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I know exactly how you feel in the life sciences, and like what you're probably up to right now, I'm putting in 60+ hours per week. We don't have time for very many, if any at all, outside activities because we're either in lab running experiments, organizing and computing data and statistics, taking classes, studying, or reading for our research or classes. There is not really much "down time." I'm lucky if I get at least one run in every week. I tend to work late in the evenings for my masters work right now, and my lab group is small, so it can get pretty lonely.
 
The grad students in the department started organizing a happy hour every Friday. There are usually 15 or so of us, and it is tons of fun. I try to go at least every other week. It gets me out of the lab for a couple of hours to relax and have fun. It usually is a giant nerd-fest with us talking about triumphs or failures in the lab, or figuring out what the weird professor is up to. I figured out that one of the other students in the department often does her studying late at night, as does one of my guy friends. We pester each other between incubations and during study breaks and all of us feel a lot less isolated. Maybe you can set up something similar? If your department is small, maybe a couple of departments can get together?

I accepted a place at Rutgers University a few days ago. There were still a few places I was waiting to hear back from...but realised that even if I did receive more offers...it wasn't going to change my preference. 
Feels great committing to a PhD program - I can now sort out my summer plans and perhaps treat myself to a holiday.
Now I've just got the US visa process to deal with...

Wear what makes you comfortable: It's far more important that you are able to showcase your personaiity than your wardrobe. I wouldn't suggest wearing sweatpants, but I wore a Hawaiian shirt to a couple events (it seemed to go over surprisingly well). Jeans and button down will more than suffice.

The article is very poorly written. Apart from the grammatical mistakes on your part, the basic assumption you worked with is absolutely wrong. Your basic assumption was to build the essay on your mundane everyday experience and in a commoner's tongue. Don't do that. Write in a verbose well structured English (e.g. never write money problem, always use phrases such as financial problem etc.) Schools prefer florid operaing style in the applicant's essay rather than simple minimalistic approach that you undertook. Trust me, I learnt that the hard way.

thanks for your responses, I really appreciate it!
 
@ Zorah: maybe I did jump to conclusions, although my instincts tell me something was going on--and I do know that all and everything do not revolve around me! This whole situation really annoyed me; I'm new there and professors talk to each others, especially when they're in the same field. 
 
@ Pat:I leave it alone for now but if something weird comes up well I will have to say something, obviously.
 
@IRtoni: he started the flirting, I would have never initiate that, I mean we're not on equal grounds! I've never flirt with a professor before--they're off limit--but with him I thought it was different... I thought that he would never do that if he wasn't seriously interested in me. So HE was unprofessional in the first place because he crossed a boundary with me and he's aware of that. It took him 3 months to tell me he was married...
Registration is pretty easy in the university where I currently study: professors do nothing but agreeing to accept me in their course, I then have to email it to the registrar who takes care of enrolling me.
I didn't know anybody in his class beforehand (I'm new here) so there was no way to get the syllabus from someone else. To officially drop a class, the prof. needs to send a confirmation email (2 lines) to the registrar. So all in all, it's not that big a deal for them.
I dropped the class before attending it, explaining the reason for my choice, I don't think it's unprofessional at all but rather wise. Should he needed more info about my decision, he could have asked me, instead of just ignoring me. That's too easy a solution that only satisfies him because it implies that I do not have my say in this story and that what he says/thinks/whatever is more important than what I say/think/whatever. His behavior is pretty childish in my opinion. 
I'm also annoyed because before this story, I talked to him about applying for a phd into his department next fall and he vividly encouraged me but now my chances  of getting in are blown (even though I had no guarantee, at least the bridge wasn't burnt) . Who is unprofessional here?
 
 
Again, this story is not a big deal, I'm only disappointed that things had to go this way--it was not necessary.

Thanks guys!
 
