Shari A Williams

Honestly, I think most friendships aren't like the ones portrayed on TV and in movies: all the unconditional heart-to-hearts, sunny montages of carefree time spent together and the hours each week spent in their company, remaining friends for decades on end...it's an exaggeration on real life, at least. It might be that you're wanting something that doesn't really exist.
 
What I'd do is take up a group activity/hobby that you can do without the family in tow. Meetup is really good (it attracts folk of all ages) - hiking, running, foreign-language conversation groups don't take up too much time (perhaps 1 or 2 hours per week), but you get to hang out with people who have similar interests to you, which is always a great foundation for friendship. 

It is sort of cold where I am for most of the year. Since that is, I've stocked up on quite a few nicer quality sweaters in conservative colors (think navy blue, black, tints of gray/and taupe lol). I am less conservative with my shoe collection and scarves. I tend to worry more about looking clean and neat than looking fashionable (since I am poor). The department air is "more casual than business casual", so I try to fit in...with the exception of the shoes and scarves. I am a woman of color, and I look quite young despite being in my 30s, so I pay quite close attention to having an appropriate dress sense. I don't care if other people say that we should not care or act like we should not care...because the truth is, I CARE and so far, meticulous preparation to my presentation has worked for me.

Extreme heat. 90+ degree days? Yes, please, as many as possible.

And better news came!! I received an acceptance letter from Florida State this afternoon. I am very relieved. How is everyone else coming along?

ISTJ. 
I find it hard to answer these kinds of personality tests because I usually end up thinking to myself: "Well, it depends on the circumstances..."

ENTJ!

Everyone on the internet is INTJ.

I do honest to god appreciate all the advice. I have read through this post like 3 times (beginning to end) on days when I need to feel ok. It really does help

"It's not a contest, but if it were I would win"

Maybe not so ASAP. Right now we are in the middle of an increasingly serious drought (as in: will there be involuntary limits on usage in the summer?) and we have tremendous budget problems. Weather IS nice though.
 
I like books and films, college radio and live sound. But I'm in the arts, and lately it's not at all clear what is career inspiration/research and what is hobby… guess that's a nice problem to have, but it feels like I have no hobbies!

I guess it'll happen when it happens. I can't force it, I tried and met some guys I probably shouldn't have.
I'm in a non-stressed mood today next week I could be in panic mode again but today is a good day

God, don't ever aspire to be most people. That's like asking to be boring, base, and as uninteresting as possible.

I mean if it happens that I'm 25 and single then hey nothing I can do at least I will have a career that I'm excited about. I read somewhere that like 85% of people end up getting married, why am I freaking out? I took a baby sitting job recently it's weekly she's 13 months and it is kind of hell. That sounds awful, and I love kids but it's so hard I would hate my life if I had to do this daily with no breaks (even though I do think that if I was a kids mom it would obviously love me more and be used to me and not cry as much). Being a single parent would be so hard like so so so hard. Maybe I should just chill down. Most of the people I know from college are over 25 and out partying and loving life all over the US. It's my high school friends getting married and having kids.

I'm a good wife and mother.

My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be happy and fulfilled. I am also smart, funny, loyal, cute, cook and back, and have a great rack. I am also mean, sadistic, spiteful, and love to wallow in a good bout of schadenfreude. I don't do laundry and I have been known to throw all of the dishes out rather than wash them.

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who cannot be whole by themselves. There's a difference between being lonely and being so desperate for a relationship that the other person has to be the source of a person's self-worth, sense of value, and reason for living. (Before you protest, Pinkseter/Corrupted Innocence, print off your statements on this thread and show them to your therapist.) Lonely people are not so desperate for a relationship that they'll do anything to be in one (your words, not mine); lonely people want a relationship, but they don't need one. Desperate people want a relationship and they really, really don't need one because a relationship based on emotional dependency is toxic.

My qualities as a mother: He made to legal adulthood in good health, no trouble with the law, with prospects for the future, and isn't (currently) a burden on society. He can balance his checkbook and find the DMV by himself. He also drives like a little old lady and can do his own laundry. He has no idea where the barber is, though. Can't win 'em all.

I popped that slime-coated ur-human out by myself. He was a bit early, but the placenta was tres cool looking. It was like a purplish, deflated basketball with veins. I could totally see the horror movie thing going on, just give it eyes and teeth. Vagina Dentata for realsies!

