ProfLorax

I don't necessarily see how she is acting "maliciously" toward you, but I do see how her actions are hurtful. She's actively excluding you socially and intellectually from your cohort and your project. That shit hurts! I know it does; I've been in similar work situations. Your hurt is valid. Unfortunately, until she actively disrupts your work, I don't know how helpful your advisor will be. I would focus on building a supportive, productive environment without her. Sure, she makes plans with your peers, but you can also make plans with them. Don't allow this colleague to dictate the tone of your grad school experience. 
 
In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, until the situation escalates, Shake It Off! I know this can be hard. I'm sensitive, so rude and mean-spirited behavior really affects me. But at the end of the day, the haters gonna hate hate hate, and I just don't have time for that shit! Also, sometimes confidence and a general "shake it off" approach to workplace bullies can disorient and even silence them. 
 

 
One caveat: If the conflict escalates, and her rudeness turns into harassment, sabotage, or bullying, then yes, absolutely talk to your advisor. 

This is a great list! It's somewhat geared toward single, childfree grad students, so here are a few questions I'd add: 
 
-What is the department's parental leave policy?
-What form of health care is available to graduate students and their families? Can they sign up for the same health insurance plans as faculty and staff?
-Are partners/spouses/children welcome at departmental and social events? Are they seen as part of the cohort?
-Where do students' partners work? (this was important when I was considering schools in the middle of nowhere, like Urbana-Champaign and Oxford, OH).
-What childcare services does the university offer?
-Where do grad students with families tend to live?
-Is there a lactation room in the building? Or on campus?

Having just wrapped up coursework, I can give you my perspective. I've been told repeatedly that coursework isn't really a factor on the job market. If a hiring committee is hiring a postcolonial literature assistant professor, the committee will want to see a dissertation, conference presentations, and a publication or two on postcolonial lit--not so much how many courses the applicant took in postcolonial lit and theory.
 
That being said, there are many other ways coursework can be significant. 
You can use coursework to fill in any gaps of knowledge you have in your field/area.  You can use coursework as an opportunity to read some of the texts that will for sure be on your exam (for example, I took a rhetorical theory course because I know that rhetorical theory will be a big part of my exam, so now I'm acquainted with many of the major texts on my reading list). You can use coursework to establish a relationship with a professor you may want to serve on your committee (I took a course way outside of my interests just to have the opportunity to get to know a specific professor). You can use coursework to start thinking toward your dissertation (I have at least one seminar paper that will likely be turned into a dissertation chapter).  You can use coursework to explore a field that interests you and you want to learn more about just for fun (and who knows? This field could in fact shape your dissertation!). Also, talk to your advisor! He or she may have some ideas about what courses will be most beneficial for you at this juncture, as well as the skinny about which professors to avoid. 

I guess these posts don't bother me because this is what my colleagues and I discuss constantly. Three people left the program last year (not all from the same cohort, mind you) because of concerns about the state of academia. Also, yeah, I recognize that grad school may provide more stability for some people than others. And I 100% agree: I have major problems with narratives that describe people with PhD's on food stamps as inherently more tragic than people with GED's on food stamps.
That said, I am concerned with these echoes of grad school being a great place because of funding and stability and such. Yes, it may provide more security than other positions and fields, but it's still super problematic. Mizzou grad students just straight up lost their health insurance last year. Yes, they got it back, but it's still just the mediocre grad student plan. At the same time, grad students at Emory and Arizona State lost dependent health care. So if you're a single parent and in grad school, then you're fucked. Many stipends are below the poverty level for the geographical area. As my friend says, we are overworked and underpaid and preparing for jobs that don't exist. Because adjunctification is real, and it's devouring the academy as we know it, hurting both adjuncts and undergrad students. 
In other words, things are messed up. But my plea isn't to tell folks to get out. I'd be a hypocrite to do so, and part of me still holds onto hope that we can collectively change the direction of higher education. Instead, my question is always: what are you going to do about it? Be alert to the exploitation of academic labor, and all the unpaid labor you will be asked to do in your program. Be alert so, when an opening arises, you can organize and make your program a better place for you and for future academics. Be alert because, as stipends and tenure lines decrease, these changes will hurt the most marginalized scholars and potentially dissuade them from pursuing a career in academia. But we need a diverse professoriate! We need to make sure that our grad students can feed and house themselves. And we need to situate our labor concerns with larger criticisms of exploitation and poverty: what are the hourly workers on your campus making? At UMD, hourly workers can be paid less than the state minimum wage. How can we leverage our educational privilege and our anger about the turning tide of academia to make real institutional change?