I do agree that as a graduate student you need to develop a tough skin. I think it's something that's not mentioned enough in graduate school- there there's a 'mental' component to all this that can be very overwhelming. I'm on the fence when it comes to accepting that it's just 'part of the experience', I think something in the culture needs to change. I don't see why a learning environment at the graduate level can't be warm, motivating and encouraging. I do think that it depends on the student, supervisor, and student-supervisor relationship- but I think we (graduate students) accept too easily, that it's okay and 'normal' to feel the way we do sometimes. {{I'm speaking more to my environment and experience, as I will often say that feeling the way I do, and experiencing the sometimes overly harsh critiques is just a part of the experience...but I don't think it has to be!}}
 
I think you all bring up really great points- if I believe in myself, that's really what matters in the long run. I should concentrate on how I feel about my work, and take the constructive criticism to build up my work (and ignore the not so constructive criticism!)…and also focus on the positive feedback that I receive elsewhere in my academics! I shouldn’t let the opinion of one person overshadow the opinion of others!
 
I wish there was a handbook for : How you should feel during graduate school, and what to expect. 

So, I'm waitlisted at my two top programs. I've searched through past results and haven't seen a ton of posts about people getting off the waitlist (even though I know it happens). This thread is a space to give us all hope. Please post when you get off any waitlists!

I'm in this process right now: asking my top choice to offer additional support to match with fellowship offers from other schools.
I found that it is best to ask during the visits. By preparing myself well for interviews, asking good questions and having good science talks with POIs, they have a better idea of me as a prospective student. Therefore, the negotiation became less contrived. I talked to the dept chairs as well as my favorite POIs about my existing offers, being as forthcoming and respectful as I could. After the visits, I followed up by emails. But the first face to face conversations seemed to have the most impact. It is interesting to see that some POIs/ departments like you enough to not only match other offers, but also bend over backwards to help you with other aspects of starting grad school (relocation, finding job for your spouse).
The results so far is one additional first year fellowship (departmental), one schoolwide full fellowship nomination, and one early bird fellowship (to start grad school early with stipend). The lesson learnt is that you should ask. This is the only time you can negotiate. If they are not interested in helping you now, wouldn't it say something about how much they value you as a potential student?

To extend upon what TeaGirl has said....it is usually a good idea to develop and rely on a strong internal sense of evaluation or self-appraisal rather than an external one. One way to do this is to realise that opinions on what is good or bad are just that - opinions, and hence subjective. It is important that you value your own subjective perspective and opinion above that of others - else you will always come across someone in whose (subjective) opinion, your work could be better (read 'different'). If you learn to thus trust your own instinct you will always know whether or not you have passed your own internal benchmarks. Not to say you should ignore constructive criticism from others - but use that to reassess and recaliberate your internal benchmarks as you deem fit.
 
Now for the warm and fuzzy stuff!
 
Remember - Walt Disney was first told that "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas", Marilyn Monroe was told by by modeling agents that she "should instead consider being a secretary", Van Gogh sold only one painting in his entire life and almost starved (ok - this one is not exactly inspirational!), Einstein was once touted as mentally handicapped, and Elvis was told "You ought to go back to drivin' a truck". Luckily for them, some people since thought otherwise.
 
Best of Luck!

This resonates with me in the sense that it's easy to slip into tying your professional self worth with what your advisor thinks of you. This gets even trickier if the advisor doesn't communicate clearly if what you're doing is good or bad, and you end up wondering all the time.
 
I think the best thing to do is to be confident in your own judgment and ability. I assume your judgment has guided you well in life so far, so if you feel your work has an exceptional quality then pat yourself on the back. You're doing well! It's hard not to get discouraged if you're not getting praise from your advisor, but maybe s/he simply not aware of what signals they're sending.
You should ask them how they think you're progressing and if they feel you're doing enough, meeting expectations, etc. and then you could take the guess work out of it!
 
I've grown some thick skin over the years. Failing a few times in life can do that and I had to learn to count on what I think of myself to feel good about things, even professionally. I found that doing that, I often do much better since I discovered that I have higher expectations of myself than others do of me.

I was super lucky because I got to be really good friends with my MA advisor. He pushed me and was very upfront with me at times but he was also a very good mentor and friend.

I think it's not so much about picking yourself up as it is about growing thick skin. What I mean is, if you change your perspective a little and start viewing your relationship with your advisor as one of mentor-junior faculty as opposed to advisor-student, you might be able to maneuver the rough patches more skillfully.