But. He wasn't mine, completely and totally mine. He was his own person. Sure, I taught him that there's no such thing as bad sci-fi, but he won't watch Star Trek TOS; he prefers Godzilla (good gravy, where did I go wrong?!) and he doesn't know who Surak is. I kid you not. He's got my eyes, my intelligence, and my ADHD, but he did not find Fight Club amusing and he hates math (yeah, I'd think he was switched at birth, too, but he was the only boy on the ward). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly, but he's still not mine. He's living in another state, now, and it hurts, but it's right for him.

Kids grow up. Husbands have their own lives to lead, their own work, their own friends, and their hobbies. What do desperate people do when their spouse wants to go watch the game with friends (try to tag along or, worse, provide a curfew)?

Pinkster/Corrupted Innocence (this new name is very Twilight Fan Girl), you might have great qualities that make you great (as Loric put it) husband-bait. But you have one singular quality that makes you husband-bane: desperation. You've consistently shown desperation and you've said you're desperate. Not using hyperbole to talk about being lonely and looking to change that situation, but actually desperate. If anything, your use of the word desperate is an understatement.

You are not speaking of your future man in terms of a real relationship. You're speaking of your future man in terms of an Edward and Bella and Jacob relationship. Which you probably think is romantic and wonderful and cried at the end. Edward and Bella have a horrific relationship of manipulation, co-dependency, and a mutual inability to be healthy. Jacob is even worse. Men are not stupid people and the kind of man you want for a husband (a good man who is caring, loving, and will provide for the family) is the kind of man that runs screaming, the other way, when a desperate woman starts making cow eyes at him.

Seriously. Print off this thread and your other I-want-a-relationship threads and take it to your therapist. Or send him/her a link.

Oh.. the funny part really is that you don't realize your statement about it being beyond your ability to count.. just assured me of your inability to count very high.

... You don't have to be rude.

Interestingly, I LOVE my topic, and my supervisor is pretty liberal with letting me do what I want, within reason. But I mean...I looove spaghetti but eating it every day, three times a day for two years? That ain't happening.
Essentially, for many of us, no matter how much we love something, there are periods where it's stale for us. You eventually get past it and get a second wind.

I wear skinny jeans all the time here, because I find them warmer than my flares for whichever reason. Since my hips are pretty broad I just try to cover them with a very loose, long sweater or nice top. 

I appreciate the words of encouragement from both of you. One of the most difficult things that I am encountering is the prospect of going to school for another 3-5 years, with little income during that time period. I recently took a job outside of my college education that pays decently and has the strong opportunity for advancement.
 
I love my art-form, and I couldn't imagine living without it, but I'm starting to think that maybe it would be better to make a living having a mundane, well-paying job while working on my music as opposed to earning another degree and struggling for another several years. Jobs are dwindling in the arts in academia. In the near future, tenure will be a thing of the past. 
 
In short, I am worried that IF I get into a PhD program, after I finish, there will be no job for me. If you are going to Harvard, Yale etc., you will find a job. But I am not capable of getting into those type of programs. Therefore, my chances at landing a "kick-ass" job at a University will be limited, to say the least. 

Sounds like a difficult situation to be in. 
 
I would definitely use it as a learning experience for a few things in grad school, though: 
 
1) Rarely, if ever, are graduate advisors responsible for informing you of degree deadlines. Most of them don't know when they are. 
2) Having to track down your advisor is often a way of life. Your work is way more important to you than it is to them, and it's up to you to make sure you're getting what you need from them to keep going. 
3) You can't let harsh criticism on a paper keep you from working on it for 5 months. I've gotten scathing critiques from reviewers, faculty, etc. It's part of academic life. 
4) Degrees often take longer than they should. I know a lot of 3rd & 4th years MS students, because their thesis research just wasn't working out like it should, or as fast as it should. 
 
Good luck finishing up the Thesis this summer!

(the following is in no way meant to disparage any previous posters)
 
While I'm sure that on occasion reverse academic snobbery exists, I think more often than not it's a phenomenon much like "reverse racism" - in that the very people who feel they are being wronged are in fact simply worried they will not get the advantage they feel they are owed.  I'm not an anti-intellectual, and there is certainly a strange cultural undertow which sometimes makes me feel as if I'm swimming upstream when I strive to be well informed, articulate, and logical.  For example, the constant need for politicians in America to make a big show of being "plain spoken" and folksy.  So in a broad sense, yes, I think culturally there is an annoying smart vs. "real" perception problem. 
 
