MediaMom

Not to diminish what you're feeling, because of course you have a right to feel it. But you're "ALREADY" 25? Oh honey. I didn't have my master's until I was 27, and that was 10 years ago. I'll start work on my PhD this fall, at age 37. You're not old, you've got time, and maybe what you need to do is step back for a few years and just focus on a few things at a time. Life experience can give you a huge edge, on a number of levels.

I'll be 37 when I start my PhD this fall, and while part of me does wish I'd gotten an earlier start, I also believe that everything happens in its own time and for its own reasons. If I had started school sooner, I may not have had a lot of the experiences I've had in the meantime--travel, marriage, kids. I may have put those things off or skipped them entirely. I'm in a good place and I know I'm ready for this.

On a side note, my husband is 43, and while he's not in the process of going back to school, I certainly don't think his age would be an obstacle if he decided that he wanted to go back. He works just as hard at his job, and at the home-work balance, as any grad student would. I'm sure he could be successful as a grad student at his age if that was what he wanted to do.

Go for it

Not to be rude, but I have never understood why people get so stressed out about how to say no to an offer--I see this with job offers as well. You don't owe anybody a long, drawn out explanation. It's business, not personal.

Dear So-and-so,

I am flattered and excited to have been accepted into the program at YOURSCHOOL, and I appreciate your offer. However, after careful consideration I have chosen to enroll elsewhere. Thank you.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME

The end.

Agreed - I called all of my schools to check on the status of my materials and the people in admission were rude to me at all but one school. I got the, "We'll call YOU, leave us alone and be patient" speech at three of the four schools I contacted. It was made very clear to me that applicants calling to check up on them was just not "how it was done." So I suppose I'm just lucky that none of those schools ended up effing up my applications.

And this is the place to vent these frustrations, absolutely.

I would email the department chair/graduate studies chair. Don't point the finger or bad mouth the admissions office. Just say that you've just spoken with admissions and discovered that your file was mis-marked and was not forwarded to the department for their review as it should have been. Ask if all decisions have been made, and if they have not, if the department would be willing to look at your application now. Even if all of the offers have gone out, they may choose to wait-list you. Also, I know that the majority of programs do not offer spring admission, but it can't hurt to ask them if they'd be willing to consider you for a spring admission given the error.

And if it's absolutely a no-win situation and you decide not to ask them to hold the application for next year, then yes, definitely ask for your application fee back. If you're never even considered by the department and it's their error, they have no right to keep your money.

Good luck.

IMO, take the PhD. If you ultimately want to get a PhD, why put yourself through the process of reapplying and relocating AGAIN, when you're already being offered a funded place in a PhD program? And why pay for a master's degree when you can get a PhD for free? (Well, more or less.) The PhD program might not be as "prestigious," but it must have something of value to you or you'd have never applied in the first place, right?

All of this being said, I would strongly advise you to not make ANY decision until you've heard back from everyone. You should have all available information before you make your choice.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

If you're coming from UG straight into the PhD program, you could be making a commitment of five, six, seven years. If you really don't think you'll be happy there, then the MA program might be the best fit for you right now. You also have the option of taking a little break after your master's degree. You could work for a year or two, even teach part-time somewhere, and then start the PhD application process.

Ultimately, I think, you need to go with the program that can provide you the greatest mental health; that is, a program where you feel at home, you feel welcomed, you feel challenged, and you are able to do the work you want to be doing. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure on some level. You can't do your best work if you're always stressed out because you hate your program or your city or your classmates, etc.

Good luck.

I would email the department chair/graduate studies chair. Don't point the finger or bad mouth the admissions office. Just say that you've just spoken with admissions and discovered that your file was mis-marked and was not forwarded to the department for their review as it should have been. Ask if all decisions have been made, and if they have not, if the department would be willing to look at your application now. Even if all of the offers have gone out, they may choose to wait-list you. Also, I know that the majority of programs do not offer spring admission, but it can't hurt to ask them if they'd be willing to consider you for a spring admission given the error.

And if it's absolutely a no-win situation and you decide not to ask them to hold the application for next year, then yes, definitely ask for your application fee back. If you're never even considered by the department and it's their error, they have no right to keep your money.

Good luck.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

It can't hurt to ask. All they can say is no. You can also ask if, in the case deferral is not possible, if you'd be given priority consideration if you officially reapplied next year.

The thing is, I don't think they're going to be happy with your reason. It's one thing to ask for a deferral because you're dealing with the death of a parent and family obligations. But it sounds as if those obligations have been met, and you want to defer so you can travel. That's not very compelling. Can't you work abroad and/or volunteer after you finish school? Or try to work a semester abroad or volunteer work into your school experience?

edost - Sorry to hear about Albany, but as you said, it wasn't your first choice so all is well. I think we'll all land where we're meant to eventually.

I did not apply to Rutgers but I have a good friend whose PhD is in communication and information sciences from Rutgers and I know that they have a large program and do admit somewhere between 25 and 30 people at a time. If you haven't heard anything yet I'm guessing perhaps you've been waitlisted, and as people who were invited to that visit weekend decline the offer, they'll start to pull names from the list. It can't hurt to email them.