A great piece of advice I got from my advisor early on was that in order to succeed in academia, I had to be tough and welcome criticism. Now, I know that most people have horror stories about a jerk advisor and can imagine what a horrible experience getting constantly chopped down by your advisor is, but like so many other mentor-protege relationships, I think to some extent, the rough experiences are a part of the deal. At least that's how I've come to view it.

Sorry I couldn't give you any positive or fuzzy responses. Just my two cents.

it's a terrible idea

I made a similar move as you about ten years ago. I'm glad I did it. While I will be going to grad school back home in the warmer snow-free climate, I learned a lot living in a new area. If you do the make the move, just keep these things in kind: - You will need to invest money into buying quality winter gear. Add that into your budget and start shopping now. A lot of stores are placing their winter stuff on sale (LL Bean, REI, Altrec, etc.). You don't have to spend a lot, but you also don't want to re-purchase things that fall apart. I like LL Bean for that reason, they will accept returns if something goes wrong at any point. - Monitor your mood. If you start to feel yourself slump or you just feel more 'down', you may just need a little bit of fresh air, human company, and vitamin D. - Build a social group. Spending winters alone sucks. - Congratulate yourself after making it through your first winter. Nature will do some of that for you by offering you incredibly beautiful spring weather and scenery. Take pictures, soak up the sun, and restock up on winter gear if you need it.

Sometimes when I imagine a pre-med student being born, I think of
in the basement of a hospital somewhere.

premed; that's what.

Was emailed by my First-Choice POI at my Top Choice British University to say that he didn't think he would have funding to support me as a PhD candidate. It might still be a while before I hear from any of my other POIs at the same place about their funding, but there's no guarantee they'll be in a better off position (or that I'm their first-choice candidate!). 
 
Actually, the news comes as a relief to me. I had applied to TCB University and FC POI because of the strength of their international reputation, and I felt that if they'd offered me a place on their PhD program I would feel obliged to accept it ("How could you decline an offer from there?!" etc, etc). 
Getting a polite rejection allows me to properly consider my other choices: places with less international clout but which would be better for my professional & personal development. 
 
My advice to everyone based upon this experience: do not feel obliged to accept a PhD offer solely on the strength of program reputation. Think about fit and your opportunities for personal/professional development.
Good luck to everybody currently deciding & waiting for decisions!

My experience, which I've also shared in other threads, is that you have time exactly and only for those things that you find important. It's easy to get sucked into the work and occasionally indeed there are pressing deadlines and you need to work crazy hours. But on a regular basis, you structure your own time and schedule your own events. If downtime with your family and friends are important to you, you'll have time for them. If you neglect them, on the other hand, you might end up not seeing them at all. Same goes for hobbies, sleep, chores, volunteer work, trips and any other activities - you often need to be active in making those things a priority, but if you do then there is no reason why you can't have a good balance between your work and other aspects of your life.

What is going on?

No, I'm pre-dental and I started all these clubs because my research university didn't have any of these basic clubs. Students were without opportunity  That's why I started the clubs. I'm going to also start a chapter of Operation Smile to prove to admissions of my motive. I want to teach and go into academia, and I wanted to get into student affairs on the undergrad level. I really care about helping students. I have met senators and legislators in my state about higher ed. I follow what my university system does.
 
I don't know if I will be able to convey that to dental admissions, but I didn't do what I did to be a know-it-all. I did it to help people. I did it for the real reason, not for admissions. 
 
Also, I'm not considering a PhD in chemistry. I just want to hear opinions regarding my drop from chem PhDs. Whatever you guys throw at me, it'll be worse than the dental/medical admissions. 
 
