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Essay Critiquing

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Hi, everyone! I've begun prepping for the GRE and I finally got to practicing an essay task. I've been procrastinating all this while because I'm genuinely scared of the result :) Since this is the first time I'm attempting one, and there is no way to get it checked, I was hoping someone here could help me out with it? The scoring rubric is here: https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/scores/how/argument_scoring_guide. I've also attached my essay. Please do give your comments so that I know where to improve! If anyone wants to get theirs checked too, I could help out with that. Cheers!

Issue essay 1.docx

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