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Is it possible that an admitted student recommend his/her partner/fiance?


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My fiancée and I are both applying to grad schools, and I just received an offer but she didn't. I wonder if it is possible (if there are precedents) that I recommend my her to the school and tell the committee that we would definitely accept the offer if both of us are admitted. Or if this will have a negative impact on her application.

PS: We are applying to different programs. The offer I just received is from TSRI, and I am thinking of recommending her to a UCSD program. Does anyone think this is possible?

Thanks much!

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Just got an invitation from Duke...so is it possible that I recommend her during the interview? I've heard once that Duke would give priority to couples (but that story was more than 10 years ago).

I REALLY hope to attend grad school together with her. So if anyone knows precedents like this, please give me some advice. Thanks a lot!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't believe this works at the graduate level. At the professorship level, it is possible for one of you to get an offer, and then you ask them to find a position for your partner as well. However, since your fiancée already got rejected, I highly doubt they would undo the rejection for her. The two-body problem doesn't really have great resolutions at the MS or PhD level. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/2/2019 at 9:36 AM, peanutjellyfish said:

I don't believe this works at the graduate level. At the professorship level, it is possible for one of you to get an offer, and then you ask them to find a position for your partner as well. However, since your fiancée already got rejected, I highly doubt they would undo the rejection for her. The two-body problem doesn't really have great resolutions at the MS or PhD level. 

Thanks for the reply. It seems that thegradcafe didn't send me any notification so I didn't see your reply.

My fiancée was not rejected - she hasn't heard anything from the committee, including rejection.

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On 1/19/2019 at 8:33 PM, T Qi said:

My fiancée and I are both applying to grad schools, and I just received an offer but she didn't. I wonder if it is possible (if there are precedents) that I recommend my her to the school and tell the committee that we would definitely accept the offer if both of us are admitted. Or if this will have a negative impact on her application.

PS: We are applying to different programs. The offer I just received is from TSRI, and I am thinking of recommending her to a UCSD program. Does anyone think this is possible?

Thanks much!

Making such a recommendation would be extraordinarily bad form.

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1 minute ago, T Qi said:

Thanks...then what do you think of recommending within the same university?

I would say nothing about your spouse applying to other departments or for jobs if you're applying to universities in the United States.

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On 1/20/2019 at 6:23 AM, T Qi said:

Just got an invitation from Duke...so is it possible that I recommend her during the interview? I've heard once that Duke would give priority to couples (but that story was more than 10 years ago).

I REALLY hope to attend grad school together with her. So if anyone knows precedents like this, please give me some advice. Thanks a lot!

No, it wouldn't help.  They don't know anything about you and they certainly don't trust your opinion, yet.  If you're applying to different programs, there's not much the other programs can do to help.  But, (hopefully you mentioned in your SOP that you two are applying together and want to attend the same university) I would recommend talking to your admissions committee and let them know that accepting the invitation to their program is tentative on her being accepted and maybe, just maybe, they'll talk to the other board, if they want you enough.  Not saying they will or that you talking to them will even help, but giving them a "recommendation" to her board certainly won't.  Good luck.

Edited by Ternwild
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On 2/14/2019 at 10:33 AM, Sigaba said:

I would say nothing about your spouse applying to other departments or for jobs if you're applying to universities in the United States.

This is, in fact, terrible advice.  I applied to grad schools with my girlfriend and before I did, I talked to various admissions directors about us applying together and he said "Yes, absolutely let the committee know in your SOP that that is your plan."  Your SOP is the place to mention you are applying together.  After that, it is up to the committee to see if they want you both.  Two schools accepted us, together, after we both put it in our SOP.  It can happen. 

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9 hours ago, Ternwild said:

This is, in fact, terrible advice.  I applied to grad schools with my girlfriend and before I did, I talked to various admissions directors about us applying together and he said "Yes, absolutely let the committee know in your SOP that that is your plan."  Your SOP is the place to mention you are applying together.  After that, it is up to the committee to see if they want you both.  Two schools accepted us, together, after we both put it in our SOP.  It can happen. 

"Terrible advice" because it worked for you once at one institution. And since then how successful has your approach to applying to graduate school been?

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2 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

"Terrible advice" because it worked for you once at one institution. And since then how successful has your approach to applying to graduate school been?

Just because I didn't go to grad school in the other two years, doesn't mean I wasn't accepted for two.  And it has worked for me four times.  Not to mention multiple admissions directors have agreed that putting it in your SOP is very important.  You aren't the sort of person who appreciates being wrong, are you?

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18 minutes ago, Ternwild said:

Just because I didn't go to grad school in the other two years, doesn't mean I wasn't accepted for two.  And it has worked for me four times.  Not to mention multiple admissions directors have agreed that putting it in your SOP is very important.  You aren't the sort of person who appreciates being wrong, are you?

Okay. We're done here.

Edited by Sigaba
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1 minute ago, Sigaba said:

Hey, I get that this is anxious time period for you right now and a lot is on the line for you. But there are probably better ways for you to work out your angst.

That statement is all I needed to know about you.  I'm above engaging in the musings of seemingly self-important trolls.  @T Qi Avoid his advice.  Good luck, T Qi, and I hope it works out and you two get into the same program! 

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As a personal anecdote, I managed to get into BA, MA, and my soon-to-be PhD program with my significant other. It was clear in each case that we were serious about going somewhere together and would little consider something apart. If one of us had been rejected, we were hoping to be incorporated into the university somehow, and from my understanding, it would not have been an issue. As for the academic workplace, when I was at UPenn, it was very common for new workers to ask for a position for a spouse, or for PhD students to have a spouse or family member working in the university. However, be aware that this was much easier if you were an established student. If it is really what you want, you should pursue it, and not be afraid of shadows. Overall though, I think requesting for both of you to be in a PhD program is much more difficult than any other scenario, but a lot of PhD politics has to do with funding, and that could be potentially worked around. Again, if it means so much to you, it may be worth at least a discussion. 

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5 hours ago, Ternwild said:

That statement is all I needed to know about you.  I'm above engaging in the musings of seemingly self-important trolls.  @T Qi Avoid his advice.  Good luck, T Qi, and I hope it works out and you two get into the same program! 

I want to add to in defense of Sigaba that while he can be a bit pompous and rough around the edges at times, he’s certainly not a troll and his advice is good more often than not.

I won’t derail this further but also want to wish T Qi the best in a search for a program for themselves and their partner!

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2 hours ago, fortsibut said:

I want to add to in defense of Sigaba that while he can be a bit pompous and rough around the edges at times, he’s certainly not a troll and his advice is good more often than not.

I won’t derail this further but also want to wish T Qi the best in a search for a program for themselves and their partner!

You should have seen what the whole message said before he edited it out.

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On 2/18/2019 at 2:01 AM, Ternwild said:

Just because I didn't go to grad school in the other two years, doesn't mean I wasn't accepted for two.  And it has worked for me four times.  Not to mention multiple admissions directors have agreed that putting it in your SOP is very important.  You aren't the sort of person who appreciates being wrong, are you?

Thanks. But we are applying this year (F19) so we can't modify our SOP anymore. All we can do now is to email the committee about our situation...

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