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Tamim Ahmed

GRE Issue Sample

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Hello everyone, I am appearing GRE exam very soon. I am very much concerned about the AWA section. I attended the GRE exam previously and got 3.0 on the AWA. Here I am posting a sample issue which I wrote. It would be very helpful if someone please review the issue. The issue is given below:

 

Issue: 
Originality does not mean thinking something that was never thought before; it means putting old ideas together in new ways.

Response:
Originality has different meaning for everyone. It is the basis for many inventions. But inventions does not necessarily means something new, old ideas can also modified for the better usage of the humanity. In the 19th century, the innovation of automobiles brings profound impact on the life of the people. Moreover, the wireless communication, which was once inconceivable in the beginning of the last century, is now available in almost everywhere in the world. Similarly, the invention of computer brings a revolution in the world. Each of these ideas were quite unimaginable few centuries ago.

The statement mentions about originality by using the old ideas in a modified way among the people. As the world is developing day by day, humans choice of products is changing rapidly. Nowadays, in case of automobiles, one checks the best speed and cost for their convenience. For communicating, most of the cellphone companies tries to add features like high resolution camera, size and compatibility of the device. Most companies in Silicon Valleys like Apple, Microsoft etc. are in huge competition to add customer interests in their products.

However, when the concept of wireless communication was first proposed, surely nobody thought smart phones would be available like nowadays. At the initial stage of the wireless communication, the telephone was very rare and would take huge costs for transferring information to the other end. But now smart phones are available in almost every person in the world. In the purpose of getting massive revenues, most companies are trying to add new features like security, which is a must for every smart phone users for the preservation of their personal information and compatibily, which makes market position of a company stronger than other competitors.

The quantum theory is a good example of originality depending on the old and proven facts. The basic of quantum mechanics has restored the old and valuable ideas of Newton's mechanics. 

However, one has to think about old ideas creatively. In the purpose of making the better world, sometimes the improvement of old ideas, which was once revolutionary makes the life of the people easier and merely connects the world in a fast way. One has to go through established ideas to find drawbacks and by improving them old ideas can be represented in the best way. The value of old ideas merely cannot be ignored.

Therefore, originality does not have to be always something which was never thought before. In fact, one can look into the old ideas from a completely different angle. Originality can stretched human knowledge, which gives new inventions. Every person has the independence to take the ideas from the nature. Thus, one can take inspiration from the old work but after giving respect to the person behind the old ideas.

 

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I'll give you a review. About me: I went to nationals for student congress (essay writing/speech giving) here in the USA and I've won dozens of scholarships based on essay prompts.

I've gotten 5s on every GRE I have taken (3 of them).

Mistakes you've made: 
"the humanity", "profound impact" =>impacts, "of computer" => of the computer, "... in almost everywhere in the world" (this makes no sense) => in almost every corner of the world, "the statement mentions" statement => prompt, "As the world is developing day by day" (this makes no sense). -ing implies progressive tense (still occuring!) this means that as the world is changing day by day—you basically are saying 'As the world is changing day by day day by day',

... tbh you're making an insane amount of grammar mistakes. A 3 would be generous.

You assume I know what quantum mechanics is (you should always explain what aspect you're referring to). You write very short sentences which doesn't work with your writing style. Try and write more thorough paragraphs like your third paragraph. Your conclusion is decent. I'd assume it'd be paired with a 3 or 3.5, but your intro and second paragraph are really no good.
 

Here is a format you should focus on using: (I call this the FIRST/FURTHERMORE/FINALLY)

  1. introduction
    1. include a nice introductory sentence that acts as an axiom/adage/aphorism
    2. briefly introduce 2 strong points. 
    3. Say how you'll analyze each point, then how you'll wrap them together
  2. Point 1("FIRST")
    1. "first, [point 1]" explain how it relates to the prompt on a philosophical level 
    2. "For example,..." explain how your point relates to a real example
  3. Point 2 ("FURTHERMORE")
    1. "first, [point 2]" explain how it relates to the prompt on a philosophical level 
    2. "For example,..." explain how your point relates to a real example
  4. Analysis ("All together, point 1 and point 2...")
    1. explain why these two points matter to the prompt
    2. interconnect these ideas with an example
  5. Conclusion ("Finally")
    1. summarize point 1.
    2. summarize point 2
    3. summarize analysis and interconnectedness.

This is a better way to write than the 3-point/5 paragraph answer because you only have to focus on two points, only two examples (or a couple if you're fast), you get more time on each example, each point, each analysis, and can create better transitions.

Make sure you use phrases they like to hear: "For example," "For instance," "Connecting the ideas,", "What this means to the big picture"... stuff that indicates YOU UNDERSTAND.

Edited by I_Charge_by_the_foot

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The best way to get better at english is speaking it/writing it more often. To learn by emersion is best. 

The present progressive is used to describe an event that you have done, are doing, or will be doing. The key is "-ing". E.g., If you start reading and writing in English more often you are bound to become more fluent.

I assume you speak it well enough to be understood, but if your goal is to write better I recommend two things: read and write more. Now, I have a specific recommendation: read books that you've read in your native language, but the english version. Understanding the ideas is difficult enough, but if you are familiar with the work this will help. Next, I recommend perusing forums like Reddit or some professional equivalent that you're interested in to learn about what you like while improving your english. Funny enough, I recommend online gaming like MMORPGs like Runescape (a childhood game I played, but is still around) League Of Legends, etc. 

 

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