But, on an individual basis, I have to assume everyone is trying their best.  I just assume an intentional posture of niavete in order to not become an ass-hat myself.  Because for me it is better to assume if someone boasts to me that they would never be bothered to read a book that perhaps they have an undiagnosed learning disability, or an incredible strength in art, or simply a strong preference for auditory learning but they listen to pod casts religiously - whatever, than to assume they are just a big stupid idiot who hates smart people.
 
I barely graduated high school, I'm the only one of my friends from that period of my life who did finish high school, I married a high school drop out, and I spent much of a decade working in a hair salon.  Many of my clients were college students, graduate students, law students, or scientists from the nearby national lab.  The most articulate, interesting, and accomplished people also tended to be the people who just spoke to me like I was a person and were completely unconcerned with impressing me or impressing upon me the importance of education.  Occasionally I had a jackass in my chair, and it's 50/50 that person thought I was an elitist high brow snob or an uneducated idiot rube.  
 
I have strong feelings about this, because I've been on both sides, and have been perceived as being on both sides the entire time depending on who I was with and what I was doing.  In the end I found that as with anything, you won't change anyone who isn't interested, who has their guard up, and the more you push the more they will build up a defense against you and what you represent.  If you have a jackass in your salon chair, or in your life, treat them well until you get get them out the door and don't let them back.  And if you're dealing with a non-jackass, don't push an agenda or a belief system, and if someone is interested in your views, your beliefs, or your value system (including placing a high value on education) they will see that in your actions and ask you directly if they want to know more.  (All this is, of course, just one blue collar lady's opinion)

You need to go back to your advisor and devise a plan to tackle the comments. Particularly if you don't agree with these comments, you need to get help deciding how to revise the thesis so the readers feel like their comments were taken seriously, but you still stand behind what's written in the thesis. This is somewhat different than reviews you get on an article, but the idea is the same. Here is what I do. You need to address every comment and decide what to do with it. I don't know if you are required to write a reply to the comments for your thesis, but it's a useful document to have even if you don't show it to anyone else. You don't have to agree to every comment you got or make every change you were requested to make, but if you don't then you need to explain why you are disagreeing and/or how the comment misunderstood your intent. Normally if people misunderstood your intent then it's a sign that you should re-write or somehow do a better job at the explanation.
 
I try and start with the small stuff. Make every change you can, choose your battles wisely. Sometimes it's better to do as you're asked even if it's not what you originally wanted if you can stomach the change and it will reduce friction with the readers. You want them to know that you took everything they said seriously. For comments you strongly disagree with, have a clear reason why. Discuss it with your advisor and get his/her opinion about whether they agree or disagree. Get help deciding how to respond, and create yourself a timeline. I think that once you sort the comments into important and small, ones that are easy to attend to and ones that are not, it'll make the process simpler. Normally revisions shouldn't take very long, once you have an plan of attack. I've never taken more than a week per paper, even when I initially thought a lot of difficult requests were made in the review.
 
Perhaps as important - the first day you get to put the comments away and think the readers are all idiots. It's difficult to read criticism of something you've worked hard on, so you are entitled to take a day off and sulk. But then you need change pace and start on that plan of attack. Once all the small stuff is out of the way and there is a clear vision for the larger stuff, it'll be much more manageable.

This thread is not being made in the spirit of complaining or any negative experience. Rather, it is a celebration of the fact that I just finished my MA coursework! Whoot! Last term paper has been submitted and now all I have left is my thesis, to be completed over the summer and submitted in August
 
Edit: It's not necessary to reply to this thread, but if anyone else is celebrating the end of term, feel free to roll around in your happiness here

For those whose home countries are faaar away and air tickets cost an arm and a leg (like mine), keep an eye out for conferences in the area. It's much more doable that way ;-)

I was surprised that I got into...anywhere.  

Background story:

I only have a 3.2, and a guidance counselor told me not to bother applying anywhere.  She said I wouldn't get in anywhere decent.  I went ahead and applied anyway.  And I guess all the undergraduate research paid off.  I think my grades were offset by the fact I was in ROTC for the first half of college... it was tricky to juggle a math-heavy major while in the program (I'm not a math whiz).
 
And here I am, 12 months after she told me not to bother applying, getting ready to go to Hopkins, the top school in my field so glad I didn't listen!