No, I'm not picking grad school because I'm not competitive for dental school. 

it doesn't sound like you're good at organic chemistry...

from my perspective, it seems like you're trying to do the classic pre-med shit where you start/join every club you can think of. i suggest that you instead focus on things you have a GENUINE interest in, and do those things well. admissions committees for PhD and MD programs will see right through "i tried to do this, but i got a C+ because i was doing like a billion other really impressive things... and no i suppose i didn't stand out in any of them. this is probably because i'm just such an overachiever that i had to constantly go from club to club. i don't even remember what that one is for. LOL" and faceplant.

this might be pretty harsh, but a)pre-meds are the worst, and b)STOP SPREADING YOURSELF TOO THIN.

if you really want to pursue a PhD, you should probably not spend a summer retaking a class. Quit making excuses for yourself (read: attention problems) and finish strong.

good luck

School or department? Irrespective of advisor reputation? I can't tell you school name never matters (I'm sure it sometimes does) but at the end of the day I think there are other elements of fit that matter more, including department reputation and the advisor. Hiring committees are sensitive to that and are aware of strong departments even if they are at less known schools. Though yes, having the "brand name" never hurts, I'm sure. Either way, I think at the end of the day you need to have a good enough fit with your advisor/department to not suffer during your graduate school education, because if you're unhappy you're much less likely to produce good work. That may or may not be the better ranked school.

Ok, my really long and heartfelt reply somehow wasn't posted.
 
Basically, I am passionate about what I do. If I wasn't I would pick the best ROI major(engineering) at one of the top public schools in my state and live happily ever after. I WANT to do dentistry due to personal problems in oral health. I want to own a practice because I want that patient interaction. I love helping people and teaching, so I would definitely want to do something more than just the typical PTA for my kids. I would want to teach. I see Bernie Machen as one of my examples. He's a pediatric dentist, now president of a flagship research university. I want to help students and remain in academia. I love research and learning about science. I don't get bored when reading about science. I want to work in a lab and all that. 
 
However, I also don't want to settle down after 10+ years of education with a 60k salary. I want to be able to provide for myself and live respectably. I see DMD/MS as best of both worlds.
 
Now my problem, I don't know if I'm all that interested in TEACHING dentistry. I would love to work as provost or dean, but I don't know how much I'd enjoy teaching oral biology. I'd love to get into regenerative medicine or genetics or maxillofacial biology, but I don't care so much about microbio(yet, I haven't taken the UD course). I'm interested in ecology and environmental science. I'm the only kid in my intro class who loved the plant chapter in bio 1. That's interesting for me, and I can see myself doing environmental health science or environmental science. I also am so much into student affairs and education that I could see myself getting a PhD in higher ed admin or doctors in education. Gordon Gee did that. 
 
I live in a state with a very affordable dental school. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud and hoping someone will be able to relate. 
 
Thanks for all the advice guys.

This application season ended for me mid-Jan, and I have sinced contemplated about how one would pick out just one school.  
I know very well that it is one of the most important decisions I will ever make. 
 
Before you read any further, let me tell you that I have done as much "homework" as I possibly can on picking schools (feel free to advise me on this): (1) school rankings, (2) department rankings, (3) research fit, (4) professors' research background / tenure (or not - how many years left) / publications etc, (5) Their placements (academia and industry), (6) fundings, (7) if they are taking new students, (8) cost of living, weather, quality of life at that area.
 
I thought I knew a lot.  And that has changed completely, in the last few days.
 
I (luckily) got my hands on this source of information which provides me with a much more complex picture of faculty connections, their personalities, their styles of working with students, and academic pedigrees that generally are not available to applicants.  Long story short, it involves a lot of luck, and I have learnt several things that I want to share:
 
1. An adcom picks out applicants based on these factors, in order of importance: (1) rec letters, (2) combination of GPA and GRE scores, (3) statement of purpose, (4) research experience.  Why, you ask?  Name recognition is very important in academia, and if your rec letters come from the big shots in your field, it makes your applications 10x better.  GPA+scores give a general idea of competence.  Your SOP tells them what kind of person you are; how much and how well you can talk about your research experience shows commitment and competence.  If and ONLY if your SOP matches with what were written in your rec letters, then you are in.  From what I heard, generally undergraduate students do not partake in very meaningful research, so adcoms see it as a preparation step of commitment and resilience, rather than looking at the quality of the research itself.
 
2. Keep an open mind:  Do not be obsessed with school rankings.  Be where you feel the most happy.  Be where you feel supported by faculty.  Be where department dynamics and lab dynamics are good. Generally, you have an idea of this during your visits, so do not make any decision before you visit all the schools you are accepted to.
 