My husband and I moved from California to D.C. so I could pursue a PhD. We had been married exactly one year (we arrived to our new home on our one year anniversary!). I can imagine it's tough to weather a relationship when one partner is fully committing to an outside path, but it's definitely doable. I'm gonna echo lots of what has already been said, but here are some things that have helped us with the transition:
Our life priorities are clearly defined. My relationship is obviously my number one priority. He has a M-F 9-5 job, and I try to keep my study/research schedule aligned with his. That way, we have dinner together most nights, and enjoy our weekends together. I am very proactive in setting aside quality relationship time, and so far it's working. I even missed a day of class (gasp!) for a weekend trip to Spring Training (Cactus League!) for his 30th birthday. Totally worth it.  While our relationship is both our number one priority, my success in graduate school is also high on both of our lists. My partner is invested in my success. He is my number one cheerleader and understands when I can't go out and play on a Sunday because I have to read a billion pages/write an abstract/prepare for a conference.  His career is also a priority to him, so it was great that he was able to transfer offices. He has the same job he had before and is able to continue advancing in his career. At the same time, he understands that he needs different things from a career than I do: I crave constant evolution, he craves stability. This complementary dichotomy helps to balance us out, and he is on board with the reality that we may end up in Bumfuck Nowhere, Middle of the Country once I finish my degree. He is a software engineer, so he has more career options than I ever will, which gives me the freedom to look broadly when I am on the job market.  My partner is like another member of the cohort. While he doesn't come to all of our social events, he comes to many, so he has a sense of my work environment and cohort. He's made buddies with some of the other partners of my cohort.  Toward the end of last semester, I lost myself in my work. That's okay. It's gonna happen time and time again. But as soon as I turned in my last paper, I made sure to acknowledge all the awesome support my partner had been providing me: he walked the dog, prepared dinner, reminded me to leave the house and see the sun every once in a while. We then took each other out to a nice dinner, which served two purposes: I thanked him for his support, and he celebrated my accomplishment. This is a frequent pattern in our relationship: every promotion of his and every academic achievement of mine, we celebrate with a night out and plenty of expressions of gratitude.  I think, in general, it's healthiest to think of grad school as a job. Work/personal life balance is critical, no matter if you are in a relationship, parenting, dating, and/or really devoted to fantasy baseball/dogs/cooking. I know I am a better scholar when I'm happy in my personal life, so I work hard to maintain a fulfilling life and relationship outside of academia. 

Seeing these numbers really stresses the fact there are no "back up" schools. Thanks for putting this together, hypervodka! 

Congrats psychgirl33! I will be starting my third year as a PhD student with a beautiful eight month old daughter. I spent my second year pregnant, and I'm happy to answer any questions you have about navigating grad school while pregnant. I found very little info when I was googling myself. Most of the articles were advising students when to get pregnant, which just totally grossed me out.
 
I just had lunch with a colleague who accepted a tenure track position and is expecting in October. When she accepted her offer, she said something about the lines of, "I'm excited to tell you the happy news that I am pregnant and expecting in October. I would like to start in January. Thank you for your consideration." She was forward about it and framed her pregnancy as good news. The department congratulated her and said it was fine that she start in January. Turned out to be a non-issue! 
 