They can't "not accept" the cancellation. They can't force you to go to their school. But it is possible that you can ruffle some feathers and set yourself up to have some hurt feelings with someone whose path you have to cross later in life.

Personally, I say accept the offer and then pull out if you have to. There will be many who disagree with me, for a number of reasons. But I think that it's unreasonable and even unethical for a school to force you to make a choice before all of your other offers are in, and if that's the way they're going to play the game, then they're going to have to deal with people pulling out after having accepted. That's my thinking, anyway. I've been fortunate that my schools have not forced me to accept early and were understanding when I said I was waiting for one more decision. I think it's only fair.

I don't have the same challenges that you have, but because of family obligations I was very limited in terms of where I could apply to school. My family recently relocated for my husband's job; I am married and we have two young kids aged 3 and 1. The move was expensive, even with his employer helping with relocation costs (we had a house to sell, etc.) and it was hard on my older daughter to suddenly leave her home, her daycare, her grandparents, etc. So as you can imagine, moving again was hardly an option--this move meant that I had to leave my job, and the move depleted our savings, so we just can't be uprooting ourselves. My husband has been building his career for 20 years and is at an executive level, which means job searches take a long time to complete and we need to maintain a certain salary in order to keep ourselves in the black.

So....I applied to two local programs, and two programs that are within a 2.5 hour drive, thinking that we could live at a half-way point and each have a difficult commute for a few years. All four of the programs are excellent and I certainly don't feel like I'll be settling at any of them (I've been accepted to two), but if I was ten years younger, single and childless, my school search would have looked much different. But hey, if I were ten years younger, single and childless, I probably wouldn't be at a point in my life where I was ready to jump into a PhD. So there you go....life gives you what it gives you.

Good luck - I'm sure you'll find the best course of action. We do what we have to do to, and I know it's cliched, but I really do believe that things work out exactly like they're supposed to in the end.

I don't have the same challenges that you have, but because of family obligations I was very limited in terms of where I could apply to school. My family recently relocated for my husband's job; I am married and we have two young kids aged 3 and 1. The move was expensive, even with his employer helping with relocation costs (we had a house to sell, etc.) and it was hard on my older daughter to suddenly leave her home, her daycare, her grandparents, etc. So as you can imagine, moving again was hardly an option--this move meant that I had to leave my job, and the move depleted our savings, so we just can't be uprooting ourselves. My husband has been building his career for 20 years and is at an executive level, which means job searches take a long time to complete and we need to maintain a certain salary in order to keep ourselves in the black.

So....I applied to two local programs, and two programs that are within a 2.5 hour drive, thinking that we could live at a half-way point and each have a difficult commute for a few years. All four of the programs are excellent and I certainly don't feel like I'll be settling at any of them (I've been accepted to two), but if I was ten years younger, single and childless, my school search would have looked much different. But hey, if I were ten years younger, single and childless, I probably wouldn't be at a point in my life where I was ready to jump into a PhD. So there you go....life gives you what it gives you.

Good luck - I'm sure you'll find the best course of action. We do what we have to do to, and I know it's cliched, but I really do believe that things work out exactly like they're supposed to in the end.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

Not to be rude, but I have never understood why people get so stressed out about how to say no to an offer--I see this with job offers as well. You don't owe anybody a long, drawn out explanation. It's business, not personal.

Dear So-and-so,

I am flattered and excited to have been accepted into the program at YOURSCHOOL, and I appreciate your offer. However, after careful consideration I have chosen to enroll elsewhere. Thank you.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME

The end.

I don't think it's unfair for you to ask them to clarify the "upgrade." Tell them that you're considering another offer, and that in order to make the best choice possible you'll need more information. If they're sketchy about it then that might tell you something about whether or not this is the right program for you.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

There is probably a lot more to this than what you've posted here, but what I'm reading is that regardless of your status--student, employed, whatever--your family will only view you as worthy of their love and acknowledgement if you make "enough" money, whatever that means. Your family sounds like a bunch of shallow, mean spirited, useless asses. Just because you share their DNA doesn't mean you have to share their BS. I would just go on living my life with my friends and let them do whatever it is people like that do. But that's just me.

Oh, and the cousin can take her wedding registry and shove it. I wouldn't go.

Not to be rude, but I have never understood why people get so stressed out about how to say no to an offer--I see this with job offers as well. You don't owe anybody a long, drawn out explanation. It's business, not personal.

Dear So-and-so,

I am flattered and excited to have been accepted into the program at YOURSCHOOL, and I appreciate your offer. However, after careful consideration I have chosen to enroll elsewhere. Thank you.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME

The end.

Not to be rude, but I have never understood why people get so stressed out about how to say no to an offer--I see this with job offers as well. You don't owe anybody a long, drawn out explanation. It's business, not personal.

Dear So-and-so,

I am flattered and excited to have been accepted into the program at YOURSCHOOL, and I appreciate your offer. However, after careful consideration I have chosen to enroll elsewhere. Thank you.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME

The end.