3. The most important thing about picking a school, is that feeling like there is more than one person in the department you could be happy working with. Be robust to environmental fluctuations!  It is very possible that you dont end up working for that one person that you wanted to.  Only join a department that you like working for more than person.
 
And there is so much more.  As I come to realize how complex it is, I feel obliged to share what I have learnt.  Good luck with your decision!

This application season ended for me mid-Jan, and I have sinced contemplated about how one would pick out just one school.  
I know very well that it is one of the most important decisions I will ever make. 
 
Before you read any further, let me tell you that I have done as much "homework" as I possibly can on picking schools (feel free to advise me on this): (1) school rankings, (2) department rankings, (3) research fit, (4) professors' research background / tenure (or not - how many years left) / publications etc, (5) Their placements (academia and industry), (6) fundings, (7) if they are taking new students, (8) cost of living, weather, quality of life at that area.
 
I thought I knew a lot.  And that has changed completely, in the last few days.
 
I (luckily) got my hands on this source of information which provides me with a much more complex picture of faculty connections, their personalities, their styles of working with students, and academic pedigrees that generally are not available to applicants.  Long story short, it involves a lot of luck, and I have learnt several things that I want to share:
 
1. An adcom picks out applicants based on these factors, in order of importance: (1) rec letters, (2) combination of GPA and GRE scores, (3) statement of purpose, (4) research experience.  Why, you ask?  Name recognition is very important in academia, and if your rec letters come from the big shots in your field, it makes your applications 10x better.  GPA+scores give a general idea of competence.  Your SOP tells them what kind of person you are; how much and how well you can talk about your research experience shows commitment and competence.  If and ONLY if your SOP matches with what were written in your rec letters, then you are in.  From what I heard, generally undergraduate students do not partake in very meaningful research, so adcoms see it as a preparation step of commitment and resilience, rather than looking at the quality of the research itself.
 
2. Keep an open mind:  Do not be obsessed with school rankings.  Be where you feel the most happy.  Be where you feel supported by faculty.  Be where department dynamics and lab dynamics are good. Generally, you have an idea of this during your visits, so do not make any decision before you visit all the schools you are accepted to.
 
3. The most important thing about picking a school, is that feeling like there is more than one person in the department you could be happy working with. Be robust to environmental fluctuations!  It is very possible that you dont end up working for that one person that you wanted to.  Only join a department that you like working for more than person.
 
And there is so much more.  As I come to realize how complex it is, I feel obliged to share what I have learnt.  Good luck with your decision!

Are you sure you have to completely change topics?  It looks like you're in psychology, which is my field.  My work isn't completely new; it a lot of ways it's an extension of previous work that's done, but it takes that work in new directions.  Are you sure that you can't still work on your original research plan but just change it enough so that it goes in new areas?  No one expects doctoral students to completely revolutionize the field or even to do a dissertation on a completely original area of inquiry.  We don't yet have the chops to do that.  Most researchers carve out a little chunk of the field and tend to that.
 
You're always going to feel like you could be working harder.  Even people who work 80 hours a week feel like they could be doing more or working harder.  It's because that's the nature of academic work.  It's never finished; there's always something else that you can do.  Once you're done with a paper, you can always write another one, or another grant, or work on your syllabus or teaching, or go to a conference or that seminar or…something.  The key is to know your limits and set boundaries for yourself that you stick to.  Everyone needs a personal life!  If you truly need to work harder, organize your time and put yourself on a schedule.  See a counselor or someone in the academic success/graduate advisor office if you need help setting a schedule and sticking to it.  But first assess whether you really need to work harder or whether you're just beating yourself up because you're upset.
 
Also, failure is part of being an academic.  It's a competitive world.  Grants often have very low acceptance rates.  My advisor, an asst. prof at a top university, had to submit a paper about 5 or 6 different times before he got it in somewhere.  We have to let our "failures" roll off our backs, take the feedback offered and keep it moving.  It doesn't say anything about you and your quality as a scholar (unless you go for years and years and you never get anything).  It's just the nature of the field.