spunkrag in Why haven't the PhD coordinator responded to my acceptance?   
    Email them hourly until you get a response. This is too important to be left to the dustbin or personal biography or oral history.
  19. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from tauren in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  20. Downvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from Hanyuye in Keep A Word Drop A Word   
    quit job
  21. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from rockandroll in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  22. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from ktel in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  23. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from Ennue in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  24. Upvote
    dimanche0829 reacted to dimanche0829 in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
  25. Upvote
    dimanche0829 got a reaction from mandarin.orange in Long-distance relationships in a PhD program   
    You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

    First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

    You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

    Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

    Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

    Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

    Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

    Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it
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