Here's some advice:
 
--Never apologize for being pregnant and needing time off to go to the doctor or maternity leave!
--Make a Plan B. I was due in December, so I had Incomplete paperwork on standby and some colleagues who volunteered to finish grading if I went into labor early. Fortunately, Baby E came a few days after her due date, so I was able to finish up the semester. But it was really nice to know that I had everything covered if she came early.
--Get as much time off as you can. You never know how your birth will go. I needed six weeks of recovery time for various reasons I'm happy to share with you after you've had your baby! Also, if you plan on nursing, breastfeeding takes a while to figure out. So time off is so valuable. I had originally planned on going back much sooner but decided to teach an overload in the Fall, so I could have Spring off. I'm really happy I did that.
--Get on daycare waitlists ASAP. Unfortunately, it's really hard to find quality part-time infant care. Also, and I learned this the hard way just now, don't wait for your department to give you your schedule (this applies if you're teaching). Figure out childcare first; then, let your department when you're available. I made the mistake of waiting for my teaching schedule, and by the time I had gotten it, all the day care spots filled up. We hired a nanny, which is breaking the bank. I adore her, but I wish we didn't have to spend so much money this first year.
--Find the other parents in your program and department. We have a handful of moms in mine, and they have been lifesavers. They have given us advice, helped with our registry, and delivered meals after we got home from the hospital.
--Similarly, seek out an awesome mentor, even if she is not in your area of interest, who is also a parent and can advocate for you and support you on this front.
--Be gentle with yourself and practice self-care. I got much better at saying no and establishing boundaries when I was pregnant. I'm glad I practiced then because I'm using those skills way more now. 
--Pregnancy is hard on the body and mind, but if you can, find some quiet moments to marvel at what your body is doing. You're growing a human! That's pretty gosh darn amazing. 

Here's an email I used to make initial contact that sparked an excellent conversation. For background info: I did get into the program, though I don't think contacting a POI was a factor.
 
Professor [blank],
 
I am preparing to apply to [school name] for the PhD program in [degree name] for Fall 2013, so I thought I would introduce myself. I have a BA and MA in English from the California State University system. For the past two years, I have been teaching reading, developmental writing, freshman composition, and feminist theory at Monterey Peninsula College, a two-year college in California.
 
I love teaching at a community college because of the diversity and courage of my students. On the other hand, the hardest part about teaching at an underfunded public two-year institution is the lack of support for research. When I was a student, I focused on research and writing. As an educator, I am focused on teaching. I want to enter a world where both research and teaching are equally valued, where I no longer have to choose between the two. This is why I will be applying to the [school] for the PhD program in [degree name]. Furthermore, I am especially excited about the possibility of working with you because of our similar interests. As an educator and a feminist scholar, I am constantly questioning how to bridge feminist theory and practice in the classroom. Also, I am interested in analyzing the rhetoric of gender, sexuality, and ability outside of the academy, so your research in [blah blah] is particularly exciting to me.
 
I was curious about how my interests would fit into [name] program. Would it be possible for me to call you during your office hours in the next few weeks? If that is possible, please let me know a convenient time to call you.
 
Thank you for your time!
 
Best,
 
Lorax

Congrats psychgirl33! I will be starting my third year as a PhD student with a beautiful eight month old daughter. I spent my second year pregnant, and I'm happy to answer any questions you have about navigating grad school while pregnant. I found very little info when I was googling myself. Most of the articles were advising students when to get pregnant, which just totally grossed me out.
 
I just had lunch with a colleague who accepted a tenure track position and is expecting in October. When she accepted her offer, she said something about the lines of, "I'm excited to tell you the happy news that I am pregnant and expecting in October. I would like to start in January. Thank you for your consideration." She was forward about it and framed her pregnancy as good news. The department congratulated her and said it was fine that she start in January. Turned out to be a non-issue! 
 
Here's some advice:
 
--Never apologize for being pregnant and needing time off to go to the doctor or maternity leave!
--Make a Plan B. I was due in December, so I had Incomplete paperwork on standby and some colleagues who volunteered to finish grading if I went into labor early. Fortunately, Baby E came a few days after her due date, so I was able to finish up the semester. But it was really nice to know that I had everything covered if she came early.
--Get as much time off as you can. You never know how your birth will go. I needed six weeks of recovery time for various reasons I'm happy to share with you after you've had your baby! Also, if you plan on nursing, breastfeeding takes a while to figure out. So time off is so valuable. I had originally planned on going back much sooner but decided to teach an overload in the Fall, so I could have Spring off. I'm really happy I did that.
--Get on daycare waitlists ASAP. Unfortunately, it's really hard to find quality part-time infant care. Also, and I learned this the hard way just now, don't wait for your department to give you your schedule (this applies if you're teaching). Figure out childcare first; then, let your department when you're available. I made the mistake of waiting for my teaching schedule, and by the time I had gotten it, all the day care spots filled up. We hired a nanny, which is breaking the bank. I adore her, but I wish we didn't have to spend so much money this first year.
--Find the other parents in your program and department. We have a handful of moms in mine, and they have been lifesavers. They have given us advice, helped with our registry, and delivered meals after we got home from the hospital.
--Similarly, seek out an awesome mentor, even if she is not in your area of interest, who is also a parent and can advocate for you and support you on this front.
--Be gentle with yourself and practice self-care. I got much better at saying no and establishing boundaries when I was pregnant. I'm glad I practiced then because I'm using those skills way more now. 
--Pregnancy is hard on the body and mind, but if you can, find some quiet moments to marvel at what your body is doing. You're growing a human! That's pretty gosh darn amazing. 

1Q84 was giving very sound advice that folks should only attend fully funded PhD programs. This response isn't warranted or even relevant to the conversation. 
(Eta: to clarify, I'm not speaking as a moderator here.)

I guess these posts don't bother me because this is what my colleagues and I discuss constantly. Three people left the program last year (not all from the same cohort, mind you) because of concerns about the state of academia. Also, yeah, I recognize that grad school may provide more stability for some people than others. And I 100% agree: I have major problems with narratives that describe people with PhD's on food stamps as inherently more tragic than people with GED's on food stamps.
That said, I am concerned with these echoes of grad school being a great place because of funding and stability and such. Yes, it may provide more security than other positions and fields, but it's still super problematic. Mizzou grad students just straight up lost their health insurance last year. Yes, they got it back, but it's still just the mediocre grad student plan. At the same time, grad students at Emory and Arizona State lost dependent health care. So if you're a single parent and in grad school, then you're fucked. Many stipends are below the poverty level for the geographical area. As my friend says, we are overworked and underpaid and preparing for jobs that don't exist. Because adjunctification is real, and it's devouring the academy as we know it, hurting both adjuncts and undergrad students. 
In other words, things are messed up. But my plea isn't to tell folks to get out. I'd be a hypocrite to do so, and part of me still holds onto hope that we can collectively change the direction of higher education. Instead, my question is always: what are you going to do about it? Be alert to the exploitation of academic labor, and all the unpaid labor you will be asked to do in your program. Be alert so, when an opening arises, you can organize and make your program a better place for you and for future academics. Be alert because, as stipends and tenure lines decrease, these changes will hurt the most marginalized scholars and potentially dissuade them from pursuing a career in academia. But we need a diverse professoriate! We need to make sure that our grad students can feed and house themselves. And we need to situate our labor concerns with larger criticisms of exploitation and poverty: what are the hourly workers on your campus making? At UMD, hourly workers can be paid less than the state minimum wage. How can we leverage our educational privilege and our anger about the turning tide of academia to make real institutional change?

Any more questions from potential UMD applicants? This is more fun than grading!

Seeing these numbers really stresses the fact there are no "back up" schools. Thanks for putting this together, hypervodka! 

Seeing these numbers really stresses the fact there are no "back up" schools. Thanks for putting this together, hypervodka! 

I thought the question was an interesting one, actually. I am pursuing a PhD because, at the time, I was in a field that was still hiring (rhetoric and composition). However, the bubble seems to be about the burst. So while am I still here? Well, I love the work I'm doing. I feel like my dissertation is an important project, and I love teaching. I am working hard to put myself in a good position for the job market (publishing, presenting, etc), while acknowledging that everyone else is doing the same thing. Recently, I've started seriously talking with my partner about realistic Plan B's. I'm fortunate that I live in DC, so if the job market is a bust, I hope to get a full-time gig in policy or advocacy. I'm considering going for a summer internship or fellowship next year to make connections.
So, to answer your question more succinctly, I am doing this because it's the only way I pursue my ideal career, but if that falls to hell, my research and teaching are still preparing me for other careers I would find satisfying. 

I guess these posts don't bother me because this is what my colleagues and I discuss constantly. Three people left the program last year (not all from the same cohort, mind you) because of concerns about the state of academia. Also, yeah, I recognize that grad school may provide more stability for some people than others. And I 100% agree: I have major problems with narratives that describe people with PhD's on food stamps as inherently more tragic than people with GED's on food stamps.
That said, I am concerned with these echoes of grad school being a great place because of funding and stability and such. Yes, it may provide more security than other positions and fields, but it's still super problematic. Mizzou grad students just straight up lost their health insurance last year. Yes, they got it back, but it's still just the mediocre grad student plan. At the same time, grad students at Emory and Arizona State lost dependent health care. So if you're a single parent and in grad school, then you're fucked. Many stipends are below the poverty level for the geographical area. As my friend says, we are overworked and underpaid and preparing for jobs that don't exist. Because adjunctification is real, and it's devouring the academy as we know it, hurting both adjuncts and undergrad students. 
In other words, things are messed up. But my plea isn't to tell folks to get out. I'd be a hypocrite to do so, and part of me still holds onto hope that we can collectively change the direction of higher education. Instead, my question is always: what are you going to do about it? Be alert to the exploitation of academic labor, and all the unpaid labor you will be asked to do in your program. Be alert so, when an opening arises, you can organize and make your program a better place for you and for future academics. Be alert because, as stipends and tenure lines decrease, these changes will hurt the most marginalized scholars and potentially dissuade them from pursuing a career in academia. But we need a diverse professoriate! We need to make sure that our grad students can feed and house themselves. And we need to situate our labor concerns with larger criticisms of exploitation and poverty: what are the hourly workers on your campus making? At UMD, hourly workers can be paid less than the state minimum wage. How can we leverage our educational privilege and our anger about the turning tide of academia to make real institutional change?

I guess I'll put this here: I'm trying to spend more time with the dissertation and the kid, so I'll be spending less time here on these boards. At least, that's my goal; we've see if I actually follow through!  I've been here for a while and made some friends, so PM me if you'd like to stay in touch outside of GradCafe! 

I guess I'll put this here: I'm trying to spend more time with the dissertation and the kid, so I'll be spending less time here on these boards. At least, that's my goal; we've see if I actually follow through!  I've been here for a while and made some friends, so PM me if you'd like to stay in touch outside of GradCafe! 

I guess I'll put this here: I'm trying to spend more time with the dissertation and the kid, so I'll be spending less time here on these boards. At least, that's my goal; we've see if I actually follow through!  I've been here for a while and made some friends, so PM me if you'd like to stay in touch outside of GradCafe! 

I guess I'll put this here: I'm trying to spend more time with the dissertation and the kid, so I'll be spending less time here on these boards. At least, that's my goal; we've see if I actually follow through!  I've been here for a while and made some friends, so PM me if you'd like to stay in touch outside of GradCafe! 

I'm getting published for the first time, and I just got an email asking me to do a final proof of my article so I guess this is real and actually happening. 
However, they asked me to write up a short "about the author," which brings that imposter syndrome right back. What do I include? What do I not include? 

Claiming the ASU acceptance!!
 

I applied after a three year break between my MA and PhD. I emailed my letter writers very early in the process (think, March) to update them on what I was doing and ask what they thought about pursuing a PhD and if they would write me a letter. I really was on the fence at the time, so initiating a dialogue about the pros and cons of pursuing a PhD was a helpful way to get the ball rolling and remind them of who I am. Be prepared to share with them papers you wrote in their classes. Are you still local? If yes, consider going to meet your letter writers in person.
Also, I am very sad your user name isn't profpoops like I initially thought. I am eight.

I passed my comps today! I am officially ABD and a Candidate, which is SUCH A WEIRD thing to wrap my mind around. My only regret? I didn't work in a Hamilton reference. 
I wanted to start a thread where we can all celebrate each other's achievements this semester. Are you surviving your first semester? Will you be presenting at a Big Deal™ conference in 2016? Did you get a travel grant? Let's get a dance party started up in here. 

I passed my comps today! I am officially ABD and a Candidate, which is SUCH A WEIRD thing to wrap my mind around. My only regret? I didn't work in a Hamilton reference. 
I wanted to start a thread where we can all celebrate each other's achievements this semester. Are you surviving your first semester? Will you be presenting at a Big Deal™ conference in 2016? Did you get a travel grant? Let's get a dance party started up in here.